You Get Me Through
Chapter 9.
I take a second, trying to catch my breath, looking down and into the hazy blue eyes that look back at me. My brain is slightly fuzzy and my body is on fire as I lean down once again, moving my lips over hers as I tell myself to slow down, to savor this moment. I’ve got so many thoughts running through my mind but none of them seem to matter right now. All I can focus on is the woman laying below me. My best friend in the entire world and right at this moment, she’s more gorgeous than I ever remember seeing her.
My hands are shaking slightly as the tips of my fingers move cautiously over the waist band of her sweats, testing the waters, wondering if she’s going to slap me and ask me what the hell I think I’m doing or if she’s going to allow me to go further, to explore these feelings and musings I’ve had in my head for the past few months now. I close my eyes as I feel her nose nuzzling mine, brushing against it, silently telling me what I think I want to hear. I ask myself if these are just my hormones speaking, looking for an easy lay but I know with every bone in my being that I’d never do that to Caroline. I love her way too damn much to use her like that.
She looks up at me, her arms around my neck, easily running her fingers through the curls at the nap of my neck and she knows damn well how much I love that. My body shutters just a little, still getting used to this new sensation of my bare skin laying against hers so intimately. I lean down to kiss her again, tongue tracing her upper lip before moving in to taste her fully and I realize I’m quickly becoming addicted to the flavor that is so uniquely her. How in the hell did I not know all of this before? All the years that have passed, all the heartache and she was right here in front of me.
Her body arches against mine, silently begging for more as my thumb splays across her hip bone, once again tracing the waist band of her sweats. I try to gather myself, taking in a few deep breathes here and there to calm my body down.
There’s no way in hell am I going to rush this.
I feel as though I’m dreaming as the soft touch of her own fingers trace up the length of my back, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Yes.” I hear her whisper.
I swallow, blinking as I open my hazed blue eyes, gazing down at her wanting to know for sure.
“What did you just say?” I ask, my breathing shallow.
Her hands come up to my face, cupping my jaw in her palm, her thumb tracing my bottom lip.
“What did you think I just said Jus?”
My forehead comes down to hers, resting against it and sucking air into my lungs.
“I could have swore you just said yes but I thought it was just wishful thinking on my part.”
I hear her laugh slightly, a smile turning the corners of her perfect lips up and my heart begins to beat a little more steady. I need to know she’s still my Carebear, even in the midst of this, whatever it may be. I want her to be comfortable with me, with where we’re about to take things but most of all, I want her to enjoy this.
“Then it must be your lucky night.”
I open my eyes once again, to see her looking back up at me as her hands hold on to the sides of my face, fingers brushing here and there. I can see the wheels turning in her head but I always see the love she’s gave when it came to me. Maybe I was just to blind to see what was right in front of me.
I take a leap of faith, leaning down to kiss her softly at first but quickly building passion, so hungry for the taste of her. My hands skim her body, moving up to the side of her ribs before going across and caressing the ivory swells of her breasts. My lips quickly follow the path of my hands, tasting her sweet skin as I feel her body shutter below me. Her own hands trail down my chest, palms moving over every inch of skin until she settles at my hips and my mind screams inside that I never want her to stop. I shift further, feeling the thud of her heart between her breasts as my lips kiss a wet trail all the way down to where my fingers had teased just moments before. I glance up once again, looking at her chest rising and falling with the erratic pace of her heart and I know she’s right where I am.
On the brink of something wonderful.
I quickly pull her sweats and panties down in one swift move, dropping them to the floor and my breathing nearly stops, stolen from my lungs at the site of her. I can’t stop my hands as they move to their own path, caressing, feeling, brushing, learning, working us both up. I move up to capture her lips once again, where I feel the tips of her fingers sliding inside my own sweat pants and I wonder if she’s got it in her to make this move herself.
She could walk away right now. I don’t want to be that guy that makes her feel obligated. I need her to want me like I want her right as this very moment. Like I always have but never knew.
