Part Four – Oops I Did it Again
“Having fun?”
I narrow my eyes slightly as Leah sits down next to me, trying to decide what the best response to this question would be. I don't know if “fun” is the word I would use. I'm stuck at a party, wearing a dress I'm not entirely comfortable in, mostly surrounded by people I'm not exactly comfortable with, and my boyfriend isn't here because he got called back to Boston to do a last minute interview for an internship next semester. The party is a combined “thank you” for the bridal party and “welcome” to the family members on both sides, and it seems kind of unnecessary to me. That's what the rehearsal dinner is supposed to be for, right? The food's good at least, and Leah and Abe are here, but am I having fun? Not really.
“I guess,” I finally reply.
“So that's a 'no,' then, “ Leah laughs. She gives me a sympathetic smile and nudges me a little. “I know this party isn't exactly you're style, but maybe you should try to mingle a little bit more? Some of Bianca's cousins are actually really interesting. Her mom has a sister who's kind of a hippie and named all of her kids after the elements. But, you know, somewhat creatively. She at least used different languages.”
I can't help laughing at this. “Oh yeah, Bianca used to tell me about them. Her aunt's the black sheep of the family, and she was never able to hang out with the cousins. It's funny that they're even here.”
“You should talk to Fuego, he's an environmental lawyer. Interesting guy.”
Leah points to a tall man with long blond hair pulled into a ponytail talking to Justin on the opposite side of the room. It figures Justin would gravitate to the element cousins.
I haven't spoken to Justin since our run in before Bianca's shower. Part of me does want to talk to him. Now that the ice has been broken, it feels weird to avoid him. And I've been thinking a lot about what he said. Maybe I have been too harsh on him all these years. Maybe he cared more than I gave him credit for. Then again, maybe not.
“I miss Jake,” I say, out of the blue for both Leah and myself.
“I know, sweetie.” Leah squeezes my arm sympathetically. “But he'll be back before you know it. He'll be back for the wedding, right?”
“Yeah, he will. But still...it sucks not having him when I have to go to stuff like this.”
“I know what you mean. Well, we've got the bachelorette party in a couple of hours, right? And he wouldn't have been there for that anyway. And you'll get to hang out with Abe at the rehearsal tomorrow since he's the best man, and then Jake will be back. So you really don't have to weather much more without him.”
“That is true. And I'm taking you guys to an old familiar place for the bachelorette party, so at least I'll be more in my comfort zone.”
“Ooh, where are we going?”
“I can't tell you, it's a surprise!” I grin mischievously. I actually do like this whole getting to plan surprises part of being the maid of honor. It's pretty fun.
“Fine,” Leah sighs.
“There you are!” Abe exclaims, hurrying up to me and Leah with a slightly panicked look on his face. “I finally escaped one of the element cousins. She wouldn't stop talking, I didn't know what to do. How could you leave me alone like that?”
“Sorry.” Leah's response is half laugh, half grimace. “Was it Terra? She seemed very chatty.”
“I don't know, they all look the same to me. I can hardly take this anymore, these people are all too stuffy or completely insane.”
“I thought completely insane was your kind of people?” I ask with a grin as Abe loosens his tie as violently as if his life depends on it.
“To a point, yeah,” he agrees. “But some of these people are a little too much. I think I'm gonna try to get the guys out of here soon. When are you girls planning to leave?”
I glance at my watch. It's about 8:30 now, and I was hoping to be gone by 9:00. At this point I'm not sure that's going to happen, as I can see Bianca is having a grand old time, laughing it up with some of her old college friends.
“I'm hoping to be gone in like a half hour if possible. But there's really no telling for sure.”
“Okay, well, if you can get Bianca out of here, then I'll start working on Justin too.”
“Aw, honey, this is our song!” Leah interrupts, her eyes tearing up a little as Vonda Shepard's version of “For Once in My Life” comes on over the sound system.
I'm a little weirded out that anyone still owns any Vonda Shepard music, but I keep my mouth shut as Leah drags my brother off to dance with her. There is no dance floor at this party, mind you, but that is a minor detail that would never stop my family from doing what they want. I like that about them.
I can't help grinning like an idiot as I watch Leah and Abe dance in the biggest space they could find to do so. People are looking at them but they barely even notice as he whispers something to her and pulls her closer while she laughs. I love watching them, but my hear hurts a little at the same time. I miss Jake.
As if on cue, my cell phone starts vibrating and when I check the caller ID, it's Jake. My heart hurts a little less and I stand up so I can talk to him outside where there isn't so much noise.
“I was just thinking about you,” I answer the phone as I step out into the cold December air, struggling to pull my coat on with my free hand.
“It's 'cause I'm so dreamy,” Jake responds without missing a beat.
“Yes, that is exactly why,” I laugh. “What's up? How'd your interview go?”
“Really, really well. I think I'll probably get it.”
