The next few weeks were hard for her. Justin was on tour in Europe with his girlfriend, parading her around in front of all the paparazzi. She found herself go so low as to surf perezhilton.com, just to see pictures of them. It was like a train wreck; she didn’t want to see it, but she couldn’t stay away. They were holding hands and kissing, and they looked very much in love.

He called her almost every morning, though, and that’s what kept her sane. Sometimes she even woke up at dawn, just waiting for the phone to ring. He never mentioned Jess, he just talked about the city he was in or the show he had done, and asked how she was doing. He asked about the furniture that had arrived for the nursery and insisted that she wouldn’t do anything about it until he was back and was able to help. 

She spent most of her days with Monica or Jack, she had even read a few scripts and started planning her way back in the industry after the baby was born. The house was lonely now that Justin wasn’t there to visit, so she found herself going out more for lunch or dinner. She missed him so much she even called up his mother for a chat. Lynn seemed so grateful for this, but Jordan felt that she was the one who needed it most. Just talking to her made her miss her own mother, but it also made her happy to see what kind of grand mother her baby would have.  

When Justin finally got home, he came over to visit only hours after he landed on LAX. She was excited like a school girl, and was walking back and forth in her living room before the bell finally rang. Just looking at his face on the monitor before she opened the gate was making her heart beat fast, and when she finally opened the door she threw her arms around him to greet him.

-“Oh, I’ve missed you so much baby!” he said as soon as he got in, and she almost fell over with pride. She was about to say ‘I missed you too’ until he put his hands on her tummy and she understood he was talking to the baby.

She settled for;-“It’s good to see you, Justin”

-“You’ve gotten so big, it feels like I’ve been gone for so long” he said stepping back to get a good look of her.

-“I know. So, obviously things were good in Europe?”

-“Eh. Good to be back, though” he shrugged. “I felt I had somewhere else to be the whole time I was there. The shows were cool, the paparazzi were a bit annoying, the interviews were way too predictable…”

-“Yeah, I saw” she said before she could stop herself.

He looked at her curiously.

-“How do you….?”

She blushed.

-“Fine, so I’ve read a few of them, not a big deal” she turned around to walk out to the poolside.

-“You’ve read my interviews?” He was still surprised.

-“You’re the father of my child, it’s nice to see what you’re up to” she shrugged, trying to make light of it. He smiled and ruffled her hair.

-“You’re so cute! So I guess you noticed how hard it was for me to keep them music related when all they really wanted to talk about was you and me and Jess and the whole situation”

-“That’s all they care about right now, that’s what sells. It will cool down eventually, though” she reassured him.

-“I’m not too sure about that, but…” he shrugged. “That’s my life now, no point in complaining when I have no choice in the matter anyway”

-“So, Jess happy about your paparazzi fling?” She hoped she didn’t sound as bitter as she was. He waited a while before answering.

-“I understand you don’t like her much, and I know it’s not likely you’ll be best friends anytime soon, but she’s trying to cope with this situation. It’s really hard for her, and I hate the fact that it’s my actions hurting her so much”

Okay, she wasn’t ready for a love confession from him about Jessica. She sat down in a chair and waited for Carmen to come out and offer drinks. Justin jumped a bit when he saw her.

-“I shouldn’t be surprised you have a maid, I’ve just never seen her before”

-“Yeah, I gave her a few weeks off when this thing was heating up. It’s not that I don’t trust her, but the fewer ears these walls had the better. I’ve never felt comfortable with private conversation when someone else is walking around. She’s only here a few hours a day anyway”

Carmen came out again, bringing a beer for Justin and water for Jordan.

-“I bought you something in London, by the way.” He lit up and went for a box in his bag.

-“Really?” she asked excitedly. She was used to gifts from men, but this was from Justin, that meant something completely different.

-“It’s not much, just a ‘nice to see you again’ thing”

He handed her the box and she opened it. It was two white wooden picture frames with red hearts on them. They were so adorable, and she let her fingers run over them.

-“Justin…” she just said.

-“I saw them and thought it would be perfect for the nursery, putting in the first pictures of her or something…” he laughed nervously, shrugging his shoulders.

-“Justin, they’re beautiful. Thank you.” She smiled at him and put her hand on his arm. He put his hand over hers and just looked at her. She was becoming more and more beautiful every day. The glow in her eyes, the discreet make-up, the sundresses… She had always been stunning, but now…

-“What’s wrong?” she asked as she felt him staring.

-“Nothing, you’re just… you’re…”

-“I’m what?” she asked suspicious.

He shook his head.

-“You look really beautiful.”

She blushed and looked down.

-“Uhm...Thanx…?”

