"Okay, so now that we've got Hamlet down, we're gonna work on some Edgar Allan Poe," Patricia announced like the schoolteacher Justin could see her as when they finished college. Patricia was an excellent teacher. She saw themes and meanings in stories that Justin would never see in a million years. From the politics in Mac Beth to the purpose of redundancy in Emerson's "Self-Reliance", she knew it all.

Justin felt smarter whenever he listened to her, but focusing on Edgar Allan Poe was hard to do with Patricia's knee brushing against his. They were tucked beneath the coffee table, using it as a desk with books and notes scattered everywhere. They were only an hour into their study session and Justin knew his parents were probably just settling into their seats after a quick dinner. They would most likely go to have dessert at Pink's cafe downtown afterward, maybe have a drink or two... Patricia and him had hours alone and Justin had a clear idea of how he wanted to spend his time with her.

He stared at her profile as she rambled on about Poe's "The Cat". Justin wasn't following a single word, but he was watching her mouth and the way her lips moved. They looked so soft and full. Justin had never kissed a black girl before. He wondered what she tasted like. Patricia would have to be the sweetest taste any man could imagine. It made his mouth water just thinking about it as his eyes skimmed down her neck and the curve of her breasts. They were so large and round like ripe grapefruits. They were probably soft too and sensitive to touch. His touch. He could hear the way she would moan when he'd touch her. He could practically feel the warmth of her body underneath his... A shot of electricity straight to Justin's groin as he sat up and folded his hands into his lap, gasping at the sensation. Patricia turned with raised brows when he jumped up so suddenly. Justin turned a shade of crimson.

"What's wrong?" Patricia said, looking over his flushed face. She thought that maybe she had said something he didn't understand. She didn't mean to ramble on about Poe, but he was one of her favorite authors.

"Huh?" Justin asked dumbly, getting too caught up in the way her eyes were staring up into his before she shyly looked away.

"You're jumpin' like you're scared or somethin'," she said, flipping through his notebook, "I guess this story was pretty scary."

"You read it before?" Justin asked, feeling his groin relax a little now that he wasn't so mixed up in his thoughts.

"Justin, I just read it out loud to you," Patricia laughed, looking at him strangely, "Are you okay?" Justin's face flared up again as he looked at his folded hands.

"I guess I just need a break from things," he smirked, "I'm spacing out."

"I guess we could take a little snack break," Patricia smirked, glancing at their emptied dinner plates, piled up at the right side of the coffee table. "I can finish up those dishes while you eat. What do you want?" Justin wanted to tell her that what he hungered for couldn't be found in the refrigerator, but he just shrugged.

"I don't know yet," he said, "But I'll walk you to the kitchen and see if something peeks my interest." Patricia shrugged slid out from under the table. Justin did the same. They both stood and he grabbed the plates before she could bother. She playfully nudged him on their way to the kitchen and he bumped her with his hip, making her giggle.

Once they were in the kitchen, Justin dumped the dishes in the sink and Patricia shooed him out of the way when he tried to wash them.

"I've got it, Justin," she said.

"I can get two dishes," he argued.

"It's my job," she shot back, "Just go find something you want to eat." Justin rolled his eyes, no longer in the mood to fight with her. He sat at the counter on a stool and watched as she scrubbed away. He glanced over her backside, taking in the voluptuous curve of her bottom. His groin tightened again and he closed his eyes and thought of his Aunt Sue in a swimsuit. He almost took out his own eyes last summer when her wrinkled skin hung over the edges of her swimwear.

"Did you make a decision?" Patricia said, turning off the running water. Justin snapped his eyes open. She was leaning back against the sink, drying her hands with a dishtowel. Justin watched as she folded it up and hung it over the sink's edge.

"I'm not hungry," he said, "But I could use something sweet." Patricia looked away from his gaze and thought for a moment.

"We still have some of your peanut butter cookies left. I stashed some away for you," she offered. Justin stood from his seat on the counter; his stomach warped with vivacious butterflies.

"I wasn't talkin' about cookies, Patty," he said, approaching her slowly, languidly. She looked him up and down, growing anxious as he approached.

"I can make you some brownies if you like..." she said, trailing off just as he stopped two inches in front of her. His eyes were like magnets, but she pulled her eyes away to stare at her school shoes, "It won't take very long..." she tried again, but her voice fell. His scent was making her skin warm up. He always smelled like soap and pine and honeysuckle. It was so nice and manly. She didn't know what to do when his warm hand touched against her cheek, skimming along her jaw. She stayed looking down until his fingers rested under her chin and guided her face upward. Patricia felt lightheaded when he looked down at her. His eyes were larger, pupils dilated. She placed her trembling hands on the sink behind her to keep her balance.

