The rain falling against the window was the only sound in the usually noisy house.  Everything else was silent. I sat down at the kitchen table tapping my fingers and waiting, something I seem to do more often than not with him. I looked across the table at our four-year-old son sitting up straight, waiting patiently for his father to come. At four years old he already knows what it feels like to wait all too well.

         "Why don't you go watch television for a little JJ?" I reached my hand out to touch my son, Justin Jr. or JJ as we call him, before running my hand through his curly blonde hair. It's getting quite long and out of control but he looks so adorable I can't bring myself to take him to the hairdresser.  

         "He's not coming huh?" his big blue eyes looked up at me. 

         "Oh, he's coming. I'll call him, all right sweetie? I'll see what's going on, but he'll be here." I assured my son as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his head. I know this is a normal occurrence for Justin to be late on a Thursday night, the day he's always had to pick up his son. For some reason it seems like he's late every single week. It really gets to me because it's like he doesn't take it seriously. He doesn't understand what a huge impact he has on JJ's life. "You, my dear, need a serious hair cut."

         JJ giggled as he ran off to the television while I grabbed my cell phone from the counter, dialing his number quickly. I took a deep breath when it went right to voicemail, just like it always does when I call. I guess I need to block my number so he can't ignore it anymore. I know what it means when the call goes straight to voicemail.

         "It is 6:55, you were supposed to pick up your son at 6. Are you coming? Because he's sitting here waiting and I'm not going to sit around here and wait for you all night." I slammed my cell phone closed, saving my anger for when I'm actually face to face with him. It's much more fulfilling when he can't just move the phone away from his ear and delete the message.

         I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch pulling JJ on my lap. "Are you hungry?" I asked, running my hands through his hair.

         He shook his head, "Is Daddy coming?"

         "He's just running a little late. How about a snack before Daddy comes and gets you dinner?"

         Shit! I'm running so fucking late. I swear to god it's like every time there's a little bit of rain the whole state forgets how to drive. I know it doesn't rain a lot here but for fucks sake people, learn to drive! I'm swerving in and out of lanes, trying to get home before 7:15. Home as in where Kendall and JJ live, it's not my home anymore. It was my home, I bought the house with my own money and even lived in it for two fucking years before I even met Ken, but still, it's not my house anymore. It's her house.         

I pulled into the driveway of my house, walked up my stairs and knocked on my front door.  I'm still not sure if she changed the locks, the topic had never really been discussed, but I can't pull himself to try the key and have it not work. That would make it real.  I do still have the key though; I'm not exactly ready to take it off my key chain.

         Kendall answered the door with her arms crossed. She was not impressed. She never was impressed with my bullshit and was the first one in my life to let him know it. She never put up with my shit. I laughed to myself when I think about how that simple trait was one of the reasons why I fell in love with her in the first place and now it's the main thing I loathe about her.  

"Hey," I forced a half smile as he spoke but received no answer. Kendall didn't speak or even acknowledge my presence, "What's up?" she continued giving me that look that she so famously gives me and only me. "Can I have my son?" I hate this awkward shit almost as much as I hate her being so damn bitchy.

         "Daddy!" I heard JJ scream as he ran past Kendall and into my arms. There's this crazy feeling a father gets when your son runs into your arms. I can't explain it, it's something only a father understands, but damn it's a good feeling.

         "JJ get inside, it's raining," Kendall spoke for the first time. He went back in the house quickly, leaving me to be the only one standing out in the rain.

         "Can I come in?"

         Kendall moved to the side so I could walk in. It really kills me that I need to ask permission to enter my own house. "Wipe your feet please, I just washed the floor."

         I walked back to the doormat and wiped my feet, looking around the house that used to be mine. It seems to change every week I come to get my son.  I'm not sure if it's really changing or it's just the fact that it's not mine anymore. It seems less like home every week.  The lesson learned is to always sign a pre-nup. But I know it could have been much worse... I could have married a gold-digger. Although at times I think Kendall is crazy, I know I'm lucky lucky. She was never one to try and take advantage of the situation. She did not want anything but to keep our son happy and make life as easy as possible for everyone.  But then again, she never has to work another day in her life. It's not that she just sits home all day. She's watching JJ and working on charity.  That's what she did when we were married so I don't see a real need to make her go out and find a real job. I still need someone to deal with the charity and the paperwork. Plus she's working with my mother and they always did get along great. I don't want some stranger to come in and work on that stuff. It's too important.

