You Get Me Through
Chapter 8.
I really don’t know what I was thinking moving in with my best friend, even though he’s Justin Timberlake, or no scratch that- especially since he’s Justin Timberlake. It’s been a little over a week now since the tour was over and I went back home to Tennessee for a little bit, only to have Justin calling me, chomping at the bit and telling me that he couldn’t wait for me to get to LA. Now if I know him as well as I think I do, the boy slept for the first few days and has been going nuts ever since. I reminded him that he always goes through this, ‘the after tour blues’ as I call them but he insists he’s not. In fact, he’s been acting relatively normal after dealing with the whole breakup thing. A part of me really wonders if he’s over it or if he’s just putting up a good front but regardless, I’m finding myself moving my third suitcase full of crap into the huge bedroom that he’s given me as my own.
I thought I’d walk into his house and there’d be constant reminders of his ex all over the place but surprisingly that’s not the case. I haven’t seen one picture of her yet, let alone any obvious traces of her. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel a little better that she had never actually moved in with him. She’s been here for periods of time yes, but that’s different than actually making someone elses home your own. And from what he told me, whenever they were ‘together’, when they could make their schedules work, they were mostly at her house. I know I don’t own Justin but when it comes to him, I’m protective. She hurt him like so many of his girlfriends have and I didn’t want a constant reminder of that. Nor did I want to lie with him in a bed that her presence still lingered in. To me, that was just awkward.
This is a little weird for me. I mean, I’ve been here before but something just feels odd. For a majority of the tour, I’ve always slept with him. I know he was hurting then and needed me but I’d be lying if I told myself I didn’t already miss it. My bed back at home felt empty and cold and I got more than a little use to Justin holding me against his chest, his heartbeat lulling me to sleep night after night. And then there was always the kisses. They always happened at the most random times of the day but mostly after we’d just had a really in depth conversation and I’m still trying to convince myself I don’t miss them. That’s what I loved about Justin. With us, I never knew what was going to happen. I just knew we’d be there for each other.
I find it funny that we’re the best of friends, know each other in an out but we’ve never had that dreadful conversation of us if there even is an ‘us’. I know I see something in his eyes when he looks at me, I just don’t know exactly what it is. It could just be gratification that he feels towards me and if I’m going to be in a relationship with somebody, it has to be based on more than that. Then the night of the club flashes back in my head, all the things he said, the way his hands held me close, the chaos that went through my head, my body and it’s all I can do to shake my thoughts.There's no way he could have a thing for me. I’ve seen each and every one of his girlfriends or maybe I’m just selling myself short. As for me, I try not to justify what I feel for him. All I know is that I love him for the man he is and I’d never do anything to jeopardize that friendship we have. All I know is that I’m way too tired from my flight and getting settled that hopefully it occupies the things running through my mind.
Let’s hope moving in with him for a while wasn’t a huge mistake.
**
(Monday)
So it’s the first day of this new job here in LA and I have to say, besides being so busy that I thought my head was going to burst and my eyes were going to fall out, that it’s going relatively well. Lucky for me, this wasn’t a Monday through Friday type of job. I’ve gotten along with just about everyone, which actually surprised me a little. I’ve always considered myself a laid back person, so used to the southern hospitality of back home in Tennessee that I was preparing myself for the snobby, cool attitude of those I’ve encountered on other adventures in LA. Thankfully though, that wasn’t the case. While trying to keep my concentration on my work, the view before me was a little overwhelming. I never expected to be working from a tall glass structure that overlooked all of the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles but could totally see myself getting used to it.
I had made plans with Justin to do lunch on my break but had gotten so far behind that I had to take a rain check. Instead, he told me not to worry and to call him when I was done for the day and we’d get some pizza’s and just go home and vedge out which right now, could not sound more perfect.
I looked at clock for the tenth time, having hung up with Justin maybe fifteen minutes ago. I tap my pen against the notebook on my desk, hand laced through my hair as Kelly, one of my employees pops her head in my door, looking at me rather confused.
“Um Caroline, theirs a man outside the says he’s here to meet you.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief but not before smirking at her look of pure and utter excitement that she’s trying so hard to contain. I always leave out the fact that Justin is my best friend. Especially here in LA. I’m actually surprised someone I work with doesn’t know him personally already. This company has it’s fair share in the entertainment industry.