"I was actually thinking of something a little sweeter," he said softly, his eyes glancing down at her mouth before locking with her gaze again. Patricia felt her heart pounding and something between her legs jolted straight through her spine.

"Like wh-what?" she stammered, getting embarrassed when a coy smile spread across his baby face.

"It's okay," he assured, "I'm nervous too."

"You don't look it," Patricia said softly, gasping when he took another step forward, lining their bodies up. His hands rested on either side of her face and the heat from his body seemed to burn right through her clothes and onto her skin.

"Patricia..." he said, closing his eyes for a moment like he was in pain. He re-opened them and ran his hands up to her hair, moving his fingers along the soft, woven design of her braids. "You're so beautiful."

Patricia tried to laugh, but it got stuck in her throat. "No, I'm not." Justin's eyes softened at her serious disregard to her beauty. He could see she truly believed what she was saying and it made him defensive. It made him want to beat Shane up again for making her feel bad. He wanted to destroy anybody who ever put her down.

"Yes, you are," Justin said, "You're always beautiful, Patty." She shook her head.

"I know what I look like, Justin, but it's sweet for you to say that." Patricia knew she was a lot of things, but beautiful was not one of them. Penny was beautiful and so was Tracey, but Patricia Hurley was average. She had boring hair and features. She didn't wear heels or got her hair done. Patricia didn't have good clothes that made her shapely like the other girls. She wasn't anything desirable and yet, Justin - a white, rich, handsome boy - was nice enough to say she was. At least Patricia knew she was a good person. That was the only reason why he was trying to make her feel better.

"I'm not just saying it," Justin said, "I mean it, Patty. I've seen a lot of pretty girls, but none of them make me feel like this." Patricia snapped out of her thoughts. She looked up into Justin's eyes and his gaze never faltered.

"What?" she asked because she had heard him without really hearing him.

"I said nobody makes me feel like this..." Justin repeated, blushing deeper. A chill ran through Patricia, not only from his words, but how his hands traveled down her sides and rested on her hips. "It kind of scares me to be feeling this way..." His confession was caused by a knot growing in the very pit of his belly, weighing him down. He was so close to her, but it wasn't enough. Justin yearned to voice what was inside, but nothing really added up to his emotions and to the physical strain his attraction to her placed over him.

"Feeling like what?" she asked, not really believing him. Patricia couldn’t think of why she’d make him feel like anything. Justin made her skin warm with a glance and her hands were starting to hurt from gripping the sink basin so hard, but she couldn’t be doing the same to him. He didn’t seem as nervous or distracted as she was. He wasn’t panicking and stuttering like she was.

"I feel like… Iike I've gotta have you or I'm gonna die or somethin’," he said, laughing at himself. Patricia didn't laugh, she could barely find her voice.

"Oh," she said simply. Justin cheeks burned and he shifted his weight from one foot to the next. He licked his dry lips and watched Patricia trace the movement of his tongue when it moistened the surface of his mouth. It made him blush more.

"Is that a bit much?" he asked, gripping her hips a little, just to feel the softness of her flesh better. The smooth cotton of her skirt was warm with her body heat.

"No," Patricia said automatically, looking at him behind her long lashes. Justin’s entire body flared when she bit her bottom lip and looked away. Her innocence was her most attractive quality. Justin wondered if she had ever been with anybody else. The thought of another boy touching her made Justin jealous. He didn’t like the idea of Patricia being touched by anybody but him, even though he had no rights to her.

"Do you feel like that...about me?" Justin glanced down momentarily, "I mean...Not die, really, but maybe the whole...wanting me thing...ya know?" Patricia swallowed down, trying to ignore the gentle stroke of his thumb against her hip. It was a subconscious motion, she was sure, but everywhere he touched tingled. Of course she wanted him. She didn't know what to do with him in any regard, but she knew she wanted him. Patricia was like a dog chasing a truck, barking and running at full speed, but what will the dog do when the said truck stops and it can finally have it?

Patricia could not answer that question. Justin was a truck she'd never catch and even if she did, the white man driving that truck would probably kick her doggy self to the side since she had no business near his truck. But Patricia still wanted Justin to make her tingle everywhere possible. The thought alone made Patty blush. What would her pastor say? What would her mama say? Thinking of what they would think made Patricia think about the rest of town. What did it matter if she wanted him or not? They couldn't have each other. Not like that.

