"Well?" Trace shoots me a hopeful look as he stops the cd and turns around.    

"Oh come on man... that was fucking awful."    

He clenches his teeth immediately and glares at me. "No, it's not."    

"Yeah, it is. It sounds like that fucking Fall Out Boy, whiney, emo bullshit. There's nothing original about it. I'm not gonna put out more of the same shit that's already out there man. There's no point." I sigh and shake my head.        

I know he's trying, and I do feel pretty shitty for dumping on him, but we've been over this a thousand fucking times.     

I want something different, something that's going to catch people's attention. I already tried putting out an artist who wasn't completely original and that's blown up in my face, so I think it's time for a new approach.    

"You know what your problem is? You're too wrapped up in your own bullshit. She left dude... be a man and get the fuck over it. Write a song about it... shit, I don't know. Just stop being a pathetic douche. You're really starting to piss me off."    

"Gee Trace, tell me how you really feel." I mutter and roll my eyes.    

I know there's a lot of truth behind what he's saying, but I refuse to admit that to him. My attitude toward work has nothing to do with my personal life.    

And honestly, it's been atleast a month or so since I even thought about Madison. It wasn't even really a conscious effort to not think about her. It was a slow progression, really.     

I thought about her a little less each day until finally, I stopped completely.     

And it was going really well, until about five minutes ago.    

Thanks a fucking lot, Trace.     

"Don't even sit there and act like you're dealing with that shit, cause you're not. Nobody's allowed to fucking talk about her... you've turned into some kind of dick head zombie... nobody does anything right in your eyes. It's like somebody fucking died around here and I'm god damn tired of it." He finishes and lets out a breath, shaking his head quickly. "There I said it... and don't look at me like I just ran over your damn dog. You needed to hear that shit."        

He's right. I know he's right. But what the hell am I supposed to do about it?    

It's not like I can just pick up like nothing happened and go on with my life. I'm still bitter as hell and I don't see myself getting over it any time soon.     

And dicking around with Keri isn't helping anything. If I was smart, I'd cut her loose and take the time to really get over Madison and her bullshit, but the idea of being alone makes me sick to my stomach.    

Keri offers a distraction, granted it's not much, but it's something. If I give it up, it's going to give me entirely too much time to sit and process everything and I'm just not up for it.     

It's easier to just brush it off and ignore it. Hey... I never said I was smart.     

"And what do you suggest I do about that?"    

"Get trashed with me, of course." He grins. "We'll go grab Jace, then go out and stir up some shit."    

"And what about Keri?"    

"Fuck her." He shrugs. "Oh wait... I believe you already did that."    

"Cute." I roll my eyes as he smirks at me.     

"Seriously man... who gives a shit what she thinks? It's not like you're that into her."    

"Good point." I nod and slide out of my seat. "Let's go."     

"Sweet." Trace grins as we head out of my office.     

Maybe it's time I started living my life again, the way I want to live it. Like Trace said... it's not like I really give a shit what Keri thinks. I'm free to do whatever the hell I want, if she doesn't like it, she can kiss my ass.     

I'm done bending over backwards for these chicks.

******************    

I open my eyes and frown at my unfamiliar surroundings. Trace's plan of stirring up whatever shit we could seems to have gone swimmingly. I'm not sure yet if that's a good or bad thing.     

I turn my head to the left and roll my eyes at the brunette passed out next to me. It's not like this is a new situation for me, but it's been so damn long since I've been here, been this guy.     

But the weird thing is... I don't feel guilty like I thought I would. I'm not proud of it, but I don't have that sense of regret that I was so sure would hit me.     

When you get right down to it, I just cheated on my girlfriend, if that's what you want to call her, and I don't feel the least bit bad about it. How shitty is that?    

I know I'm being a prick about this. I'm using her to fill a gap that was left by someone else, and I know it's wrong, but I don't feel bad about it.    

And I should. I should feel like the world's biggest asshole. I should hate myself. I should be thinking of ways to tell her the truth, that I feel absolutely nothing for her.    

But, I'm not. I don't care about her enough to even be honest with her.     

And really, why should I?     

I could be wrong, but I can't help thinking that she sees me as some kind of consolation prize. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I know her main goal was to beat Madison in whatever way she could.    

Unfortunately, she's arrogant enough to think she's won. After all, Madison turned tail and ran while Keri's still here, with me no less. I'm sure she thinks she's on top of the fucking world, but she's dead ass wrong.    

If anything, she's losing more and more everyday.     

I slide out of bed, pulling on my clothes at the speed of light and hauling ass out of the apartment, praying that girl doesn't wake up before I'm a safe distance away. I reach my house in record time and can't help but groan at the sight of Keri's car in the driveway.   

She'd been doing some promo in New York the last few days. I guess she got home late last night, or maybe this morning.     

I trudge into the house and up the stairs, ignoring the dogs as they yap at my heels, following me the whole way to my room. I push the door open gently and am a little surprised to find Keri seated in the center of my bed, flipping channels.    

I'd figured, hoped really, that she'd be asleep and I could just crash without having to explain anything.    

"Where the hell have you been?" She turns to face me, eyes narrowed into small slits. "I called you a thousand times."    

I yank my phone out of my pocket and roll my eyes at the five missed calls message flashing across the screen. "You should check your math."    

"Don't get smart with me Justin... I am so not in the mood."    

"Alright... who shit in your wheaties this morning?" I chuckle as I slide into bed. I really am a dick for finding her irritation amusing, but... I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I don't give a fuck.    

"Well... let's start with the fact that I'm home two days early, then I come back to an empty house after the beyond shitty three days I've just had."    

"Oh yeah?"    

"Yes. Every single one of those interviews was a joke. Not once was I asked about the album... or when I'll be able to tour... all they wanted to know about was you and her." She rolls her eyes as she spits the words out. "Why is this happening? I swear, it's like the whole damn world is mourning her or something, it's ridiculous."        

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"    

"Apparently the loss of her talent is devastating." She snorts and rolls her eyes again. "And they seem to blame me for her disappearing act. I showed the world what a hack she was and I'm the bad guy."    

"Oh, the Fleetwood Mac thing?"    

"Yeah... one of the DJ's asked me why I stole her thunder." She shakes her head and sighs loudly. "No more interviews for awhile, alright? I don't deserve that crap. Anyway... where the hell have you been?"    

"Out with Jc and Trace."    

"Oh that's just fantastic." She mutters darkly. "First I spend three days hearing how I'm a Madison Fox clone, and a shitty one at that, then I come home to find out that you're spending even more time with her fan club. Great."    

"Keri... chill out and get some sleep. You're just tired."    

I'm not getting into this with her. No fucking way.     

I know the fact that I let her run her mouth as much as she wants is a big part of the problem, but I just don't have the energy to fight her on it. She can say whatever the hell she wants, but I know it's bullshit and that's all that matters.     

"Yeah... you're right." She sighs and curves her body to fit mine. "I'm sorry."    

"Don't worry about it." I mumble and shut my eyes.     

"I love you." She murmurs and presses her lips to my forehead. Within a matter of minutes, she's fast asleep and my eyes shoot back open.    

Now would be the perfect time for the guilt to kick in, but it's not coming.     

I've let this girl fall in love with me and I still don't give a shit about the things I'm doing to her, the way I'm using her. At first, I thought I didn't know why I was doing this, but the answer is suddenly clear as fucking day.    

She isn't Madison. And it's become impossible for me to care about anyone but Madison.