Pregnant? That couldn’t be! That wasn’t possible!

-“I need to get rid of it!” Her first reaction to the doctor. He tilted his head a bit.

-“It’s a big decision to make. And you’ve already started your second trimester”

-“What, you’re telling me I can’t have an abortion? That I have to have this baby? No, that’s not an option!” she was almost hysterical now.

-“You have a choice, I just don’t want you to make decision you’ll regret later” He sounded sympathetic, and it made her angry.

She got up from her chair running out of the office, not caring about the doctor calling after her. 

When she got to her hotel room, she sat down on her bed with her head in her hands. She couldn’t think clearly. This was the worst thing that could have happened to her! She started hitting her stomach with her fists as she screamed in frustration.

She couldn’t take care of a baby! She couldn’t even take care of herself! She was completely fucked up, and now she would fuck up the life of an innocent baby as well. She couldn’t do it; she had to get an abortion!

How could she not have known?  She had been pregnant for more than three months without noticing! Sure, she couldn’t remember last time she had her period, but that was not unusual for her. She assumed it was the stress, the dieting, the usual reasons. And she had noticed she had gained some weight, but that only made her eat less. And drink more…

Three fucking months… Wait a minute… She just started thinking about the man whose child she was carrying. She hadn’t thought about that yet. She counted back the days.

Oh, God, she didn’t even know! She would be the worst mother ever! “Hey, baby, I have no idea who your father is, because your mother is a slut and slept with several guys”. Yeah, no mother of the year award coming her way!

It must have happened around the time of the Oscars, so she was down to two possible suspects; Leo or that Justin Timberlake guy she had a one night stand with. God, both were just as bad! Would she tell any of them? Nah, they didn’t need to know, they probably didn’t want to know. 

She jumped as there was a knock on her door.

-“Mark” she sighed and opened the door wider to let him in.

-“What the fuck happened last night? What were you on?” he seemed a bit upset.

-“I wasn’t on anything, doctor just said I was exhausted. Nothing to worry about”

-“You freaked me out, though…” he took her in his arms, kissing her, but she pulled back. Somehow she felt disgusted by the thought of being with a man, she couldn’t do this. She pushed him away gently.

-“Mark, I can’t…”

He looked at her suspiciously

-“What’s up, Jordan?”

-“This thing between us…Not gonna happen anymore!” she said firmly turning away.

-“What the fuck is up with you?” he sounded upset

.-“Nothing, I just don’t want to sleep with you anymore” she shrugged.

He stared at her for a long time.

-“You’re a fucking lunatic, d’ya know that? You can fucking turn around in a second, no fucking warning! Well, fuck it, I don’t need this, Drama Queen!”He slammed the door behind her, and she exhaled, relived that he was gone. 

She sat on the bed with her arms wrapped around her knees, just swaying back and forth, staring at the wall. So, now, what?

Could she pull off shooting the rest of the movie without people noticing? And the press; they’d have a field day! They would be speculating on who the father was, throughout her pregnancy and after the kid was born, she’d never escape it.

She wouldn’t be capable of taking care of a kid by herself; she would have to hire a full time nanny. She had to work, had to go to events, had to go out on dates or partying… Oh, God, she couldn’t even have a drink now, could she? And her figure would be totally ruined, she wouldn’t get a part in a movie for ages! She needed to get a personal trainer, someone to get her into shape again within weeks after…

Fuck, she’d actually give birth? To a fucking baby? What would she do with a little baby? She had never wanted children, never thought she’d ever have one. If she ever got pregnant, she had always assumed she’d get rid of it. She had to get rid of it!

She touched her belly again, not wanting to believe it. She had to sleep on this. She had to call Jack to ask him to sort her out. It was in his best interest too, he wouldn’t get any commission if she didn’t work.     

She slammed the phone down on the table after she had talked to Jack. He said the same as the doctor; think about it for a while. He also meant it was good for publicity, and asked who the father was. Yeah, right, like she would have told him, even if he knew herself. 

She started to get desperate, panicking. She was breathing into a paper bag, she had done that a lot since last night. She went to the bathroom and brought out her box of pills. For some reason she started reading on the box, noticing the words “Do not take while pregnant”.

She sighed and threw the box hard into the garbage bin. She had probably fucked up this baby enough already, she didn’t have to add to it.

She tried to calm down. Maybe it wasn’t the end of the world; maybe it would be nice to have someone to love her, someone dependent on her. Maybe she’d even grow to love it? Oh, who was she kidding, this was the end of the world! 

She made her decision and called the hospital to schedule the operation. Money could buy you everything, even an abortion on one days notice. This was the right thing to do. It would be like it never happened. And nobody would ever know.

Her alarm went off and she realised that she hadn’t slept at all. She looked at herself in the mirror, she looked terrible. She got up, took a shower, brushed her teeth and put on a bit of make-up. She had talked to Clint on the phone and just told him she was still at the hospital awaiting an operation, that it had been kidney stone and she needed a couple of days before she could go back to filming. He had been so understanding, she felt really bad lying to him.

She didn’t completely stop the production, they could shoot some of the scenes she wasn’t in, but it was still the first time ever that she had skipped a few days of work. She wanted to be reliable, that was why people liked to work with her. People counted on her and she never let them down. 

The taxi stopped outside the hospital where 2 security guards waited for her. Being the big star as she was she was guided through the back door and into an empty waiting room. It was small and sterile, and it made her feel claustrophobic.