"I don't think we should be talkin' 'bout this stuff, Justin," Patricia said, looking down at the hardwood floor of the kitchen. Her heart was fluttering in her chest.

"You think too much," Justin smirked, pinching her side playfully. Patricia involuntarily giggled before swatting his hand away.

"I'm serious, Justin," Patricia said, sighing as she looked up at him, "I don't want any trouble." Justin frowned a bit at the hesitance in her eyes. She was scared of what he was saying because he was scared too. Justin wasn't blind to the facts of their world, but he was empowered by his right to be free. He wished Patricia would just stick with him, go out on a limb and just do what she wanted and not what she was told to do by society or anybody for that matter. But he knew that even if the world weren’t as narrow-minded and hateful, his mother wouldn't approve of her in a million years and if mama didn't say yes, dad was sure to agree. Justin wanted to roll his eyes at the very thought.

"There won't be trouble," Justin assured, gently skimming the back of his hand across her soft cheek, watching the peachy tones of his skin clash against the brown, smooth surface. "I won't let anything happen."

"You're just talkin' a bunch of stuff so that I'll give in," Patricia playfully poked his chest, trying to ignore the taut muscle she felt.

"Miss. Hurley, are you accusin' me of tryin' to seduce you?" Justin smirked leaning back a bit to raise a brow comically. Patricia felt blood rushing to her cheeks as she shrugged. Was she accusing Justin of seducing her? She had never been seduced, so she wasn't sure what seduction looked like. It made her nervous to have him staring down at her, looking over her body so openly, his hands on her hips without hesitance. Patricia had never been with anybody before and she'd rather die than say that out loud to Justin. He obviously wasn't going to be happy with that news anyway.

She had seen the girls he brought home. He didn't take home the innocent girls. He liked the girls with rumors and reputations. Patricia had never even kissed before. She was never seen as more than a friend to any boy who even bothered to acknowledge her. Patricia was accepting she'd be alone until her husband came along. Patricia thought it would be sweet and she would be in love; true, deep love that God intended all people to be in. Not some nonsensical crush she had on a white boy. Justin wasn't stable and she wasn't going to waste her time or body on something that couldn’t go anywhere. Patricia knew that she’d find love and seventeen years of her youth spent alone wouldn’t matter once she got it. She couldn’t start something as risky as this business with Justin because she felt lonely at times. Patricia had enough things to worry about as it is.

"I think we should get back to studying..." Patricia mumbled, looking down at the stripes that decorated Justin's gray button up. They were different shades of purple lines. From lilac and lavender to plum and grape. Patricia wanted to trace them with her fingertips just so she could feel his body without actually having to feel him at all, just the contours of his stomach and chest. Just the warmth of his body against her hands...

"You didn't answer my question," Justin said, not allowing her to skim by that easy. Patricia had a way of over thinking and talking her way out of being honest. Justin just wanted to know he wasn't the only one feeling the way he was.

"I shrugged," Patricia argued gently.

"Not the seducin'," Justin clarified, leaning back over her and becoming serious, "I gotta know if you want me too, Patty. If you feel like I do." The knot that tore through his stomach at his words made him bite his lip, a habit he was picking up from Patricia.

"Justin, it doesn’t matter what I want," Patricia said, shrugging yet again, "People hardly ever get what they want. I want mama to be healthy and she still isn’t. I want to go to college, but I’ll never be able to afford it. I want long hair that curls up real nice like Tracey’s. And I want a car too. A nice Ford that I can pull up to school with and not have to worry about walking halfway across town every day…"

"I want all those things for you too," Justin said cupping her cheek in his hand. Patricia kept looking away from him anyway. "Patty, please look at me." Patricia couldn’t stand the sadness in his tone and she looked up and rolled her eyes.

"I really wish you wouldn’t," she said, already seeing his speech coming, "It’s nice that you want all those things for me too, but it doesn’t change anything."

"I just want to know what you’re feeling," Justin said, feeling his heart tense up, looking for reassurance. Patricia sighed when his eyes pleaded with her.

"Yes, Justin…" she admitted, reluctantly. "I feel the same way…" Patricia wanted to cross her arms over her chest, but was afraid to touch Justin’s body by doing so. She felt strangely naked and vulnerable.

"Good," Justin said, his hand skimming along her jaw line again. He loved the way her face shaped out so perfectly, so softly. Patricia trembled when his hand caressed down her neck. She watched Justin's face as he watched his own hand move over her body. He was tracing her shoulder and arm before stopping at her hip again. Her heart slammed against her rib cage when he looked up and focused his attention on her mouth. Justin licked his lips again and looked her in the eyes. Her eyes appeared to be larger, wide with anxiousness. Justin placed his hands on either side of her body, leaning against the sink, which squeaked beneath his weight. Patricia stood up straighter, letting out a shaky breath.

