"So skanky blonde is stepping out with Ethan?" Lori asks. "Does she know about you?"

I shrug and take a pull from my beer. "No clue. She didn't really show any kind of indication that she did."

"That bitch."

This is why I love this girl. I've known her since high school. I moved out to LA after high school and she went to college in state. After she graduated she packed up and moved out here. Being a nurse has it's advantages. Like being able to find a job almost instantly.

Without really thinking about it, I look down at my phone. He still hasn't called. When Justin left my office earlier today, he said he'd call me and I haven't heard from him. To say I'm worried is an understatement. The man has a temper like no one I've ever met and I could see it in his eyes. He practically stormed from the room, like a man on a mission.

"You expecting a call?" Lori cranes her neck to see someone behind me. 

I turn and smile when I see the cute guy she's looking at sitting at the bar. "Kind of."

I sitll haven't told her about Justin's confession and about how I may or may not feel for him. 

She looks at me. "Kind of? I know you're not actually going to talk to Ethan."

"No, not Ethan." I pause. "Justin."

A knowing smile forms on her face. "Ok, I get it now."

"You get what?" I roll my eyes.

"Justin. You. It's bound to happen. That guy is in love with you. You're the only one who doesn't knowi t."

This bitch is too smart for her own good. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell her. "That's the thing. I know he is."

"I'm sorry, what?" She leans across the table, closer to me.

I had to smile at the look on her face. "Yea, he told me that. A while ago."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" 

I duck my head when I notice all the people turn to look at us. "Keep your voice down."

"Fuck that." She waves her hand. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug. "I was with Ethan. I wanted to be with Ethan."

"And now?"

"Now I don't want to be with Ethan."

"Do you want to be with Justin? Cause...yea, if you don't jump on that I will."

I had to laugh at her again. She makes no secret that she finds him attractive. Hell, I haven't met a woman who doesnt' find him attractive. But I know that she would never make a move on him. Girl code and all.

"It's complicated."

"What's so complicated about it? He's hot. You're hot. There's history there. Do it." She wiggles her eyebrows.

"Do you remember how much of an asshole he was? Cause I do."

She sighed and looked over at the cute guy sitting at the bar again. "Look, I love you, you know that. You are my best friend in the world but you have issues with guys. All guys. Commitment issues."

There it is. The truth that neither one of us had ever really voiced. And to hear it aloud stings.

"Tay, I'm sorry but we both know it's true." She says when she sees my face fall. "Any time things get hard you bail. There's an excuse for everything. Justin was too moody, Ethan was going on the road, Tim wanted too much too soon. I mean, no relationship is perfect. But you're going to end up alone and sad if you keep finding things wrong with people."

I let her words soak in, knowing that she's right. Every guy I've ever dated, I found something wrong and ended it or sabotaged it. The thought of letting someone completely in scares the shit out of me. To be vulnerable with someone, having to know all my fears and secrets. That's something I've never shared with anyone. 

~

After punching in the gate code I steer my car up the long driveway and park near the front door.

Pushing open the car door the fresh air sobers me up a little. I know I'm not drunk but I do have a nice buzz going on. Which explains why I'm here.

I bang on the front door and wait. I can see the lights flick on through the window so I know he's home. 

"Hey." I give Jusitn a wave when he opens the door.

"What time is it?" He ask, voice full of sleep.

"Opps." I grin when I notice it's almost 2 AM. "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."

He opens the door wider, allowing me in. "It's cool. What's up?"

I walk towards the living room and flop down on the couch. "Nothing. I was out to dinner with Lori and then she met a guy and let me so...I'm bored."

He chuckles. "It's nice to know you think of me in your boredom."

I roll my eyes as he sits down in the recliner across from me. He's adorable in his sweats and t-shirt. Hair sticking out wildly. 

"You never called." I pout. Wow, so maybe I'm a littler more buzzed than I thought. I probably shouldn't have driven over here.

"Yea, well, I had some stuff on my mind." He runs a hand over his head. 

"What kind of stuff?"

He sighs and sits back in the chair. "Why are you really here?"

I'm asking myself that. I don't really know. I got in my car after Lori left with that cute guy from the bar and it's like my car had a mind of it's own. Before I knew it, I was punching in the code to the gate.

"I'm just confused." I finally force out.

"About what?"

I shrug, stalling for time. "Why did you say that?"

He looks confused and I don't blame him. The longer I'm in front of him the more I realize I probably should not be here. I'm a little too drunk to have this conversation with him. 

"Say what?" He leans forward.

"That you...you know." I look away from him.

"That I love you?" He asks and I give a quick nod. "Because I do. And I know that you don't love Ethan. Even before all this shit happened with him."

"But I don't know if I love you either." I whisper.

He shrugs and leans back again. "Yea but I think I'm the closest you've ever been to it."

I look up at him. He might be right about that one. Again, bastard. 

I groan and stretch out on the couch.

I can hear him sigh as he stands. "Look, you're not driving anywhere tonight,"

"I'm fine." I start to sit up.

"I don't think so." He pushes me down. "Stay here, I'll grab a blanket. You'll leave in the morning."

I make a face at him but close my eyes. "Yes dad."

I'm barely awake when he drapes a blanket over me. I'm asleep when he presses a soft kiss on my lips.