She just stared into the air as one of the guards told her the doctor would be with her in a few minutes.She sat in the chair, swaying back and forth, keeping both hands on her belly. 12-13 weeks… She had seen pictures of how a foetus looked like after the first trimester. Arms and legs were developed, organs were in place, it could clench its fists… It was already a little baby. A little baby she was about to kill. After all that had happened to her as a child, she was ready to kill an innocent baby…Not giving it a fair chance in this world.

She felt her stomach starting to turn and closed her eyes as the dizziness set in. She couldn’t….She just couldn’t…

Without thinking she ran out of the hospital with her hand over her mouth, not knowing if she felt sick because of the pregnancy or because of what she had almost done. 

She went straight to the set, needing something to take her mind off everything. She wasn’t ready to think, make decisions, or even be alone.

Clint grabbed her as soon as she arrived and pulled her aside.

-“What’s going on? You told me you had an operation today! What are you doing here?”

-“Yeah, uhm… they were wrong, it wasn’t kidney stone after all, just…stomach ache…” It didn’t matter how good of an actress she was, she couldn’t pull this one off.

-“Tell me the truth, Jordan, don’t lie to me! We’ve been working together for two months, you owe me some honesty. Is it drugs?” He held her arm, a little harder than he had to. She knew he was trying to hide his temper.

-“Don’t worry, I’m fine” she smiled, trying to convince him.

-“You don’t look fine. I need to know whether I can trust you to finish this movie in time or not. You need a damn good reason for not showing up yesterday!” he replied, not hiding his anger anymore.

She looked down again, feeling so small, so bad…She knew she had to tell him, he was the director for God’s sake, he deserved to know.

-“I’m just pregnant” she blurted out, taking him completely by surprise. Now she had said it, now there was no way back. As soon as she said it out loud it became so real.

He stared at her a second before smiling a bit unsure.

-“Wow…Okay…Are you happy about it?” he asked a bit concerned, seeing her expression. He took his hand to her face as if to examine her. She nodded and smiled.

-“A bit of a shock first, but now I’m just thrilled!” she said, suddenly falling naturally into the acting again.

-“I’m happy for you, congratulations! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

-“I don’t want anybody else to know, I…just wanted to make sure everything was okay before I did, I intended to tell you” she was lying through her teeth again.

 She would just pretend to be happy about it.

-“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure only the people who has to know will. So, is this going to affect the movie at all? Are you…you know…growing…?”

-“Yeah, but it won’t be too much, it’s still early. We only have a couple of weeks left. You don’t have to think about doing anything differently, I just need to…” she started, feeling nauseous again “…throw up!”

She ran behind the trailer to let out only some liquid, she hadn’t eaten for days, so it was really nothing to throw up.    

A few weeks later 

“Jordan Callister pregnant.Our own favourite movie star Jordan Callister is expecting. Our sources tell us she is more than 3 months pregnant, leaving the whole world wondering who the lucky guy is. Rumours about her not very public relationship to fellow star Leo DeCaprio is making head lines at the moment, but both his and her camps are keeping their mouths shut. Pictures taken back stage at the filming of her new movie ‘Autumn Leaves’ shows a growing belly, and several of the crew is admitting to Eastwood being very protective of Callister’s condition. One source tells us; “She is getting favours from him all the time, she can come and go as she pleases, leaving the rest of the crew to constantly wait for her to be ready to shoot again. They dress her up in outfits that easily hide her body, and film her from specific angles to make sure no one notices. They tried to hide it, but everyone knew, every body is talking about it. The special treatment is annoying the whole crew”. Eastwood, a father himself, has no comment.” 

Jordan sighed as she read the tabloids, all saying the same, just in different ways. Who the fuck spilled? She always knew it would happen sooner or later, though, but she had hoped she could get through this movie and then go away to a desert island or something, surprising the world coming back with a baby. That was obviously not gonna happen.

She had been back from filming for almost a week, but today the phone had rung non stop. Her publicist, Ken Sunshine, had been over with the magazines, wanting to know how she planned on handling it, but she had no answer to give him. He suggested she just kept her mouth shut, not confirming anything, not denying anything.

She just had to stay away from the limelight for a while. How could she do that? She had a premiere for “A Philosophers Diary” coming up in a couple of days, and several weeks to promote the movie. She couldn’t skip that, she had obligations, and a contract to go with it. 

Monica had been over every day, and every time she brought with her a little gift, a children’s book, a baby outfit, a diapers bag… She had stuffed it all in a closet, not wanting to look at it.

She dreaded when Leo came home from filming in Australia, she hadn’t talked to him since that infamous night he was at her house four months ago. He must have heard by now, there must have been tons of reporters trying to get a hold of him.

What would she say to him if he called? ‘Yes, it may be yours, and it may be someone else’s. I don’t know, and I’m not going to find out.’ She shook her head, she knew that wouldn’t work. She was getting more and more unsure about her decision to keep this baby. 

The doorbell rang again, and she went to the security panel to look at the camera. She picked up the door phone.

-“Ken, hi! Two visits in a day, I’m feeling very honored”

-“Jordan, open up, I need to speak to you!” he looked into the camera with a funny expression.

-“What’s up?” she said a bit weary.

-“Just…Open up, okay, we have something to discuss, some…unpredicted development…”

She sighed and pushed the button to let him in. She went to the door, ready to greet him as he rang the door bell again.

She opened up the door, expecting to see Ken, but her blood went cold as she saw the man standing there. She automatically stepped back a few steps, unable to hide the not so welcoming surprise.

He opened the door further, stepped in and closed it behind him. She stood still as a statue, waiting for his move.

-“Jordan, is it mine?” he asked slowly.