“Justin, over here!”

“Reese, Reese! You two back together?”

“Justin!”

“God, you’d think they’d have some fucking respect,” Justin muttered evilly. He kept his expression as blank and emotionless as possible as he continued driving the car forward. Fortunately the crematorium had gates and a guest list, so the paparazzi wouldn’t be joining them for the service. Less fortunately they’d arrived at the same time as a bunch of other cars and the queuing gave them added time to get shots.

“Not sure why you’d think that,” Reese replied. She was trying not to let her mind race off with thoughts of where those pictures would end up and the speculation they’d start. After the first few months of rumours about the end of their engagement the tabloids had lost all interest in her – she really hadn’t missed it. “Respect is something human beings have for other human beings, pond scum doesn’t qualify.”

“True.”

It was as much as they’d said to each other the whole ride over. The silence wasn’t as aggressive as it might once have been, but conversation had remained thin on the ground. Part of that was down to the event and part of it was a simple lack of anything to say to each other. In their tentative new armistice neither of them seemed to know exactly what the score was supposed to be.

Finally they got through the gate, following the other cars along the long and winding drive. Justin’s fingers drummed against the steering wheel, anxious to get this part of the day over with.

“Reese?”

“Yeah?” She answered without looking up at him. She was digging in her purse for her lip gloss. Reapplying it became a compulsion when she was nervous. Something about primping her make up made her feel like she was arming herself for the day ahead - she did it whenever she was facing a bad day at work too.

“Can we make a deal?”

Now she did turn to look at him, her head tilting sideways with a wary slowness. “Depends on the deal.”

“For today, can we pretend that all this shit didn’t happen between us?”

“Umm, not really because I’m engaged.”

“Not like that, don’t be fuckin’ snarky.” His eyes narrowed as he frowned at her. “I only mean that we stop fighting. Today’s going to be kind of shitty for all of us, and I would feel a lot better about it if for the next twenty four hours we could forget the bullshit and I had you on side. I don’t want us to make anybody else feel awkward, and I don’t want to worry that you’re going to bite my head off if I offer you a tissue.”

There was no response, which he took as his cue to continue.

“So just for today can we pretend that you don’t think everything I do is for some ulterior motive? And that if I’m being nice to you it’s because you’ve been my best friend since forever and it’s natural that I should be nice to you? No arguing, no backhanded insults, we just get along like we used to?”

Her head bowed away from him. For a moment she couldn’t form words. There was some feeling in the pit of her stomach that seemed a little bit like guilt; she couldn’t work out why the hell that should be. Something about it was bringing her mind back to his little outburst on the hill, his speech about treating him like he was a monster, and she couldn’t work out why it should bother her. It was outrageously unfair. Any suspicion he got from her he had earned. Justin had cheated on her and smashed her life to pieces. His behaviour towards her had been abominable on multiple occasions since their break up. He’d even admitted it in the jewellery store. Why was she once again letting him warp things until they were her fault?

The really irritating thing was that it all sounded so reasonable. Even though Justin was the one who had done everything wrong and her reaction was entirely justifiable, he was making Reese sound like the immature one for being mad. It would indeed be wholly wrong of her to bring their issues into the funeral today or to make the atmosphere frosty for everyone else. There was also the inconvenient fact of his generosity. The guy had flown her out here, housed and fed her and driven her around entirely at his own expense. When she’d broached the idea of giving him so much as gas money he’d simply shaken his head. At various times some nice things had come out of his mouth. To the objective observer he had acted like the best friend he had until so recently been.

He was good at that, putting everything back in her court. That little kernel of truth would be twisted around until suddenly it was all on her. She really hated that – namely because he was a master at it and she was terrible at countering it. As the car rolled to a stop she once again had to concede the point, as she usually did.

“Deal.”

Before he could respond she had opened the door and clambered out. Trace was already there waiting for her, grasping her hand ready to walk her into the chapel.

“Hey man,” Justin said as he got out and slammed his own door shut.

“Hey. Y’all ready?” He asked them both as he kissed Reese’s cheek.

“As we’ll ever be,” he replied.

**

“Go get ‘em,” Reese whispered to Tiffany with a final stroke of her arm as she was called to speak.

She was dressed in a bright coral, but it hardly stood out amongst the sea of colour in the room. As she walked up to the pulpit she blended into the rainbow.

