I sigh deeply and run my hand over my face. I'm trying to remember a time when there wasn't silence on the other end of the phone. It hurts when I can't.

Here I am on the phone again and

Awkward silence's on the other end

I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice

But right now, all I feel, is the pain 

Of the fighting starting up again

"How was your day?" I ask. It feels very forced.

"Fine." She replies.

I can hear it in her tone. She's trying to prevent a fight. The strain and frustration laced in her voice evident.

I hate that I'm the cause of this. I hate that being on the road takes me away from her for months on end.  Distance takes its toll on any relationship but when you're dating a celebrity it's multiplied by a million times. The rumors, the lack of communication, the distance, the stress of not being able to have that person there for you...it hurts. All of it hurts. 

On both parties.

All the things we used to talk about

You know they stay on my mind, on my mind

All the things we laugh about

They'll bring us through it every time

After time, after time

"I um....I was thinking about maybe taking a few days off." She mutters. "To come out and see you. If that's ok." She finishes quickly.

"Of course you can come out here." My chest tightens when I realize she thinks we've come to this. "Why wouldn't I want to see you?"

Her voice breaks a few times. "I just...."

Don't say a word

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away

I know you wanna stay

If you just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

As we sit in the silence, I let my mind wander back to the first time I ever met her.

I had been out to some hole in the wall bar with Trace. It was a rare moment of lull in my crazy life. I had take my first sip of beer when I heard this sound that made me want to slam my head into a wall. I searched the bar but couldn't find where it had come from.

It wasn't until I was on my second beer that I heard it again. This time not only did I figure out it was a laugh, one that closely resembled a cross between a hyena and a pig. But I found the person that made such a sound.

It had come from the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. And I've seen some really gorgeous women in my lifetime. But there was something about Molly that literally took my breath away.

I hate to think what would have happened if she hadn't been wearing just a pair of jeans and white t-shirt. 

She was sitting in a booth with two other girls and when she threw her head back and let out that ridiculous laugh again, I knew that I had to meet her.

It took me another beer before I could finally get up the nerve to walk over there and meet her. We ended up hitting it off and talking all night.

The manager of the bar had to ask us to leave we were there so late. I walked to her car and she gave me this smile that would have sent a weaker man to his knees. I asked her out right then and there.

Some say that time changes

Best friends can become strangers

But I don't want that, no not for you

If you just stay with me we can make it through

So here we are again

The same old argument

Now I'm wondering if things will ever change

When will you laugh again

Laugh like you did back when

We'd make noise til three am

And the neighbors would complain

"You just what, Mol?" I ask, a cold fear overtaking me.

"I'm just...worried that..." Her voice is shaking and I can hear the tears. It's breaking my heart. "I'm just scared that...it'll be different." She lets out a soft sob. "That we'll be different."

I knew this would happen. I knew the day would come that she would doubt us and our bond. 

I know I could give some forced speech about how this happens to all couples in our situation. But that wouldn't be real. And I don't want that for us.

All the things we talk about

You know they stay on my mind, on my mind

All the things we laugh about

They'll bring us through it every time

After time, after time

I try to think of something to say to her. Anything to let her know that I have no fears about us and complete faith in us. That's when I know.

We had been on three dates and while we had a good time, they were on the lackluster side. I felt I needed to step up my game and really impress her. 

So I booked a table at Tavern on the Green hoping it would work. I couldn't find the words to say when I picked her up. She looked stunning in her soft black dress the hugged all her curves and it was making my mind go crazy. 

I could tell the crowd in the restaurant was making her nervous. Hell, it was making me nervous. We were surrounded by uptight and stuffy people everywhere we looked. 

I couldn't remember a time that I had been this unsettled on a date before. But there was something about Molly that made me nervous and excited and in awe all at the same time. I even had the damn butterflies in my stomach every time I saw her.

I chalked it up to nerves when the waiter brought out the most expensive bottle of wine on the wine list. I'm not kidding, it was a $1,500 bottle of Petrus Pomerol. Either way, the nerves are the only thing that made me reach out for the bottle just as the waiter brought it towards my glass. My hands collided with his and the bottle fell to the floor, contents spilling out, emptying the bottle completely.

The waiter and I stared at each other, eyes wide in shock. I could feel my face flush and I knew this date was over. I could feel it.

And then, in the middle of one of the nicest places I've ever eaten, surrounded by the most uptight people I've ever seen in my life, she lets out that crazy laugh of hers, head thrown back, unable to keep in control.

It was then that I realized I was going to spend the rest of my life doing whatever I could to keep her laughing like that. This was it for me. I didn't need anything else.

Don't say a word

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away

I know you wanna stay

If you just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

"Do you remember out fourth date?" I ask.

"Huh?"

I smile at the memory. "Our fourth date." I tell her. "Tavern on the Green?"

Silence.

And then that laugh. There's not a thing in the world that could have stopped me from beaming in that moment.

"What made you think of that?" She asks, laughter finally subsiding.

"That was the night that I fell in love with you."

The soft but sharp intake I can hear throug the phone is all the reassurance I need.

It's not the first time I've said that to her. Not the second or third. We've said that to each other more times than I can count but it's the first time it's been said in longer than I want to remember.

"Justin," She lets out a sigh and I know the tears she's crying now are of happiness.

I know I said the one thing she needed to hear to know that we're going to be ok. That we're going to make it.