Little Wonders

Our lives are made, in these small hours.
These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate.
Time falls away, but these small hours,
these little wonders, still remain.

I glance over at the night stand, smiling at the picture that comes to my vision. I remember the day like it was yesterday. The day I married the love of my life. She, dressed up in a gorgeous white strapless gown that accented all of her curves as her brown hair, all curly cascading around her shoulders. Me, decked out in the typical black suit, baby blue tie to match the details on her dress. We were pressed, lovingly against one another, ready to take on the world together as one. I never in my life thought that day would come, where I decided that one specific woman would be the only one I ever wanted to be with. I never saw myself as husband material, as someone who'd ever stand up and be the man that I knew deep down would exist. It's funny how things work out.

I pictured my life as somewhat of the same pattern. I'd make music, because it's who I was and I'd live out my days that way, touring and singing. From then on, I ventured into bigger projects, from movies to clothing lines to-- well you name it, I've done it. I never had the ability to stop.

I guess I'll never say never. I've had my share of girlfriends before, I've fallen in love and they've come and gone. I've lived through heartache after heartache, wrote this song and that to get over it until one day the cycle finally stopped. I always believed that little phrase that there was 'one perfect person for everybody' but I just never knew when my time would be. That was until I met the love of my life, Kendall. What's funny is that she isn't some girl I met in Hollywood. I actually met her back home one Christmas in Tennessee at a party for one of my friends that I really didn't want to be at. I still remember the moment like it was yesterday. I had gone outside to answer my never ending phone for about the fiftieth time in the midst of a hardcore scrabble tournament, Kendall as my assigned partner when she had come outside to 'check on me' as she had said. She ended up listening to me bark out one complaint after another, before reassuring me that I was home and needed to leave my Hollywood life where it was and just enjoy my time here. I had no idea that a majority of my time would be spent with her and many trips home to come.

It's funny how things work out like that because I had been searching in all the wrong places. What I needed was a good, southern girl with roots and goals in life even if I didn't know it at the time.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? Right. I've lost girlfriends because of my hectic schedule but something with Kendall was different. I went on tour, did my thing, while she kept up with her busy life as a nurse. Yeah, that's right. She's a nurse. And a damned good one if I do say so myself. We basically survived the first year of our relationship through phone calls, e-mails, and visiting whenever possible.

I still easily remember the day I realized that she was the one. She had flown to L.A., wanted to surprise me. It just so happened that I'd been having a crappy day, yet again and when I walked through the door of my home and saw her standing there, huge smile on her face, waiting to greet me, something just clicked. I remember her wrapping me up in a huge hug, you know, the kind that swallow your body whole and make you feel nothing but safe. I was enveloped in the a vanilla smell that could only belong to her and it was like suddenly, I was home. No questions asked, not second thoughts, she was it. That night, as we layed in bed together, skin damp from making love and I wanted to ask her to marry me more than anything. I had turned us on our sides, still tangled up in each other, foreheads pressed together as I kissed her slowly, reminding her how much I loved her before I just blurted it out. I still can look back and see her smile, her blue eyes glossy with tears as she sat up, looking at me for assurance. At my nervous but eager nod, her head buried in my chest, more excited then I've ever seen her as she said yes, not once but three times.

I think my heart stopped beating that night in the most wonderful way.

We've had several ups and downs from that moment until now but I wouldn't change it for anything. Kendall supports me like no one I've ever known, she's loved me unconditionally, with her whole heart, accepted me for who I am, for my flaws, my good traits and everything in between. She's not afraid to tell me when I'm being an ass hole or put me in line when I need to be and I love her for that. It's cheesy to say but I feel like we go together like pieces in a puzzle. We just fit.

