Day One

The beautiful blue water is enough to take your mind off anything. The idea of having endless water makes you really look at life as endless possibilities.

Justin leads us into the beach house that is ours for the week. I never for a moment thought he would disappoint with his arrangements. He knows how to set up an amazing vacation. The house is secluded, as everything is in Justin's world. We had a private beach, our own pool, a Jacuzzi that basically sat in the sand. It was going to be an amazing week. That is if I can stop stressing over all of the details I should be taking care of in New York City. And I know by that look on Justin's face, he knows what I am thinking about. He simply looks at me and shakes his head. I mouth, "I'm sorry" to him.

I put down the luggage I was carrying and went out to the back patio that overlooks the ocean. Why did this have to be so difficult for me? Why couldn't I simply relax and forget about all the work that needed done? All the models that still needed fitted.  The photos that needed to be adjusted for the booklet at the actual show, the lighting, the music... all these thoughts are going through my mind, I couldn't relax. I knew that I was upsetting Justin and instead of that I end up leaving. I just go to the beach alone.

The waves crashing have always been my favorite thing about the beach. I loved that sound but today it feels like every time the wave crashes into the sand it's a part of my world crashing down. I am being overly dramatic, I know that but it explains what I feel like at this very moment.

I couldn't have been gone five minutes and I heard someone coming up behind me. I really wanted to be alone. I wanted to cry to myself, I wanted to be the horrible girlfriend from a distance for a little while instead of in front of him. But it wasn't Justin. It was Steve.

"Sugar, are you okay." I bury my face in my hands. "Mel, this is supposed to be vacation, just relax."

"I can't... I have too much to do." It's as if no one understands that.

"Vacation is supposed to be vacation. Leave all the work there and enjoy it here..." he points to probably the most amazing view I had ever seen in my life "...that's pretty amazing."

"Steve, I have the weight of Justin's company on my shoulders. I'm not exaggerating at all. If this line fails, I fail. I cannot fail Justin, I just can't. Not to even mention that my album has really been suffering because of the fashion line."

"Do you really think it's going to fail?" He is giving me the look that he is about to throw out the bullshit flag.

"It could."

"But do you think it will?"

"Honestly, no. But this has my name all over it and it's attached to his name. I would never want to make his name go down because of something I have done."

"I have seen some of the things you have done in the past. I saw the dress that was designed by you for Kia that she wore at Justin's album release. You really need to have a little more faith in yourself. You are more talented than you ever give yourself credit for."

"I just can't let him down."

            I think this has what it comes down to for me. I wouldn't for a moment want to jeopardize Justin's credibility or affect something that he has worked so hard to accomplish.

"Do you think he won't love you if you fail at this? Do you really think he is that kind of guy? Because Mel I can stand here and tell you a hundred times, a hundred different ways, that guy that is pacing around the room back there, he loves you more than anything in this world. He is not that guy. He is beyond worried about you."

"I know he loves me, I don't doubt that at all."

"Did you know that he called me a couple weeks ago and asked what he should do about you stressing out? He knows that you have the talent but it is stressing you out. He even thought about taking you off that fashion line."

"What? Why would he do that?"

"He is worried about you. He loves you. This fashion line is not worth him losing you." I felt my heart hit the ground.

"I would have never left the line. It's too close to being done."

"You need to let go of some of the strings, you have to let someone else do some of the work. It cannot be all up to you to finish them. He has a multi-million dollar company that employs hundreds... they can handle it."

"You have known me for how long? Do you really think I can let some twit screw something up that I can just get done myself?"

"I have to be honest with you right now." He lowers his head... "I have seen the gowns and clothing you have designed, they are wonderful however..."

"However what, Steven?"

"Mel, you belong on that stage. Seeing you in Pittsburgh, you belong on that stage. That's where you belong."

"I love being up there performing. It is my favorite thing to do. But this line has to be done first."

"I understand that but I think you need to focus on your album and... I can't even believe I am going to say this to you... You need to focus on Justin."