“Hi everyone, I’m Tiffany.” She swallowed hard, looking nervously out across the room. In a weird way the colours helped. It didn’t feel like such a sombre occasion. “I just want to thank Steve for those beautiful words, first of all… it’s pretty much the perfect description of Harmony, and the funny thing is I think everything I’m about to say just proves that.”

Reese’s head tipped sideways, a thoughtful glaze coming over her eyes. She found herself more listening to than watching the speakers. Her mind was so focused on the words it wasn’t really paying much attention to her vision.

“I wanted to talk about being her friend, and I think what Steve said totally sums that up. Harmony’s attitude to life was always that it is what you make of it, there’s no time to waste, and that’s how she made her family of friends. She didn’t stop to wonder about people or size them up; she just barrelled on in and treated them like she’d known them since birth.”

Justin and Trace’s mouths both curled into similar smirks. It was no lie. The first time they’d attended one of Harmony’s little gatherings with Reese she had swooped in on both of them like she’d known them as long as Reese had. At first they’d assumed she was trying to ingratiate herself with the celebrity, like so many before her. After watching her do the same thing to three other people within the next fifteen minutes they’d realised their mistake.

“She was always welcoming and always open minded about the people she met. If she saw you’d got something she liked or were doing something cool, she didn’t get jealous or start whining that she didn’t get to do it. She’d be thrilled for you, and then she’d go right out and make it happen for her too. All she ever wanted was to be happy and to be having fun, whatever she was doing, and that always rubbed off on the rest of us. She was completely infectious. There are so many things in my life that I never would have done without her egging me on or even just seeing her do it and seeing how easy she made it all look.”

Tiffany’s fingers clenched around the wood of the lectern; she was steeling herself not to cry. She kept her gaze fixed to a spot on the back wall so that she wasn’t tempted to turn it to the picture beside her. Harmony was smiling broadly, her afro hair falling messily over her face which appeared lit from within. It was too hard to look at a face so alive and think its owner was no longer alive.

“She changed all our lives with that attitude, I think, because you couldn’t help but see the results she got and get swept away with her enthusiasm. She was so vibrant, and people were attracted to that. I think almost all my friends I met through her – she just kind of picked us like she was collecting us, like we were Pokemon and she had to catch us all.”

A low rumble of suppressed laughter sounded through the middle rows of the hall, where most of the friends had gathered. They’d left the front rows for family.

“Like when she decided we had to be friends with Sarah. I don’t even remember exactly why, I think because she’d said something funny in some class that I wasn’t even in, but she dragged us all over to Sarah’s table for lunch and acted like we’d never sat anywhere else. Treated her like she’d always been there. Even after the times where it turned out that she’d been a bit too trusting, she kept believing the best in people. She’d keep taking them right into her heart from the very first second, even though that resulted in a few embarrassing situations and some reeeeeeally unsuitable boyfriends. Not Steve.”

More polite laughter punctuated the speech.

“She’d always keep swearing she’d never be taken in again, would go slower, but she never did. I think the longest stretch she ever managed was about six months, we finally thought she was breaking the habit, but then after we talked with Reese at spinning a couple of times she literally just pointed over, said ‘she’s one of ours’ and invited her out for drinks. Did almost exactly the same thing to Shauna, though I think that was on the poor thing’s first day of work rather than the gym.”

Reese’s hands had been folded tightly together in her lap for most of the service, but now they went to her face. They were smoothing back her hair, tugging at her lip, trying to self-soothe. There was a smile and a grimace fighting for supremacy, like her muscles couldn’t decide which emotion to express.

“Once she had you she wasn’t letting go, either.  When Reese decided to move back home all I heard for a month were threats to go out there and haul her back.”

That comment was the grimace’s victory blow – her whole face screwed up in agony. Instinctively she crumpled round to her left, where a masculine arm was already curling itself around her back. She buried her face in his shoulder and started inhaling deeply, trying not to burst into sobs. Silent tears were one thing but interrupting the service with your wailing was another.

“And I think the fact that this room is so packed out today goes to show how much we all loved her and how much she gave to us by being that person. She was silly and funny and irrepressible, and she made us all lighten up and enjoy ourselves. We knew she was always going to be there in our corner, so we always had her back in turn. And that’s why we’re all here, even though I know a bunch of people had to fly in last minute. She’s the kind of person everyone always goes out of their way to show up for.”

