You Get Me Through
Chapter 6.
I tried to stay away. Once Stephanie got to the club, I reluctantly let go of Justin, knowing that this was his own thing to deal with. I can still remember those pleading blue eyes he looked back at me with, torn between wanting me by his side and the actual shock of his girlfriend randomly showing up. My heart was still beating rapidly in my chest, my mind still hazy with the closeness of my best friend as we danced, his soft confessions that still had little to no meaning, to the tingling sensations he left against my neck, my skin still awake and aware.
But instead of stepping up and being there for him like I always am, I stood back and let him have time with Stephanie, letting him do his own thing and be with her or figure out whatever it was he needed to do, as long as it was on his own. Hell, I didn’t own the man. Knowing him for a majority of my life didn’t give me rights.
So in light of that, I pushed my thoughts away and stayed out with the rest of the crew drinking more than I should have and dancing my thoughts and cares away. Technically I was on vacation so I didn’t see any harm in it other than it wasn’t my normal choice of activity but I refused to go back to the hotel suite that I was sharing with Justin. He and Stephanie left shortly after she got there and he went in search of her. I didn’t actually see them leave because I tried to keep my mind focused on other things. Word spread quickly through the crew even in the noisy club.
I glance blearily at my phone noticing it’s 3:45 in the morning. I continue walking cautiously down the hallway to our room, well Justin’s room and find myself contemplating if I should have taken up one of the dancers and roomed with them for the night. I don’t want to step on any toes and walk in on his time with her, not having a clue what’s going on in there and honestly not wanting to know. I check through my missed calls and see a few from Justin but no voice mails so I assume he’s alright. I reach into my small clutch bag digging for my room key and bite my lip, leaning closely against the door trying to hear something- what I’m not sure but waiting for a sign to go in.
My mind is a little too hazy at the moment to really think clearly and I realize I’m way more tired than I think I am, wanting nothing to get into bed. I take a deep breath and slide my key into the designated slot and quickly pull it out and attempt to turn the nob and instead of the door opening, my elbow slams loudly against the door causing a dull thud to ripple through me, causing me to instantly curse.
“Shit.” I say, dropping my bag as my other arm begins to rub my pained elbow.
I bend over, ready to retrieve my bag and dropped hotel key before the door opens slowly and I stand up quickly, curious to see who’s staring back at me.
I swallow thickly and nothing, nothing could have prepared me for the blood shot eyes, his haggard body language and the hurt that’s written all over his face. I take a cautious step forward, already alarmed, worried and wanting to know who in the hell did this do him but a little voice inside my head tells me that I already know. Moments like these always come back to her. Something tells me that all of these feelings and ideas he’s had floating around in his head were not just made up. Deep down I think somewhere he knew the truth.
I swallow again, becoming completely awake and alert as I move forward into the hotel room as he slowly backs up so we can shut the door. As soon as I hear it click my breath is stolen from my lungs by the pair of long and muscular arms that wrap themselves around my frame and a damp face is buried against my neck. I feel his body tremble and instantly my heart breaks for him. I wrap my own arms around him, one hand reaching up and running through the soft waves of his hair, my own heart breaking but reassuring him that I’m here. I couldn’t leave even if I tried.
We stand there in the entry way of the hotel room, holding each other for what feels like forever as time ticks by until curiosity gets the best of me and I pull back but don’t release him just yet. My hand lingers on his arm as we walk further into the suite. Every step feels like a Déjà vu of when I first got here and found him broken and depressed nursing the bottle of alcohol. My eyes move towards the couch so we can sit and talk about this but his bare feet keep moving before my hand stops him.
“Don’t you want to talk?” I question, looking at him still dressed in the clothes he wore to the club.
“Yeah, but not in here.” He says, his voice thick as he rubs a hand across his distressed face.
He grabs my hand as we move towards his room and I pull back a little, looking around, asking myself if I should be in his bedroom. I still have no clue what the hell happened between the two of them. Hell, Stephanie could still be in this damn room for all I know.
