Ok, so I didn't sleep with Justin. I didn't even stay the night. I wanted to and I know he wanted me to but the more I processed it in my head, the dumber it felt. He was't exactly thrilled when I told him I was going home for the night but he did the most un-Justin like thing.

  He cocked his head, eyes pleading a little and said 'If that's what you want, then that's fine with me. I just want you to be happy.'

  I didn't see him or talk to him for a few days after that. I kept replaying all the things we've been through since the day I met him and he's right. There is something between us but I don't know what it is. We're great friends but once we put a title on it, it all went to hell. He became this guy that I didn't like and didn't want to be around.

  He had a few moments while we were dating that I really felt like we had something but they were few and far between. So all this 'I love you' talk he keeps throwing around really has me baffled.

  I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something for him.  I just don't know what it is. I'm really torn. I know I like Ethan. I really care for him and I don't think I'd be feeling this way about Justin if he were here. 

  Maybe I should go and see him. He'll be making a stop in Knoxville and I've got family near there. I could always just suprise him. Just see him and see how strong my feelings may still be.

  I can't stop the grin from forming on my face as I reach out to grab my laptop.

~~

  Sassy Ann's House of Blues. Are you kidding me? What the hell possessed someone to name a bar Sassy Ann's? I shake my head and walk into the crowded bar. 

  I let my eyes adjust to the darkness and spot Ethan up on stage helping the guys set up the equipment. My plan is to stay hidden until after the show then I'll suprise him.

  Part of me is hoping this was a good idea. I just bought a plane ticket and left. I did tell Lori were I was going but that's it. Justin's called a couple of times but I send it to voicemail. If I'm going to do this, I need to not talk to him and see if what I'm feeling for Ethan is real and not some made up notion I have in my head.

  I order my beer and sit at the bar just watching him. He looks great. I kinda forgot how good looking he is. He's laughing and joking with the other guys. It's nice to see him smile. It's nice to see him in general.

  The longer I'm watching the more I'm realizing this is probably a good sign. That I'm not really feeling anything for Justin. At least not as strongly as I'm feeling for Ethan. Cause right now, my stomach is full of butterflies and I'm so giddy I could bounce up and down on this stool.

  I pause, my beer halfway to my mouth as I see a blonde girl walk towards the stage. Ethan turns and smiles brightly at her as she braces her hands on the edge of the stage, leaning towards him. He kneels down and they talk a few minutes. My stomach is in knots.

  Who is this girl? And she needs to backthe fuck off. Even from here I can tell she's flirting with him. A woman knows these things. The way she's leaning into him, smiling brightly, never taking her eyes off him.

  My heart stops as she bounces up on her toes and presses a kiss to my boyfriends mouth. I literally stop breathing as he brings a hand up and cups her cheek.

  I throw a few bills on the bar and run out as fast as I can. My legs burning as I run down the street blindly.

  I don't really remember going to the hotel or to the airport. I do remember standing at LAX with no way home.

  With shaking hands I pull my phone out.

  "Hello?"

  I can't get my voice to work. Every time I open my mouth nothing comes out. It's like the words get caught in my throat.

  "Hello? Taylor?"

  I nod knowing the person on the other line can't see me.

  "Are you ok? What's wrong?"

  I take a deep breath, tears threatening. "LAX."

  "Huh? LAX?" A beat. "Don't move. I'll be right there."

  Twenty minutes later I'm still standing there, the operator repeating in my ear 'please hang up and try your call again'.

  The black car pulls up in front of me and I can hardly hear the door slam. I can feel a set of hands pry my suitcase from my grip. Then I hear what I'm assuming the trunk close before the same set of hands reaches out and rubs my arms.

  "Tay? Come on. Let's get you home."

  I look up.

  Justin gives me a soft smile but his eyes are full of concern. "Come on."

  I let him lead me to the car, he helps me in and closes the door behind me. I can only sit there, staring straight ahead.

  As we pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex I turn to look at Justin. He put the car in park and turns to me.

  He reaches out and brushes my hair over my shoulders. "Hey."

  "Hey."

  "You ok?" He asks softly. "Did something happen?"

  I blink. My mind in numb.

  He sighs. "Alright, let's get you inside."