-“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked slowly.

-“Exactly what I said” she answered short. “He’s a dangerous man”

-“I…He…Are you saying he’s a murderer?” Oh, my God, what kind of fucked up family have I gotten myself into. My child’s grand father is a fucking lunatic!

-“I’m saying he is nobody you want to get involved in.”

-“I wasn’t planning on getting involved, I just wanne know what made you this….” He stopped himself before he said too much.

-“…crazy?” she asked. She was back to being cold now, gone was the emotional wreck, back was the ice queen. She wriggled herself out of his grip and got up.

-“What are you…” he started as she walked out of the bedroom.

She was still scared to be in this dark house alone, but right now she was even more scared of being in his arms. He must be lying there cursing the day he met me, she thought.

She had said too much. She had let him get too close, and now she had to pay for it. She had said it to shut him up, but what she did at the same time was pushing him away. And, oh my god, she suddenly remembered; She kissed him! Not only kissed him, but attacked him, throwing herself at him… If he had made any move to do more, she would have let herself go and given herself to him, but of course he didn’t. Pity kissing, she would call it. He felt sorry for her, or was scared of her or something… But he didn’t want to sleep with her. Just look where it got him last time. Now embarrassment was mixed into her emotions too.

She stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall, holding her hands over her face. Why did he have to see her like this? Why couldn’t she be fucking normal? She had spent her entire life pretending to be normal, putting up an act so no one would know what had happened. And she did it well. But with Justin she couldn’t fake it anymore. He was there, in her life, and for the first time in her life she couldn’t become this other person. That’s why she hadn’t let people get close, because when they would see her true self, they would run away like lightening.

 She felt his hand on her shoulder and jumped.

-“Jordan, I’m not done talking to you”

-“Too bad, ‘cause I’m done talking to you” She didn’t even look at him when she said it. He grabbed her face with his hands and forced her eyes up at his.

-“I’m not letting you close off like this again, not after everything that happened last night. We are having a baby together for fuck’s sake! I think communicating is a bit important here!” he sounded so desperate, almost angry.

He grabbed both her elbows and dragged her back into the bedroom, sat her down on the bed and sat himself down next to her. His face was serious and he spoke slowly and firm.

-“I’m sure you can appreciate the fact that I’m a concerned father, and you need to elaborate what you were trying to tell me.”

-“What I was trying not to tell you, you mean” she looked down on her hands, feeling defeated.

-“If he is gonna be my kid’s grand father I have a right to know what kind of person he is.”

-“He’s not getting anywhere close to her, Justin, I promise you that.”

-“Who did he kill?” He was pushing her to the limit now.

-“I don’t know if he did.”

-“Why do you think he did?”

-“Because she died. She had no reason to…” she whispered, more to herself than to him.

Ok, he was getting closer, he couldn’t give up now.

-“Who died, Jordan? Who died?”

When she didn’t answer he put his forehead against hers and sighed.

-“Come on, Jordan. Who died?”

-“Mommy….” she whispered, her lips shaking and her eyes getting watery again.

-“You don’t think she ki…took her own life?” he asked, careful not to sound insensitive. She quickly looked up at him surprised that he knew. Of course he had checked up on her, of course he had found ways to find out more about her when she was so reluctant to talk about her family. It was only precautions from his side. He needed to know what he would have to deal with in the future, even though the future came quicker and was more surreal and terrifying than ever expected.  

She shook her head to answer his question.

-“Why?”

-“It was the day after I told her…”He sighed, he started to put the pieces together and the truth he was making out in his head made his blood go cold.

-“He did more than hit you, didn’t he?” He once again used his eyes to make her open up, staring her down, knowing well that he got to her. She nodded while keeping her eyes locked with his.

-“Did he…touch you…” The question he dreaded the answer to, but he needed to know. It would explain so much.

He swallowed hard when she nodded, closing his eyes and pulling her to his chest.

-“God, Jordan…” He didn’t know what else to say, he had suspected it, but getting the confirmation…

He didn’t want to hear more about it right now, he had heard enough, and she had admitted enough for one night. He would let it go for now, a little closer to understanding her, but even more afraid of being close to her. If it wasn’t for her carrying his child…he would have run out of there as fast as he could. This was just too much for him to handle.

-“Please, Justin, don’t ask me anymore. I’m not ready for that”

Neither was he, so he was content with letting it go for now.

