I pull away from Justin and take a step back. He licks his lips and I bring a hand up to wipe mine. This is bad.

  Very, very bad.

  What is wrong with me? 

  Justin's just looking at me, expression unreadable. 

  "I..." I have no idea what to say. My mind is numb. "Oh God." Tears come to my eyes and I don't know why and there's nothing I can do to stop them. 

  As one tear slides down my cheek, something in his eyes changes. Without another word he gets into his car and drives away.

Six Months Later

   I hate this. Sitting here watching him pack his suitcase. I have this really sick feeling in my stomach and I can feel a lump in my throat.

  He reaches out to grab another stack of shirts he had placed on the bed. The silence is making me crazy but I'm not sure what to say. I knew this was going to happen, that this day was going to come but it doesn't make it any easier.

  We talked about what was going to happen between us when he left and while I know it's for the best, it doesn't mean I'm happy about it. I don't understand why it has to be like this.

  "Well," He sighs, zipping the suitcase. "That's it."

  I nod, scared to meet his gaze. That'll only make this more real.

  "Taylor, it'll be ok."

  I nod again. "I know."

  I can hear is feet move across the carpet until he can kneel in front of me. "Hey, it'll be ok." Ethan says. "I'll be back before you know it."

  Great, here come the waterworks. I do not want to cry in front of him.

  The bands album came out a few weeks earlier and was doing great. So great they were going on tour. Not a small, club tour like last time. This is a big deal and they'll be gone almost a year.

  That's twelve months of not having a boyfriend. Not that he just won't be here, he won't be my 'boyfriend'. We decided to have an open relationship while he's gone. Well, he decided.

  When he first suggested it, I almost passed out. No one actually plans on having an open relationship with their boyfriend. He explained while he loves me and only wants to be with me, it's not fair to either of us to be 'tied down', his exact words, when we won't see each other.

  When I listened to him explain the logic behind it, I couldn't help but feel guilty about it. I think his reason for suggesting it was because while we've been together a little over six months and he's said he loves me, I still haven't said it back.

  I'm not a heartless bitch. I care for him, a lot. But love, that's scary.  The thought of putting all my faith and trust and heart into another person who can just change their mind is terrifying to me. 

  I think a small part of me can't say it back because of Justin. I haven't seen him since that night I kissed him in the parking deck. He got in his car and drove away. The next day I found out he was in New York and wasn't sure when he was coming back. I have had zero contact with him. No phone calls, no emails, no texs, nothing. In fact, instead of meeting with him personally about artists that I like, I'm now having to use a go between. It makes me sick to know our relationship has come to that.

  But it's my own fault. And I need to accept that.

  "Come on." Ethan stands. "Walk me out."

  I heave a deep sigh and reach out for his hand. He smiles at me over his shoulder and laces his fingers through me.

  I let him lead me through my apartment, to the elevator and to his car. I stand back so he can load all his bags into the trunk. I jump when he slams the trunk close.

  "That's it." He turns to me.

  Dammit. I really don't like that I agreed to this whole open relationship bullshit. I step into his open arms and close my eyes as he holds me, head resting on top of mine.

  "I'll call you later." He says softly.

  I can only nod.

  He pulls me away some. "I love you."

  That knot in my throat is back. I know if I can just say it back, we'll be ok. We'll make it through this and this whole stupid thing I've agreed to will cease to exist. 

  I open my mouth but can't get the words out. It's like I can't get them past my lips. "Be careful."

  I'm the biggest chickenshit I know. Be careful. That's all I can say to the man who just said he loves me. The man who I know is crazy about me. I'm a glutton for punishment.

  He gives me a small smile. "Always."

  I stand on my toes and press my lips to his. I might as well enjoy this cause who knows when I'll be able to do it again.

  A few minutes later, I'm standing alone watching him drive away.

One Month Later

  This is amazing. I'm looking around the studio with a goofy smile on my face. Glad to be alone, I turn the song up louder, until I can almost feel the bass in my chest.

She used to be a chancer, sparkle in the rain

Told me she needed a friend

If she's going crazy, baby's on the way

Seems like the day never ends

  This is what makes me happy. I'm alone in a sound proof recording studio with the music blaring. It may not be music I'd want anyone to know I'm listening to, let alone that I own this album. But sometimes the Spice Girls are the only thing that can make a girl happy.

Never give up on the good times, gotta believe in the love you find

Never give up on the good times, living it up is a state of mind

   I'm dancing around the studio, arms waving above my head, eyes closed. I'm really getting down if I do say so myself. I'm shaking my ass around the room, feeling all the stress I have leave my body.

   I freeze when the volume changes. Not louder. Someone has turned it down, way down.

  Shit! Someone walked in and saw my show. I can feel my cheeks flame. I've got to turn around, I've been caught.

  Please be the cleaning crew. I turn around and my jaw drops.

  "Nice moves." Justin grins at me.

  What the hell? Where did he come from?

  "Is this was I pay you to do?" He asks, taking a seat in the chair next to him. "Cause if so, you need a raise."

  "Oh shut up." I snap before removing my CD from the player.

  He laughs and leans back in the chair. I can feel his eyes on me as I move around the room packing my stuff up. 

  "Got anything good in there?" He points to the stack of demos I have sitting next to my bag.

  "A few that I need to give a second listen to." 

  "I'll do it."

  "Nah, it's ok." I tell him. Why is he trying to do my job? I thought that's what he hired me for.