         "Daddy look, I made you a picture." I picked JJ up and grabbed onto the picture.

         "That's a good picture man, you did that by yourself?" JJ smiled and nodded his head, "Good job, you're an artist."

         He giggled, "Mommy said I was a artist too."

         "You are sweetie," Kendall said with a smile, "Can you go upstairs for a minute so I can talk to your Daddy?"

         Your Daddy. I don't know when it was that I became "your daddy" instead of just Daddy. I placed my son down, even though I wish he would stay. I know Kendall would never yell at me in front of the kid so it would be much safer for me if JJ stayed. I looked at her carefully, hoping maybe she wouldn't even yell. She doesn't seem as upset as she usually is when I'm late. It's not like I do it on purpose, I'm busy.

As soon as JJ left she folded her arms over her chest again and gave me that damn look. If only I could rip that look off her face and get rid of it forever. I sat down on the couch, "What's up?"

         "What's up?" She repeated before biting at her bottom lip, that always means that the shit is about to hit the fan, "You're an hour and fifteen minutes late."

         It's always the same argument with her, "There was traffic."

         "Oh, an hour and fifteen minutes of traffic for two miles?"

         "I got stuck at work Ken, what do you want me to do?"

         "Pick up the phone maybe."

         I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my brown curly hair, "I didn't know there would be traffic. I got caught at an interview, do you want me to just leave in the middle of it?"

         "When you're supposed to meet your son you could excuse yourself for a minute to call and let us know."

         "Do you have a big date or something I'm making you late for?" She does look hot, she always looks hot but she looks extra hot today.

         "Oh fuck you," she said in a loud whisper, she doesn't want JJ to hear and will do whatever it takes so he doesn't, "You know damn well I am not this pissed because I have something else to do."

         "Then why are you so pissed Kendall?"

         "Because while you're out with your bimbos I'm here with your son. And he asks me where you are and what do you want me to tell him Justin? Since I have no idea where the fuck you are."

         "You tell him that his Daddy has to work so his mommy can continue living the good life."

         She took a deep breath, now she's seething, "Your son feels abandoned."

         "He does not feel abandoned. Relax, you're so dramatic."

         "You don't know because you're never fucking around.  Every damn Thursday night you say you're going to be here at six and every damn week it's at least seven before you get here. And every fucking week your son thinks that you're not coming."

         "I always come."

         "You don't always come" she shouted and caught herself, "You come late, or you come the next morning when it fits your schedule. You're on your way here and god forbid one of your little whores calls and forget it, you'll have to come get your son the next day."

         "I have never once not picked him up because of that and I don't appreciate you assuming that I'm with numerous females in front of him." We know how to press each other's buttons and that's always dangerous. But I'll be damned if she thinks I'm exposing him to that shit.

         "He is four years old, and he still thinks that you're the coolest person in the world. He's growing up and that unconditional love that he has for you is going to go away. He's going to hate you Justin. It's three days a week, act like a father and take responsibility for once in your life."

         With that she walked away leaving me alone on the couch to really let what she said sink in. She's being dramatic, like always. She never used to be dramatic, she used to be laidback but something happened and that quality is long gone.  I stood up and looked at the pictures over the fireplace. There is only one picture. Hidden in the back that I'm in. There used to be pictures of the three of us all over the house.  Those pictures of the happy family have since disappeared, ever since the divorce. He feel like every time I go in the house there's one less reminder that I ever existed.

         JJ came running towards me and jumped up in my arms.  I held my son tightly, realizing how good it is to see him. I really do miss this kid; I hate not being able to see him every day more than anything. "Are you ready?" he answered by nodding his head and smiling brightly.