I can hear the happiness in his voice. It's almost as if his grin can travel over the phone and it warms me up a little bit in the freezing night that I have unwisely chosen to step into.
“That's great, baby. I'm glad to hear it.”
“How are things going there?”
“Oh, they're okay,” I sigh, leaning against the wall of the restaurant. “I'm kind of over this party and I really miss you. But the girls and I are going to go start the bachelorette party soon, so that should be fun.”
“I'm sorry. I miss you too. I'll be back by the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night though,” he assures me. “And you'll have a good time tonight. Just get them all really drunk and take pictures for blackmail. That's what bachelorette parties are all about.”
I laugh. “How would you know what bachelorette parties are all about?”
“Well, I just assumed I guess. That's what bachelor parties are about as far as I'm concerned.” I can picture him shrugging, sitting on the couch in our living room, a fire roaring in the fireplace and whatever book he's currently reading sitting on the coffee table in front of him. Only two more days and I get to be there again too.
“Well I will certainly keep it in mind. I better get back inside though. It's freezing out here and I need to get the girls out of this party soon so we can get to the bar. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you.”
“I love you too, babe. Have fun tonight.”
“I'll try.”
I practically throw myself back through the door, trying to escape the cold as quickly as possible after I hang up. Naturally, I throw myself right into something hard, dropping my phone in the process. I groan in protest and it isn't until that something hard speaks I realize it's a person.
“Sorry. Are you okay?”
I look up from where I am now knelt on the floor picking up my phone to realize that I have just hurled myself into one Justin Timberlake. Of course. Who else would it be? This is my life.
“I'm fine,” I grumble. “Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.”
“Clearly,” he chuckles. He forces the smile off his face when I glower up at him. “I mean, it's okay. Not a big deal. Is your phone okay?”
“It's fine,” I sigh, starting to feel like a broken record very quickly. I feel like it's about time to walk away, but we're both standing here awkwardly like neither of us wants to take the first step away. I'm tired of the awkwardness, but I don't want to be rude. Things feel different now. I don't know why, but walking away feels harder.
“Where are you in such a hurry to get to anyway?” I finally ask, since he's clearly not about to say anything.
Justin looks more than a little surprised that I am making any sort of conversation with him, and it takes him a second to compose himself and actually respond.
“Oh, Abe really wants to get the bachelor party going, so he told me to head out because if I'm not here then none of the guys have a reason to stay either. So...that's what I'm doing.”
“Oh. Good.” I nod awkwardly and our mutual discomfort returns as we again stand in silence, neither wanting to be the one to break it first.
“Yeah,” he finally says. “I'm pretty good at taking direction, so...”
I can't help laughing. It feels a little weird to be standing anywhere with Justin laughing at something he says after all this time, but it just comes out. He smiles, obviously put at ease by my laughter.
“Well, that's good,” is all I can think to say as I return his smile. I gesture towards to party and start taking a step back towards it. “I better go start trying to round the girls up. I'll let Abe know that you are following his directions.”
“That would be great. Thank you.”
His smile widens and he gives me a nod before we both turn away and go our separate ways. I literally cannot remember the last time a conversation of ours ended that pleasantly. I almost don't know how to feel about it. I want to feel good about it. It would be nice to not want to break things every time I see him, especially considering the fact that I still have two more days of wedding festivities to get through, but it feels kind of odd.
I shake it off as I walk back into the party and make a beeline for Bianca, who I am glad to see is talking to Leah, and not some family member or friend I don't know. It will be much easier to get her out of here this way. They're laughing about something as I approach, and Bianca waves me over as soon as she sees me.
“Oh my god, Taylor!” she exclaims through her laughter. “Leah is so awesome. You are so lucky that Abe didn't marry someone stupid.”
She has obviously already had quite a bit to drink and we haven't even started the bachelorette party. I am beginning to notice that alcohol tends to bring out the teenage version of Bianca I once knew, so I'm growing to like it.
“I know,” I say simply, smiling at my sister-in-law. “Are you ladies ready to get the festivities rolling?”
“Absolutely!” Leah exclaims with a grin.
Bianca looks hesitant for a moment, glancing over at her mother who is still busy entertaining various members of the Hampton family, but then she waves a hand as if to say, “fuck it,” and nods, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the door.
“Oh hey, Abe, Justin's outside waiting for you all!” I call to my brother as I get dragged past him and his wife follows behind, grabbing the other bridesmaids as we pass them.
“Awesome! Party time!” he exclaims, and I can see him give me a thumbs up before he disappears from my sight.
* * *
It feels like forever before “party time” is over and Bianca and I are pulling back up to the Plaza in a cab. I honestly don't even know what time it is. We left the bar at last call, but it feels like it's taken us at least an hour or two to get to this point. Leah and I were the only ones who didn't get sloppy drunk, so we split up the responsibility of making sure the other girls got home safe, and the Plaza is my last stop, since it is where both Bianca and I are staying tonight.