  "I don't mind." He stands and walks to me.

   "Really. I've got it."

  We both reach for the CDs at the same time, his hand covering mine. I pull my hands back quickly and straighten up right.

  He pulls his hands back and looks at me. "I'm sorry."

  I shake my head. "I gotta go." I reach for the CDs again and throw them into my bag. "Bye."

  I need to get out of here. I feel like I can't breath. My heart is racing and I can hear this hum in my ears.

  "Wait." He calls as I reach for the door.

  For some reason only know to God my body stops but my mind is willing it to open the fucking door and leave. Just go. Turn the handle and walk out.

  "We need to talk." 

  I close my eyes when I feel him behind me.

  "Taylor, please."

  I drop my head forward. He's right, we do need to talk but I just can't handle being alone with him. I feel like everytime I am, I lose all sense of control and thought.

  "If it'll make you feel better I'll go back to the other side of the room." I can hear his voice moving across the small space.

  "See? I'm no where near you." Damn him and that teasing tone. "Turn around and you'll see."

  I turn to face him and narrow my eyes when I see him sitting across the room, his head is the only thing showing over the back of the chair. "Ha ha. Very funny."

  He spins in the chair, stupid smile on his face. "Had to do something to get you to talk to me."

  "Just say whatever you need so I can go home." I roll my eyes. He thinks he so charming. 

  Well, sometimes he is.

  "So....it's been a while." He starts. "How are you?"

  "You didn't come here to talk about how I've been. What do you want?"

  "Ok, so no small talk. Got it." He's fucking grinning again. Like nothing happened seven months ago. 

  "Spit it out." I snap. "I want to leave."

  "Ok, look I know that I was kind of a dick but you weren't exactly Mary Sunshine either. You sleep with me then make out with me all while you have a boyfriend. What else am I supposed to do?"

  "Not kiss me back!" I swear to God, this man gets dumber everytime he opens his mouth.

  He gave me a condescending look. "You know what I mean. You have a boyfriend."

  "Had."

  He stops all movement. Did I just suprise him?

  "Had?" He questions and I nod. "What happened?"

  "He's on the road." I shrug. "Thinks it'd be best if we had an open relationship."

  "And you bought that shit?" I can hear the laughter in his voice.

  "You know nothing about Ethan so don't ask questions." I'm getting so pissed. He has no right to come in here after all this time and start asking questions.

  "Ok, I'm just saying." 

  "Well don't say. You're not involved."

  "I'm not?" He licks his lips. "Could have fooled me when you were sticking your tongue down my throat."

  I gasp. Bastard! "Fuck you Justin."

  "You did that already."

   That's it! I need to leave and I need to leave now. 

  "I'm done." I shift my bag higher on my shoulder. "Do not call me, text me, show up at my apartment. We are done." I turn to the door. 

  "Hey, look I'm sorry." I hear him scramble behind me. "Please, don't go yet."

  "Fuck off." I pull the door open and slam it behind me.

  "Taylor, I'm sorry!" He yells, chasing after me down the hallway.

  I can't believe he actually thinks I'm going to listen to him. Hell, I don't ever want to even look at him. I'm going to have to find another job now. Shit and I really like it here.

  "Hey, wait." He grabs my wrist.

  I snatch my arm back and turn to glare at him. "Leave me alone. We are no longer friends and I suggest you learn to accept that. Quick."

  "We were never friends and you know that." He steps closer to me. "That's been our problem from day one."

  "Our problem is that you're an asshole."

  "You don't mean that. I know you don't." He take another step closer and I take a step back.

  I'm going to gouge his eyes out if he keeps moving closer to me. "Trust me, I mean it. I hate you."

  "Not possible." He's standing right in front of me now.

  I take another step back only to hit the wall. "It's completely possible. There is nothing appealling about you."

  He stands there and it's making me crazy. I want to push him flat on his ass. Then step over him and walk away, leaving him like he did to me

  "You love me." 

  Say what?! He did not just say that to me! I do not love him. I can't even stand him. All he does is hurt people and trust me, I've been the person at the receiving end of that too many times to count.

  "Admit it." He says. "You'll feel much better."

  "You're insane! There's no way I love you." I spat out.

  He nods and I swear I want to smack him. "You do. I know you do. You know how I know?" He pauses then continues before I can say anything. "Because I love you."

  My heart stops. Are you kidding me? He has lost his damn mind. I mean, really? He loves me now? The man would is scared to commit to anything other than a cup of coffee is now telling me he loves me?

  This has to be a joke. There is no way on Gods green earth he is serious.

  "I mean it Taylor." He reaches out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear. I jerk my head away from his hand. "I love you. And I know you love me too."

  I start laughing. And once I start I can't stop. This is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. If it wasn't happening to me there's no way I'd actually think it was real.

  He smiles at me. "You can laugh but you do." He leans down and I have a mild panic attack. Before his lips can touch mine I reach out and push him away.

  "Do not touch me." I growl.

  "That's fine." He steps back. "I'm in love with you and you'll figure out that you're in love with me too sooner or later. It's only a matter of time."

  I open my mouth to speak but he holds a hand up to stop me.

  "You can say whatever you want but trust me, you'll realize it when you least expect it. That's how it happened for me. I'll see you tomorrow." He turns and walks down the hall, towards his office and I can only stand there watching him walk away.

  I shake my head, trying to clear up all the crazy he just did to it. I'm going to have to tell Rachel to keep an eye on him, make sure he's not doing drugs.