My phone hit the ground in utter shock. I have crawled into fetal position with my arms wrapped around my knees, tears streaming down my face.  I can't believe the words that the doctor just gave me. One word had changed everything. My entire life had changed at that very moment.

Justin walks through the door ecstatic about something "Mel! Are you here? I have some amazing news!" I couldn't say a word. I was still stunned by that single word. The tone has changed in his voice to a panic now, "Melissa?" I suddenly snap out of my tunnel vision.

"I'm.... I'm outside."

"Oh my god you are never going to believe what Johnny just told me. My album has...." He stops in his tracks. He knows something is wrong now. I wipe my tears and stand up. I have to pull myself together. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, what's your news." As I attempt to make a smile towards him.

 "I know you well enough to know something is wrong. What is it?"

"I... I..."

"Is this about the doctor's visit, is there something wrong?"

"Yes."

"What's wrong babe, tell me." I see his face change from content to completely shocked and sad.

"I can't even say the words." If I say it out loud it makes it true.

"No matter what is wrong, we will deal with it. I love you."

"I am glad that you love me... because I... I am... I can't even say it. If I do it will make it real."

"You're really scaring me now. Tell me."

"I... I..."

"Just say it. I am thinking so many terrible things right now."

"Pregnant."

With a sigh of relief his face lights up, he smiles and says, "Seriously!?"

"I'm so sorry... I didn't think... I must not have been paying attention to my birth control."

"Don't be sorry. I am ok with it... I am more than ok with it. I am happy with this."

"I thought you didn't want kids? This is going to ruin everything."

"I never said I didn't want kids, I simply just didn't want them when I was in my twenties. I wanted to live. And this ruins nothing. We are going to have a baby!"

"But we have only been together a couple months... We are not married... I want to have babies with you but not like this."

"Do you want to get married?"

"Are you asking me this, right now... at this moment?" I couldn't believe this is his answer right now.

"Why not?"

"Yes, I do want to get married but I don't want it to be because I am pregnant."

"I would never marry someone for that reason... Melissa, I love you. You know I love you more than anything in this world. Let's just be happy about it. Don't worry about the little details. Everything will work out."

"Justin, I love you but we are not ready to get married. One day we will but not right now. I don't know how you can be so calm about this? I am freaking out."

"We are having a baby! Millions of people have babies every year. I have found someone that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. We are choosing a different order, that's all."

"I don't know if this is what I want." His tone of calmness was pissing me off. He doesn't want kids. However I guess we never really had the kid conversation. It was not something we had ever really brought up and talked about.

"We have options. If you don't want to have this baby we can choose the other options."

"I would never have an abortion. I may be pro-choice but I personally would never do that. And I could never give my child to a stranger. I couldn't do that either. It looks like I... we only have one option."

            A routine check-up for the tour has turned into a life changing situation. I have always been on the fence about kids. For the most part I didn't want kids. It was a choice I had made very early in life. I thought maybe that option would change for me if I met the right guy or was ready for it or a biological clock had started to tick and I would decide then. I was always careful about taking my birth control. I took it every day at the same time. Coffee and birth control, its how I started every day. There had to be something wrong.

I rush to the bedroom and dump out the contents of my three thousand dollar purse. I find the packet, one two three four... they were all gone. I had taken them all. I know that if I would have missed a pill I would have panicked and insisted on not having sex. As much as a shocker that was for even me to admit. My mind is so scattered at this moment that I feel guilty when it hits me that Justin has some exciting news.

"What is the news you were really excited about before I rudely ruined that?"

"This is more important."

"No, I want to know. We have time to deal with my issue for at least nine months."

‘Well, Johnny called. My album is going to debut at #1 on next week's charts."

"Oh my god, congratulations babe!"

"That's not all. It sold one million nine hundred thousand copies in the first three days. They estimated that over one million were sold the first day alone." The smile on his face is so big that it's ridiculous. "It has broken all kinds of records for a solo artist."

"That's amazing! I knew the album would sell, it's a great album."

"I never thought it would do that well. I figured it would sell a few but not two million."

"I can't believe that this is really happening. It's an amazing day for you."

            He reaches over and touches my stomach. "It really is." Normally if he touched my body it would turn me on instantly. But I couldn't get that damn word out of my head. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. I had come so far and it was all going to fade away now that I had been stupid and forgot my pill or something and now I'm pregnant.

"I am so sorry I am totally ruining your moment. I am ecstatic about the news. It's been an eventful day to say the least."

"I know that you are happy for me. It's been an eventful day that has changed our lives tremendously."

"Could we keep this news to ourselves for a couple days? At least until I can get in to see the doctor."

"Are you embarrassed to be pregnant with my child?"

"You're silly, you know that."