She is sleeping next to me in the cab, drooling on herself a little, and I can't help laughing. Since our friendship was put on hold right before party mode kicked in during college, I've never really seen her drunk. I took her to a piano bar – one of my favorite places in college – and she spent the whole evening telling me how awesome I am and how much fun she was having. I have to say, it is something that I don't get tired of hearing after so many years of not talking.
We pull up to the hotel, and I pay the driver before putting great effort into pulling Bianca out of the cab. I don't know how she is balancing on her heels as she leans into me and I walk her up to the door, but she amazingly does not fall.
“Thanks so much, Taylor,” she slurs as I pull the door open with great effort. “Had so much fun tonight. You're the best, I don't know why I ever stopped talking to you.”
“No problem,” I grunt, dragging her towards the elevators.
“You kissed my 'friend,” she clarifies, and I assume she means to say boyfriend. “That's why. But, that sucks, and I sorry, and...I'm glad we're friends 'gain. We are, right?”
“Of course we are,” I tell her reassuringly as we ride the elevator up to her floor. A knot has formed in my stomach. It's the first time she has ever mentioned that kiss to me since she found out. Granted, we were never close after that, but it feels...I don't know, not good, to hear her talk about it.
“Good. 'Cause I love you, always loved you, you know? Just hurt my feelings. Didn' know why you guys would do that to me, you know? 'Cause I loved you guys. I thought you loved me. You know?”
“I know. I'm sorry.”
I start wishing this elevator would go faster, feeling increasingly uncomfortable as she babbles on about the past. This is really the last thing I want to talk about this weekend. Or ever. But she probably won't even remember it in the morning, so I just let her talk.
We finally reach her floor and I get her into her room and onto her bed before she says anything more. Her eyes are closed, and I'm helping her get her shoes off when she speaks again, words still slurring together, but oddly intelligible.
“You think I should marry Justin?” she asks and I stop moving. I thought the discussion about me kissing Justin in college was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but she has now managed to top it.
“If you love him,” I reply with a shrug, sitting next to her on the edge of the bed.
“I do. I doIdo.” She nods. “But you think he loves me?”
“Of course, why else would he ask you to marry him?”
I want to ask her where this is coming from, but she's drunk, and half asleep at this point, and I'm not really sure this is the time to be having this serious conversation. Then again, her wedding is in less than 48 hours. Who knows if we will even have time to have the conversation again?
“Right. You're right,” she agrees.
She rolls over onto her side and it's mere seconds before I hear her snoring. I just sit there for a minute, still feeling a bit stunned by the question. I know it's normal to have doubts before your wedding, but Bianca was never the doubting type. I'm not sure how to react to hearing her ask that question.
When it finally becomes clear that she is out for the evening, I stand up slowly and quietly sneak out of the room, shoes in my hand so as not to make any more noise than possible. I am almost in the elevator and back in my own bed when something stops me. I see a crumpled figure at the other end of the hall, where I know Justin's room is, and as I walk closer to it, I can see that it's him – slumped against the wall, eyes half closed.
“Justin,” I whisper, kneeling down next to him and giving him a little shake. His breath reeks of alcohol and I can't help wondering where my brother is. Isn't it the best man's job to make sure the groom doesn't die of alcohol poisoning or something? He doesn't respond, so I say his name a little louder. “Justin. Are you okay?”
He finally opens his eyes and looks at me. A smile spreads across his features when he registers who I am. “Heeeeey, Taylor.”
“Hey,” I respond with a small smile of my own. “What are you doing here? Where's Abe?”
Justin looks around, taking in his surroundings, and he frowns and shakes his head. “Don't know. Don't remember.”
“Okay,” I say slowly, biting my lip. “Where's your room? Do you know which room is yours?”
“Uhhhh...”
“Awesome. Great.” I reach in my purse for my phone to call Abe, but as I stand up to make the phone call, Justin grabs my wrist and pulls me down with what I can only assume is more force that he intended, because I fall onto him unceremoniously, hair falling into my face.
“Sorry,” he chuckles, brushing my hair out of my face and looking into my eyes. “Don't go.”
I open my mouth to respond, not liking where this is going, but he interrupts me.
“So pretty,” he says quietly, staring at me so intensely that it makes me really uncomfortable.
“Okay,” is all I can say, as I move to get up again, but he holds me where I am, pressed up against him, probably giving him a great view down the front of my top. Fortunately, I guess, he is still staring into my eyes and not at my boobs.
“I miss you.”
It's barely more than a whisper, but there's no mistaking that's what he said, and now my head goes into full on panic mode. I try to pull away again, but the next thing I know, his lips are on mine and while I can't say this about the time I kissed him in college, I can genuinely say that this time it is all him. Of course, his lips are nice and it feels good, so my body's natural reaction is to respond and return the kiss, but the second my brain registers what is actually happening, I use all of my strength to push myself away and stand up.
“Sorry,” I hear him mumble, but I don't respond, reaching back into my purse to find my phone.
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