"So, exactly what do you want from me?"
"Trace needs help with this scouting thing, and obviously, you're good at it. I just... I figure... you need a job, we need the help. Everybody wins, right?" I do my best to smile convincingly, but based on the disbelieving look in his eyes, I've got a funny feeling I'm not pulling it off so well.
"Honestly Justin... I don't have a good feeling about this. I mean... it doesn't take a fucking genius to see that you and I have some issues with each other."
I nod slowly, a little surprised at his words. Of course I have issues with him. The guy wrote a fucking book and called me out in front of the entire world. Who wouldn't have an issue with that?
But, I really don't see where he's got the right to have a problem with me. I didn't do a damn thing to him. And, even after he dicked me over, I'm still decent enough to offer him a job. He should be kissing my fucking feet right about now.
"Look... maybe it's not right, but I blame you for most of what happened with Madison." I flinch at the sound of her name, but he doesn't seem to notice. "You let Keri over shadow her in every way possible, and that's why she isn't here anymore. You pushed her down so far, she ruined herself and everything I fucking killed myself for. I'm not saying she's totally innocent and you better believe there's a big fucking grudge there, but had she still been your priority... none of that ever would have happened."
"You're not some damn saint either." I mutter, a little too defensively.
Everything he just said hits entirely too close to home and I'm not quite ready to hear it yet.
"You worked her too damn hard... she needed a break and you just wouldn't let up."
"You're right." He says simply and nods. "But I know that. I know I added fuel to the fire. That's the difference between us Justin. I accepted it and moved on. You can't even hear her name without tensing up."
Guess he noticed after all.
"This isn't about her." I spit out through gritted teeth. "Do you want the fucking job or not?"
"Depends. Are you going to actually let me do this and trust my judgement, or question every move I make?"
"You and Trace have complete freedom to present whatever you find. But the final decision is mine. This my label... I decide who we sign and who we pass on."
He nods slowly, satisfied with my answer. "I can live with that. We cool now?" He stands up and extends his hand to me with a smile.
"Yeah man... we're cool."
I swear to Christ, if this blows up in my face, I'm gonna hang Trace from the fucking rafters of this building.
***************
"Look at this!" Her screech seems to echo throughout the entire floor and I can't help but cringe.
Fuck.
Why didn't I realize until now just how irritating her voice is?
I glance down at the object she's just thrown on my desk and roll my eyes. It's not like it's the first time we've seen something like this. I really don't know what the big damn deal is.
"Rolling Stone, Justin. Rolling Stone called me mediocre!" She cries and collapses into a chair across from me.
My eyes scan the page quickly, certain phrases here and there jumping out at me.
Mediocre at best.
Over produced.
Weak vocals.
No emotion.
Poor lyrical content.
Over all rating: one and a half stars.
The good people at Rolling Stone have deemed Keri's album complete shit, and I'm not the least bit surprised. Granted, I don't agree with them on the material or production, but they've pretty much hit the nail on the head with everything else.
"Everybody gets bad reviews Ker. Shit happens."
"This wasn't supposed to happen. You promised me..." She trails off, tears forming in her eyes.
"Promised you what, exactly?" I snap and roll my eyes. "I promised you that you'd record an album... I didn't promise that the whole fucking world would worship you... I didn't promise that you'd get good reviews. Your album is shit Keri! That's not my fault. You're not a songwriter. Suck it the fuck up and deal with it!"
"It's not your fault?" She laughs bitterly and shakes her head. "Funny... I could have sworn you were just as much a part of this as I was."
"Yeah, I was. But you don't see me whining about it, do you?"
She really is overreacting and maybe I'm being a little harsh, but she'll have to get over it. Everybody gets a shitty review at some point. A big part of being in this business is accepting the fact that not everyone's going to like you, or the product you put out.
And yeah, I know that as a newcomer, Keri won't have skin as thick as somebody like me, but come the fuck on. She's acting like the entire world should be raving over her album.
Sorry, but it just doesn't work that way.
And you know what's funny? I used to hate the fact that Madison never cared what people thought or said about her. She would have read a review like that and laughed it off.
It used to drive me up the damn wall, but somewhere along the line, I grew to love it. She did what made her happy and if other people didn't like it, that was their problem.
It's times like this that I realize the two of them are nothing alike and never will be.
"You're right." She sighs, quickly wiping off her face. "You're right. I need to get used to this stuff."
Alright... I really wasn't expecting that.
"Yeah... well... it takes time. Don't worry about it." I mutter and shrug.
And there's yet another difference staring me straight in the face.
There's no fucking way Madison would have backed down that easy. She would have launched into some insane tirade that ended with both of us screaming till we were blue in the face and still wouldn't reach any type of solution.
As crazy as it sounds, I even miss fighting with her.
Whether we were fighting, just bickering or actually getting along, there was always something behind it.
When I'm arguing with Keri, I just don't feel anything. Hell, even when I'm getting along with her, I don't feel anything.
Maybe that's the biggest problem. I don't feel anything with her. Period.
"Let's get out of here." She says suddenly and rises from her chair. "We haven't gone out in awhile."
And there's a reason for that, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her, I guess.
The idea of being seen anywhere in public with Keri scares the hell out of me. I know for a fact, there'll be some kind of mob following our every move and whatever pictures they get, will end up all over the damn place.
I may not know where Madison is or what she's doing, but there's always a risk of her seeing something like that.
Obviously, she doesn't give two shits what I do, otherwise she'd still be here, but I do care. I care enough to still hold out some hope that seeing me with Keri would bother her.
And maybe it's further proof of my insanity, but to this day, I don't want to hurt her.
All the shit that girl's done to me and I'll still go out of my way to keep from upsetting her. I really am fucked up.
"Yeah... fine." I mutter and follow her out of my office.
Within minutes, we're in my car, pulling out of the lot and I can't help but roll my eyes as she flips through radio stations, stopping just long enough to pick up a note or two of whatever's playing.
She finally settles on a station and my shoulders tense immediately at the sound of the voice pouring out of the speakers.
I'm confusing as hell
I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
"Well... we can turn that crap off." Keri scoffs and reaches for the dial again, but I quickly push her hand away.
"Leave it."
"Oh come on Justin. This song sucks."
"I said leave it." I reply through gritted teeth.
"Fine. Torture yourself." She mutters angrily and folds her arms across her chest.
Of course she wouldn't want to listen to anything Madison's ever done. I'd imagine it's a pretty big slap in the face for her, but I really just don't care.
And she couldn't even begin to understand what this song would mean to me. I don't think I even understood myself until just now.
Madison played this song for me the night she told me she wanted a divorce. And at the time, I guess I was too damn mad to really hear the words, to hear what she was really trying to say.
It doesn't matter where she is, if we're together or not, she still loves me.
Maybe it's wishful thinking, but some part of me honestly believe that she'll be back someday.
"Maybe"-Kelly Clarkson
