“This food is amazing even when it’s cold,” I said as I stuffed my face. I’m glad he decided to go there, even if it’s a little too romantic. It all worked out, “Do you remember we went there when I was pregnant and I had like two of these?”

         Justin chuckled, “Yeah, I remember. You weren’t even showing yet, everyone was looking at you. More wine?”

         “Yeah, thanks,” I said as I held my glass out. “This is nice.”

         “What is nice?” he asked as he filled my glass with wine.

         Wine makes me a little loopy right away. It also makes me say things I shouldn’t say, or at least things I wouldn’t say if I hadn’t just had a few glasses of wine, “This. Us, drinking and eating and being civil.”

         “We’re always civil,” sure we don’t tear each other’s heads off but I don’t think we’re really civil. It could be worse but it could definitely be better, “We should do it more often.”

         “Yeah, we should have date nights more often,” I answered sarcastically with a laugh.

         “Why not?” he asked completely serious.

         “Because we’re divorced?”

         He took a deep breath, not fully appreciating my answer. “So what does that mean that we can’t ever have dinner?”

         “We’re having dinner right now aren’t we? Don’t ruin it.”

         “Don’t ruin it,” he repeated sarcastically, “it’s like you go out of your way to make it clear to me that we’re divorced. I’m aware Ken, you’ve got fucking half of everything I own, you’ve got my fucking house. I know.”

         “See, this is why we don’t hang out anymore. You act normal and then out of nowhere you just focus on the divorce, like it’s this life changing event…”

         “It is a life changing event! How is it not a life changing event?” he shouted.

         “I didn’t mean that. It’s obviously life changing. I just mean you can’t move past it. You just can’t accept it and move on.”

         “How the fuck am I supposed to just accept it and move on?” he stood up and started pacing around the room, “How Kendall? How the hell am I supposed to just accept the fact that we’re divorced?”

         I hate when he acts like this, “It’s been a year…”

         “No, it hasn’t been a full year. I don’t understand how it’s so easy for you to move past it like you never even fucking loved me in the first place.”

         “Don’t say that, of course I love you.”

         “Then why are we even divorced? If you love me and I obviously still love you…”

         “You know why we’re divorced.” I answered simply; my eyes are already starting to tear up. I really don’t want to talk about it right now, or ever for that matter.

         “No. I know we went through a lot of shit and I know the reason you gave me, about fucking ice cream, but I don’t really know why we’re divorced.”

         “Why did you sign the papers then?”

         “Because it’s what you wanted,” he answered calmly before sitting back down on the couch.

         “I can’t talk about this right now.”

         “We need to talk about it because it’s been almost a year and we still haven’t talked about it.”

         “I can’t,” now I’m really crying and I can’t even hold it back anymore. I hate crying, especially over this. I’ve already cried over it so many times but it never gets easier. “Please Justin, I can’t talk about it.”

         “When are we going to talk about it?”

         “I don’t know. I just can’t yet. Please.”

         “Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” he said before pulling me into a hug, “It’s just hard cause I still love you.”

         “Love was never our problem.”

~*~*~*~

         “You don’t love me!!!!” she screeched louder than I’ve ever heard a woman screech before, “You don’t fucking love me anymore because I’m a big fat cow!”

         “Come on Ken,” I followed her as she paced around the house, “You know I love you.”

         “You don’t. You did but now I’m a whale and you don’t love me anymore.”

         “All I said is you don’t have to come if you don’t want to come.”

         “Because I’m a fat cow and you don’t want to be seen with me. Well guess what? It’s not my fault I’m a fat cow. I’m carrying like 50 of YOUR babies.”

         “You’re carrying one of my babies,” I corrected her. I know it’s wrong to play with her when she’s in a mood like she’s in now but it’s fun. I have to find some kind of humor in the situation or I’d probably kill myself.

         “How do you know? There could be more than one. I’m huge!”

         “Yeah, but we just got an ultrasound and there was only one baby in there.”

         “Well… those things could be wrong. Sometimes another baby just pops up.”

         “Sure. I’m sure it’s possible that another baby could pop up but 49 other babies? That’s just silly.”

         Kendall took a deep, exaggerated breath and rolled her eyes, “Why are you being so mean?” now she sounds like she’s ready to cry. I’ll never understand how these hormones work, but they’re really fucking annoying.

         “I’m not, I’m sorry,” I let out a quick chuckle, “It’ll be ok.”

         “It’s not going to be ok because this kid is fucking pushing against my ribs and it hurts. And he’s like moving and doing flips and it hurts.”

         “He?”