I feel the soft material of my pants being kicked down my legs by her foot as I reach back, helping her to discard them and when they hit the floor in silence, it’s then that I realize that this is really going to happen. I lean down ever so slightly, letting our skin meet for the first time with nothing between us and it’s almost enough to send me over the edge right now. I’ve been with plenty of women, and I do mean plenty but for some reason nothing feels better than Caroline’s naked skin pressed against mine. I hear her sharp intake of breath as her eyes move over my body, taking me in, as she bites her lip, curiosity running over her face. I know she’s accidentally caught me naked before or been in the room while I was changing but I can tell she’s looking at me for the first time like she’s actually able to and the fact that we’re now on uncharted territory this time. This goes way beyond seeing your best friend naked.
Her hands feed their curiosity, tracing down my stomach, until she comes in contact where I need her the most. A part of me wondered what she’d be like in bed and deep down something told me that she had this bold side to her. That she gave all she could, as a lover and as a companion. One day, I’d love to see her go wild but right now isn’t the time. This.. this deserves the slowness.
I let myself revel in the feel of her hands on me, reminding myself that this is better than I had ever pictured in my head and that my imagination didn’t even come close to the reality and we haven’t even got down to business yet. I move her hands away easily, bringing them to lace with my fingers, wanting to feel her all around me.
I catch her lips again, meeting her half way before we take turns kissing, reaching for the other, thirsty for breath but trying to savor every second at the same time.
When I finally pull away, it’s only for a second as I lean up on my forearms, aligning my body with hers and I give her one last chance, glancing back in to glossy love-filled eyes. Her eyes never leave mine but her hands move to my sides, nails digging into my skin just slightly.
“You ready babe?”
She smiles up at me just slightly, and squeezes my hip as I allow myself to slowly slide into her.
I take several deep breaths, reminding myself that this is Caroline and knowing that it’s been a long time since she’s been with a guy. I know her inside and out and I want this to be good for her, for us.
A part of me wants to remind her that love can be so good between two people. I fact that I feel she closed off a few years ago.
I lean down, pressing kisses across her face, her eyes, her jaw, her neck, and finally her lips.
“You okay?” I breath against her skin.
“Yeah.” She breathes glancing up at me, a small grin on her lips as I return the gesture and move in a little bit more. I don’t mind taking my time here but she catches me off guard, her arms coming up and snaking around my neck before she wraps her slender thighs around my waist driving me all the way in.
Our gasps mingle together as I look at her with wide eyes, only to see her own closed against her cheeks, the smile still splayed on her pink lips.
“Stop worrying so much baby.” She breathes as I feel her body arch against mine.
Did she just call me baby? It’s the most simple gesture but damn it if my heart didn’t skip.
I take my time spreading kisses all over her chest, her collarbone before I move up and my head tucks in the crook of her neck. My arms move easily under her shoulder blades, as we’re pressed together, heart to heart in the most intimate way possible as I begin to move.
My entire body feels as though it’s on fire, on the brink of something wonderful as our bodies continue on, caressing, brushing, gliding together, sharing something we’ve never shared as friends. I take my time, wanting to savor it, wanting to draw out every ounce of pleasure I can for Caroline as well as myself. The only sounds that can be heard in the darkness of my bedroom are the sexy breathy moans that escape her lips and grunts that escape mine all the way from the depths of my toes.
Our eyes don’t miss a beat, staring at one another through all of it, and whispering words and confessions we’ve never let free. When the build becomes too much and our movements become faster, more frequent, our bodies and hands clutching at one another, we both finally let go. The sounds of completion echo off the walls and the thin sheen of sweat is left covering our naked flesh as a reminder of what we’d just experienced but my body can still feel it, feel her all around me.
It feels like forever before I finally allow myself to move, the thudding of our hearts loud enough to hear. When I finally move myself off her, it’s only long enough to move to her side before I pull her against me as our arms wrap around one another. Her eyes are heavy and her body looks relaxed and I pray to myself that the reality of all of this doesn’t choose now to come screaming back. Instead, I place a soft kiss against her temple, as I pull the covers back up around us and whisper the one thing I know is for sure.