"Trust me, Justin get's attention..." I wouldn't deny myself ‘attention' so I knew Justin wasn't missing out on that attention.

"Whoa stop.... I am not meaning in the bedroom. You need to start focusing on you and Justin. He really loves you Mel and I could actually see this guy marrying you or I guess I should say I could see you marrying him. That is a far stretch for you, after the Matt situation."

"I want to marry him. I want to spend forever with him"

"Stressing him out about not eating and working nearly two days straight with no sleep or food really worries him. He loves you he doesn't want anything to happen to you. He has the right to worry."

"I really didn't realize I wasn't eating."

"He never thought you had a problem... just a work problem."

"I have always had a work problem."

"But you would go home at 5:00 and worry about work in the morning when you returned. Now you seem to think you have to work every waking moment of the day and night."

            Ok so now I feel like this is an intervention. Had I really worked as much as he is implying. I knew I had been working a lot, I knew that I didn't have a lot of time for me or Justin but I just thought things would slow down and it would all be fine. He must have assumed I wanted to be alone because he said, "I will leave you alone, please just give yourself a break" I did ask him to send Justin down here in a few minutes.

            I had to collect my thoughts and decide what to say to Justin. It's almost like we have had this discussion before. We have had this same argument before. Oh wait that is because we have. I for some reason can't get it through my head that he is telling me what he wants and I am not listening.

            When he finally came over to where I was sitting along the ocean line, he bends down behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders, resting his chin on my head. And he says, "I'm sorry, I am being a little pushy with you. I... I just want my Mel back. Not the Melissa Roberts, the extreme workaholic."

"I hate to tell you this but that part of me will never go away. However I am going to give up pieces of my work. I am going to finish this fashion show, only because I can't completely give up now. But after fashion week, I will only summit my designs and ideas and someone else is going to have to take point." He nods his head as if he agrees.

"Does this mean we finally get to finish your album?" The smile on his face gets bigger and bigger.

"Yes it does. That's really where I want to be in my career right now. I can't have it all"

"Oh you can have it all... with some balance..." He has sat down next to me now. "I have it all. Well I have the career and I have the love of my life sitting next to me every step of the way. If that isn't having it all I don't know what is." I nuzzled my nose into his neck. I really loved this man. I was going to make sure I don't lose him.

Day Three

Sharing the beach house with two other couples was not exactly what we envisioned. Well for me at least it was not comforting to be in middle of the act and hear you friends in the next room over doing the same thing you are doing. It would be different if I didn't know the people but it wasn't not my cup of tea per say.

Justin and I have escaped and found our way down to the beach in the middle of the night.

The ocean seemed much calmer than it was earlier in the night as we all sat on the beach and reminisce about things we have done in our lives. Of course my friends proceed to inform Justin of all drunken mistakes I had made. I was glad that he is comfortable with my friends because he had some juicy stories to tell as well.

..."There was one time when Mel got really drunk at concert and ended up at this guy's house ....." I interrupt them there because I know where this story is going. "Hey now, that's enough stories about me."

Justin perks up and was like, "I want to hear it."

            "I really don't think you want to." I tried to tell him but he argued that he did so I blurted out, "Well, he was my booty call that night... it wasn't a random person... it was someone I had been hooking up with for a while... and we didn't even make it back to his place..."

"Whoa... ok maybe I don't want to hear this story."

"I told you, you didn't." I had the ‘I told you so' smirk on my face.

So, there were enough stories about me I was going to call someone else out. "Let's talk about Arkansas Stacy."

Her eyes get huge, "I don't even want to remember that night... or the next day!" He tries to hide her face.

Justin looks kind of confused, "What happened in Arkansas that was that dramatic?"

We both laugh and finally Stacy speaks up because she knows I am going to tell the story if she doesn't. "Well... it was my birthday weekend. And well I really drunk on a shot called ‘Sexual Alligators' which I still to this day couldn't tell you what was in it but if you drink enough of them, you may end up having sex with an alligator or someone from Arkansas that you still don't know their name." She lowers her head in embarrassment. There was laughter and "Ohh's" from everyone. "Shut up. The rest of you have had at least one, one night stand. Right?"