He waited for hours for her to fall asleep again. When she finally did, he had made up his mind about what to do, and he had to do it now before she woke up. She’d probably hate him for it, but it wasn’t only about her anymore. Trace was right; this was bigger than he would be able to sort out himself.

He slowly got out of bed and walked downstairs, finding his cell phone on the table. He called the only one he could think of. 

-“Mom, hi! Did I wake you?”

-“Justin! No, I’m up. What’s going on?” She could hear the anxiety in his voice.

-“Uhm…Something has come up… Can you get over here?”

-“Where? LA? Justin, what happened? Are you okay?” She sounded scared.

-“Yeah, no, I’m fine, it’s not me…”

-“Oh, God! Jordan? The baby? Something happened to the baby?”

-“No no! She’s fine, the baby is fine, I think… I just need you to come to LA for a while. To…to stay with Jordan. She has…some issues, and I don’t know how to help, and I was thinking of you, and I know you two got along, that she seems to trust you, and she doesn’t really have anyone else, and I don’t know how to handle this, and…”

-“Justin! Stop rambling! What issues?”

-“Her past is catching up with her. Listen, mom, I can’t really say anything right now, I’ll explain more when you get here. I just need some help, I don’t know what to do” he started to break down and Lynn couldn’t hear anything else than his sobs on the other line.

She understood he was desperate, he wouldn’t have asked something like this if it wasn’t utterly important. She wouldn’t waste time making him tell her more, she’d find out in time. Her son needed her and she’d go through fire for him.

-“I’ll be there on the next plane, Jus” she said quietly.

She hadn’t called him Jus since he was a little kid, but that’s exactly what he was again now; a kid who needed his mommy. She felt an almost grotesque satisfaction in being able to be a mom for him again, maybe for the last time before he became a father himself and needed to figure out ways to be there for his own daughter. 

 When Justin hung up the phone he couldn’t stop crying. He cried so hard he almost lost his breath. He cried for Jordan, he cried for himself, but most of all he cried for his unborn child and the seemingly dysfunctional environment she’d be forced to grow up in.    

He dried his eyes and went in to the bathroom to wash his face. He stared at his reflection in the mirror; he looked like shit. He walked back into the bedroom, staring at the creature curled up in her sleep.

Oh, Jordan he thought, shaking his head. He didn’t know whether to climb back into bed with her or leave her alone. What would she think if he wasn’t there next to her in the morning? I’m not strong enough for this.

He stood there for what felt like hours, just watching her sleep, trying to make a decision. But when she stirred in her sleep whispering his name, the decision was made for him. Without a word he got in behind her and put his arms around her and her breath immediately steadied again.

How would she react when she found out he had called in the forces? That his mother was on her way to LA to talk to her, to take care of her, to try to sort her out? Would she let her? Would she be angry?I’m not strong enough for this. This is why I date the easy, bubbly girls with no real worries except what designer dress to wear to a party.  

He couldn’t sleep for another second that night; he just lay there waiting for the first ray of light and for her to wake up to something she probably wished she’d never have to wake up to. And he felt his nerves when she finally started to move and stretched a little, moaning and mumbling a little before she stiffened.Now she’s starting to remember. Now she knows it’s me behind her. Now she is starting to realise what she did and said last night…

He didn’t let her on to the fact that he was awake, just waited for her reaction, hoping it would somehow give him a clue how to proceed. 

She slowly got out of bed, but he couldn’t see her facial expression as his eyes remained close. He could hear her short breath and the fumbling on the floor before she stopped. He opened his eyes and saw her standing with her head against the wall, her hands covering her forehead. Her dress from last night was full of wrinkles, her hair was a mess, and her whole body was shivering.

When he snuck up behind her and put his arms around her once again, she took a deep breath and leaned her head back against him, as if she had expected him to do this.

-“Can you give me some time alone, Justin?” she whispered, and he nodded, letting his hands trace her arms.

-“I will. I’ll let you get some time to think about all of this, to process it, but then we’ll have a talk. A long, honest talk. I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready.” he said, walking backwards away from her, noticing her refusal to look at him.

-“Thank you” she breathed, not moving at all.  

He walked out in the garden, stripped down to his boxers and was just about to get in to the pool when he heard his phone ring. He took it out of his jeans pocket and saw Jessica’s number on the display. He sighed and put it back again. She was the last person he wanted to think about right now, let alone talk to.