“I love you.”
**
I’m barely on the brink of consciousness when my eyes flutter open and I’m suddenly aware of the sweet weight pressed up against me. I look down through my lashes as a smile appears across my lips as I take in Caroline’s sleeping form laying softly against my chest. I’ve been here before, woke up with her but somethings a little different. I shift slightly, remembering that not only is my best friend sleeping against me, but the added warmth is from her naked flesh pressed against mine.
I swallow, as last nights events come flashing back and it’s still so fresh in my mind that I honestly don’t know how I forgot. I can still see her when I close my eyes, smell her the sweet scent of her without even trying. It’s hard to believe but last night we crossed that line. I feel like I should make a bee line from the bedroom but then I’m well aware of the fact that we’re in my bedroom, my house. My hand runs smoothly up her back, seeing her snuggle deeper into the crook of my neck and the feeling that rushes over me reminds me that I have no intentions of bolting from the room or my house, that what took place last night somehow feels right.
I can’t stop myself as I lean down, placing a soft kiss on her cheek and running a hand through the soft tresses of her hair. I take in each of the features on her face, appreciating how she glows with the light of the sun rise floating through the windows of the bedroom. As cheesy as it sounds, a feel a quick flutter move through my chest and it makes me want to hold onto her even tighter. Something for some reason just feels... right.
There are so many things I want to say, once I figure out what the hell ‘those’ things are but all I know is that I can feel them brimming at the tip of my tongue, waiting to be said.
I know that I want every single word to come out right and I’m terrified more than anything of screwing this up. What if she laughs in my face? I shake my head knowing deep down that there’s no way in hell Caroline, out of all people would do that. Still, so much is at stake here. She’s my best friend. Hell, she’s more that my best friend.. she’s... dammit, I don’t even know right now. I’m getting way to much ahead of myself putting labels on us. All I know is that I don’t want to let go of her.
My thoughts are interrupted by the rather loud ringing of her blackberry on the night stand beside her that I didn’t even realize she’d brought up here last night. I don’t even make an attempt to wake her, knowing that if she wants to, she’ll wake up on here own. The device rings four more times before it finally subsides and I can tell she’s on the verge of waking up.
I keep my arms wrapped around her as best as I can until long lashes sweep open and sleepy blue eyes glance up at me. I swallow slowly, pacing myself for whatever is about to come.
The look on her face is hard to read so I take a brave step, not being able to help myself as I move the short space between us, moving my lips down to kiss her softly.
“Morning.”
She looks up at me questionably, almost shyly and I know there are so many thoughts running through her head. Probably the same ones going through mine.
“Morning.” She breathes quietly as she moves off of me to stretch a little and I immediately feel the loss of her next to me.
“Your phone was ringing just a little bit ago.”
She looks over towards the night stand, turning on her side as the sheet slips from her upper body, leaving the naked expanse of her back and shoulders open to my view and my mouth immediately goes dry. I slide the short distance behind her as she reaches for her phone.
“It’s work.” She grumbles, scanning through the massive amount of e-mails she’s been bombarded with.
“Ignore it.” I mumble, no longer able to hesitate as I trail kisses along her neck and shoulders. I smile, feeling her shiver and lean back against my touch as my arms snake under the blankets to wrap around her waist, hand splaying across the warm skin of her stomach.
“Justin, we should really talk about last night..”
I suck in a breath, pretending I didn’t hear what she said. I don’t want to talk right now. I don’t want her to think, hell I don’t want to think. I just want to savor what we have right here and now.
“Not now.” I mumble, moving over her and leaning down to kiss the breath out of her. I bring my hand up, brushing the hair from her face before my finger tips trace her jaw, her collar bone, desperate for any inch of skin I can touch.
I feel her moan into the kiss, using this opportunity, brushing my tongue against hers, so hungry for the taste of her once again. I smile, feeling her hands run through my hair carelessly before she clutches them tightly around my neck, letting herself get lost in us. I feel her body writhe against me and my heart skips for a second, feeling her warm flesh pressed against my own.
