"Honestly Maddie, what's it gonna hurt? I say go for it."    

"What happens when I start wanting it to go further? What if I decide a few local shows aren't enough?"    

"Whatever's supposed to happen, is gonna happen."    

Ok... when the hell did Chelsea become the Zen master?    

When I called to ask for her advice, I fully expected her to be totally against the whole thing. She probably knows better than anyone just how good real life has been for me.    

I can think clearly for a change, I'm relaxed, and most importantly... I'm happy, I guess.    

But, I'd be a damn liar if I said I didn't miss being on stage. Nothing in the world can even come close to the way it feels to be under those lights, having everyone's eyes on you. Being in some small time local band would be ideal for me. I could perform and still do the boring average Joe thing.    

But, I'm terrified that it won't be enough.    

I don't know how or why, but I've got this gut feeling that after awhile, I'll want more.    

I'll want to record... to tour... do videos... television. If I go through with this, it's just a matter of time before I'll want my old life back.    

But, would that really be such a bad thing?    

In a band... the pressure wouldn't rest squarely on my shoulders and maybe that's what I need.   

Ya know what? I'm getting way ahead of myself here.    

"Maddie... you're a musician. It's not just something you do... it's who you are and without it, you're just... not Madison. Just audition. There isn't even a guarantee they'll want you. But if they do... take it for what it is. Have fun with it, alright? I think it might actually be really good for you."    

Maybe she's right.    

I'm over-analyzing this to death. It's a small, local band. It's really nothing major.     So, in the morning, I'll call Stella and set up an audition.    

Whatever happens, happens, right?

****************    

I pull up in front of a small white house and take a deep breath. I never thought I'd say this... but I'm nervous as all hell.     

And I really shouldn't be. I've done things a thousand times more nerve wracking than this. Hell... this is fucking cake compared to 90 percent of the things I've done in my career.    

I finally slide out of the car before quickly pulling my guitar case out of the trunk and heading up the driveway. The garage door is standing wide open and I immediately spot equipment stacked up along the walls.    

Keyboards, guitars, drum kits, amps, PA's, mic stands, it's all there.     

I step into the garage and can't help but smile at the posters covering the walls. Fleetwood Mac, Hendrix, Joplin, The Stones, The Beatles, Heart, Journey, Benatar. The faces of nearly every one of my favorite artists are staring back at me and for some odd reason, it kind of puts me at ease.     

"Ah.. you made it." I look up as Benny enters the garage from the house, his crooked grin firmly in place.     

"Yeah, looks like it." I shrug, awkwardly clinging to my guitar case for dear life. "So..umm..."    

"Look, as far as me and Stel are concerned... you're already in. Lucas is the one who wants the audition."    

"Oh... ok..."    

"Honestly... it's kind of pointless. He's got your albums, so obviously he already knows what you're capable of." Benny shrugs and plops down on one of the amps. "He's kind of... uptight, about this whole thing. He started the band and really wants it to go somewhere. Me and Stel are a little more realistic... we know we're a cover band... we know we aren't leaving Bayfield. But Luke's... well... he's... fuck, sorry... I'm rambling." He chuckles and rolls his eyes.     

"No, it's ok." I laugh and ease down onto another amp. I don't know why, but something about Benny reminds me a lot of Trace. "I do it too, so no worries. So you all live here?"    

"Amazingly enough. I'm sure one of us will kill the other two someday though."    

"You're here." Stella grins as she enters the garage and tosses Benny a beer. "Knew you'd change your mind."    

I am having an incredibly hard time figuring these two out.     

I'm sure their attitudes toward me could be boiled down to the fact that they're just outgoing, but they talk to me almost like they really know me. They aren't afraid to say whatever's on their mind at that exact moment, they aren't asking millions of questions, and they aren't pestering me about what's happened in the last few months.     

Honestly, the strangest thing about them is that they don't seem to care about the things most people would be jumping all over.     

"Alright... let's get this shit over with." A raspy voice echoes throughout the garage and I don't miss the way Stella rolls her eyes and frowns.    

I look up and damn near stop breathing at the sight of the man leaning against the door frame. Everything about his stance screams bored out of his mind, but his navy blue eyes are locked on me and I can only assume he's waiting for me to get started.     

All the anxiety I was feeling before has just multiplied ten fold.    

He's fucking gorgeous and so completely unimpressed with me.     

I snatch my guitar out of it's case and tune it, doing my best to ignore the fact that my hands won't stop shaking. I clear my throat and keep my eyes glued to my fingers. I know the three of them are watching me intently, but this will be much easier if I don't look at them.    

You like a man with a future
You like a woman with a past
Well do you really believe that
She said to faces in the crowd

Yesterday I was fascinated by somebody else
Yesterday I was fascinated by somebody else

And even if you did miss me
You never let me know
You prefer to be just a little bit
In and out of love with me
And not to scream and shout
You prefer to be just a little bit
In and out of agony

"Paper Doll. Nice." Lucas mutters and gives me a short nod.     

"You know it?" I look up, slightly stunned.     

Even some of the biggest Fleetwood Mac fans I know, don't know Paper Doll. So I'm just a tad surprised he does.    

"Course. I'm more partial to the older stuff, but that used to be part of our set. Unfortunately, it doesn't work so well without the female lead. You know Save Me?"    

"You're gonna be hard pressed to find one I don't know." I grin as some of my old confidence seems to flood my system.    

"Alright then, play it."