He dived into the water and started swimming. He had never been much of a swimmer, but this time he just couldn’t stop. He swam back and forth as quickly as he could, feeling the chill water cleanse him of all the sweat from the previous night. When he finally stopped he automatically looked up at the window to her bedroom, finding her behind the curtain staring at him. He held her gaze as he got out of the water and dried himself with a towel. He tilted his head to gesture for her to come down, and she stepped away from the window.

A few moments later she stood there next to him in a sweat suit, her eyes staring at her naked feet.

-“You want some coffee?” he said as he lightly grabbed her arm and took her to the kitchen. He poured two cups and gave her one.

-“So…” he started and finally she looked up at him from the chair she was curled up in, and he could see fear, embarrassment and…relief?

-“I’m sorry you had to see that” she started.

-“See what? Your father? You crying? You getting a panic attack?” He sat down next to her and raised his hand to put on her knee but decided against it.

-“I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry about what I told you. I’m sorry I’m not the woman you thought I was”

-“I’ve never thought you were the woman you pretended to be. What you told me last night actually makes me understand you more. I don’t want you to be embarrassed, this is not your fault, ok?”

She looked down on her knees again.

-“I know” she shrugged. He took her face in his hands to force it up.

-“It’s not your fault, Jordan!” he said firmly, wanting it to get through her head. She smiled weakly.

-“Are we having a Good Will Hunting moment?” she asked, breaking the thick tension between them. He laughed lightly and stroked her cheek, thankful to her for giving them a chance to breathe and relax again.

-“You need to get some help” he said before he could stop herself and her face fell.

-“I understand you’re afraid for the sake of our baby. You think I’m a complete nutcase that will fuck up your daughter’s life, and you’ve probably already thought of calling your lawyer to see if you can get full custody.”

He didn’t answer; she wasn’t that far away from the truth. But he wanted to give her a chance to sort herself out, to get to terms with her childhood memories.

-“I’m not crazy, Justin” she looked at him again .”I’m not crazy. I may have some issues to deal with, but I’m not… incapable of taking care of a child.”

-“I know that. But you need help, you need to talk to someone”

-“I’m not talking to a shrink, Justin. I’ve done that, it didn’t help, I’m not…”

He raised his hand to stop her.

-“You may get angry at me for what I have to tell you right now, Jordan, but I need you to do this for our baby, for me and for yourself.”

-“What?” she said suspicious.

-“I’ve…uhm…asked my mum to come over here for a while…”

-“Why…?” He could hear the tension in her voice.

-“You need someone to talk to, and I don’t know if I’m the right person. Maybe you find it easier to open up to a woman, a motherly figure, a… I don’t know. I just want you to try, let her stay with you for a few days, she’s a great person to talk to, she’s so understanding, she gives great advice and she’s an amazing listener. Just open up to her, please, just…do something…” he pleaded her, feeling almost pathetic as he did this, but to his surprise she nodded.

-“Okay” she sighed, and he looked at her stunned. Was it really that easy to convince her?

-“Okay?” he asked, to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood her, but she nodded again.

-“Okay, she can stay here for a few days. I can’t promise you anything, but I’ll do my best.”

He threw his arms around her and held her close.

-“Baby, what you’ve been through… I don’t know how to react to this…I really don’t know what to say…No child should ever have to experience that, and I’m so sorry you did! I’m not gonna ask you for details about…his actions or about your mother’s…death, but if you ever want to tell me, I’ll be here to listen. The two of us are now linked for life…” he looked at her and smiled “…and your happiness is important to me. You are important to me. And I’m trying to be the man you need me to be, I just don’t know how to. I need you to tell me what more I can do.”

-“You’re amazing, Justin” she smiled through her watery eyes. “You’re everything you should be, and I’ll always be sorry for putting you in this situation. You shouldn’t have to take care of me, you shouldn’t have to worry about me…This is not your battle…”

-“Maybe not, but if you just let me I’ll fight this one with you.”

She nodded again, and he continued.

-“We need to figure out what to do with…your father…” he was reluctant to call him that, a father would never do the things he had done to his daughter. “…We can’t risk him showing up here again. Maybe you could get a restraining order?” he suggested.

-“I have that” she answered.

-“Then… Why don’t you call the police?”

-“’Cause this will then be all over the press, and I don’t think I can handle that. And he hasn’t done this for a while, mostly it’s just phone calls. No matter how many times I change my number, he always manages to get a hold of it. The security system in this house will keep him away”

-“I know it will, but sometimes, like last night, you’ll be scared he will find a way to get in anyway. You can’t live in fear the rest of your life. What does he want, though? What can he possibly think he will gain by pressure you to see him? Money?”