Reese was no longer able to listen to the talk as it went on; she was preoccupied with trying to breathe in and out. Her face remained against her companion’s collarbone, hiding from the other mourners who might notice her reaction. His grip was warm and solid, probably the only thing keeping her mind anchored and in control. If it had been a stranger sat next to her she would have been unable to contain the meltdown.

Her fingers tightly clutched the blue shirt, and she was so distraught she had completely forgotten that it was Justin not Trace sitting next to her.

**

“God. It’s like one extreme to the other.” Trace shook his head as he surveyed the scene before him.

“I know, right?” Reese had recovered from her earlier fit. She couldn’t have dreamed that as little as ninety minutes later she’d be laughing her head off and having actual fun.

It had been extremely embarrassing when she’d snapped out of her reverie to realise that she was all snuggled up to her ex-fiancé, but true to their little deal Justin had not said a word about it. He’d offered her a tissue and shrugged off her worries about staining his waistcoat.

Tiffany’s secret mission had been to go out and buy some helium balloons and labels. Steve’s planned tribute was a recreation of one of her favourite events, the enormous birthday party they’d thrown for her thirty first birthday (Harmony’s logic was that you shouldn’t have to wait for an age with a zero to make a big deal). It had been prom themed and as part of that there was a photographer. The poses started out as formal and civilised, but by the end of the night when they’d been drunk the pictures became increasingly ridiculous. The group of friends was now gathered in the park, at another of Harmony’s favourite spots, and the plan was to reshoot as many of the pictures as possible. A helium balloon took Harmony’s place in any of the pictures; at the end they’d all write messages for her on the labels and release them to the sky.

It had almost made Reese cry in front of the store yesterday, it was such a very Harmony idea. It was commemorative yet still joyful. She’d have loved it, even if there was some questionable environmental impact when it came to letting the balloons go. The silly poses were shaking off all the sadness of the service and people were looking a lot more relaxed – again, precisely what Harmony would have wanted.

“Trace, you’re up!” Came a yell from the ‘set.’

“Ready for my close up,” he said wryly to Reese before jogging on over to take his mark between an inflatable banana and his pal Mike.

His place was quickly taken by Tiffany, who sidled up to Justin looking secretive. She handed him an envelope; mutely he folded it up and tucked it in his jacket pocket.

“You sure this is okay?”

His eyes flicked over at her and he gave her a wry glare. “I’m the one who offered, so hush.”

Her only response was to reach up and give him a brief hug and kiss on the cheek before scurrying back to round up more of her troops. “You’re good people, Timberlake!” She called back.

“What was that?” Reese asked.

Justin looked around before leaning in and lowering his voice. A few people were still potentially in earshot. “Receipt for the dinner.”

Her lower lip dropped, mouth opening in surprise. “Really? I thought we were all…”

“So does Steve, so I’d appreciate it if you kept this strictly between the three of us. But he’s already got medical bills and funeral costs to worry about, and I thought it’d be easier if everybody could just come out tonight and not have to say no because of money. It’s not like this is a big deal for me but it is for other people. I just knew that if I offered he’d think he was leeching off me.”

“That… that’s really nice, Justin,” she whispered back.

If they hadn’t made a deal he might have responded with a crack about her finally admitting he wasn’t Satan. They had, however - besides, this temporary peace was too precious to squander for a quick point score. There was nobody that he’d admit it to, but although he hadn’t liked seeing Reese so upset he’d personally benefitted from it. Concentrating on hugging her and comforting her had taken his mind off of his own feelings. Harmony hadn’t been a close friend of his the way someone like Trace or Rachael was, she’d been that ‘friend of my girlfriend’ he’d seen a lot of, but she represented part of a life that he sorely missed. For him her death symbolised something else.

“It’s nothing, I only spent some money. You know how good I am at that,” he joked.

Reese rolled her eyes at him. “It’s not nothing - it’s really generous. You’re not the only stinkin’ rich type here but nobody else thought to do it. I’m giving you due credit so shut up and take it.”

It was a borderline breach of their agreement, but the jury came down in her favour and he decided to take it as a compliment. “Then thank you.”

“So…” She returned her voice to normal volume. “I haven’t seen those pictures in a while… what are we going to do if some of them are, ahh… no longer appropriate?” Awkwardly she shifted from foot to foot.