         "Come here babe," Kendall said as she pulled him from my arms, "Just make sure that you have him back on Sunday by three because he has a soccer game."

         "I will," I nodded his head.

         "And make sure he takes his medicine in the morning because he's been getting the sniffles." I took a deep breath; she acts like I've never taken my own son before. She gets so overprotective it's ridiculous. "Justin."

         "I know Ken."

         "Alright. Let's get your raincoat on," she put him down and pulled his raincoat on, complete with hood and rain boots as if we were going out in a fucking monsoon, "Be good for your daddy."

         "Bye Mommy."

         "I'll see you later. I love you darling." There were certain moments where she reminds me of my mother. Every Thursday, right as I'm about to leave with JJ she said the same thing, "I love you darling," complete with her Tennessee accent and that was one of those moments. I used to love how similar they are, but it really fucking annoys me now.

         Kendall stood at the door and waved at JJ before closing the door at the risk of looking too pathetic. She always closes it and then runs to peak out the curtain. She thinks she's being slick and I can't see her, but I can. If we were still married I'd tease her about it endlessly but now I just let it go. It is kind of cute.

         I absolutely hate this moment; the moment Justin takes JJ away. I stand at the door for a little but then sneak into the living room to look out the window and watch them leave. I hate being away from him. It really bothers me. It's not like I'm worried, I know Justin is an amazing father. He was a horrible husband but he's a wonderful father... once he actually picks the little one

My cell phone rang and a part of me thought it was Justin calling to say something came up and he had to bring JJ home. Part of me wished it was, so I wouldn't have to spend the night alone. "Hello?"

         "Hellllo darling," it was not Justin but Kaylee, my younger sister.

         "Hey Kay."

         "Did he come?"

         "Yeah, an hour and fifteen minutes late, but he came."

         "Good, at least he came.  So what are we doing tonight?"

         I looked over at the clock to see that it's already 7:30.  I would say the night was already over, "Going to sleep?"

         "No," she laughed, "Let's go out. You have the night without the little one and nothing to do tomorrow. Let's go out somewhere."

         "Like where? We could go see a movie," I suggested, even though I know that's not what she has in mind. I don't feel like doing much of anything, except maybe watching a movie, preferably in my own house sitting on the most comfortable chair and a half ever made.

         "Yeah, we could go see a movie.  But the problem would be that there are not too many men to be met at the latest chick flick."

         "Oh, we're going to meet men are we?"

         "Obviously. Kendall seriously, it's time for you to find a man."

         I took a deep breath, "I really am not in the mood to go find a man Kay."

         "Just like you haven't been in the mood for the past year. You have to move on with your life darling. You know Justin has moved on with his life."

         I twirled my blonde hair and bit at my lip.  I know Justin has moved on, in fact I know he moved on rather quickly with numerous bimbos and groupies. But just because he is ready doesn't mean I have to be. I'll never understand why my sister worries so much. I don't need a man to take care of me, they're more trouble then they're worth. I'm completely fine without one. The only boy I need is my son. "It's Thursday night."

         "And?"

         "And the only BOYS that will be out are college boys."

         "So. We can go for the younger boys," she said with a laugh, "Sweetie you really need to go out. One drink."

         "Fine, one drink. But if I feel completely out of my element and want to go home you have to let me go home."

         "OK, after the one drink if you want to go home we will go home."

         "Alright, fine."

         "Fine," she laughed, "I'm coming in a half an hour, go get hot."

         "I am hot."

         "Oh, that's right.  It's Thursday, Justin came, of course you're hot."

         "Bye Kay." I rolled my eyes and threw the phone on the couch. I guess I have to get ready.

~*~*~*~*~

         "Daddy listen, I can go up to ten. Ready?"

         "Ready, let me hear it."

         "OK, 1 2 3 4 5... 6 7 8 9 10"

         "Whoa, look at that. You're a counting machine."

         He giggled, "I can do it backwards."

         "No way."

         "Yeah huh, ready?"

         "Ready."

         "OK, OK. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLASTOFF!!!!!"

