It's been a month since the fashion show. I have never seen so much happen in such a short time and have it all over with in a flash. Everything looked perfect on that runway. The reviews for the line were overwhelming. Some of the critics were calling the line ‘the best thing of the fall."

Walking down that catwalk at the end of the show was one of the most memorable moments of my life. I had officially made it. It came at a cost but I did it. And I stand here today a different person. Life gave me lemons and I made a cocktail!

I had really giving up a lot of the strings. I did exactly what I told Justin I would do. The last month and a half we have really got back to where we were in our relationship. There wasn't the stress of the fashion line. There was just Justin and myself. Things were pretty amazing. We were actually having date nights again, going to romantic dinners or staying in and watching old movies. It seemed as if nothing could tear us down.

My album finally had a release date just not an album name. I have spent every day since we got back in L.A in the recording studio. I was inspired again and I knew that this was the time to finish the album. The last song that we recorded actually started with us sitting in the living room playing the guitar. Simply singing whatever came out of our mouths. About an hour into our ‘session' Justin and I both look at each other and said, "We have to record this." The song was out of this world great.  Sometimes that is the best way to come up with something great.

Three months from this day, the album will release. My schedule was completely insane, but totally worth it. Between the promotion and photo shoots for the album I was going to be nonstop for a very long time. I guess it would be the best way to start off the New Year.

 Justin has pretty much said that he wasn't going to do anything while I was promoting because he wanted to be with me every step of the way. And instead of me arguing with him about it, I let him win and agreed to let him do what he wanted.

We had started rehearsing for the next leg of his tour as well. There were some big changes from the first leg of the tour. I had signed on to be the opening act for this part of the tour and for the leg of the tour that would go overseas. This was probably the biggest offer I could have ever had come my way at this stage of my career. Opening for an artist that normally sells out arenas and stadiums was a pretty damn good gig.

Of course I hesitated at first because I didn't want to be Justin's charity case. I didn't want to be on his tour because I was his girlfriend. Justin and the label for that matter were very respectful and assured me that I was on the tour because it was the right choice.

Friends of mine from back home had agreed to audition for the record label to join my band. I was happy to maybe have familiar faces and I couldn't imagine having this opportunity and not sharing it with them. So I had to get them both out to L.A. That was a slight challenge. Bob hates flying and Mike, well Mike is controlled by Stacy. So when I picked up that phone I was a little nervous. Bob must have been sleeping because he had this very rough raspy voice.

"Hello."

"Hey Bob, its Mel" I was bright and cheery. I had been up for nearly three hours already.

"Mel, isn't it very early in L.A.?"

"Yes, it is however I am up working today."

"It's Saturday." It sounds like he is hungover. "Don't they give you Saturday's off in California?"

"No, Saturday's don't exist in California."

"Man that must suck for you."

"Normally we go out clubbing on weeknights and work on the weekends. We are a little backwards out here."

"I only went to one bar last night." He was being sarcastic because I knew that he was known to jump from bar to bar.

"You only need one bar with a bottle of Jägermeister ... "

"You still know me so well."

"I do... which is kind of why I am calling you. I have a favor, an opportunity... something... anyways I want you to come out to California and audition for my record company. I want you in my band. But only if you're interested of course."

"I'm sorry I must still be drunk because I think you just asked me to be in your band?"

"You are probably still drunk however I did ask you to be in my band. My record company makes everyone audition though... I couldn't imagine embarking on this adventure without you guys."

"Guys?"

"I am asking Mike as well."

"Fuck yes. Mel. I love you. And If I wasn't 3,000 miles always I would totally kiss you right now."

"I am so excited that you want to do this. I was worried you would say no."

"I would never. Tell me when and where."

"My assistant will email you the details and the flight information."

"Your assistant? You have a freaking assistant now?"

"Yes, she is a lifesaver that's for sure... Speaking of Meredith she is yelling at me right now because I have to go back on set. I have to go but I will see you soon."

            One down, one to go. Mike doesn't answer his phone of course. He must have been out with Bob last night and has his phone off. I leave him a message to call me as soon as he could. It was important. I really didn't have the time to talk to him anyways.

Today was the final day of shooting the video for my first single. The first couple days were either ruined by weather or an accident happened and it delayed production. This day was no different. It had been a long stressful day. I was looking forward to getting into bed with Justin and sleeping the next day away. I would have the next three days off before my world as I knew it would be gone. There would be no down time, no vacations, no wondering what we will do for the night. It was busy busy busy.

Meredith and I had quickly become pretty close. We found each other even when we didn't have to be together. She was pretty amazing. Today she has been very busy with the getting the schedule organized with Johnny and everyone at WEG. So I was surprised to see her we she came up to me with this weird look on her face and said that a carrier just dropped off a certified package for me. I didn't have a clue what it was but it really didn't matter to me what it was. I wanted to finish this video and get home to Justin. The director tells me to take twenty minutes because the lighting was off on this shot and they needed to fix it. So I return to my dressing room to find out what this package was.

The handwriting on the front of the package was familiar but I still didn't know what it was or who it was from. There was no return address. Inside that box I dumped out a manila envelope and a letter that simply said,

"Pictures are worth a thousand words.