Justin shrugged. He didn’t see why she was twitchy about it. “If Tiff picked the shots I doubt anything that would make you uncomfortable got on the list. But if you’re not happy tell me and we’ll, I don’t know, do a more platonic version or something. No big.”

“Yeah, that makes sense I guess.”

She was about to say something else but was interrupted by the sound of her phone. Quickly digging it out, she had intended to decline the call but changed her mind on seeing Drake’s picture splashed across the screen.

“Hey honey.”  

Justin immediately found a daisy in the grass below with his eyes and focused all his concentration on it. It saved him from making any swipes about the grease monkey or wondering too much about why she’d never called him honey.

**

“Man I wish I could drink right now.”

“You and me both,” Justin replied as he blew the smoke out in a ring. It was showing off a little but why not?

“Harm always played designated driver so I’d forgot what it’s like to be sober amongst a whole crowd of drunk.”

Justin found Steve’s ability to talk so naturally about Harmony quite something. After Reese left and refused to take his calls he had gone through a stage of rounding on anybody who dared utter her name; he couldn’t take hearing it. He missed her too much and talking about her felt like rubbing sandpaper on an open cut. Yet here was Steve, recently bereaved, and he talked about her like it was any other day. That thought would remain unvoiced, however, since he wasn’t sure how far this sanguine approach would stretch. He didn’t want to somehow imply that Steve was wrong for not weeping and wailing.

“Heh. She was never one to need to drink for a good time. Me on the other hand could use some bourbon right about now.” He took a drag on the cigarette. He didn’t smoke a lot, not with a voice to protect, but every so often he felt the need.

As the only sober people at the dinner – everybody else was taking taxis or being picked up – they had both stayed outside together to avoid some of the madness. Initially it had been the whole gang of smokers, but when people moved back in Steve had used his leg as an excuse to stay put. Justin had simply stayed for the quiet. It was loud and raucous inside. That might have been what Harmony wanted but a little fresh air and space to think was in order.

“Me too, but doc said not on these meds. Still, some of those pills could probably get you high anyway,” Steve joked, picking up the knitting needle he’d taken to carrying around and wiggling it in under the plaster for a good scratch. That was what drove him mad, the itching.

Justin chuckled, looking into his drink. As he swirled it in his hand the ice collided against the glass. “So, I want to say how upbeat you’ve been today and how cool that is, but I’m kind of worried that I’ll pop the bubble by bringing it up.”

“Ha.” Steve smiled, but the sadness behind his eyes was shining through. “I’ll have my time to be a grumpy bastard who hates the world for being so fucking unfair, but today’s about her. She’d haunt my ass if I didn’t show the party spirit.”

“It just… I can’t even imagine, man.” Justin shook his head. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to help?”

Although Justin hadn’t been tight knit with Harmony he’d spent a lot more time with Steve. They were close enough to have this kind of conversation without it being the expected motions. Everybody asked if there was anything they could do, but that was simply because it was what everyone said. They were tighter than that; there was intent above pleasantries in the question. It was inevitable, the women spent so much time together that the boyfriends were all forced to like each other or suffer. Apart from anything else it was a convenience thing. When you wanted to hang out with the guys it was helpful to be on the same schedule – if one of their ladies was out they were all out, which left the men all free.

“Nah.” Steve shook his head. “I really appreciate you offering but I’m covered, anything I can’t do with my leg my sister’s picked up for me. Besides you’ve done enough, you got Reese here and that was the biggie. Tiff was really wound up tight about that - worried that we wouldn’t have all the girls and it’d be wrong.”

Justin shrugged. “Least I could do. Besides, we were coming anyway so not like it put me out to bring one more on the plane.”

“Really?” The tone was pointed and Steve’s eyebrows rose in disbelief. “You weren’t at all put out by having to bring your ex here?”

This time the laughter was dry. “Alright, alright. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but we’ve behaved.”

“Do you know…” He punctuated each word with a wave of his index finger, wagging it at his companion. “When I first got with Harm, she pointed at you two and told me that it was either give her that or strike out?”

“Uhh…no, I did not know that.” Justin’s tone was quizzical. He took a quick gulp of his Coke before continuing. “Like how?”

