Part Three – For the Girl Who Has Everything
I hate being cliché, but sometimes life just is cliché and there's nothing you can do about it. I am sitting here staring at my computer screen, waiting for Leah to be ready to go shopping with me, and all I can think is, “What do you get for someone who already has everything?” That is how I feel trying to decide what to get Bianca for her bridal shower. I can't afford a single thing on her registry, and anything I can afford, I'm pretty sure they already have. I have never felt so stressed out about buying a present in my life.
“Ready?” Leah appears behind me to ask.
“Yeah, I guess,” I sigh. I bite my lip and close my laptop before standing to look at her. “Did you and Abe decide what you're getting them?”
“I have no idea, Abe's in charge of the presents,” Leah laughs. “I mean, I trust him with it 'cause he knows both Justin and Bianca better than I do, and this way I don't have to deal with it.”
“That must be nice.”
“It is.”
We're both silent as we grab our coats out of the closet and head out the door. We've only got about two weeks left until the wedding, and they promise to be a crazy couple of weeks. This weekend is the bridal shower, the following is the bachelorette party, and then we have the rehearsal dinner and wedding itself a few days after that. I can only thank God that finals are over or else I would probably be dying of exhaustion by now.
Justin and Bianca have put the Abe, Jake, Leah and I up in the nicest suite I've ever seen in my life so that Abe and I, as the best man and maid of honor, can be around for the final planning and all the events leading up to the wedding. I have to say, one of the nicest parts about this has been having Leah around. I'm pretty lucky that my brother married a woman who truly is the sister I always wished I had. I love hanging out with her.
When we get to the lobby of the hotel, we both stop, realizing that we haven't actually decided on a shopping destination.
“So where do you want to go?” Leah asks, since I'm the one who still needs to buy a present.
“I have no idea,” I respond honestly, sinking down onto one of the couches in the lobby. “I feel like such a dumbass. I'm the maid of honor and I don't even know what to get the bride. How ridiculous is that?”
Leah smiles and sits down next to me. “Nothing on the registry struck your fancy?”
“Yeah, right,” I scoff. “Cause I can afford to spend $1,000 on a coffee maker. None of that stuff even looks remotely like the Bianca I knew. And I don't know, I mean...I guess I don't know her very well anymore if that's the kind of stuff she wants.”
It's not like this comes as a shock. I knew this the second I walked into that dress shop a few weeks ago and saw what my friend had become. On some level, she's still the girl I was friends with so long ago. She still has the same sense of humor, she's still passionate and friendly, but she's so much more...normal than she used to be. We both grew up, I guess, but I didn't get normal like her. I don't know how to shop for someone like that.
“Okay, then don't try to buy for the Bianca you see now. Buy something for the Bianca you knew then. You knew her really well, right? What would you get for that girl if she were getting married?”
It's good advice, but I'm still not sure. “I don't know. It was so long ago...”
“It wasn't that long ago, Grandma,” Leah laughs. “It's been a few years, sure, but I'm sure if you think really hard you can figure out what you would have gotten Bianca if this wedding happened back when you guys were still really close.”
I frown, trying to think of something. She's right, it wasn't that long ago. I think back to my friend Bianca, with her nose ring, and her ripped jeans, and the blue streaks in her hair and wonder what would I have given her if she had gotten married then. Probably a smack upside the head 'cause neither of us was even close to being ready for marriage back then...and then it hits me.
“Okay,” I say, standing up. Leah follows suit. “I know where we're going.”
* * *
Twenty minutes later, we get out of a cab in front of a small antique shop that Bianca and I stumbled upon one weekend when we first moved to New York. I guess I use the term antique shop loosely...vintage novelty shop might be more the correct term. It's been years since I've been here, but in the past they've had everything from 19th century furniture, to random knick knacks and paintings, to framed autographed photos of classic rock stars. Bianca always loved the place, and dragged me back on several occasions. She said it was like going treasure hunting. I hope I can find something good for her here.
Leah grins at me as we walk into the shop and take a quick survey of the vast array of options. The place is cluttered and nearly impossible to navigate, exactly how I remember it.
“This place is awesome,” she comments. “See, Taylor? I knew you'd think of something unique for them.”
“Yeah, well, we'll see if I can actually find anything,” I reply with a laugh as we head towards one corner of the store and start looking through everything. I have a feeling it could take me an hour to find even one viable option in here.
“You will.”
“You have entirely too much confidence in me.”
“No, I have exactly the right amount of confidence!” Leah laughs. “You don't have enough.”
“We'll see.”
“Yes we will.”