"We really should get back to–"

"Stop talkin’, woman," Justin interrupted. Patricia felt her insides flip and flop about when Justin leant his head down. She stopped breathing, but he simply brushed their noses. "I won’t kiss you unless you want me to..." His warm breath touched her face and Patricia’s brain was on empty. Her vision was getting blurry.

"I-I…umm…" Patricia couldn’t talk. She was afraid her breath smelled like mashed potatoes. She was afraid her lips were dry. She was afraid that he would kiss her anyway and she wouldn’t know what to do.

"You what?" Justin said, his hand suddenly on the back of her neck, his thumb caressing a spot behind her ear. He pulled back a bit and searched her eyes. He watched her swallow down hard. Patricia's brown orbs were wild with uneasiness and Justin felt awkwardly out of place all of a sudden. Had he pushed her beyond her limits? Was she scared now?

"I hate it when you just look at me," Patricia blurted out.

"I'm sorry," he apologized softly, but still stared, "I'm just taking you in."

"I don't even know what that means," she said, but Justin moved back up to brush their noses, making her heart jump again.

"Patricia..." Justin said shakily. He tilted his head, kissing the side of her mouth. Patricia whimpered and the sound made his body stiffen. Justin wanted nothing more than to grab her and take her anywhere in the kitchen, but he couldn't. She was already shaking from his innocent kisses down her cheek. He didn't want to come off too strong.

Patricia instinctively reached out for him though, grabbing onto the back of his neck just as his nose trailed her jaw from chin to ear. Her whole body caught fire when he kissed behind her lobe. Another soft whimper fell from her slightly parted lips. Justin's groin tensed as she gently rubbed the cropped curls at the nape of his neck.

He retraced his previous steps, resting his lips against her throat and kissing upward. She tilted her head back and sighed. He moved his lips to her chin and finally the corner of her mouth. Justin brushed their noses and pulled back slightly as she slowly opened her eyes again. He watched her swallow down as she stared up at him with a wondrous expression. Justin's eyes fought a losing battle to not look at her mouth and he reached his hand up to run his thumb along the soft flesh.

"Justin?" Patricia lips moved and he locked the image of how his name fell from her mouth before looking up at her eyes.

"Yes?" His thumb now caressed along the length of her cheek.

"I want you to kiss me," Patricia said, "But I don't know what I'm doing." Justin knew she wasn't lying, but he wanted it clearly confirmed.

"You've never been with anybody?" he asked. Patricia looked away and shook her head.

"Never," she said softly, "I know it's dumb or something, but... I just never did."

"I don't think it's dumb," Justin assured. Patricia looked at him suspiciously, "Really, Patty, I think it's sweet. I like that about you." Patricia didn't say anything. She was at a loss for words. Such a positive reaction to something so embarrassing was surprising, to say the least.

Silence engulfed them and Patricia nervously looked away from Justin's unwavering gaze. Her arm was still draped over his shoulder, her fingers gently coiling his curls.

"So..." Patricia began, the silence turning awkward for her, "What now?" Justin shrugged.

"Whatever you want," Justin said softly. Patricia glanced at his lips, pink and pout as they were, before shyly staring at his chin, the only part of his body that wasn't intimidating.

"I think we should finish up studying," Patricia said, her body aching with disagreement, "You've got that big exam and your parents will be home tonight and I still have to get this kitchen mopped up and sweep the porch..." Justin couldn't deny the disappointment in his gut, but he placed his smile on. He wasn't going to pout and guilt her into anything. Patricia would come around at her own pace.

"You're right, let’s finish up," he agreed, bending down to kiss her forehead. He closed his eyes as he did so, taking in the sweet menthol of her hair. Patricia felt cold when he finally pulled away, his body no longer lining hers. He stepped back to give her ample space to stand up and release the sink. Her palms were red and sweaty as she wiped them on her gray skirt. She looked down as she did so because Justin was still watching her.

Patricia wished she could just look at him for more than half a second at a time. He was so beautiful and deserved the admiration, but her stomach always got knotted up and filled with butterflies when she looked at him. It was frustrating to be so shy. Like Justin said, she wanted to take him in too.

"You okay?" Justin asked, watching her finally finish wiping off her hands and staring at the ground. It had taken too long for her to do such a small task and the frown on her face made him concerned.