-“You do. Pregnancy looks really good on you. You’re even more beautiful now then when I first met you”

She was just about to say something when Carmen showed up again.

-“I’m off home now, Miss Callister, if it’s nothing else you need”

-“I’m fine, Carmen, just go. I’ll see you tomorrow” she smiled and waived.   

-“So, what are these?” he asked pointing at the scripts on the table.

-“Ah, just trying to figure out my next project”

-“Anything you like?”

-“Yeah, actually, there’s one script here I really like, but the shooting will be in Thailand, and I think she’ll be too small to be exposed to that. I’ll keep to western countries at least for the first couple of years”

-“I can understand that. And the selfish part of me would really like you to stay closer to LA as well”

-“Yeah, I may decide not to do a movie for a while. It’s not like I need the money. I just wanne spend time with her, you know.”

-“So do I” he replied and she smiled at him.

-“What kind of parent do you think you will be?” he suddenly asked, looking at her curiously.

-“I…What do you mean? I don’t know, I…”

-“No, I just wondered, do you plan on spoiling her, or being strict…Do you want her growing up as a Hollywood child in private schools? All that sort of stuff…”

-“I don’t know…I don’t want her too spoiled, and I’m scared of exposing her too much to the Hollywood lifestyle, I mean look at all the celeb kids, in rehab before they turn 12, I don’t want that for her.”

-“I totally agree, but how do we avoid it? Her life will be spread all over the magazines, she’ll be treated differently by everyone in school if we put her in a public school, while in a private school she will hang around with other rich kids that have access to everything…”

-“It scares me to death too, Justin, and I really don’t have any experience in raising a kid. I grew up quite common, but you… I don’t want to be rude, since you turned out the way you did, but the odds are not in the favour of a child celebrity”

-“I know. But my mom is the one to thank for my seemingly normal upbringing. She made sure I stayed away from the things kids shouldn’t be exposed to, and she did a great job”

-“Yeah, she did.”

-“I think the most important part is to be present. I think that’s where so many fail. I think we should try to put together our schedules, so that when you’re filming I’m home and when I’m on tour you’ll be home, or something like that. I love the fact you don’t want a full time nanny, I’d rather have friends and family watch her when needed.”

-“Yeah, but I don’t have…”

-“I have lots, Jordan, enough to share around. And they’ll all be there for us, helping us raise her the way we want to.”

-“I don’t want her to go to kindergarten or school up here in the hills. I’d really prefer to move to a small town, somewhere they don’t really care who she is and what her parents do.”

-“If you do decide to do that, I’ll go with you” he said determined and her jaw dropped to the floor. Was he serious? He looked at her shocked face.

-“I mean, I can get like a house close to you, and divide my time between there and LA. Where were you thinking of going? Back to North Dakota?”

-“God, no! I don’t have too many pleasant memories from that area…”

-“So, how ‘bout Tennessee? I’ve always planned on buying a house there, and my parents would be close, and…” he started to get exited, and she smiled at him.

-“Maybe Tennessee… It doesn’t seem too bad. I like the south. I have a few years to think about it, though.”

-“Yeah… Tennessee would be cool… “ he drifted away in thoughts.

She just continued to look at him and smile. Right now she felt like everything would be alright. She would be truly happy for the first time in her life, she would have a family, she would have friends and people who truly cared. This was her turn to shine, shine in the way she always wanted to, not in a movie or on the red carpet, but at home with her child.  

Justin got up from his seat a couple of hours later.

-“I should be getting home, I have some unpacking to do, and the time difference…”

-“Sure” she said, getting up herself. She was getting so big she needed to use both hands to lift her off the chair.

Justin smiled and offered her his hand. He kept it in his as they walked together towards the door. He took her in his arm and gave her a long hug, stroking her back affectionately. Then he pulled away and held her face in his hands looking into her eyes.

He couldn’t get over how beautiful she was, her eyes were mesmerizing, her smile was so infectious. He suddenly remembered how her lips felt like when he kissed her by impulse that day a few weeks ago. They were so soft and warm, and so welcoming. He couldn’t help his eyes drifting down to look at her lips again. And when she bit her bottom lip, he had problems controlling himself.

-“Jordan, I…” he started, but got interrupted by the door bell. It took her a few seconds before she took a step back and walked the two steps to the monitor on the wall.

She continued to look at him as she pressed the button and just simply said;-“Yeah…?”

-“Jordan, open up, let me in” he could hear the voice from the intercom. And then he saw the expression in her face again, the one he had only seen once before, the look of pure horror. He watched her starting to breathe heavily, backing up towards the wall.

-“No no no no…” was all he could hear her mumbling while shaking her head. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.-“It’s not… No, it’s… He’s not…Oh, God…”

Justin walked over to her, curious to see what scared her so badly.