Hey you
The one with the laughing eyes
You, the one with the haunting stare
Well you
You have the power to hypnotize
I shoulda known better
I should beware
'Cos I have followed you
Done everything for you
But you just won't look my way
So come on baby and
Save me
I'm running for cover
Save me
Is it one or the other babe
Save me
It's time for somebody else
Save me
    

I finish the song and look up at Lucas to find him staring back at me, mildly annoyed.    

"Alright... you're in." He nods, finally satisfied. "We practice Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday."

"See... told you the audition was pointless." Stella smirks as Lucas turns and heads back into the house without another word.

*****************    

I hear a faint pounding on the door and quickly roll over, pulling the blankets over my head to muffle the sound.     

I don't know what kind of lunatic would be knocking on my door at seven am, but they can go the fuck away. I am in no mood for visitors this damn early.    

The pounding becomes more frequent and the volume increases steadily. Whoever it is, clearly isn't getting the hint. I throw the covers off and stop to the door before yanking it open angrily.    

"Mornin sunshine." Stella grins as she holds up a cup of coffee and bag of doughnuts.     

"What the hell are you doing here?" I mutter and rub my face tiredly. Only me, I swear.     

"Well... the boys are at work... I'm a complete insomniac and harassing you all day sounded like fun." She smiles as she pushes past me into the apartment and plops down on the couch.    

It's been one week since I joined the band and already... Stella feels comfortable enough to just barge in on me at the crack of dawn.     

Part of me finds it just a tad creepy, but another side of me is kind of thankful for it. I've met some really great people in the few months I've been here, but nobody's made me feel at home.     

I constantly feel like I'm on the outside and maybe it's my own fault. I've tried to keep my distance from everyone and everything and for some reason, Stella and Benny refuse to let me do that. They're forcing their way into my life and I actually don't mind it too much.     

Lucas, however, is a completely different story.    

It's not like he's going out of his way to be a prick or anything, he's actually been fairly nice. But it's like he's just... completely unimpressed by me. He doesn't see anything I do as overly spectacular or note worthy.     

Which in this really strange way, is kind of refreshing. As arrogant as it sounds, I'm used to people raving over me like some spoiled child. It's kind of nice to see someone treating me like they'd treat anybody else.    

I don't know why, but he's kind of intimidating. He doesn't say much and there's no denying the talent, but something about him scares the hell out of me and I haven't got a clue what it is.             

And the fact that I might be slightly infatuated with him probably doesn't help. But, I refuse to let any crushes or romantic type feelings screw this up. This has the potential to be really great for me and I'm not about to ruin it. I've let my emotions destroy things before... it won't happen again.         

"Can I ask you something? Stella looks over at me, suddenly dead serious.    

"Ask away."    

"Why are you here Madison? I mean... I've seen all those bullshit tabloid stories, but that garbage can't possibly be the truth."    

"Depends on what you heard I guess." I chuckle bitterly and roll my eyes.    

In the three months I've been in Bayfield, Stella's the first person to ask me that. But then again, she's also the first person I didn't con into believing I was someone else.    

I wouldn't exactly say she has a right to know, but... those things are what I now consider part of my past. For some reason,  telling her doesn't seem like that bad of an idea.    

I may not know her very well, but I know she isn't going to judge me or look down on me because of the things I did. I trust her and I'm not even really sure why.    

"A lot of people think they knew what was going on, but sometimes I don't think I even knew what was happening." I shrug and smile sadly. "Me and Justin never had it easy... even when we were married, it was complete shitstorm, but we got through it ok. Then, he started the label and signed Keri. I knew she was a psycho whore from day one... Justin thought I was nuts. We stopped getting along, he was never around and I was miserable. Somebody gave me a way out, I took it and everything fell apart because of it."    

"So... you just ran away then?" She asks, but it's not derogatory or condescending. She's just curious.    

"I put a lot of thought into it... I didn't just up and decide to take off. I wasn't happy... the people around me weren't happy and I needed a change of scenery.... so I left."    

"You're not happy here either."    

"But I'm not unhappy."    

"Touche." She chuckles and nods slowly. "Well... if it's any consolation, Keri Butler's album is the biggest piece of shit I've ever heard and it tanked, rightly so."    

"Yeah, it helps a bit." I giggle and roll my eyes. "But, it doesn't really matter anymore. I'm over it. I can't change any of it and there's no point in moping about it."    

"Are you really sure you're over it? I mean... it can't exactly be easy knowing some crazy broad kind of took over your life."    

"Honestly... I'm just glad Justin had somebody there. I know him well enough to know he'd make himself miserable without some type of distraction. If he's happy with her, more power to him."    

"You're the weirdest girl I've ever fucking met, ya know that? I mean... I can respect wanting out of LA, but I'm not buying this 'if he's happy, I'm happy' horseshit. No reasonable person thinks that way. You hate the fact that he's with her... you can admit it, it's not a crime. And honestly, I wouldn't blame you for wanting to gouge her eyes out with a spoon. From what I've heard... bitch deserves a lot worse."    

"I broke her nose once." I smile smugly. Even now, I can clearly remember the loud crack that echoed through the house when my fist made contact with Keri's face.     

I almost forgot how much I enjoyed that.    

And ok fine... I may not be thrilled that she's who Justin chose to replace me with, but atleast he had somebody. The idea of him broody and miserable is ten times more disturbing than the thought of him with someone else. Even if that someone is the psycho demon whore from hell.    

"And I'm sure you'd love to do it again."    

"I guess I wouldn't mind it."    

Stella smirks at me and nods knowingly. "We ever run into her, I'll be glad to hold her down for ya."    

Something tells me my trust in Stella isn't completely unfounded and I've got a funny feeling she may end up being the best friend I've ever had.

"Paper Doll" & "Save Me"-Fleetwood Mac