The first month in L.A was not what I expected but yet it was everything I had wanted. Sarah's death had been a low point for everyone. However everyone was excited to get this tour planned and on the road. This was the last thing she helped put together for Justin. Even though Justin's tour was main priority for me I had managed to record a dozen demos for my album at night after the rehearsals. Recording songs was exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I loved being in the studio, I loved playing music.

There was a time crunch to get everything together before it goes on the road. I knew once we were on the road I could record some tracks for the album. It was down to the last two weeks of rehearsals and everything seemed to just fall together. All of Sarah's preparation really helped us. We were going to have three weeks of promotion for the album then it was off to the road for at least four months on the first leg of the tour.

Today was the first day of dress rehearsals. We had all made a decision that every show would basically have the same wardrobe, but Justin and his dancers would have the option to switch it up from day to day. We were attempting to finish the dress for "My Last Name" today. Johanna came up with the idea to have the song represent a formal event of sorts. The main dress that was going to be worn for most of the shows, but then there was going to be a second dress for backup options. Of course there would be five of each dress, just in case something was to happen to them. I know me and I know that I can damage something in an instant.

The first dress we designed was a long, pink gown that was covered in crystals. It was that perfect shade of pink. With all the lights it was almost as if it was a white wedding gown. This was a top secret project we were keeping hid from Justin. We wanted his response the first night of the show. Even though we did get a response it wasn't a couple weeks from now, it was today. Justin couldn't stay out of rehearsals today.

My entrance pretty simple, I had to walk down a flight of stairs to the stage where he would be standing next to the grand piano. I thought to myself, that piano, the memories. How would I be able to look at that every night and not think about the amazing sex we had on it.

I got myself in place, the music started I stepped out onto the dark platform at the top of the stairs. The lights stay dark through the first four lines of the song before my first line starts. The moment he finished his fourth line there is a spotlight on me. I sing my first couple lines there and walk down the ten or so steps there are to the floor of the stage. By the time we were singing the first chorus together I was standing face to face with him. He is smiling ear to ear. He whispers in my ear, "You are unbelievably gorgeous" I blush of course and then we finish the song.

The second dress was a design that I had come up with it. It was a dress that Justin hadn't seen yet. The moment I saw it finished, bright tropical blue, short, one shoulder dress I knew that it was perfect. It would be a complete contrast from the other dress and would give the song just a bit of sassiness. I would surprise him one night and walk on stage in this.

It had been a long day, but it was far from over. I saw that Kia had called my phone like four times. It must be important, so I stepped outside into the bright sunlight to call her.

"Mel!"

"Hey girl, what's up?" I knew now that it wasn't bad news.

"I am so freaking excited! We just bought tickets for the New York City concert at Madison Square Garden. We are going to be there opening night!!"

"Why did you buy tickets, I would have gotten you some if I knew you were coming?"

"We wanted to buy them. It's your first show of course we are going to be there."

"It's Justin's opening night."

"It's Your Show!"

"I'm only singing one song. It's not that big of a deal."

"Hush your mouth. This is a HUGE deal."

"Ok, I guess it is pretty big of a deal... I am trying not to think about it like that."

"This is going to change your life completely. It's a step into a world that you are going to be...."

            I am not concentrating on what she is saying at all now. I see someone that looks very familiar walking towards me, someone that shouldn't be anywhere near California, someone that shouldn't be standing ten feet in front of me.

"...Kia, I... think I am going to need to call you back."

"Is everything ok?"

"I don't really know."

            There he was standing in front of me. "Matt?" I know I sounded like I was really confused, because I was. Matt was my ex that was never in love with me. The one that I spent two years with that changed his mind one day, the same person that allowed me to spend the entire weekend with his family at a family function and decided to tell me on the way home that he wasn't in love with me. "What are you doing here?"

"I am looking for you."                                        

"Why?"

"I was wrong. I lied... I am in love with you. I miss you."

"You're joking right?"

"Are you going to answer everything with a question? I am standing here telling you I love you. I flew here to bring you home."

"You have got to be kidding me. I'm not going anywhere with you, this is seriously over and done with. Two years have gone by and you're now suddenly realizing that you are in love with me..." I am beyond pissed at this point. "I think you need to leave."

"I'm not leaving without you. I am in love with you."

"I have moved on. I have found real love and I'm happy here."

"Do you really think that this guy loves you? Do you really think he knows who you really are deep down?

"I think that he knows me more than you ever did or ever will. He loves me more than you ever could."

"I don't think that's possible. I love you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I wasn't ready for marriage or a serious relationship like the one we were having."

"That is a choice you made and it cost you, me..." I wanted to hit him. I didn't want to speak to him anymore. "Real love is more than the words I love you, I hate you, or even I'm sorry. Real love is something much deeper. It's something we never had and something you may never find."

"Don't choose this guy over me. I can make you happy. I don't have his money but I can make you happy..."