-“Jordan…” he started

-“No…This isn’t…” She was in a trance, talking to herself, and he started to get scared now. He didn’t know how to handle this situation. He looked over at the screen and saw a middle aged man standing outside the gate staring at the camera. He said something, but the microphone wasn’t on anymore.

Justin could do nothing but look between her and the screen, totally bewildered. He assumed it was her father, seeing those light blue eyes that looked exactly like the once he had just been staring into. He touched her arm gently to move away her hands from her face, but she shook him away.

-“No no no…” She continued to mumble and her breath was getting shorter. He tried to take his arms around her, but she once again pushed him away and started running up the stairs to the first floor.

He had no choice but to run after her, and found her frantically trying to push some buttons on the wall, her hands shaking too much to do it successfully. He knew he had to calm her down, and said her name once again before he touched her shoulder. She screamed and turned around, the scream of an animal being caught by a hunter, the kind of scream that would break glass, the scream of a mouse being eaten by a snake. This was the purest form of panic he had ever seen, and he cursed himself for not knowing how to confront it.

Her arms were punching in the air, some of her punches hitting him quite hard, but he didn’t notice the pain. As she fell down on the floor he manage to catch her before she hit it, and this time he held her so tight she had no chance of getting out of his grip.

-“Jordan! Look at me! Look at me, Jordan!”

He sounded desperate, and he felt that way too. He held her down with his knees, and forced her face up to his with his hands. There was no way of getting contact with her. She had trouble breathing, and he recognized a panic attack coming. He had struggled with them himself for years, so he was a bit more familiar with this, but this was a degree stronger than he had ever experienced.

-“Jordan, it’s me; Justin! I’m not gonna hurt you, baby! He’s not gonna hurt you! I’m here, okay, look at me! Please! Come on, Jordan!” He was afraid she was going into shock and debated to pull out his phone and call an ambulance. Then she suddenly opened her eyes and stared at him.

-“Justin?”

He could barely hear her quiet whisper, but he could read her lips. He sighed with relief.

-“It’s me, baby, don’t worry. He’s not here, it’s me. I’m not letting him hurt you.”

She crawled into his arm and he held her tight as her breathing was stabilizing.

-“Justin…” she said a little louder. “Where… Is he still…”

-“He’s not getting in, baby. There is no way he can get in.” He pulled her up in his arms, steadying her to stand, but her legs wouldn’t carry her. She was like spaghetti in his arms, so he lifted her up like a baby to carry her into her bedroom.

It was when he turned around he saw the open door on the other side of the hallway. He had been there many times before and could not remember seeing a room there. He glanced in as he carried her past it, and almost dropped her when he looked inside. A hidden room, a safe place, a panic room, he thought, almost overtaken by nausea. Oh my God, this is more fucked up than I ever could imagine, he thought to himself, hurrying her over to her room, gently laying her in her bed.

She didn’t loose her grip around his neck and pulled him down with her.

-“Don’t leave me, Justin, please… Stay, please!” she begged desperately and he lay down next to her, holding her tight.

-“I’m right here, Jordan” he whispered. “I’m not leaving you”

He was amazed how she could get like this, and still there were no signs of tears in her eyes, only fear. Her grip on his shirt was so tight and he tried to loosen it, but her strength was not of this world.

When she finally loosened it, she just replaced it for a grip in his hair, equally strong, pulling his face towards her. Then her lips were on his, desperate and hungry, and he had no chance but to give in. She opened his mouth with her tongue, letting it slide inside with a passion stronger than he had ever felt before.

His head told him to stop it, this was so wrong, and this would cause so many problems in the aftermath. But he couldn’t, he got so caught up in it, and even in this situation it felt so good, and he found himself kissing her back just as desperately.

She whispered his name in between kisses, moaning softly when his hand led his own life and started to stroke her bare thigh under her dress.   

He stopped it before they went too far. He didn’t have to push her away, but he managed to make his hands stay over her clothes and holding on to her back instead. Thankfully she didn’t try to do more either, because he didn’t know if he could stop it if she did.

He wanted so badly to touch her, and for her to touch him, he wanted another shot at making her satisfied, he wanted to feel a stronger connection to her, but he knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. What just happened would make things difficult enough for them already, and to mix sex into it…. Nothing good would come from it.

She had fallen asleep in his arms, her grip a bit looser, but she was still holding on to him in her sleep. He looked at her face, and was happy to find it at least close to peaceful. He continued to stroke her hair while she was sleeping, unable to close his eyes himself.