Married life couldn't have been any better than I had pictured it but it was. In my own words, it was amazing. I wake up, almost every day to my best friend, free to kiss her, tease her, but mostly just love her with no hype, nothing preventing, and everything wonderful. It's like having your best friend by you through every up and down, seeing you through, and in the end you know it's going to be okay. We decided to move back home to Tennessee, even though she was willing to be uprooted to the insane life known as L.A. but I wouldn't let her. Her family was here, as well as mine so it just made sense. We'd live out or lives and I'd be where I needed to be when I could but first and foremost, Kendall was my life.

I used to think my wedding day would mark the happiest day of my life, seeings how it had surpassed some pretty significant awards I've won throughout my musical career but I was wrong. About as wrong as I thought I could get, even though it still ranked second on my scale of amazing moments. The one that tops them all has to be when Kendall told me she was pregnant.

I don't think I can ever, in all of my life remember being so nervous and excited all at the same time. I wanted to cry and throw up and it was almost too much to take. I Justin Timberlake, was going to be a father. Who in their right might found this okay? I chose not to dwell on it. Someone had a plan for me. All I could do was live in the moment and accept things as they came. I had the urge to call every single person I knew to tell them but even if I had done that, it still wouldn't match up to what I was feeling and the fact that I was going to be a dad. A child was going to depend on me, and he or she's mother for the first eighteen years of life. Talk about heavy.

But anyways, back to the day she told me she was pregnant. We had been married for a little over a year and things were better than ever. My music was good, our love was strong and life was better than I could have imagined. I remember it was a Saturday, a lazy weekend and we were taking advantage of that. We'd slept in, got up and made breakfast together, shared the shower and were just vegging out together. Kendall had seemed a little distant, kind of off about something but she had promised me that she was fine. That was until she had finally fessed up, after laying their on the couch for what seemed like forever without saying a word. It started off as little conversation, asking me here and there what I had thought of us having children one day. It wasn't the first conversation we had had about the subject so it didn't really startle me at first but it had been a long time since the topic had come up.

I buried my nose in her neck, inhaling the scent that could only belong to her, before placing a kiss on the smooth skin I found. "You're quiet today. You alright?"

Kendall nodded but didn't turn around. "Yeah. I'm fine."

I pulled away, looking at her and knowing she wasn't telling the truth. "Not buying it, baby girl. Tell me the truth this time."

She sighed, turning her attention back to the TV and doing her best to ignore me. "Justin, I'm fine. I'm just tired."

My hands went to her sides, moving up and down her waist as I turned her gently so she was lying flat on her back as I came to lay half over her, my eyes burning into hers. "You've been tired a lot lately and that's odd because we both slept in today. Try another one."

She looked up at me, a little annoyed. "Well you did keep me up last night, doing...well, other things."

I bent my head down, inches from her lips. "Things you enjoyed." I said before I finally kissed her. "Come on Kenz. You know whatever is on your mind, you can tell me."

Her hands immediately attached themselves in my thick hair that she claimed she loved so much and her expression change a little. "You know darn well I enjoyed it. Don't go fishing for compliments."

I crinkled my nose, laughing a her. "I'm not fishing, baby girl. You let me know that you uh, enjoy what we do." I said before kissing her. I don't pull back right away, taking the time to kiss her thoroughly as I tasted her quiet moan on my tongue.

She pulls away, breathless. "Sometimes you're so cocky."

I raise an eyebrow and can't help the smirk that lands on my face. "You don't say." I wink at her but my expression breaks as I feel her slap my back. "I'm kidding.You know I love you. Now tell me what's wrong."

She still looks nervous and I can tell whatever it is, is big. "I think I might be--." She starts to say but stops mid sentence.

I swallow thickly, tucking her wild brown curls behind her ears. "Might be what, Kendall? You know you can tell me."

She shifted a little, and I can see her emotions are on a roller coaster. "I might be pregnant." She finally finishes.
 
I swear that right then and there that I was hit with the weight of a hundred bricks right in my chest but I quickly recovered. She needed me right now and was obviously having trouble accepting it herself. We'd get through this together, regardless if she was or wasn't.