         “She… whatever.”

         “Maybe the baby is going to be a gymnast.”

         “You’re not funny. You know that right? You never were, you never will be so stop.”

         I had to laugh at how evil she has become in the past month or so. God, that was harsh, “I have to get ready and if you’re coming you have to get ready too.”

         “Why would I want to come?” she asked as she climbed into bed, “So everyone can point and laugh at how Justin Timberlake’s wife looks like a fire truck?”

         “You look absolutely gorgeous, no one is going to think anything but that,” I assured her. It’s true too, she was always a beautiful pregnant woman, sure she was crazy as fuck, but still completely gorgeous.

         “Do you know what I hate about you?”

         I laughed at the response I got, not exactly what I was expecting. “No I don’t, but I’d love you to tell me.”

         “Good cause I’m going to tell you,” she said as I changed into my suit, “I hate how you think everything’s funny. How I’m laying here in pain because you knocked me up. I hate how it’s not fair that I have to suffer and you get to go out and be on television and everyone thinks you’re so amazing because you’ve got a wife and a kid and blah blah blah while I’m sitting at home unable to move because I’m a fat cow.”

         “Do you know what I love about you?” I asked but got caught off immediately.

         “No because I’m not done. I hate how you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, who does that? And I hate how you ate all my Cheetos.”

         “I didn’t eat all your Cheetos. I had a handful.”

         “Well they’re gone! They just magically disappeared?”

         “No. But you’ve been eating them, that’s what happens.”

         “No I have not.”

         I laughed and fell on the bed next to her and grabbed her hands in mine, “Then why are your hands covered in orange cheese?”

         “Whatever,” she said as she wiped her hands on her shirt.

         I don’t know what has gotten into her lately but she truly as become quite the bitch. I actually enjoy it; I find it very humorous, especially since she’s normally the sweetest girl in the world. “Can I go now? Do you know what I love about you? I love how you’re carrying my baby and how you’re doing it so well. I love how you eat all the Cheetos, and the Doritos… and the Pringles. I love how you become this crazy, moody, bitch when you’re pregnant. I love how beautiful you are, even when you’ve got a giant baby bump. I love how you’re my wife and how your fingers are so swollen you can’t even wear my wedding ring anymore. I love you so much Ken,” I said before kissing her lips gently and then pulling her shirt up so I could kiss her stomach, “And I love you too unborn child that’s making your mother’s life a living hell which is in turn making my life a living hell.”

         She giggled, and I felt a great deal of success, “I hate you though.”

         “I know.”

         “I hate how you can’t put your arms around me because I’m too fat.”

         “I love how you don’t roll over in the middle of the night and crush me to death.”

         She laughed again and slapped my arm, “OK, fine. I love you.”

         “Finally! Enough to come with me tonight?”

         “Yeah. Where’s the baby?”

         “With my mother.”

         “Is she keeping him all night?”

         “Yeah.” I assured her before kissing her forehead.

         “Can we leave early? Just do the red carpet and then leave?”

         “Yeah,” I answered with a smile, “It’s not my movie, what do I care?”

         “Thank you. Thanks for putting up with me.”

         “Nah, it’s fun. I need a little more excitement in my life. And yes, we can stop for dinner after… and McDonalds before if need be.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

         I went out on the balcony to get some fresh air and left Ken inside. I know she still has a hard time talking about everything that happened but I hate pretending like everything that we did was right.  I hate not being with her. I hate seeing her and not being able to be with her. I hate how our whole family is broken up because of some stupid shit neither of us had any control over.

         And we never fucking talked about it. That’s what really pisses me off because I know if we would have talked it through we could have come to some kind of a conclusion that’s not as drastic as getting a fucking divorce. I think we both get that now, we both understand that we jumped to conclusions way too fast and did what we had to do because at the time our lives were turned inside out and there was nothing else we could do. We thought getting a divorce was what we needed and that would solve all the problems. It didn’t solve shit. Now we’re both realizing how fucking stupid it is but no one’s going to admit it or even suggest we could do something to be together. Well fuck that, I’ve tried a million times but she always acts like I’m crazy to even suggest it. Then she goes and tells me she still loves me. What the fuck is up with the mixed signals?        

         I went back into the suite and saw Kendall passed out on the couch. It’s funny the effect wine has on her, she always passes out. I should have given her some tequila, then the night would have turned out much differently. Obviously I wouldn’t get my wife drunk on tequila so she’d have sex with me… ex wife… damn.