“She’s not here, Carebear.” He says, reading my mind. “She left a long fucking time ago.”
The anger in his voice doesn’t go missed by me as we move into his bedroom and it looks the same as it did this morning when I talked to him as he got ready to leave for the venue. He lets go of me as he tears his shirt over his head, exposing the rippled muscles of his stomach and I have to shake my head to keep from staring. I’ve seen him shirtless before. I need to get a grip.
“So...,” I say not knowing where to begin. “What happened?” I ask softly hoping I don’t hit a sore spot. Broken Justin is never good.
He takes a deep breath before his hands move to his belt and his jeans begin sliding down his slim hips where he pulls them off before tossing them on the chair across his room.
“It’s over.” He says, his voice almost in monotone. “She said it’d be best for us.”
I look a him confused, knowing there has got to be more to the story.
“Just like that?” I ask cautiously.
He laughs, shaking his head almost as if he can’t believe it himself.
“She said she’d become ‘close’ with some guy on the set of the movie but denied any wrong doing. Meaning she’s already done it. I fucking knew it Care. I just had that feeling. It’s the same god damn story every time. I’m never good enough. They’ve always gotta find someone better apparently. Someone convenient. I guess loving me was just too damn hard.”
And right then and there, I watch my best friend, the boy I’ve watch grow into a man, the one guy that got me through the worst times of my life, nearly crumble to the ground in heartache. I’ve seen this happen before with other girlfriends and each time, it hurts more and more but this by far has to be the most painful out of all of them. I see all of his confidence drain from his face, his body hanging there slack and insecure and my heart breaks right along with him.
I barely blink before I take a deep breath and my feet move quickly, catching him right before he collapses to the ground, his body limp with exhaustion. I hang on to him tight, shushing him, letting him know that I’m here as I remind him for what seems like the millionth time in our friendship how amazing he really is. He buries his head in my neck once again, the muffled sounds of his breathing are mixed with the soft sniffles that he doesn’t want to let out. He never wants to show this side of him but I know he knows I’m the last person to judge him.
“Justin, you need to stop beating yourself up about this okay? You did nothing wrong and you know it. She did this on her own and obviously couldn't balance a relationship with distance.”
He scoffs before puling back and shaking his head. “I know she cheated. I told you I’ve had that feeling for the longest time.”
“And Karma is a bitch Justin. If she couldn’t see what she gave up, that’s her own fault. One day it will hit her what an amazing man she gave up. Just you wait and see.”
He says nothing, laying his head on my shoulder again and the ache in my chest builds more and more with every second that ticks by. This girl seriously has no fucking clue what she gave up.
I try as best as I can to muffle the yawn and escapes my lips and fail miserably. He pulls away, regaining his composure, standing their in nothing but his boxer shorts.
“I should let you get to bed.” He tells me.
I shake my head. “I’m fine. I’m here for you Justin.”
“I know you are Carebear. You’re the only one I can count on a hundred and fifty percent.”
I smile, glad that he knows that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him.
“Ditto.”
“Will you stay in here with me tonight?” He asks, scratching his neck nervously.
My heart thumps quickly against my chest and for some reason, the question in his voice is different but I brush it aside. We’ve been down this road plenty of times but I know right here and now he really needs me. I smile softly, cupping his face quickly before I turn towards the door.
“Let me go change really quick and I’ll be right back.”
I jog across the living room into my bedroom and quickly search for something to sleep in. I don’t even bother with washing off my make up as I quickly begin taking out my earrings and kicking off my shoes and undoing my jeans and kicking them off. I pull my top over my head and toss it onto the bed, as I reach for a pair of boxer shorts. My heart nearly jumps out of my throat as the door squeaks slowly and Justin stands against the door frame in nothing but his boxers, emotion written all over him.
“Sorry, I um, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says softly.
I look down at myself, noting that I’m only wearing a pair of shorts and my bra and he’s looking at me through hooded eyes. I shake it off, knowing he’s seen me in a lot less and begin to hurry it up a little, taking the pins out of my hair as it falls to my shoulders. I feel his breath against my bare skin before I see him, staring back at me in the mirror, his warm chest pressed against my back and I do everything in my power to will away the goosebumps that form on my skin.