To be there and see your reaction would be priceless. I'm sorry I'm going to miss it."

I was still confused at what this was. For a moment I thought, what had Kia done? Had she compiled a stack of photos that were going to completely embarrass me? Not to my complete surprise pictures did fall out of that manila envelope. But they were not of me. There were fifty or so photos and not one of them included me.

I felt the lump in my throat begin to get very large. It felt as if the airway was being cut off. I couldn't breathe anymore. My knees buckle beneath me. I hit the floor and the pictures scatter all over the floor.

Meredith comes into the trailer to tell me they were ready for me on set. She sees me hutch over on the floor, hysterically crying. My hands were trembling. The blood was gone from my face. "Oh my god. Melissa, are you okay?"

I couldn't move nor could I speak. Everything I knew and everything I held dear to my life had just been shattered. Finally Meredith see's what I saw and she sits on the floor next to me. She has no idea what to say because she knows just as well as I do, these photos have just shattered my heart... my world.

The director's assistant came to the trailer and said, "Listen we have to get this shot in within the next hour. Are you ready?" I motioned to her that I needed a minute but I would be out.

I had to suck up the information that I had just taken in and be professional. I wasn't sure how I was going to pull this off but I had to. The scene was going to be a black and white flashback of me in the studio. The first shot was in the booth and the second was at the mixing board. The first shot I contained myself. But sitting at that board, knowing this is exactly where Justin has sat so many times, in this very spot, pushing these buttons... I couldn't do it anymore. The scene had turned into an emotional wreck scene. The tears start to well up in my eyes and the first tear streams down my face. The director doesn't yell cut he just watches. Finally the playback had stopped playing and he says, "Cut.... Melissa, that was... emotion filled. It was perfect. " In so many words I ask him if we are finished. He says I was free to go. It was a wrap.

Every artists that has the privilege of recording music and making videos waits for that very moment. To hear that director say that ‘it's a wrap' is almost as important as getting to sign on the dotted line for a contract. And I didn't get to enjoy my moment at all.

I grab that manila envelope and head for the town car that is waiting for me to take me home. Meredith asks if I was okay and I simply replied with a no. Then she asked if she should come with me and I said I wasn't sure but that she should go home and I would call her in the morning to deal with the schedule. She looked lost at what to say. I don't blame her, I wouldn't know what to say in my position either. Hell I am the person in the situation and I can't even say anything to myself to make it better.

Standing at the front door of the house that we have shared together and I suddenly feel a cold chill come over my entire body. Could I even walk through that door? Could I stomach seeing his face? When I finally did walk through that door the pain of just turning that knob was unbearable. I walked straight through the hallway and up the stairs to the bedroom. I gathered enough clothes to get me through the night and I walked down the steps and back out that front door. I hear Justin, from what sounded like the kitchen, "Hey Hun, how was your day? Was there any problems getting the video finished? I'm sorry I couldn't be there" I kept walking and shut the door behind me.

Just as I was out the door, he opens the door. "Mel? Where are you going?" I turn and I'm certain the only thing he can see is the puffiness and the redness of my eyes. I turn back around and continue walking. He runs out the door and my bag is already in the back seat of the cab. At this moment I wish I would have bought a car like I wanted to. But Justin had insisted that it wasn't necessary. He had enough vehicles that it wasn't an issue. I agreed because we were never at home anyways. It didn't make sense to have another vehicle just sitting in the garage.

"Melissa what is going on? Where are you going?" I can't even look at him. The sight of him makes me want to hurl. I get in the cab and shut the door. As the cab pulls away I see him just staring at the back of the cab, he just stood there, so much for happily ever after.

Justin manages to call ten or twelve times. But I can't even speak to him right now. Because right now at this moment the only thing I want to say to him is, "Fuck you" and that... that might not be the best thing right now. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to explain everything but I needed to go away right now. I needed to compile my thoughts.

Finally I answer the phone. I think he deserved to at least know that I was safe.

"What do you want?"

"Mel, where are you going?"

"Justin, I honestly don't know right now. I just can't be there."

"What are you talking about, what's wrong?"

"Justin, I just can't look at you right now. And the idea of hearing your voice right now makes me want to hurl." My voice is weak but yet I felt very firm.  "The package on your bed will explain everything."

"What package?"

"Justin... please I just can't."

That was the last thing I said to him. I can't even remember how I managed to speak that many words to him. I felt my heart stop beating. I felt the complete and udder emptiness that was now reality. I had felt this all before however this time... this time was even worse.

Justin walks into his bedroom, picked up manila and opened the contents. In his hands, he sees the reason I walked out that door. He is speechless and very confused.

I checked into the Four Seasons on South Doheny Drive. The golden beauty of the room wasn't even noticed by the red blurriness of my eyes. I crawled into that huge empty bed and felt as empty as the bed. How could I have let myself get this far into this relationship? How could I have let something like this happen to me again? Hadn't I learned from the last two relationships that I always seem to choose this type of guy? I always seem to choose the ones that will hurt me.

‘When the visions around you, brings tears to your eyes. And all that surrounds you, are secrets and lies..."