Jesse’s POV

I know my boys rag on me so much but I’m seriously fucking falling in love with Cassian. I know it started out as just fucking around when we both needed some but now I can’t fucking get enough. She’s become my whole world in a matter of a couple of weeks and it scares the shit out of me sometimes. I think it’s because I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me.

She won’t say shit to me but her and Justin have some kind of tension between them. I don’t know what it is or what happened between them but I can feel it in the room when they’re close together. She has some kind of attraction to him, always seeking him out with her eyes when he’s in the room. I just don’t know if it’s a “I want to be with him” attraction or a “I like him as a friend” attraction.

I can be honest and admit that I’m far more invested in this relationship than she is. I guess that’s why I try to spend as much time with her as possible so that I know she’s not stepping out on me with one of my good friends.

Of course now that’s going to be fucking impossible. Why, you ask? Because I’m a fucking idiot. You see after Justin left we all got super wasted. Cassian tried to get me to stop drinking but I wouldn’t listen to her. So she went to the bar to get me a glass of water and of course the fucking bartender hits on her.

Now when I’m sober I’m a pretty patient man. You can hit on her all you want until she either gets annoyed and gives me the signal to step in or you fucking put your hands on her. When I’m drunk though, it’s a completely different fucking story. I won’t even handle you fucking looking at my girl. So when that pussy of a bartender leaned over the counter and started fucking whispering in her ear I fucking lost it.

I went ape shit on his ass. I lunged over that bar so quick, mother fucker didn’t know what to do! He sure knew how to beg for mercy once I started pounding his face in. You should have seen him all huddled up and shit! I bet that mother fucker won’t hit on my girl ever again.

It’s bittersweet though, yeah I fucked him up but my ass is the one that got thrown out of the bar and put into jail. When the fucking pigs saw my record they didn’t hesitate to decorate my wrists with those fucking handcuffs. So now I’m in County waiting for my time in front of the judge. This isn’t going to go well for me.

Cassian’s fucking pissed as hell too. It’s a fucking shame too because I used my one call on her ass and she fucking refused to pick up her phone. I was going to leave a message in her voicemail box until I heard her fucking outgoing message.

“Jesse you can fucking rot in jail for all I care. Thanks for being a dumbass. Have fun spending the next twelve months in lockup. Beep.”

Damn, she sure did change that message fast.

The sad part of this all is that she’s fucking right. Because of my record I can guarantee I won’t have the money to bond myself out and I’m not making my girl co-sign for me. Plus this is my third strike. It’s like I was fucking asking to be locked up again! I know Cassian won’t wait twelve months for my ass. Why should she?

She’s a fucking beautiful girl that can have any man she wants. She chose me on the condition that I would keep my shit together and here I go fucking blowing it. It’ll be a damn miracle if she sticks around. I’m praying like hell though because I love the girl. I love her more than she’ll ever know and if she’s still with me at the end of this I’m asking her to marry me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Collect call for Cassian from Inmate 55765. Press 1 if you accept.”

“Cassian?” I ask as I hear breathing on the other side of the line.

I’ve been calling her everyday for the past month and not once has she answered. I know she’s pissed at me and I honestly don’t know if she’s planning on staying with me or not because I got more than twelve months I got eighteen.

“Yeah. I’m here.” She sighs into the phone and I let out a relieved breath that she finally answered my calls.

“I’m sorry to be calling you so late and out of the blue. It’s the only time I could use the phone.” I whisper as I cup the receiver in my hand and lean against the small phone booth.

She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away

“What do you want?” She snaps and I pull back away from the phone in shock, “I’m sorry. I just didn’t think it’d be you calling…again.”

She obviously doesn’t want to talk to me.

“I’m sorry baby girl. I know I’ve said it before but you have to believe me,” I say into the phone as she sighs, “I-I need you. Tell me that we can make this work.”

“And how do you expect to make this work Jesse? You’re in jail! Was it worth beating up that guy?” She asks and I can hear her voice cracking, “I-I…I just don’t know if we can make it work,” she whispers into the phone.

“If we really try it will.” I respond as I hear her sniffle.

“I-I just didn’t believe it would happen to you. I-I…not eighteen months Jesse.” She says and I can hear the tears in her voice and it tears at my heart.