I trail my hands down further, softly grazing over her breasts, the smooth expanse of her stomach, memories of last night still vivid in my mind, reminding me of exactly how good it was between us. My body screams and tenses immediately as her cell phone goes off, ringing loudly in between the mass of blankets and sheets.
I roll off her as she pulls away, quickly snatching up the damn electronic nuisance and answering it quickly. I take a few deep breaths trying to control the fire running through my body, so desperate to have her again. I see her pad across the bedroom, snatching up my t-shirt that was carelessly thrown about last night before she pulls it over her head, cell phone clutched to her ear.
“Alright. I’ll be right there. Give me a half hour tops.” She speaks before hanging up, her body annoyed and flustered.
I sit up, running a hand over my face, telling myself that this wasn’t how I saw this morning going. Nowhere close in fact. I thought we could linger in bed for the day, perhaps talk about last night.
I reach a hand out as she comes over to the bed, grabbing it for a second and letting go.
“You leaving?” I question dumbly, knowing the answer.
“Yeah they need me in there right away. Some big deadline someone wasn’t on top of.”
I nod as she makes a quick exit into the bathroom, the large wooden door clicking shut and the wall between what we just shared quickly coming up as questions hanging thickly in the air. I quickly kick my feet over the side of the bed, in a quick search for my previously discarded sweats.
Ten minutes later, she shuffles through the bathroom door, towel wrapped tightly around her body as she leaves my bedroom and pads down the hallway. A part of me wants to follow her, to talk about this but the other part of me knows that now isn’t the time to start. She’s already in a bad mood, seeings as she was suppose to have the day off and now has to rush in to fix someone elses mistakes. I find myself asking how she could just shut off what we were just doing in bed. It’s almost like she deleted it from her memory. For the millionth time, I swallow my thoughts, and all the things I want to say and go downstairs in search of coffee, leaving her on her own.
**
I hear the light click of her heels against the tile floor as I look up, seeing her dressed in a black pencil skirt giving me the perfect view of her legs if I might add, a white blouse, her hair blown straight and sitting smoothly against her shoulders, and her face lightly dusted with make-up. Ah yes, the business side of Caroline. She looks professional, so serious and sophisticated but deep down I know what lies beneath that facade. How beautiful and easy going she is.
She comes over to the counter but only to retrieve her briefcase and keys.
“You want a cup of coffee?” I ask, getting ready to pour her a cup, already feeling some kind of awkward tension between us.
“Thanks but I don’t have time. I’ve gotta get going.” She responds as she turns to exit the room.
I sit there stunned, asking myself if this is really how she’s going to leave things between us.
“Caroline,” I say, catching her attention as she stops and turns around. “Come here.”
She looks at me with that nervous, confused glance again before her heels click their way back to me. I set my coffee mug on the island and turn towards her, standing as I slide up against her, my own eyes wide full of hurt and question. I take in the scent of her instantly, recognizing her signature perfume that she always wears. My eyes burn into hers wondering, trying to silently ask so many questions without actually speaking them. Instead, I say the one thing that’s on my mind right this second.
“Kiss me goodbye,” I say, the tremor in my voice giving away exactly what I’m feeling. “Don’t I at least deserve that?”
She swallows, her eyes roaming over my bare chest intensely. “Sorry.. I was just..in a hurry.”
“S’ok,” I breathe as I watch her hand slid up my chest, stopping under my jaw as she leans in and kisses me gently, her lips warm and smooth. She goes to pull away but I lean back in, desperate for one more taste of her before finally pulling away.
Her eyes are slightly hazy as she pulls back, the look of confusion still there. I pat her hip before winking in her direction. “Much better.” I voice, watching as she slowly flees from the kitchen and as much as I try, I can’t shake the feeling that she’s slipping from my fingers.
All I know is that I’m not giving her up without a fight. Caroline means way too much to me to just walk away and last night solidified that. Call me a girl but last night was everything to me.