She shook her head.-“I don’t know…Probably…”

He ran his hand through her hair again.

-“We’ll figure something out. We’ll find a way to get rid of him forever.”And his mind started to spin all kinds of solutions.  

-“Do you wanne come with me to the airport to pick her up?” Justin asked as he was putting on his jacket. She shrugged.

-“I’m fine” she said, but he could see that she wasn’t.

They had spent the whole day just hanging out and talking about everything and nothing, trying to get both their minds away from the dark cloud hanging over them. She never asked him to stay, and he never asked her if she wanted him to, because both of them knew he was not gonna leave.

-“I don’t want you to be alone. Please come with me”

She nodded.

-“Okay. Just give me two seconds.” She left him in the hallway and showed up again two minutes later in jeans and a t-shirt.

They walked in silence to his car, and he opened her door before he got in on her side, a gesture that made her smile, which again made him smile. He had wondered all day whether he should bring up the fact that she kissed him last night. Not only kissed him, but heavily making out with him, almost to the point of no return. But he decided against it, she had enough on her plate, and he knew this would just make her more embarrassed than she already was. Obviously it was just her way of getting her mind of things, getting lost in a different feeling than fear, he shouldn’t read more into it than what it was all about. He was still thinking about it, though, her extreme passion and her warm and hungry lips, the taste of her tongue playing with his. God, it hadn’t been easy to stop it there, but he knew he had done the right thing.

When they got to the airport he called up his mum to ask her to go over to the parking lot to meet them, doing what he could to avoid the paparazzi. Lynn was surprised to find them both there, she had hoped to get Justin alone so he would get a chance to explain things a bit, but that would be harder now.

Jordan moved to the back and sat in silence while listening to Justin and Lynn chit chat about nothing, pretending there was no particular reason she had been brought in to town.

When Justin let the women off he stayed in the car for a few minutes to breathe before he headed back on the road.Please, let my mum be able to help her 

He needed to be alone, he didn’t even want to talk to Trace, so he drove by a liquor store and bought himself a bottle of Whiskey, bringing it down to the beach and sat down taking a large sip.

He sat there for hours with his thoughts, getting more and more drunk from the brown liquid in his hand.

When he finally got up he had problems standing on his feet, but he still stumbled over to his car and put it in drive. He knew he was too drunk to drive, but he didn’t care.

When he got into his house he met a surprised Trace in the hallway.

-“Justin, where…” he started, but Justin interrupted.

-“Not now, Trace. Tomorrow, okay?”

-“You drunk?” Trace looked at him concerned.

-“Yeah” he simply answered and continued towards his bedroom.

-“Jess is here” he whispered, and Justin stopped but didn’t turn around.

-“Tell her to leave” he said as he slammed the door behind him and locked it. 

When he fell asleep that night he was hunted by a nightmare.

He saw a room much like the rooms they had decorated for their daughter. Jordan was in the bed and her father was standing over her. His hand started on her foot and moved it’s way up, taking her skirt with him. He heard her cry, but he couldn’t move from the doorway. All he could do was watch as her father climbed in next to her, sliding his large hand over her breast and her large tummy. He wanted to say something, ask him to stop, go over there and beat the crap out of him, but he couldn’t move, he was completely helpless, just like her.She looked over at him with her eyes wide open.-“You can’t help me, Justin” she said in a cold voice just as her father started to open up the buttons on her shirt. Why couldn’t he move? What was wrong with him?Suddenly the image changed, and now there was a little girl in that bed, but the man was still the same. He felt chills down his spine when the little child started crying into her hands, trying to keep her legs closed. The old man turned around and smiled at him, smiled at the fact that he was standing right there but unable to stop what was happening.The little girl winced again and looked straight at him with pleading eyes, large brown pleading eyes, halfway hidden behind long, brown, curly hair.-“Help me, daddy!” she cried, and he tried to move, he tried with all the power he had. Then he tried to look away, but there was these forces that made him keep looking.-“He’s hurting me, daddy, help me!” she cried louder, stretching her arms towards him. Her eyes stared at him with disappointment, he had let her down. He couldn’t save her; he couldn’t stop this from happening. All he could do was watch.

He woke up with a gasp, all out of breath, looking around him as to make sure the dream wasn’t real. Then he ran as fast as he could to the bathroom, falling down next to the toilet and started to throw up.