"Yes," Patricia answered automatically, looking up at him for just a moment. The kitchen light illuminated the bright blue of his eyes and she glanced away, internally kicking herself. "Lets go hit the book." Justin raised a brow, but didn't say anything as she started towards the kitchen door. He did, however, take her arm to slow her down for a moment. Patricia looked at him, confused by the disruption of her stride, but Justin simply smiled and glanced down between them as they walked side by side.

Patricia thought to do the same, but she felt it. She felt his hand slip around her arm, sliding down to her hand. His oversized palm rested against hers before he slid his long fingers between her short ones, locking them together. It seemed like the butterflies were replaced by hummingbirds in her stomach and the uneven thumping of her heart made her stop walking for a moment.

"Is that okay?" Justin asked when she just stared at their hands. He glanced down, taking in the difference of shade, shape, and size.

"Yes..." she said softly, something in her building up in the deepest depth of her stomach. "It's different, I guess."

"You'll get used to it," Justin assured, having already planned to hold her hand at any given opportunity, "It's a nice kind of difference though, right?" Patricia nodded, giving his hand a squeeze. It was so warm and soft that it heated up her entire body. The sheer size of his hands and the way they overpowered hers made her feel safe, like he could protect her from anything - even the world. After all, those were the same hands that put Shane in the hospital. They were the same hands that rose to silence his mother whenever she would verbally attack Patricia. Those were also the same hands that made her skin tingle where he caressed or rubbed her...

"We need to really get to work, Justin," Patricia said, clearing her throat and fighting off a small smile. She felt like she would burst in the sudden rush of giddiness running through her. "Your parents will be mad if I don't finish the house."

"Then lets finish the house first," Justin suggested, "We got a lot of studying out of the way. We can do some work and then get back to it." Patricia liked that idea, but glanced towards the large window in the living room, covered in beige, lace curtain. The sun had turned down for the day, living the sky in a bright array of purples and oranges, even hints of pink.

"It's gettin' late," Patricia said, "I oughta get the porch swept. I need to make it home soon." Justin nodded, not letting go of her hand. She stopped walking for a moment, giggling a bit. "I need both hands to clean, Justin." He shook his head.

He gently kissed along her knuckles before reluctantly releasing her. "I'll get the mop then." Patricia went to argue, but he pressed a finger to her lips. "It'll get the work done faster and then I'll walk you home." Patricia shook her head.

"No," she managed to say against her finger before he laughed as she swatted his hand away playfully. "Seriously, I don't want you walking me home. You're grounded anyway."

Justin shrugged. "Being grounded is meaningless. It's gettin' dark."

"I've walked home in the dark before," Patricia said defiantly, "I can take care of myself."

"I don't doubt that," Justin smile that crooked smile she adored, "But... I really just want to walk you."

"Not all the way," Patricia said, feeling worry build up. A white boy walking her home would be the talk of her town. Penny lived a block away and if Penny heard, the whole black community would be down Patricia's throat looking for answers. No, he would not be walking her home tonight or any night, for that matter.

"Fine, part way," Justin agreed, rolling his eyes when she raised a brow that spoke volumes, "I promise - No, I swear I'll only walk you halfway."

"Thank you," Patricia sighed, "Lets get to cleaning. Maybe we can squeeze a book in before we go." Justin rolled his eyes again when Patricia turned towards the kitchen, sashaying all the way. He watched the way her hips moved from side to side. Patricia turned and glanced over her shoulder, smiling bashfully and Justin couldn't stop the smile that spread along his face. Patty soon disappeared outside the front door to begin her sweeping. Justin stood in the center of the living room, smiling like a fool where she left him. His heart fluttered in his chest like hummingbird wings and he bit his bottom lip, turning back towards the kitchen quickly. Justin had never been more anxious to clean in his life. The faster the job, the sooner he'd be at her side, walking her home and holding hands...

Justin stopped midway in the kitchen, looking up at the beige ceiling. He hadn't been to church the way he should and it had been a while since choir, but he cleared his throat and looked up, closing his eyes for just a moment.

"Lord, I know ain't been that great a Christian, but all good men fall at times," he said, "You've given me a lot, Lord, but I just want this one thing and it's not even for me. I just want Patty to have all those things she wanted. Her mama gettin' better and all... And if you have some time for me, could you let me have her, Lord? Not like that, really, but in the good kind of lovin' way. The love you like...ya know?" Justin opened one eye and glanced about the room before closing it. "Anyway, that's about it. Thanks, Jesus."

With a sigh and a smile, Justin carried on with getting the chores done, hoping God had heard him and would give him what he wanted. If not tomorrow, than the next day. If not the next day, than next year. Justin felt like he'd wait forever if he had to.