The search soon becomes intense and silent aside from the occasional, “what do you think of this?” question when one of us comes across something mildly interesting. Leah finds a really old piggy bank and tells me that she thinks she might get it so she can save money and not have to listen to Abe whine at her whenever she wants to buy a new pair of shoes.
“That sounds like it'll be great for your marriage,” I respond dryly, but I can't help laughing.
“Hey, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.” She gives me a wink. “It's not like I spend money we don't have, he just doesn't seem to understand the concept of fashion.”
“Abraham? Yeah, that was never his strong point,” I laugh.
Leah agrees with an exaggerated sigh. “Good thing he's so damn sexy.”
“Hey, that's my brother you're talking about. Keep comments like that to yourself!”
She laughs. “Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb your poor virgin ears. At least I'm not the one 'living in sin.'”
“Oh God, is my mother still saying that?”
“Yes she is. Don't worry, I'm on your side, I've tried explaining the 21st century to her on your behalf, but she doesn't seem to get it.”
“Well, I appreciate the effort.”
We both laugh, looking through a pile of picture frames. There are actually several really nice ones, so I put them to the side in case I want them later.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” Leah asks me, holding up a purple picture frame with pink polka dots and giving me an inquisitive look.
I shake my head in response to the frame. “Sure.”
“You and Justin...you don't really talk. At all,” she says.
I feel my breath catch in my throat a little bit, and for a minute I'm not sure how to respond. We've obviously had a few more encounters with Justin since that first dinner, and I have successfully avoided talking to him at all of them. I was kind of hoping no one had noticed.
“That's not a question,” I finally respond.
“Why?”
“Because it doesn't end with a question mark?”
Leah laughs. “I mean, why don't you guys talk?”
“I don't know,” I lie with a shrug. “I guess we just don't have much reason to. He's Abe's best friend, not mine.”
When I look over at Leah, I see that she is looking at my intently, obviously not buying my nonchalant response. This is maybe one of the downsides of having a sister-in-law who kind of gets me. She can tell there's more to the story than I am telling her.
“You don't like him?” she asks. “I've always found him to be very charming and a lot of fun.”
“He's fine,” I reply. I start walking away to look at some furniture on the other side of the store, but Leah follows me. She is nothing if not persistent. Abe has told me he likes that about her. Right now, I can't say I agree.
“He can't keep his eyes off you most of the time,” she comments.
“That's ridiculous.” I avoid eye contact with her, because I know she's right. It has not escaped my notice that despite the fact we don't speak, Justin rarely gets through a night without staring at me at least once. I have been trying to ignore it, but it is true.
“I agree. He's getting married in two weeks, he has no business ogling his best friend's little sister. But that doesn't seem to be stopping him.”
I finally look at her and sigh. She's still giving me that intent stare, like staring hard enough will force me to tell her whatever it is she thinks she needs to hear.
“What do you want me to say to that?” I concede.
“Nothing in particular. I just wonder if maybe there's something going on you'd like to confide in someone.”
“No, of course nothing's going on.” I immediately start to feel defensive. Is she accusing me of something? “I have a boyfriend whom I love very much and I would never-”
“No, sweetie, that's not what I meant. I don't think you're cheating on Jake or anything,” she cuts me off quickly, rubbing my arm sympathetically. “I just...there's this tension between you guys, and Abe seems oblivious but it's so obvious to me, and I guess...I was just wondering what happened, you know? I can see something happened, and whatever it was, that can't be easy for you, you know? Being around him, being in his wedding, I don't know...I just thought maybe whatever it is you might want to tell someone. That's all. I'm not accusing you, I'm sorry if it seemed like I was.”
“Nothing happened,” I mumble.
“Okay. Okay, that's fine, my mistake then. I'm sorry. Let's just keep looking for this present, I have a feeling we're really close.” She puts her arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze. I know she's probably not convinced, but I appreciate that she has the decency to drop the subject.
* * *
When I arrive at Bianca's apartment on Saturday to set up for the shower, I'm more than a little surprised that it's Justin who answers the door. I was always under the impression that the groom was supposed to be far, far away during all of these girly pre-wedding events.
“What are you doing here?” I greet him.
“Oh, um...Bianca had to go out, so she asked me to stick around and let you in when you got here. Don't worry, I'll be gone before the festivities start.”
It's always been weird to be to see Justin feeling awkward and uncomfortable, since it's such a strong contrast to his usual, overly confident self. But here he stands, fidgeting and avoiding eye contact with me, and he is clearly very uncomfortable. I don't know why. He knew I was coming, he had time to prepare himself. I, on the other hand, had no idea I was about to be face to face with him without the option to ignore him.