We all kind of just nod, not really wanting to say. Then it sparked up the "Have You's" game. So Stacy asked the first one, "Have you had a one night stand? & did you go back to their place?"

Kia is the first to speak up, of course. "I have. I hooked up with them at a concert and it wasn't worth the time I wasted let alone going back to his place." Ouch.

Steve turn, "I have, and normally I wouldn't go back to their place. It would either be in the car or in the bathroom or something like that." Kia chirps in and says, "Well I guess we can assume that he has had more than one."

Mike doesn't really want to answer the question but he does, "I had one, one night stand that turned into a relationship. So I doubt that counts." That doesn't count but its Mike. I am surprised that he actually did have a one night stand.

It's up to me, "I have had.... cough cough ... one night stands."

Steve's eyes are huge. "You have had more than ONE? Sugar I am shocked. And we all thought you were the innocent one." Justin has spit out his beer, he obviously knows better on that one.

"Well, I have. Anyways I never go back to their place or to mine for that matter. It is too personal to go home with them. If it is a one night stand, that is what it is. I don't want to wake up in a stranger's bed in the morning and not know where I am."

It's down to Justin. I never even asked him this question, I was curious to know the answer. He looks down at the sand, then up at me, smiles and says, "I have had a couple. And no one has ever made it back to my house. I agree that the awkwardness after isn't worth it."

Day Five

Tonight was date night. We all went our separate ways. It was kind of sad but it was nice to spend an entire evening with Justin and have no interruptions at all.

Steve and Kia went into town to a very nice dinner. Stacy and Mike did the same thing. But Justin and I, we had dinner right on the beach. A table set up for the two of us.

A romantic dinner for two, he was a romantic and I loved him even more for that. The wind was very corroborative and everything was perfect.

He throws the blanket up in the air and smoothes it over the sand. And we take a seat on the sand. It has to be the perfect ending to a perfect date night. As I lay in his arms watching the sun lower under the skyline I finally see my life for what it is. I had the happily ever after. My life, my world was right here in his arms. No matter where we lived, what we did with our careers, none of that mattered at the end of the day. As long as I was lying in his arms at the end of the day, I would be happy.

Day Seven

As much as we had done or didn't do on this vacation, there was one thing that took me by complete surprise. The Stacy that I knew was officially gone. I think that over the years, she just somehow forgot to be who she was. She was always worried people would think that if she moved on from her daughter's death. That they would think she didn't care about her being gone anymore. With that, she pretended to be this okay person when in reality she was chattered into a million pieces, which is understandable. She worried too much about what others would think about her. She didn't know how to be her anymore. I miss that Stacy.

The last night on the beach Justin and I brought out acoustic guitars and was going to simply sit and relax the last evening were in paradise. Everyone of course joined us, which made me feel like I wasn't a complete weirdo for wanted to just sit and play the guitar and sing. It was a nice way to end the week.

Justin started playing this soft melody that made me instantly think I needed to express exactly what I was thinking. I had written these words, not really even lyrics just yet and it became something that I had needed to say to Stacy this entire time. How much she has changed. How much she has become this person we all don't know anymore.

"Dear Friend, what's on your mind?... You don't laugh the way you used to... But I've noticed how you cry.... Dear friend, I feel so helpless.... I see you sit in silence.... As you face new pain each day... I feel there's nothing I can do..."

Stacy sits in her chair and doesn't move at all. I guess she knows I am saying this to her.

"I know you don't feel pretty... Even though you are... But it wasn't your beauty... That found room in my heart... Dear friend, you are so precious Dear Friend..."

I guess in a selfish way, I saw in Stacy what Justin had seen in the last month or so. I had become a workaholic and not the person I normally am. I was ready to get back to reality however I knew that in just a few short days I had a realization of what I really needed to do.