You Get Me Through
Chapter 14
My eyes are fighting slumber but my body just won’t let me sleep. My heart is still thudding heavily against my chest, and my skin is filled with warmth thanks to the head pillowed against my breasts. The bedroom is dark, only lit by the slightness of the moon peeking through my window. Today took an interesting turn of events and I can honestly say by the smile that won’t leave my lips that I am more than grateful.
Seeing Justin show up at my door was something I didn’t expect but it proved a lot of things to me. I already knew he was an amazing man just from being friends with him, but when its you he’s fighting for, it takes on a name of its own. I told myself that this wasn’t right- this thing with he and I and it would never work but something deep inside of me told me otherwise. I may never know if it was the earnest look in his blue eyes, the way he pleaded his case and his love for me, or the soft caresses he brought upon my skin. I just know that each thing pulled my heart a little bit closer to his and apparently that’s all it took to convince me.
I sigh softly as Justin shifts a little, moving slightly and burying his face in the crook of my neck as his breath fans against my skin and I use this opportunity to wrap one arm around his shoulders, smoothing my fingers down the soft expanse of his back and tangling the other in his hair, running my nails across his scalp slowly, knowing he loves it. The sheet that was covering us has fallen, leaving him as my only blanket and seeing just the smallest glimpse of his backside from where it’s fallen.
His eyes are closed, his lashes fanning against his face, and I can’t help the deep thud of my heart seeing the smile that’s taken over his perfect lips. I thought it would be weird...making love to my best friend but, as it turned out, it’s nothing of the sort. It actually felt almost like second nature. I couldn’t help but think how we moved together, predicting the other as our lips moved flawlessly or the way he knew exactly what to do and where to go, causing me to go breathless and my body reminisces at the rush of feelings only Justin can give me. I tighten my grip on him, thinking about the way he took his time, how his blue eyes never looked away from mine and how his fingers stayed laced with my own if they weren’t busy caressing my skin.
It makes me think back to a few weeks ago to when we first crossed that line from friends to lovers and while I don’t regret it one bit, it makes me thankful for this moment- tonight more than ever. People always tell you that a persons eyes can speak a million words and now believe that’s more than true. I’ve always had a good sense when it came to Justin whether it be what he was thinking or what kind of mood he was in and I can say that with all the ups and downs we’ve had to get us here, tonight when he arrived at my door step that the only thing I saw lingering in his blue orbs was love.
I could feel it when he kissed me, feel it when the tips of his fingers grazed my skin causing my skin to shiver, but most of all I saw it clearly as his blue eyes looked back into mine seeing more that I could have ever imagined. I can’t help but to think how lucky I am to have Justin in my life. I know I’ve not always been the most perfect person but he’s always fought for me. He’s gotten me through heartbreak after heartbreak and never once second guessed me. He’s been my shoulder to lean on and my sounding board when I needed to vent. He’s always believed in me. He knows that when times get tough for me I sometimes run and it makes my love for him that much stronger to know that he fought. He’s pushed down walls I’ve built and really stood by my side no matter what. I didn’t believe that this thing with he and I would work or every go anywhere but for the small amount of doubt that I have left, Justin makes up for it with his constant reassurance. I know there are times when I am weak but for what I lack, he makes up my strength. The only beauty in this particular situation is that he loved me enough to chase after me and that makes what we have that much more pure and genuine.
I hear the vibrations of a soft “Hmmm” against my neck as I begin to skitter my nails up and down his spine, knowing exactly what it does to him and this causes me to smile once again. I have so much to say but at the same time I’m happy with the silence. I’m overjoyed to just hold him and soak up this time we have because I know it won’t always be like this. I know there will be times where he’s away and traveling and even though my career has a certain mobility to it, I won’t always be there. I will myself not to think about those times yet to come and savor the now. It’s enough for me. One moment at a time.