I interrupted him, "You will never make me happy. You of all people should know that money means nothing to me. I am not sure why this is now a situation with you but I think you should leave. This is over, so over."

            Before he could respond Justin walks out the back door. "Excuse me, can I help you?"

Matt rudely says, "No, you may not. I wasn't talking to you."

"I'm sorry I don't know who you are, but this is a closed set and it seems like whoever you are, you are making Melissa upset and I won't have that."

"I'm not going anywhere unless Melissa comes with me. I flew all the way here to take her home."

Justin laughs. "Who are you?"

"I'm Matt. I know who you are that's for sure."

Justin looks at me and back at him then back to me, chuckles and says, "This... this is Matt?"

"Yes." I shake my head thinking I can't believe he actually showed up here. "I have asked him to leave."

Justin looks at Matt, "I think you should leave now or I will have you removed and a restraining order against you to stay away from Melissa."

"That's what it would take to keep her with you. She loves me. She always has."

I got really angry and was screaming at this point. "MATT. I want you to leave. I told you I don't love you anymore. I told you that I am happy with Justin. LEAVE.  I am not going anywhere with you. I don't want to be with you... Go home to your daughter."

"You know that I have a daughter?"

"That's not the point. Go home."

            Lonnie and the other security was now exited the building. I honestly don't think they need to remove him from the lot, but yet I never thought he would be making the scene like he is. I turn and walk in the building. I was done dealing with him. I could feel my blood pressure rising. I was beyond pissed off at him. How dare he show up two years later and say that he loved me? How could he want to hurt me yet again? I had finally found happiness, happiness that I never had with him.

            I feel Justin's arms wrap around me. I am shaking so bad that I am crying. He whispers "I love you" in my ear. He holds me tight until he knows I am ok. I turn around and hug him and say "I love you too."

"Are you okay? Do you want to head home for the day?"

"I'm fine. I just need to calm down and I will be fine. He isn't going to put us a day behind with his stupid antics."

"Are you sure? I would be more than willing to go home with you and lay in bed." He throws out that little flirty smile that I love so much.

"As much as I would love that, we do have work to get done."

"Fun sucker."

"I know I enjoy sucking the fun out of everything. But you love me!"

"Yes, yes I do."

            I returned a phone call to Kia and explained to her what just happened. I told her that I wanted them to be in NYC for the couple days leading up to the first show, it was week of the album release as well and that there were a couple performances that I would be doing with him on television. I really needed my best friend there, and I wanted them there for the album release party. I wanted to share this with them.

            Kia wasn't aware that I had designed a dress for her to wear on the red carpet of the album release party. She was going to be so excited. Luckily I did tell her we would go shopping for a dress when she got in town.

            Even though I lived three thousand miles away from my best friend I wasn't going to lose her. I would pay for her to come out and visit every weekend if I had to. I had spoke to Stacy that same night and told her I wanted her to come to NYC and she said she couldn't get the time off work. That was normal for Stacy. I didn't take it personal at all she doesn't like to do a lot of things since her daughter died. Almost as if she doesn't think she deserves happiness. Things have gotten better over the past four years, slowly but she still isn't the person she was before she lost her.

            I was very close to her daughter, as were Steve and Kia. It's like we lost our little sister when she died. I was closer in age with her daughter than I was her. I always imagined being at her graduation, her wedding, and the birth of her children however I never thought I would attend her funeral. It may have been the hardest thing I had ever gone through. It had really taught me to keep my friends as close as I could and keep my family close because you never know what tomorrow holds.

***

            The next morning I wake up panicked and in a cold sweat from a crazy dream that I am standing on the stage at Madison Square Garden, naked, in front of a sold out crowd of 17,000 faces staring at me. I reach over to pull myself closer to Justin and there is no one there. He had left for a photo shoot about an hour before I got up.

I strolled downstairs to get coffee and start the day. He left me a note on the bright yellow post-it next to the coffee maker.

            I can't believe I am going to miss you in the studio today. I will be there in your heart. Belt it like you never have before.

P.S. I love you.

- Justin

            Underneath the note was a small very distinctive blue box, a Tiffany & Co. box. Inside was a necklace that had a diamond heart on a thin platinum chain. On the back of the heart it was engraved, I am always with you, I love you - J.

            He really knows when to do things to make me feel better. With a smile on my face, coffee in my mug, and the necklace around my neck I pick up the phone and call him. Of course Mr. OCD doesn't pick up his phone.

            A nice hot shower was what I need to wake me up and get this day started. I was nervous. I couldn't remember the song at all. I was going to fall on my face. I was going into the studio to work with Gary, Jay, and Joe Don from Rascal Flatts on the cover of "I'm Movin' On." I really hadn't thought about actually doing a cover of the song for my album until I got a phone call from Gary LeVox himself. Justin had spoke to him about maybe doing the cover and never really touched base again because he was so busy. Gary took it upon himself to get my phone number from Justin's manager and call me.  At first of course I didn't believe that it was him on the other end of the phone. He said that they would be in Los Angeles working on a new video and they had set aside a day in the studio to record the track if I was still interested. I had wanted them to do the backing vocals and the harmony backgrounds for me. I of course jumped at the opportunity and said I would be there.