One of my hands quickly found hers and laced our fingers together and I could feel how clammy her palm was. I swallowed, praying that all of the moisture in my mouth hadn't left yet. "Really?" I asked softly.

She sighed, turning her blue eyes back to meet mine. "Yeah. I just, we hadn't talked about it in a while. I don't know what you're thoughts would be and you're working on so much right now and--."

I quickly stop her, my head dipping down to kiss her forehead first, then her nose and finally her lips. "Hey, is that what's bothering you? Weather or not it'd work with my career?"

She's silent for a moment but her hesitant nod tells me what I needed to know. "You're wrong babe. You have nothing to worry about and I mean nothing. If you are pregnant, then my career will just have to wait. Nothing is more important to me then you." I say as my hand moves down to run across her flat stomach. "And this baby if theres one in there."

The look on her face is enough to light the entire room as she grins up at me, tightening her hold on my hand. "Really? You're ready to give up everything for diapers and two a.m. feedings?"

I sat up, taking her with me, pulling her into my lap as I ran a soothing hand up and down her back. "I'm not giving up anything Kendall. I'd be gaining so much more. I can take a break from work but I want to be here for my family, for you."

Her eyes are slowly filling with tears and it's not long before a few escape, causing me to use the bad of my thumb to brush them away. She lets out a shaky breath, wrapping her arms around me. "I love you, Justin. You always know exactly what I need to hear."

"I love you, too. Now how sure are we that we're pregnant?"

She shrugs, looking down at our joined hands. "Pretty sure. I'm 2 and a half weeks late."

"Have you taken a test yet?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "No. I was kind of hoping we could do it together. I bought one, I've just been waiting."

I look at her hopefully. "For me?"

She nods, biting her lip and smiling. "For you."

My hearts still pounding in my ears but I'm a little eager. "Can you go take it now?"

She giggles a little, standing up from the couch and reaching a hand out for mine. "Yeah, lets go."

***
I looked in the mirror for what seemed like hours and walked back and forth, paying serious attention to the detail of the tile on our bathroom floor while she did her business. My hand seemed to have a mind of it's own as it ran through my hair in that nervous way I did. I don't even realize I've been looking at the tiled floor for some time until I hear the sink turn on and look up to see Kendall washing her hands. I can't really read the expression on her face but I can tell she wants this. I know deep down she's always wanted to be a mom.

"How long?" I ask, voice as neutral as I can make it. Truth be told, I'm terrified.

"About three minutes."

"Nervous?" I ask her wanting to know.

"Are you?" She challenges.

"I asked you first."

She laughs a little, lightening the mood as she comes to wrap her arms around my waist. "No, I'm not."

I feel a little relieved by her answer but it still doesn't stop the beating of my heart and I know it won't be long before she notices. She's very in tune to my needs. "Good. Me either." I lie.

"Liar." She says before placing a soft kiss on my jaw bone. For some reason, that's her little way of calming me down. "It's going to be okay, babe."

Just feeling her words somehow soothes me and I'm reminded that I need to step it up and be a man. If I were her, I'd be freaking out. I'm not the one who has to go through all the changes, the mood swings, accommodating your body for someone else to live inside of it. I need to suck it up.

"I know it is, Kenz. I'm sorry. It's just, it's all slowly sinking in. But you're right, it is going to be okay. We love each other and we're in a committed relationship and this baby will just add to that."

She nods, tucking her head against my chin. "I think so too." Just having her close to me, her scent around me is even calming to me.

"Time yet?"

She laughs again. "Almost."

I sigh, almost annoyed as I rest my forehead against hers as her hands come up to cup my face. "Patience babe." She says before her lips come up to meet mine.