“Is it Justin?” I question, standing from my desk and gathering my purse. I flip my hair back over my shoulder, regretting leaving it down today. Apparently curling my hair was only a translation for it to be in my way.
Kelly nods, looking at me for some kind of explanation. “You never mentioned you were friends with Justin Timberlake.” She whispers.
I shake my head, tired from a long day and not wanting to explain myself. “I promise I’ll explain later.” I tell her, making my way out into the lobby. Apparently forty year old women still swoon over Justin.
She nods, following me out as I see Justin waiting patiently and smiling, hands in the pocket of his dark jeans, red hoodie covering his upper body. I think I’m going to get out of here scot-free when another colleague, this one tall, dark and handsome- stops me in my tracks.
“Hey Caroline, great job today.” He tells me, catching my arm softly as I nearly bump into him and my heart skips a little.
Instead, I smile, trying to play it cool. “Thanks Bryce.”
His hand still hasn’t left my arm yet and I’m once again met with the spicy scent of being so close to him. It’s been a long time since I’ve let myself get carried away by a man, well unless you count...
“You bout’ ready Carebear?” I hear Justin ask, as he walks up to me, holding an arm out as that familiar flutter in my heart returns. I don’t miss the way his face tips up, eyeing Bryce up and down.
I nod, shaking my thoughts and excuse myself, happy to finally be leaving the confines of my temporary office.
“So how was your first day?” He asks, quietly, as we climb into his Escalade and leave the parking lot.
“Good I guess. Long, busy, you know.”
He smiles and nods, turning towards me as we come to a red light.
“Who was that guy?” He asks, and my brows move up in question.
“Bryce? He’s one of the people working on this assignment with me.”
“Oh.” was his only reply as he continues to drive. I think he’s going to continue but the car is filled with silence and I’m slightly lost.
“Yeah.. So how was your day?” I question, hoping to ease some of the tension.
“Fine. Putzed around the house. Played some basketball. Worked out in my gym. Nothing to entertaining.”
“No wonder you were eager for me to get out of work.” I say, smirking a little.
He looks at me, this time his eyes holding with mine steadily, his hand coming over to quickly grasp mine but he doesn’t say anything. He just holds on for a second, his callousy thumb brushing over my knuckles. My breath catches in my throat at the tender gesture and I can’t say a word, trying to read him myself.
**
Thirty minutes later, we’re walking into the large expanse of the living room, pizza’s in hand where I graciously kick off my black heels, already beginning the buttons of my high waisted skirt.
“Ahh, whoever invented heels was an evil, evil person.”
Justin laughs quietly, dropping the pizza’s and pop onto the coffee table in front of the big flat screen TV that takes up way too much of his wall.
“Go put on your sweats babe. The pizza will be waiting for you.”
I give him a sleepy smile before leaving the room to go change. Did he just call me babe? It’s not like it’s the first time it’s happened but he’s just being really different tonight. I can’t put a finger on it. I shake my head, trying to rid my thoughts as I begin changing, already excited to relax after a long day.
When I come downstairs, noting that he’s changed into a pair of gray sweatpants himself and a white t-shirt. He’s got plates and glasses laid out and the pizza already open, flipping through the movies with the remote. He steals a quick glance at me as I tighten my hair, happy to finally have it pulled back before adjusting my tank top and pulling it down more. I plop down next to him on the wide couch, before reaching for a plate and a slice of pizza.
“So what did you want to watch tonight?”
He shrugs, handing me the remote. “You pick.”
I look back at him with wide eyes. We never watch a movie without arguing. Something is definitely up. It’s always the same battle against my cheesy chick-flicks and his plea for some action packed dude movie.
“You okay?”
He looks back at me, his face contorted and confused and I can tell that somethings on his mind but he doesn’t give me any hint that he’s going to spill his guts. “Fine, why?”
“You’re just kinda quiet, even for you,” I shrug, setting my plate down. “Don’t make me drag it out of you, Just.”
He rolls his eyes a little, going to stand and I look up at him confused. “I’m fine.” He says, his voice slightly on edge.