I showered and was ready in record time. I heard my phone ringing in the next room. I wanted to talk to Justin before I headed down to the studio I needed to hear his voice. As I'm running I happen to forget that there is a dresser right outside of the closet heading into the bedroom. WHAM! I hit it. I was cursing as I answered that phone.

"Fuck.... Hello..." I didn't even look at the screen to see who it was. After all it was only 8am in L.A.

"Hey my sugar, how are you?"

"Steven?"

"Yes, were you expecting someone else to be calling from my phone?"

"I was running to the answer the phone, hit my leg. I am a little flustered right now."

Steve is now laughing because I hurt myself. I knew he loved me. "Sorry, I really didn't call to make fun of you. I wanted to see how Cali was treating you. I haven't talked to you in a couple weeks."

"Cali is treating me pretty well. I was a little lonely at first. After all everyone I knew was three thousand miles away but Justin has been amazing and being busy with the tour has really helped." I stopped and then I remembered he didn't know what I was getting ready to go do. "Oh my god, I didn't tell you. I am going to work with Rascal Flatts today. We are going to record a new version of one of their songs."

"That's great! I'm glad everything is going good for you." He didn't seem too thrilled. "I miss you."

"I miss you to. I wish you guys would move out here with me."

"We all don't have multi-millionaire boyfriends in California."

"If you had a multi-millionaire boyfriend I would so tell your wife."

He laughs... "Haha. You are really living out your dream. I am so proud of you."

"And to think you guys said you wouldn't approve of any guy I dated."

"Well, you found a good one. It has nothing to do with his money or what he can do for you. He is a great guy and he has stolen my sugar's heart." He seemed to really miss me. His voice had that longing to see someone sadness in his tone.

            We talked about life in Ohio and how it was going to be summer soon and we would have to go on our annual Gang vacation. Mexico or Vegas didn't count. I told him that in between the tour somehow I would manage to go.

             Driving in L.A is a little scary for me. I didn't know the area at all, and it was a big city. Luckily Justin's cars all have a GPS, which quickly became my best friend. It was weird not having Justin with me. He had been there through everything so far. I really wanted to share this with him. I grab a hold of the heart that's around my neck. He is always with me.

The guys were already in the studio when I got there. I thought maybe I was late, but I was nearly an hour early. My stomach is turning, but I knew I could do this.

Sitting down talking about what I wanted to hear from this song. I describe to them a different sound than they were used to hearing from that track. Yes I wanted the same music but I wanted it to be a little more, me. Maybe a little more guitar riffs.

Stepping into that booth and singing in the lines, "I've lived in this place and I know all the faces. Each one is different but they're always the same. They mean no harm but it's time that I face it. They'll never allow me to change..." and then "But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong." I started crying. How true was that statement? I needed to breathe. This was a reality setting in. Every line in this song was my life. I contain myself and finish the chorus.

Jon Don went into the booth to record some vocals and Jay asked me, "You have an amazing voice and are an asset to our song but why did you want to cover this song? You are not going to need a cover to make yourself successful."

"That song has lyrically been an inspiration to me for a very long time. It's has always been a song that you can listen to as life changes and apply it to the present... "I pause and think how much my life has actually changed in such a short time. "I was born in raised in Ohio, just like Gary & Jay. Falling in love with someone like Justin and living in a small town doesn't set to well. People like to gossip. I have lived every line in that song. From knowing these people I had known all my life wasn't going to let me change and finally getting to the point where I realized that home wasn't where I belonged anymore."

"We have a home girl recording a cover of our song. That's what I ..."

Gary interrupts him... "Sad thing is she will blow us away with her version. She will be a more successful artist than we ever will with that voice and stage presence."

"I don't even think that's possible. You have succeeded the expectations that I would ever have for myself." I am shaking my head. "You have this amazing fan base that will never go away."

            I go back into the booth and now Gary has joined me to do some harmony on the chorus. I see Justin walking through the door. The smile on my face is ridiculous. I am the silly little school girl and its crazy to feel like this about someone so soon. Gary looks over to me and says, "You both are so in love. When I saw him a couple months ago I knew that he was head over heels for you, just by the way he spoke about you. I better get an invite to your wedding." I have a shocked look on my face like I just saw a ghost. "Do you not think you will marry him?"

"...I... We have only been together a two months. We are not ready for marriage. Plus I don't think he will ever get married."

"Two months, seriously?"

"Seriously, I met him in Mexico just a couple months ago. Things happened fast for us."

"I would have never guessed. I figured... I thought you had been together a while by the way you both look at each other. The love you share. It's amazing to find that rare of love."

            Our love was rare. I have never seen someone find the love that we have. Maybe I was being biased about it but it was something I had never seen or felt before.