He opens the door fully and gestures me, in but I just stand in the hallway, arms full of decorations and my gift and I don't even remember what else, not even able to move.
“Is anyone else here?” I ask.
“Nope, just me for now. Bianca and Marie should be back soon though,” he replies. I still don't budge, and he gives me a nervous chuckle. “You can come in. I'm not going to bite you.”
I roll my eyes and walk past him, deciding to go with my previous strategy of just not talking to him. Just because there's no one else here doesn't mean I have to speak to him. He shuts the door and sits back down on the couch, watching some inane sport.
I start to decorate the living room, putting up the flowers and disgusting pastel and white streamers that Bianca wanted. They're tacky, to say the least, which surprises me because Bianca is never tacky. I can only hope she wanted them for reasons of irony.
“So what are you girls planning to do for the bachelorette party next weekend?” Justin breaks the silence to ask me. “Nothing too crazy, I hope.”
“I'm pretty sure that's none of your business,” I reply shortly.
“How is it none of my business to know what kind of debauchery my fiancée will be getting herself into?”
“Debauchery? Really?” I narrow my eyes at him and place a hand on my hip, more than a little annoyed that he's speaking to me, and that he chose this topic to open the conversation with.
“Yeah, isn't that what bachelorette parties are about? Isn't that kind of the point?”
“What are you doing for your bachelor party, then? Having sex with strippers?” I retort.
“I don't know, Abe won't tell me,” he replies with a shrug and I glare at him. “I mean, no, of course I'm not gonna be having sex with anyone, but I don't know what he has planned.”
“Well, you also are not going to know what I have planned.”
I whip back around to continue by decorating, hair swishing behind me forcefully.
“Okay, sorry. Didn't mean to offend you. Just trying to make conversation,” he mumbles.
“Well, don't.”
“What is your problem, Taylor?”
I spin back around to face him, and find that he has stood up off the couch and is much closer to me than he was before. I step back a little, startled by how close he is.
“You are my problem. I've made it pretty clear that I don't want to talk to you, Justin. The only reason I am here and involved in this wedding at all is because I love Bianca and I didn't want to say no to her. She was my best friend.”
“And that's all my fault, right?” he spits angrily. “It's all my fault she was your best friend, because I made a mistake and kissed you in a moment of weakness four years ago. It couldn't possibly be your fault too, because you kissed me back, or her fault because she overreacted to the situation. I'm the bad guy, right?”
“Yes, it's your fault,” I reply stubbornly, although now that he puts it that way, it does sound kind of unfair.
“That's bullshit, Taylor. You were there too, you know. You kissed me, too.”
He's kind of up in my face now. I don't really appreciate it, but I don't really have anywhere else to step back to anymore. We're both kind of almost up against the wall at this point.
“Yeah, but I felt bad about it afterwards! I knew what I did was wrong, I didn't just walk around acting like nothing happened and everything was great and no one else's feelings mattered!”
“Is that what you think? That I didn't think anyone else's feelings mattered?”
“That's sure how it seemed.”
“Of course your feelings mattered, and her feelings mattered. You don't think I tortured myself for weeks about whether to tell her? You don't think I've felt guilty forever for causing a rift between you guys? You don't think I've spent the past four years trying to make up to her for one little mistake?”
I'm silent. I don't know what else to say. I honestly never did think he felt any of those things. He always just pretended like nothing happened. I always assumed he didn't care.
He's looking at me and waiting for a response, but I can't give it. We're just standing here bizarrely close, this random burst of anger still hanging in the air between us.
“I'm sorry, I-” I begin, but then I hear keys in the door and I can't finish my sentence.
He steps away from me as Bianca practically bounces through the door and throws her arms around him, planting a kiss on his lips.
“Hey baby,” he greets her with a smile, but I can see him glance at me out of the corner of his eye.
“Hey yourself,” she grins. “Now get out of here, we have a wedding shower to throw.”
“Okay, okay,” he laughs, holding his hands up in defeat. “I'm going. Have fun, babe, I'll see you later.”
He glances at me one more time, but doesn't say a word and just heads towards the door and leaves. I don't have anymore time to think about it, because Bianca is talking non-stop about wedding plans and all I have the energy to think about is her and what she's saying.
“I love these streamers,” she says. “They are ridiculous, which is totally what I was going for. Do you think anyone will get that, or will they just think I'm super tacky?”
“I got it,” I reply, forcing a smile.
“Good. At least I've got you then!”
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