What the hell had happened? He had so many questions, but there was no right time to ask her. She had gone from a panic attack and struggling in his arms to kiss him frantically and holding on for dear life. Why did she do that? He understood she felt safe with him, and that was so important in the situation they were in, but the passion she showed tonight? He had never seen her like that, not even the time he had slept with her. What had happened to this woman? What had the man he was sure must be her father done to her? Would she really be this terrified of someone who had just slapped her around a few times when she was a child?

He wanted to help her, but wasn’t sure he was strong enough for that. She had scared him so much tonight, yet he still ended up kissing her and touching her in a way he shouldn’t. And he had wanted more. Jess entered his mind, but somehow he didn’t even feel bad about what he had done. Well, he felt bad, but not because of Jess, but because he felt he had taken advantage of Jordan and her vulnerable state.

This was the last thing she needed, and he wondered how she would act in the morning. He dreaded the time when the sun would rise and they needed to confront the issue. He had a feeling she would be quite freaked out. Everything looked different in the morning; the nights were always filled with so much emotion, while the mornings changed it all around.

He wanted to leave, to forget it ever happened, even though he knew it would be impossible. But she expected him to stay, he promised her he would.

He didn’t know how long he had been awake thinking when she started wincing quietly. At first he took it for normal sleeping sounds, but soon he understood she was crying in her sleep. He pulled her in closer and started to whisper in her ear.

-“Jordan, relax, I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you, baby” And he knew he wasn’t just trying to comfort her when he said it, he meant it with all his heart.

Her body started to shake mildly, and soon she got short breathed again. He tried to slap her chin carefully; he wanted her to wake up from what was obviously a bad dream. His voice got a bit louder as he said her name repeatedly, and finally her eyes flew open and the fear was back.

She wiggled her body to get out of his grip, and this time he let her go. He saw her body curl into a ball with her back to his, still shaking and shivering, holding on to her knees. He crawled up to her again, putting his whole body around her, holding her hand and kissing her neck.

-“Justin…” he heard her voice crack, and the shivering continued into loud crying. She cried so hard she had trouble breathing, and all he could do was hold her until she was all cried out.

-“Let it out, baby, let it all out.” He whispered, kissing her neck again. He slid his hand between her knees and tummy and rubbed the little bump. He was afraid what this would do to the little baby, both as a foetus and when she was born. It surely couldn’t be good.

When her crying calmed down and got reduced to quiet sobs, he decided it was the time to get some answers. It would be too late in the morning when she had a chance of collecting herself, he needed to catch her in the emotional state she was in now.

-“Jordan, you need to talk to me” he said slowly, to make sure she heard his words. He felt her stiffen, and the sobbing stopped. He thought the breathing stopped for a while there too, and he waited for her to reply. When she didn’t say anything, he continued.

-“That was your father, wasn’t it?”

He felt her crawling even more into a ball, but still no words.

-“Jordan, was that your father? You have to answer me! You’re scaring the shit out of me here!” He didn’t mean to come off so harsh, but somehow it seemed to wake her up. She nodded slowly and he heard a wince escape from her mouth.

-“I need to know what he has done to you, baby, why you are so afraid of him. You need to tell me…”

-“No…” she barely whispered, shaking her head repeatedly.

-“If not for me, then for this little one” he rubbed her tummy again, while his other hand started stroking her hair, calming down the head shaking.

-“No, Justin, you don’t understand…”

He had to concentrate to hear her whispers even though his head was right behind hers.

-“He beat you, didn’t he?” He went straight to the point. She nodded slowly again. He needed to get her into this conversation.

-“When was the last time you saw him?”

-“Seven years ago…”

Finally, he thought. Finally at least one answer.

-“Has he tried to contact you other times?”

-“Yes”

-“Has he showed up here before?”

-“No…Just phone… Messages to my staff…”

-“Is this why you have such a strong security system?”

When she didn’t answer he kissed her neck again and whispered ‘baby?’ into her ear. It seemed to do the trick.

-“Yes”

Good, he got a vocal answer, not just the nodding. He kissed her shoulder next.

-“Are you afraid he’s gonna beat you up again?”

-“No, I…Justin…” she pleaded to get him to stop his questions.

-“Jordan, no…I need to know this…”

-“You don’t” she said a little louder.

-“Why are you afraid of him? What are you afraid he’s gonna do?”

-“Don’t…”

-“Come on, baby, it’s me…You need to let me in! What has he done? What did he do to you?”

-“Justin, I can’t…”

-“Yes, you can! You can tell me.” He kissed the corner of her wet eye.

-“You don’t understand…If I tell you…”

-“What? If you tell me, then what? You think I’m gonna think less of you? I won’t, baby.”

-“Last time I told someone they ended up dead”

Her voice was hallow, and she said it both loud and slowly.It sent chills down his spine and immediately his hands stopped stroking her.