"Yea, yea I know. I understand. We will make sure you get into see the doctor before we leave NY."

            We were going to dinner to celebrate Justin's huge accomplishment and I wasn't sure how I was going to hide this from Kia and Steve. Kia could read me like a book normally and she would know something was wrong if didn't even have a glass of wine. I was always eager to have a drink. As selfish as it was, how could I go nine whole months without a drop of alcohol? I had warmed up to the idea of having a baby, but I hadn't accepted it yet. I Melissa Roberts was pregnant and I know that I couldn't hide it from these two people. Justin agreed that it was more than likely not going to be something I could keep from them. We agreed that we would tell them only if they asked. It's my friends, they will ask. I felt like our parents should know first but I didn't need that pressure right now.

            Our reservations were for 6:30 and we arrived exactly on time and our table was not ready, but the biggest shocker was that my always tardy friends were early, again. I stepped up to the podium and told the hostess that the Timberlake party had arrived and got a little snippy with me saying, "It's going to be a couple minutes." I wasn't in a mood to put up with her and her nasty attitude so I very nicely said back, "That's fine." She turned as to walk away and I wasn't done yet.  "However, please remember that there are about twenty guys standing at the window taking pictures of Justin and his new flavor of the week and I am thinking that your other customers are not going to be very happy with them taking pictures of them eating, but it's perfectly fine with me." I smiled at her and walked away.

Justin has his stern face on, I knew he wasn't happy. "Mel."

"Yes dear"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I took care of it."

"Why does that girl look like she is going to cry?"

"Because she is weak, I don't know."

"What did you say to her?"

"I wasn't mean. I just simply told her that there are twenty people standing out here taking photos that maybe they should hurry up with the table because of the other costumers. I promise I was nice. She was the one rude and I shot back with politeness."

I don't know what had gotten into me. This isn't who I was. I would have never talked to someone like that. Not that I was extremely rude to her but I normally would have walked away. Maybe it was everything that I was going through today, I wasn't sure. I felt like I was a million places and yet I wasn't even really there at dinner. I stared at the menu for nearly ten minutes just looking at the words. I couldn't even tell you what was on that menu.

The waiter comes over to take the order and everyone orders a beer. I order a glass of ice water with lemon. I was going to play it off as I didn't feel well and didn't want to drink. My friends knew there were many nights I would roll into the bar with the flu and still drink all night long.

I know there was a conversation going on around me but everything sounds like a Charlie Brown cartoon. I feel Justin grab a hold of my hand but I still don't budge. I am in a completely different state of mind.

"Mel, are you ok? You seem like there is something wrong?" Kia is talking to me but I didn't hear her. "MEL"

‘Yeah." I snap back into the conversation.

"What is wrong with you tonight? You are not acting like yourself."

"It's nothing. I need to get some air that's all." I slide my chair back to stand up.

"Do you want me to walk out there with you?"

"No, I just need to breath for a minute." I take a deep breath and get up from the table Justin asks if I want him to come outside with me. I just say no, and as I walk out of that secluded room I can hear Steve and Kia asking Justin what was wrong. There was way too much going on in my head for me to be sitting in a secluded room. I felt like I was having a panic attack. My anxiety was shooting through the roof.

Moments later I feel someone's arms wrap around me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I turn to see who it was. I didn't have a clue what they said to me but I know someone is touching me now. "Kia, I don't know what to do?"

"Justin told me." I just look at her. "You know it's all going to work out for the better in the end." She leans down to whisper in my ear. "You will be an amazing mom." That literally sends chills down my spine. "Don't for a minute think that everything you have wanted in life is suddenly going to fade away. Everything happens for a reason."

"I don't know what to do Kia. I know that this isn't an option, it's now the situation but how can I literally give up on my dreams now. I know I am being selfish but I have got this close to making things really happen for me. It's hard to even think that I have to give them up or even put a back burner on them. I want more time with Justin. I want to know everything about him. I want to be selfish with him for a while."

"You have never let things stop you before, so I don't believe for a moment that you will let this stop you. This is something that will make you an even better person than you already you. I never thought was possible."

After a couple moments we return inside. Kia was started to go after paparazzi so I knew I had to suck it up and go inside. Kia may be pint size but she packs a mighty punch.

"I'm sorry for ruining this dinner. This was supposed to be about Justin and his huge accomplishment and I had to be selfish and make it about me. I am ok. I don't want to talk about it anymore and let's enjoy dinner."

Everyone seemed kind of shocked but I was over the situation and I wanted this night to be about Justin. From that moment I really forced the thought of pregnancy and anything that had to do with that into the back of my mind. ‘I really need a drink' was the only thought that I couldn't push to the back of my mind because I really did need a drink or two.