         "Oh man, you're amazing," I laughed as I opened the door and let him out of his car seat, "You can count forwards, you can count backwards, can you count sideways?"

         "You can't count sideways silly."

         "Of course you can, ready?" I picked JJ up and held him sideways, "Go ahead."

         "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10" he managed to get out between fits of laughter.

         "There you go, now you can tell your Mommy all about it." I figure I should call her "your Mommy" since I'm was always "your Daddy".  JJ ran to the door as soon as I put him down. My two boxers are going crazy inside and JJ is going crazy trying to get inside. The little one misses those dogs more than he misses me half the time. "You're excited huh?"

         "Open it Daddy! Open it!"

         "Alright," I laughed as I opened the door and let my son run inside, "Mommy needs to get you a dog... Your Mommy," I corrected myself. JJ didn't hear me, not that he would have cared if he did, he's too busy running inside and playing with the dogs.  "Did you eat yet?" I feel like I'm talking to a wall when the dogs are here. "J, hello?" I picked him up and threw him on the couch, "Did you eat dinner yet?"

         "I'm not hungry Daddy, I just wanna play with Bailey"

         "OK, you can play. But did you eat dinner?"

         "No," he managed to squeeze past me so he could play tag with the dogs.

         "What do you want to eat?" he's still was not listening. I might as well be waiting to get an answer from the dogs, I put the dogs outside so I ca get this kid to answer.

         "Daddy, I was playin"

         "I know man, but we gotta eat. Come on."

~*~*~*~

         "This is like the dumbest idea ever."

         Kay looked over at me and smiled, "We're getting a drink, will you relax?"

         "I haven't been out to a bar in..."

         "Ever?" Kaylee laughed, "What happened to you? You used to be cool Ken, we used to go to bars all the time and guys would come up to us begging to buy us drinks. That's even how you met-" she paused when she realized what she was saying, "Is that why you don't like going?"

         "No, please. So what if I met Justin at a bar?  I was also 21, I don't do a lot of things I did when I was 21."

         "Yeah, like have fun," she laughed.

          "I have lots of fun." I answered softly.

         "Fun that doesn't include hide and go seek."

         I took a deep breath before getting out of the car. I'm extremely nervous, but I'm not really sure why. I looked up at the sign reading "Duffy's" and felt my heart beat in my throat. Duffy's has too many memories.

         "I'll have a nice cold Sam and the lady will have a tequila sunrise with an extra cherry," Justin held onto my hand as he looked up into my eyes and smiled.

         "No," I laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist,  "I don't want that. Would you listen to me? I've been trying to talk to you since you got home. You've been gone for two weeks and you come in and you take me to Duffy's and I need to talk to you Baby," I placed a hand on each of his cheeks, "I need to talk to you."

         Justin smiled, moving my hands off his cheeks and kissing me passionately, before pointing a finger in my face, "That is not true. I came in, then I fucked you, and then I took you to Duffy's."

         "Justin!" I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away while laughing, "We are in public. Stop."

         His arms were still around my waist; he pulled me so close I could feel his heartbeat. "You are my wife, everyone knows we fuck."

         "Why do you have to call it fucking?"

         "Making love, excuse me," he answered with a crooked smile, "You've got your sequencing screwed up sweetie, I'm just trying to help."

         Il threw my head back and placed my hands on his shoulders, "Would you shut up and listen to me? I need you to listen to me, I need to talk to you."

         "Then talk to me," he mimicked my movement placing his hands on my shoulders.

         "I can't talk to you here, it's too loud."

         "You want to leave?" I nodded my head and Justin shook his, "We just got here. The guys are going to be here any minute."

         "Justin!" I shouted, "Don't make me stomp my feet and pout like a two year old."

         He laughed, wrapping a hand around my waist and grabbing his beer with the other, "Why couldn't you tell me on the drive here?"

         "Because you were too busy telling me about how cool it was that Michael Jordan came to your show."

         "It was amazing babe, Michael Jordan."

         "I know!" I threw my head back, not ready to get into the conversation with him again, "I know it's a big deal Justin, and I'm really happy for you. But I still need to talk to you."