“Well at first I thought she meant your bank balance and was telling me to get a better job…” They both snorted out loud at the same time. “But she only meant the way you two were around each other. Like Tiff said earlier, if she saw something she liked she wanted to emulate it.”

“And she wanted to emulate us? Why?”

“Because you two were so fucking adorable it was nauseating,” he replied. It could have sounded rude or critical, but there was a light amusement to it. “Not like PDA or anything, but… I don’t know. It was, like, proper couple shit. Always touching each other’s arms, watching each other, if she was talking then you were hanging on every word. I didn’t really get it until Harm and I got serious but it’s that thing where you’re always paying attention to each other and you’re in tune or whatever. That’s what I miss, you know? Don’t think I realised how many times a day I was kissing her forehead, or hugging her, or just sitting listening to her talk. Even if it was on the phone about her boring business shit or whatever, listening to the sound of her voice and wanting to know every little detail of her day. Feels like I got nothing to do with myself without her. I’m dreading tomorrow when I don’t have a bunch of arrangements to pass the day.”

Leaning back in his chair, Justin stubbed out his cigarette and looked up at the sky. Maybe the stars were out but you couldn’t see them through the smog.  Slowly he nodded. “Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. Not saying it’s the same, you know, but yeah. I get that.”

Steve pressed the tips of his fingers together, peering at them. “So, from the wisdom of your experience… how long’s it take that to go away? Gotta be honest, that’s what’s killing me right now.”

A morose feeling settled back over Justin. The photo session and party had successfully rid him of it but he felt it returning with force. And it hadn’t even taken any alcohol – normally he had to be drunk before he got this self-pitying, it was the come down from the initial high.

“I’ll tell you when I find out.”

“You telling me you’re still hankering after her?”

He shifted in his lounger, trying to reposition his broken leg. He stared at his famous friend with a curious gleam in his eye. Reese had been a bit of a no-go topic for some time, but since he knew Justin had been on dates he’d figured it must be over from his perspective.

“Ugh. ‘Course I am.” Justin rubbed his hand across his forehead, wincing and pursing his lips. He could feel the creases of his own frown beneath his fingertips. “I’ve loved her since we were five years old, I was nineteen or so when it stopped being as a friend… fuck knows how I’m supposed to switch that off now.”

“You tried, or you just been feeling sorry for yourself?” It was a fair question.

“I sat around for a while waiting for it to pass with time, but that only made me angry and act like a dick. So then I thought that maybe if I finally ripped the band aid off and went home seeing her might give me some closure, seeing that she’s moved on would help me let her go, but no. If anything it’s actually made me crazier. She’s marrying this no hoper and all coming home proved was that I still love her. Which I can’t do jack shit about.”

“You know what, man…” Steve leaned over the table to grab another cigarette. He couldn’t quite get the pack and Justin had to push it back within his reach. “You can and you should.”

“Uhh… you heard the part where she’s marrying some other guy in less than a month, right?”

“And maybe a week ago I’d have said that another guy’s girl was off limits and you should respect that, but now? Speaking as a guy who truly can’t do anything to get the love of his life back - to Hell with respecting the fucking limits.” The day had put Steve in a very philosophical mood, and somehow moved him to be blunter than usual. Maybe it was because time no longer seemed like an affordable luxury. “If there was any way in Heaven or Hell then there is literally nobody that I wouldn’t step on to get Harmony back. If you need Reese then life’s too short not to go and fucking get her.”

“Reese hates me. Like, actively hates me. Not that I blame her, but I had to negotiate just to call off the war for today. I don’t see her being receptive.”

“If she hates you that much it’s because she loves you that much. Trust me. At least if you try you won’t spend the rest of your life kicking yourself for not going for it.”

“I don’t know. I really can’t see her ever forgiving me.” His leg jittered, foot tapping against the ground.

“Like I said, you don’t know if you don’t get off your bony white ass and try. Harm always said your dumb ass should have been on the first plane out to Memphis to hunt down Reese and bring her back. Seriously man, take it from me. If you got even a shot at it then you should take it, because some of us don’t even have that small luxury.”

Justin sighed, hung his head for a moment and then raised his glass. “To Harmony. Still managing to shame me for being chicken shit even beyond the grave.”

Steve raised his. “If she could hear that, she’d call you a cheeky fucker before totally agreeing with me.”

The glasses met with a loud clink.