         “Ken, you up?” I don’t know why I bother asking. She’s out, passed out, and I’m not going to just leave her on the couch all night. I smiled as I looked down at her, why does she have to be so damn adorable when she’s passed out with her mouth wide open? Life would be so much easier if she wasn’t so damn perfect. I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, placing her gently on the bed. She’s still out. We spit a bottle of wine here and she had a glass and a sip at the restaurant. It’s good to know she’s still a lightweight.

         My phone rang in my pocket so I left the room quickly to answer it so she wouldn’t wake up, “Hello?”

         “Hey J,” Rachael’s voice greeted me, “Sorry to call you but Ken’s not answering her phone and she’s not in her room… I probably shouldn’t have told you that, huh? I’m sure she’s just like… hanging out alone by the pool or something.”

         “Or sleeping,” I answered. It amazes me how pathetic everyone thinks I am. It amazes me even more that I am indeed as pathetic as everyone things I am.  “What’s up?”

         “JJ is like throwing a fit. He wants his Mommy or his Daddy or basically anyone but me.”

         “Let me talk to him.” I heard her pass the phone, “Hey buddy.”

         “Hi Daddy.”

         “What’s the matter?”

         “I’m not sleepy at Rachael’s and I wanna be sleepy at yours or at Mommy’s because you know why? Her room is small and only got 2 beds and one room. Yours and Mommy’s room has lots of rooms and a pool.”

         I laughed at the fact that my four-year-old son is already refusing to stay in a room because it’s not big enough, “I don’t have a pool, neither does your mother.”

         “Oh. But you got that tub that I can go swimming in and I like to watch the water. Ohh and you know what else? Rachael won’t let me eat ice cream!”

         “It’s too late for ice cream,” I learned my lesson as far as letting JJ eat ice cream at night, that’s for damn sure. “You can go swimming tomorrow, and watch the water. Now it’s time for bed.”

         “I don’t wanna sleep and I can’t cause the bed here isn’t good like the one in your room cause that one’s fluffy.”

         I shook my head and chuckled, this kid is used to the finest things in life. What four year old would ever complain that a bed is too fluffy? Sure, the beds in the suite are much more comfortable, but I would never think he would be able to realize that. “So what are you saying?”

         “I’m saying I needa good bed Daddy or I’m not gonna be able to sleep!”

         I took a deep breath, unable to say no to my son. “Alright, tell Rachel I’m coming to get you.” it’s not that I’m giving in, it’s just that if he doesn’t get any sleep he’ll be cranky all day tomorrow and he has a busy day. I’m making excuses.

         When I got to Rachael’s room JJ was ready to go. I thanked Rachael and grabbed onto JJ’s hand, walking him through the hotel in his Finding Nemo pajamas.  “You know what stinks Daddy?”

         “What?”

         “That Rachael don’t have a good room. It’s so small Daddy, it’s like only this big,” he held his hands so close they were almost touching.

         “She has a nice room, it’s bigger than most people’s rooms.” He’s starting to worry me.

         “Not bigger than yours or Mommy’s.”

         “Yeah, but you know what JJ? Most people don’t have rooms like us. We’re really lucky. We got them because we’re working. Sometimes we get small rooms too.”

         “No suh. Every time you go on the bus your rooms are big like this one.”

         “That’s work though.”

         “Well when we went to Disney World that wasn’t work and our room was big.”

         All right. I need to make a mental note to start staying in shitty hotels. I can only imagine what he’s going to be like in a couple years. “Alright. Time for bed.” I said as I opened the door to the suite. He headed right to the bedroom and stopped at the door when he saw his mother sleeping in bed.

         “Daddy!” he giggled, “How come Mommy’s sleeping in your bed?”

         “She’s tired. Come on J, you’re room is over here.”

         “Mommy’s silly. This isn’t her room. You know what? I remember when you and Mommy had the same room. I remember when you used to have the same bed too. Do you remember that Daddy?”

         “Yeah man, I remember that,” I said as I picked him up and placed him in the bed.

         “How come you and Mommy don’t do that no more?”

         “Did you ever ask Mommy that?” I don’t know how to answer that so I’ll see what she says.

         “Mmmhmm.”

         “And what does she say?”

         “She said cause you snore,” he giggled, “Do you snore?”

         “No,” I laughed, “Mommy snores. All right buddy. Is bed comfortable enough for you?”

         “Yeah,” he giggled.

         “Perfect. Get some sleep. Don’t come waking me up early in the morning, I’m tired.”

         He giggled again, “Daddy.”

         “JJ,” I laughed before kissing his forehead, “Goodnight kiddo.”

         “Goodnight Daddy-o.”