         Justin smiled at me crookedly, took a long swig of his beer and then threw me over his shoulder. He brought me outside and placed me on the stonewall in front of Duffy's. "Quiet enough darling? Talk."

         I took a deep breath and played with his fingers. He cleared his throat so I would get to it and I moved him so he was looking right at me so I could see his reaction when I told him. I took a deep breath in and bit at my lip before speaking, "I'm pregnant." I laughed and cried at the same time as I continued, placing his hand on her stomach, "I'm having a baby. We're going to be parents."

         "What?" Justin laughed and cried at the same time as well, "Are you serious?"

         I nodded her head, "A baby! Can you believe it? A baby! You're going to be a Daddy!"

         "A baby? Are you fucking kidding me? There's a fucking kid in your stomach. Why didn't you tell me?" Justin always swears when he's excited, it was as if he couldn't control the words coming out of his mouth.

         "You wouldn't shut up!" I laughed as I jumped on the ground and pulled my shirt up to look at my stomach.

         "Then you make me fucking shut up. A baby, holy shit."

         "A baby. Our baby."

         Justin laughed, standing between my legs. His hand never left my stomach for the rest of the night. "Our fucking kid. This kid is going to pop out of you and be half me and half you. Our fucking baby Ken."

         "I know, crazy right?"

         "Fucking insane," he laughed, kissing me stronger and more passionately than he ever had before. He picked me up in his arms and twirled me around, "We're having a fucking baby!"  He brought me to his car and placed me in the passenger's seat, kissing me once again, "I fucking love you so much Ken."

         "I love you too."

         "Screw those fools, we're going home." He shut the door and ran to the drivers seat, returning his hand to my stomach the second he got in, "Dude, I just felt it kicking."

         I laughed and shook my head, "You did not, shut up."

         He smiled as he looked in my eyes, "I felt something Ken."

         "Probably my stomach growling, I'm hungry."

         "Yeah, you're always going to be hungry now. We might need to take out a mortgage so we can afford it all." I slapped his leg and laughed, "Did you tell your mother?"

         "Not yet."

         "What?" he almost drove right through a red light he was in such shock.

         "I wanted you to be the first to know."

         "How long have you known?"

         "Two weeks."

         "Fuck Ken," he laughed.

         "I know! And you thought I was bad at keeping secrets. I'm kind of amazing." I placed my hand on his lap. "Admit it, you're impressed."

         "I am impressed. You are amazing. I can't wait! I have to call my mother, she's going to go fucking crazy."

         "No, you can't. You can't just tell her over the phone Justin, we have to have them up, they're coming in a month."

         "Fuck that! I can not wait that long," Il knew before I even told him that he would never be able to keep something like this from his mother. Especially since he's so close to her and she told me the first day she saw me after we got engaged that it's never too early to start working on making her some grandbabies.

         "Then don't talk to her. I'll call our parents and tell them to come up Monday. And you cannot talk to your mother until then! I'm serious Justin!"

         "So serious," he smiled before licking his lips the way that made me want to just jump on top of him. "What do you want? Wendy's? Taco Bell? White Castle?"

         I leaned closer to him, wishing he had a car with one big bench as a front seat, "Taco Bell," I kissed his neck, "And don't change the subject. You can not talk to your mother."

         He stopped at a red light and looked me in the eye, "Would you listen to yourself? You're about to be a mother yourself and you're telling me not to talk to mine."

         I slapped his leg and laughed, "You know damn well if you talk to her it's going to somehow come out. And we cannot tell her on the phone. If she finds out before my mother it will be the end of it, she'll call my mother and they'll be driving themselves crazy trying to get here by the morning. We'll have them come up Monday and we'll tell them in person, together. Then everyone can jump around screaming at the same time and we'll get it over with once."

         "I like the way you think. I hope our kid gets it's brains from you."

         "Me too. If it gets its brains from you we're all screwed," I laughed and grabbed onto his hand.

         He nodded his head, bringing my and to his lips,  "It's true."