She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
We're gonna get there soon

I run my hand over my hair, listening to her silent cries and it breaks my heart. I can see her now, sitting all alone in her bedroom, crying because I not there beside her because I couldn’t control my temper.

“I love you Cassian. I need you to help me get through this. You’re my rock. I promise I’ll be better for you. Once I get out you’re going to see a new me.” I tell her as she sighs again.

If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away

“How are we going to do this?” She asks me in a quiet voice and my heart soars at the possibility that we can make it through this.

“You can always come and visit me baby. I can always call you too every day. I promise I’ll call every day.” I tell her.

I'm gonna get there soon
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' oh, Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cassian,

I know I messed up. This is not how I wanted to start my letter to you but I need to admit the truth. Every day that passes I sit in this dark cell and think of you. I promised to call every day and I have even if you haven’t been there to answer. I wonder what you’re doing while I’m in here every day too. I’m still waiting for that visit from you but I know how hard this is on you.

Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

I don’t expect you to understand why I did what I did but just know that I only had the best of intentions in hitting that guy who was hitting on my girl. You know my temper, sometimes I don’t think it’ll ever change but all I can say is that I’m working on it. They have this therapist in here, she’s real good baby. She makes me think, you know?

You’re on my mind all the time. I love you so much. I could try to be the badass that you love right now and act like I don’t give a fuck but that isn’t the truth. The truth is I’m so scared you’ll leave me. I’m so scared I’ll get out of here and you won’t be there too. So I’m going to keep calling, keep writing, keep waiting for a visit because it’s all I can do to prove how much I love you while I’m in here.

Even if you never answer my calls, even if you never write me back, even if you never come visit me just know that I will always love you. So if this letter finds you and speaks to you like I’m hoping it will, meet me at Lake Michigan when I get out at that little spot that we used to ride the bike at. I’ll be waiting for you. I’m leaving the decision to be there or not in your hands.

Meet me once again
Down off Lake Michigan
Where we could feel the storm blowin'
Down with the wind

Please don’t cry for me and don’t apologize for those tears that you’ve already shed. You’re so strong and you’re my rock. I love you baby. I can’t say that enough. Each day I fall more and more in love with you. I’d love to hold you right now.

And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life

I keep wishing that I had just had enough sense to walk away that night because I’d still be out there with you. Not writing this letter begging you to stay. I’m just asking for another chance. Another chance to show you that I can be the man that you need because in this world of darkness you are my light. My salvation, maybe that’s me being dramatic but that’s how I feel about you.

I'm gonna get there soon
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room
Prayin' Lord come through

We're gonna get there soon

Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

So I’ll be waiting for you. I love you and I miss you.

Love,

Jesse

P.S. You are all that I’ve waited for all of my life.

Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life
(We're gonna get there)
You are all that I've waited all of my life

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cassian steps into the visiting room and I wish there wasn’t this piece of glass separating us. She looks so good in her tight jeans and white cotton t-shirt with her badass little black leather jacket on. She’s so fucking beautiful it takes my breath away sometimes.

She sits down in the seat and picks up the telephone holding it to her ear as she peers at me through the glass. She crosses her legs and gets comfortable before throwing me a small smile.

I can’t help but grin at her as I take in the sight of her. Damn, I fucking missed seeing her beautiful face. Her green eyes sparkle even in this dark visiting room as I pick up the receiver.

“Hey baby girl. You’re a sight for sore eyes.” I tell her with a smirk as she giggles before rolling her eyes at me.

“I got your letter.” She says as I nod at her and take in the image of her.

“I meant every word of it.” I tell her as she nods and bites her bottom lip.

“I know you did. It’s just so hard Jesse.” She tells me as I let out a sigh and run my hand through my hair before cocking my head to the side and placing my hand on the glass.

“Put your hand on the glass baby.” I tell her and she scoffs before looking at me.

“Are you serious? That’s so cheesy Jesse.” She tells me as I laugh and smirk at her.

“Put your damn hand on the window woman.” I tell her with a chuckle as she rolls her eyes before putting her hand on the glass against mine, “I love you and we’re going to get through this. I promise.”

You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Pull me closer to love (You are all that I've waited for)
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Closer to love (Cause you are all that I've waited for)
Closer to love

Pull me closer to love