“Justin!” I say, my voice louder then I intended it to. “Sit down.”
Before I know it, I’m standing up and pushing him back down into a sitting position and without even thinking I straddle his waist to keep him in place. My hand comes up to cup the side of his face, making sure his eyes are looking into mine. He looks up at me questioningly as I watch his adam’s apple bob slowly as he swallows.
“Cut the crap and tell me what’s wrong.” I tell him softly as his hand comes up to cover mine, his face turning into the warmth.
He let’s out a soft sigh, falling against my face. “It’s nothing. I’ve just been thinking about stuff and I don’t know Carebear. I’m just a little confused right now.”
My face falls, knowing I’m going to have to drag this out of him. “Are you going to elaborate?”
“I don’t know how. It’s just lately, I’ve been thinking about--about you and-.”
He stops as my cell phone rings on the stand beside him. Dammit.
“Ignore it.” I tell him, hoping he’ll continue.
“Not now babe, alright?” I was about to argue when my eyes widened slightly. He called me babe again. That was my final straw.
“Justin, please don’t shut me out.” I plead, dropping my hand from his face as my forehead comes to rest against his. “You know can talk to me.”
I feel his hands come up and rest on my hips, rubbing soothingly before his kisses my lips quickly before pulling back. “Just give me some time to sort it out and I promise we’ll talk about it eventually, okay?”
I finally give up, climbing off his lap. “Fine.” If there's one thing I know better about, it’s not to press an issue with Justin when he tells me to drop it. Hopefully he’ll come around.
We’re about twenty minutes into the movie when we’re finished with the pizza and Justin has done just about anything he could to keep the mood light. He’s cracked jokes, belched like the charmer he is and has only made fun of the movie I chose three times now. I fall to the side of the couch, laying my head against one of the plush pillows and it’s not long before I feel Justin press against my back, arm draping over my waist as I shiver from the contact. He reaches behind him, grabbing a fleece blanket and draping over us, arm resuming it’s position as his chin comes to rest on my shoulder.
I sigh, turning to glance at him and he grins back at me in that charming way he’s perfected over the years and winks. I shake my head, snuggling back into the warmth of him as he tightens his grip and we continue to watch the movie and my thoughts wonder.
What was he talking about? Thinking about you and... dare I fill in the blank for him? Justin could be so damn stubborn sometimes but I know better not to press the issue. He’s right. He’ll tell me when he’s ready.
**
I wake up flat on my back to a dark room, the movie having been long over and the sweet weight of Justin draped over me, his head pillowed against my chest. My eyes come into focus, the only light come from the television and I don’t even try to stop myself as I run a hand through his soft curls, his eyelashes laying gently against his cheeks. I could try to maneuver myself out from under him without waking him up but I know better. He’s a light sleeper. I take a second to just breathe, feeling him, wondering what the in hell is really bothering him and asking myself why he won’t tell me. I think of all we’ve been through together and how maybe things wouldn’t be so complicated if we weren't this close. Maybe I need to step back a little? Give him some space, give myself some and start living on my own two feet and my own confidence like I once did. Maybe distance is the key here.
My thoughts come to a halt when I feel him stir, blue eyes looking around blearily. He turns to look up at me, my hand still in his hair as his face comes down to rest in the crook of my neck where he lets out a heavy breath, arms wrapping around me tighter.
“You alright?” I ask, protective instincts coming out.
He hums against my neck, sending chills down my spine before I feel his breath tickle my skin.
“Mmm. I had a dream you were gone.”
I chuckle softly wanting to ask him more but I say the only thing my heart tells me to.
“I’m right here Justin.”
“Good.” He places a few dry kisses against my neck where his face is still buried.
Silence ticks by as he continues to hold on to me tightly but I know he’s still awake.
“Want to go to bed?”
I hear him groan before he sighs a little too dramatically but he goes to sit up towards the end of the couch running a hand over his tired face. I pull myself up, standing where I take a second to stretch, preparing my bones for the journey up the large staircase to my room. I feel Justin take my hand, his fingers sliding through mine as he pulls me in the direction of the stairway. He keeps me close, not saying a word until we get to the double doors of his bedroom.
“You coming?”