I'm quickly lost in the taste of her, the feel of her lips and it's as if everything slips away. My hands come up up cup her jaw, titling her head a little bit as I take control of the kiss. I keep it soft, sensual but it's everything I need to take my breath away. She takes my breath away. Her hands have moved from my face and are holding tightly to my waist as she pulls me closer to her, trying to mesh our bodies. I kiss her one last time, sure to feel the texture of her tongue with my own, even though I know it from memory, before she pulls away breathless and it takes me a second to regain my own.

"It's time."

I let out a deep breath as she walks over to the sink, and looking down at the test on the tile counter. It's not until she doesn't say anything for several seconds, that I realize I'm once again looking down, concentrating on the floor, hands sweaty and tapping anxiously against my hand. "Kendall?"

I see her shoulders go up and down, indicating that she's just took a deep breath. "It's negative." I barely hear her whisper.

"What?" I spit out, shocked, confused and my emotions kicking into gear. I hardly notice the tightening in my throat. "Are you serious?" I say, my steps moving over to her.

She's standing there, her head pointed towards to floor and when I reach for her hand, she still doesn't look up. Seconds pass by, maybe even minutes but it seemed like the whole world stood still. It wasn't till shortly after that, that I let out a mix between a quiet sob and a sniffle that she looked up, her blue eyes almost burning into mine with how bright they were. I expect to see tears streaming down her face, just as I was bound to be feeling on my own any second now.

"Justin.." she whispered, turning her whole body towards me and wrapping me in her embrace and I know she can feel my body shake. "It's positive."

And right at that moment, little by little as it sunk in, it seemed my world started moving again. I pulled back, far enough to look her right in the eyes to see a timid smile on her face.

"It's what? But you just said-- seriously, it's positive?" I stuttered, realizing my voice had gotten higher with each word I spoke.

"Mmmhmm. I just had to see how you really felt." She says, grinning up at me, her own eyes shimmering with tears now.

"I didn't know until now. But are you serious Kenz? We're going to have a baby?"

She laughs, holding the stick up and showing me that the digital reading clearly stated 'pregnant.' "Looks that way." she says before wiping my own tears for me. "Are you okay?"

I nod, reaching for her hand that's on my face, kissing her knuckles and holding it to my heart. "I'm wonderful." I say kissing her. "And I love you." I pull her closer. "And I love our baby."

I finally hear her sniffle a little, knowing she's relieved and exactly why she chose to not tell me right away. She's playing off of my reactions. She wanted me to be happy about this before she could be. I still don't know how I got so lucky as to find someone like Kendall. We're truly in this marriage and this lifetime together, even with it's twists, turns, and everything that comes in between. I take another deep breath, feeling like it's about the hundredth one in the last twenty minutes but that's okay because we're in this together.

"I love you too, Justin. You're going to be an amazing father."

**

My wife has a lot of faith in me. I'll add that to the list of the amazing things about her and reasons why I love her. Pregnancy changed a lot of things but I'd say they were for the better. We had our ups and downs just like any other couple would. I loved watching Kendall's body change every day, seeing her belly grow and knowing that it was our baby growing inside of her. Her mood swings weren't really as bad as the stories I've heard but I did my best, and yes I mean my best to be the greatest husband on the face of the earth. I'd rub her feet for her, I'd go out in the middle of the night and buy her the ice cream she was craving, tell her how beautiful she was and remind her how much I loved her, an often. I was there by her side for every single doctors appointment and ultrasound, cutting back on work as much as I needed to. We decorated the baby's room, staying up late one night just to finish it. I even went to baby yoga with her. After all, we were in this together. This baby was going to be a beautiful mixture of the two of us.

I was even there when her water broke at 3 a.m. as she paced our bedroom, trying to convince herself that she was just having braxton hicks contractions. She was the nurse but I knew better.

I was there through the constant hours of labor, the breathing, the reassuring and soothing. But nothing could have prepared me for the moment they insisted on wheeling her out of the room for an emergency c-section. Their were complications, with the baby and with her and it took all of my inner and outer strength to pull myself together at that moment.