“Why does this keep happening to me Caroline?” He whispers, pain dripping from every word.
I turn around, facing him and he doesn’t step beck so my chest bumps into his as his head falls to my shoulder blade. I do my best to maintaining my balance in my sleep fogged state as my hands go to his head, burying in his hair once again, comforting him.
“I don’t know Justin. Maybe you have to go through all these bad relationships before you find the right one.”
He moves his head up, blue eyes blotchy and red staring back at me, his voice soft.
“You’re gonna let me know when I find the right one right?”
I swallow, the question looming large in between us and the fact that he’s still standing severely close to me and my half naked state is clearly obvious. I blink slowly, a thousand thoughts running through my mind at his words.
“Yes Jus. You know I’ll help you through this.”
He looks deep and thought and attempts a smile that doesn’t meet anywhere close to his eye brows.
“Your amazing. You know that?” He whispers before I feel one hand on my hips before I feel his lips closing over each of my eyes and then placing a quick kiss on corner of my cheek, just missing my lips.
I try to remember to breathe, the closeness of earlier at the club rushing back at me even though I tried to push it away, tried to forget all about all the things he was saying, the feelings that were rushing at me like a ton of bricks..
But this is about Justin right now and he’s hurt and just feeling vulnerable and is in need of some human contact. That’s all this is. That’s all it’ll ever be. We’re best friends. Each others sounding board. Just friends. I quickly regain my composure, smiling back at him.
“You are too, you know.”
He winks, taking a step back and moving towards the door. “Finish getting dressed. I’ll be wait for you back in the bedroom.”
I finish getting dressed, making sure I’m covered from head to toe, for what reason I don’t know. I count to ten before leaving my room, willing myself that this is about Justin. He’s my best friend. My best friend that’s hurting once again because the women he chooses to get involved with are slightly selfish and don’t have a clue what in the hell they’re giving up.
Who wouldn’t want Justin? I know him through and through and he’s for sure not perfect but at the end of the day, you’ll never find a guy as amazing as him.
I shake the thoughts from my mind as I walk into the dark bedroom seeing him looking out the window and down at the view below providing a soft glow. I try to suppress the yawn as I glance at the bedside alarm clock across the room and cringe. It’s 4:54 in the morning.
“I’m sorry about keeping you up.” He says, turning around and pulling the covers back from the bed.
I shake my head. “Stop apologizing. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”
I climb into the huge King sized bed and make myself comfortable under the covers before opening my arms to him. He moves in beside me, his head coming to lay softly against my chest as he lets out a shaky unsteady breath.
“Tell me I’ll be okay Carebear.”
I close my eyes, my hands coming up to run through his hair reassuringly.
“You’ll me fine Justin. Just like you made sure I was all those years ago.”
I cringe, hating myself for bringing up my own past in his time of need but it’s the only way I know how to reassure him. It seems like yesterday that I was falling apart just like this but in a completely different way and for some reason, Justin seemed to be the only one that could hold me together. Not even distance or miles could stand in the way of our friendship. I can’t explain exactly the way I feel when I’m around Justin. There’s a sense of security and safety that comes with him. Something I don’t think I’ll ever fall away from. A love I’ll never be able to explain.
“Just promise you won’t ever give up on me.” He whispers, his head moving up and glossy blue eyes looking back at me.
“Not a chance Justin.” I say, shaking my head and smiling down at him.
He smiles back, or a half of a smile but it’s better than I’ve gotten all night. He stares are me for a few more seconds before his lips slowly close in on mine before pulling back and settling himself on my chest once again.
Instead of letting the rush of questions and feelings rush to my head once again, I quickly close my eyes, giving in to the heavy feeling and wrap my arms around Justin’s shoulders as he tugs me closer by wrapping his arms around my waist.
He’ll get through this just like he always does. Me, I’m not so sure anymore.