One strong arm is wrapped around my waist, the other laying against my back. His body is draped over me and I can’t help but feel consumed by him and feel him take over me. This must be what it feels like to be in love. Not the kind in the movies but real, one hundred and fifty percent sure of what you want in life and right now, I know I want Justin. For years he’s been right in front of me, the one he ran to when times got tough, the one I went to when I needed someone. He was always that one person and it makes my heart to swell to know he’s still here.
I tried to tell myself for years I didn’t feel anything. We were friends and it was as plain and simple as that. Touchy friends. I mean he’s Justin Timberlake. He’s dated actresses and models and I’m just plain old Caroline. I’ve watched them cheat on him, break his heart, take advantage and it was always me that got to mend the shattered pieces back together. I look back at every questionable glance between us, every simple gestured caress, kiss that lasted longer than it should, and hug that seemed endless but swallowed me whole and I know now that all of those moments were building up to now. To what we’ve been too afraid to become and my heart skips a little. I always told myself that I was okay being friends, that trying to take it a step further could either make or break us so I always kept my thoughts to myself. I told myself I’d rather have him by my side as a friend than risk losing him as a lover. I mean yeah, he knew I loved him, I just never let him see past what came naturally to me. In some ways, it was almost like a silent agreement. We’ve always shared a strong bond and a love that no one could interfere with, we just never knew the magnitude of it.
It’s not long before his thick, sleepy voice pulls me from my thoughts, filling the silence of my bedroom.
“You’re thinking too much, babe.”
My hands stop stop their movements.
“How do you know?” I ask softly, unable to stop my smile.
“Your heart is beating really fast.” He says, smile across his lips as he sits up a little, staring back into my eyes.
“Sorry. You seem to have that affect on me.”
“Oh yeah?” He lets out a deep laugh, moving so he’s leaning on his hands, his body pulling away and exposing my nakedness. “Without even trying?”
I reach my hand up, wrapping my fingers through his hair as his face inches closer.
“Without even trying.”
I don’t wait long before his forehead rests against mine and I feel his lips, warm and soft brushing against my own and my heart skips with a deep thud again. He pulls away, just enough space to speak and really look into my eyes.
“Well you should feel my heart right about now too.”
I grin back lovingly, the hand that was in his hair dropping to his shoulder, moving slowly over the curve, feeling his skin warm beneath my finger tips. I trace over his collar bone, moving across his chest feeling the slight dusting of hair before my palm stills, feeling the quick beats of his own heart.
I look up at him once again through long lashes, my hand coming up to cup his cheek and I can’t prevent the rush of happiness that runs through me.
“All from little ol’ me?”
“Stop,” He breaths. “You’re more amazing than you give yourself credit for.”
He shifts a little, coming to lean down against me again, his face still inches from mine. I shiver as his lips graze my neck, trailing up just below my ear where he sucks softly, causing my body to tremble, slowly learning exactly what that small move does to me.
My arms wrap around his shoulders once again as he begins his assault, his tongue snaking out every once and a while to taste my skin and I can’t help but feel whole and loved. I always thought it was a little overrated when people would say sometimes all it takes is just one kiss to bring you to life but right now, I’d be lying if I said I was feeling any less than that.
He trails his lips up to my mouth once again and I’m all to happy to oblige. I love that he takes his time with me, moving slowly, just savoring the moment as if he’s got all the time in the world to love me. One large hand reaches up to cup my cheek, his fingers splaying across my jaw to hold me and it’s times like these where I keep forgetting how to breathe. His tongue teases my bottom lip, flicking the underside of it, looking for access to deepen the kiss and I’m all too happy to allow him entry.
We swallow each others gasp, tongues tangling with the other, sharing breath, touch, and it’s hard to remember my own name right now. He finally pulls back when air becomes scarce, as he rolls over on his back, his hand splaying across my ribs, pulling me along with him. My head follows suit, lolling against his chest this time as he wraps his arms around my waist, holding me close to him. I can feel myself melt as his hands begin trailing across my back and shoulders, knowing I love this just as much as he does. My ear presses against his chest and I pull away smiling down at him.