As much as I loved my future child, I needed my wife with me even more. I can't remember a moment in my life where I'd prayed so much in a 24-hour span but I know that it helped, if not brought me where I am today.

***

I never get tired of looking at that picture, that one from our wedding day. She looked gorgeous and it was the start of everything we were and a testament of what we had become. I glance over at the alarm clock on the bedside stand, knowing that any second I'll be woken up by the soft cries of my newborn son. I rub my hands over my tired eyes, trying to wake myself up and it's not even fifteen seconds before the noise comes from the crib across the room. I pull the covers off, padding slowly until I reach him. He still feels incredibly tiny in my arms and I don't know if I'll ever get over the fear of holding him to tight. We make our way to the kitchen, grabbing the bottle and returning back to the bedroom, and taking a seat in our favorite rocking chair.

I'm still amazed each time I look at this little guy. He looks so much like Kendall and I that it's almost hard to wrap around my head. He's got my curls, tight and very light in color. His mothers nose, thank god- and a beautiful mixture our both of our blue eyes. His skin is soft and I swear, he always smells like all of the wonderful things babies are made of. He's changed my life in so many ways, making me see things so much different, love a little stronger, and be thankful for all the things in life I used to take for granted.

"Well aren't you just a hungry little guy, tonight?" I ask as his eyes drift open and closed as he softly sucks on his bottle. I softly trace the delicate features of his face, still mesmerized by him.

It's not long before my eyes drift over to the bed, our bed as I smile, seeing my beautiful wife stir in her sleep. I gained so much more love for her, seeing all that she went through to give birth to our son, who we named Evan Randall Timberlake, if I haven't told you. She fought, tooth and nail, kept on a brave face even though I knew she was terrified but when was all said and done, and my wife and son left the hospital in good health, I knew that this one of those twists and turns again that life just loves to throw us and like I said, we all came out stronger in the end.

I smile brightly, even though it's only 2:15 in the morning but I can't help but not to these days. I've got the most beautiful, or handsome-- as I'm suppose to say, son, and my wife couldn't be any more gorgeous than the day I met her. It's not long before the subject of my day dreams is padding across our bedroom in her little tank top and shorts and holding my son is the only thing that prevents me from scooping her into my arms. Instead, she takes up space on my lap, a hand coming down to run over Evan's head lovingly before her lips descend to mine in the sweetest kiss before finally landing on my shoulder, opposite side of the baby.

"How's it going?" she whispers, her voice still thick with sleep.

"Pretty good." I say, looking down at Evan, seeing his eyes get heavy and then smiling back at her. "How did you sleep?"

She snuggles deeper on my shoulder, face going into my neck. "Good. Thank you for getting up with him again."

"Kendz, I told you before, you don't have to thank me. It's 50/50. I handle this daddy stuff just fine."

"You're amazing." I feel her breath against my skin.

I turn my head, meeting her cheek. "You're amazing. He wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

She shrugs, reaching down to hold onto Evan's tiny fingers. "I did what I had to do to get him here. It didn't seem like much."

I laugh slightly, whispering. "I was scared to death."

"I knew you were there the whole time, babe. It was just another one of those twists and turns of fate."

I smile, a little shocked that she's just repeated one of the lines I tell myself over and over in my head. I tell her a lot of things, my fears, my hopes, my doubts but I'm almost sure that I've never mentioned that one aloud to her. It's probably one of those things that I don't even need to mention because she has this way of reading me, of knowing, of always being there. I feel like Evan was the final piece of mending that kind of sealed the deal to our marriage, letting us know how strong we are and how much our love binds us together as one. I'm not saying we won't hit bumps in the road in the future, because I'm sure they'll be plenty but I'm almost positive that we'll make it through each one. Just like I tell myself, and just like Kendall knows, we'll weave through everything, twists, turns and everything in between.

I smile, kissing my wife once again, then Evan as he finally drifts off to sleep, and I know right then and there that I wouldn't give up these little moments for anything.