I bite my lip looking between the doors of his bedroom and down the hall to mine. I’m reminded of my thoughts earlier, telling myself that maybe I shouldn't’ allow this to keep happening. Maybe if I stop this now, it won’t hurt so much in the end. But then that voice in the back of my head starts talking, the same one that I swear is in charge of the feelings I get when I’m around him and I know that it’s going to win the battle.
I remind myself to relax. It’s just Justin and your only going to be sleeping.
I nod walking into his bedroom with him and watching as he pulls back the covers. I move over to the other side, sliding in moving under the comforter where I land on my side facing him. He’s looking back at me, sleepy blue eyes peering over his lashes and the look his face has gone from tired to serious. He drapes an arm over my waist pulling me closer so theirs just a few short inches between us. His hand sits on my hip for a moment, rubbing slow circles before it inches up ever so slowly to my face. Maybe it’s just me but he’s been really touchy-feely lately, not that I mind in the least. His hand comes up to rest on my cheek and I mentally tell my heart to stop thudding against my chest. This is just Justin. It’s just how we are.
“I love you Carebear. I wish you knew just how amazing you were.”
I swallow thickly, a little more than touched by his words. Why does he suddenly feel the need to remind me how amazing I am? Did I forget? If that didn’t shock me, the feel of his lips on mine was going to take the cake. Only this time instead of pulling back right away like he normally did, his lips lingered, the pressure becoming more strong but still gentle.
He pulls back, removing the pony tail from my head as his hands begin running through my hair as he eyes me quickly before coming back again, his lips moving with my own again, this time the pressure more sure, more confident.
“So beautiful.” He whispers, his body rolling on top of my own. I look up at him with confused eyes where he stops for a second as if giving me time to reply before he comes down, trailing kissing across my jaw to my neck and my train of thought is lost.
My heart is thudding against my chest as I feel his hands caress the skin under my tank top and it feels to familiar yet so foreign all at the same time. This has gone way beyond our friendly little kisses and part of my mind tells me I should say something and the other part wishes he’d never stop, that he’d never stop making me feel these things.
He moves down, spreading kisses across my collar bone, going lower and outlining the scoop of my tank top, my skin already on fire. I don’t feel my hands move until their inching up his t-shirt, feeling the muscular skin of his back and notice the slight shutter this causes. I make room for him between my legs as moves fully over me, holding his weight as best as he can. He kisses over my breasts, and down to my stomach where my skin pricks with his warm breath moving easily through my tank top. He pushes the fabric up with his nose, his lips trailing seductively behind. My body is not prepared for shock of his lips and tongue skittering across my stomach as I move my hands up, my fingers wrapping in the tight curls at the nap of his neck. I allow him to pull off my shirt, amazed by the rush of nerves that don’t come flooding through me.
His sharp intake of breathe unnerves me and then he looks up at me through glossy, heavy eyes before leaning down and placing a soft kiss between my breasts. “So gorgeous, Carebear.” He whispers.
My heart swells in my chest as I breathe in confidently and I reach up to discard him of his shirt. He’ll never know how incredibly gorgeous he is. I don’t hesitate to reach up feeling the muscular expanse of his stomach and chest as he smiles down at me, before his lips meet mine tenderly. He leans in, hand coming to the side of me face once again as he takes his time to explore my mouth slowly, tongue coming in and tangling with mine as the air is stolen from my lungs. We’ve definitely never done this before. I arch my chest into his, skin meeting skin as we both gasp, pulling away but only for a second.
I feel his fingers come down to the waistband of my sweat pants, not pulling or tugging, just feeling, silently asking. His blue eyes burn into mine, looking heavy and sincere all at the same time. This is Justin, my best friend. He wants to know that this is okay. I swallow again, telling myself that this is my chance to end it all right now, to not cross that line but when I look up at the man leaning over me, passion and love showing in his blue eyes, I know that there's no way I could tell him no, no matter how hard I tried. I could try to convince myself a hundred times that I didn’t feel a thing for him and it the end, the only person I’d be lying to is myself.
I reach my hands up, wrapping them around his neck where my nose bumps into his slowly just nuzzling before I lean in, kissing him with everything I’ve ever felt for him and whisper the one word I know he wants to hear.
“Yes.”
**