“Stop thinking so much.” I tell him, mocking his words from a few minutes ago.
He grins back at me and I swear just the warmth in his voice is enough to steal my breath.
“Can’t help it. You have that affect on me.” He leans forward, his nose bumping into mine softly, nuzzling it. “And I love you, Carebear, so damn much.”
My body shivers, a tremble running through me from head to toe for the millionth time since he showed up on my doorstep and steals my breath all at the same time. I lean forward, not waiting a beat before kissing him, really kissing him like I was never able to before, my lips moving feverishly with his as his hands move up to hold just below my jaw as he sits back and takes it. A deep moan escapes his lips and I let myself get lost in the passion, the feel and the smell of him taking over me, hoping to convey everything I feel for him. Pulling back panting, our breath fanning across on the others face, I lean forward to wrap my arms around his neck, fingers tangling in the hair at the nap of his neck and as I feel him shiver and it only drives me more deeply into this, knowing I have that affect on him.
“I love you, so damn much Justin,” I place a soft kiss on each of his eyelids, watching as they flutter, his lashes tickling my nose. “Thank you for fighting for me, for pushing, for helping me see. We always promised we’d never give up on each other.”
I see his eyes gloss slightly, not even realizing that mine have already began to spill over with tears.
“I never will either,” Justin says, swallowing thickly. “I’ll never give you up without a fight. You mean so much to me.”
“You’re the only person who knows me inside and out. You know my demons and my flaws but yet you still cared. You still pushed and you loved me.”
“I love you because of your demons and flaws, Caroline. For your kind heart and your beauty,” He leans forward, placing a small kiss on my chest, right by my heart. “Your sense of humor, your sense of caring, grace, the way you love. There’s a lot of things.”
I laugh softly, a watery giggle escaping past my lips, his words shooting directly to my heart reminding me that loving him is right for me, right for us. I’m overwhelmed with emotions, not able to think about anything except what’s right in front of me and I can’t help but feel at peace with the sense of rightness that overtakes me.
“Thank you.” I breath out, tightening my hold on Justin.
“Yo- you were always there for me. Whenever, wherever, you would find a way. You took on my drama, my hectic life, my fears and anxiety, my bad moods. It didn’t matter, you were always there.” He says, letting out a heavy breath. “It might sound like gratitude but it goes beyond that. Each time you’d fall asleep with me, hug me, lay against me, I couldn’t prevent the feeling of completeness. I couldn't figure out why I never wanted to let you go.”
“Probably for the same reasons I never wanted to leave.” I say sniffling a little.
Reaching forward, gentle fingertips brush the tears away from my face, and I blink, blue eyes gazing back into blue and the look on his face lets me know that everything is going to be okay.
I feel his hold on me tighten as I lean into him a little more, tucking my face just below his jaw as his hands come down, fingers running slowly through my hair. I let out a shaky breath, breathing him in and I know right now that something brought us together for a reason. A comfortable silence takes over us once again as the thudding my heart and his finally dissipates and comes to a slow rhythm.
I’m finally lost for words, just wanting to savor in the feeling of the man below me as my eyes become heavy by the tender movement of his fingers. My mind no longer wonders if this is right or wrong but finally agrees with the feelings deep inside of me, all the way down to my toes. Some may call it settling but I think your heart eventually comes to learn when there’s no one better for you and Justin... well he’s my best friend as well as the one man I can say I love with all my heart and soul and for that, I believe there is no one better for me in this world.
I tell myself that I won’t worry about he a I, that we’ll make it through whatever it is in store for us and I’ll be okay with it. I know that what we have between us is real and the love that we share is strong. No matter what tomorrow brings, we’ll weather it together because at the end of the day, I’m here for him and I know he’ll be there for me. Together, no matter what, we’ll get through.
