“As bachelorette parties go this is definitely the weirdest.”

“Definitely more sober than yours.”

“Hey!” Tiffany elbowed Reese with an indignant giggle. “You’re all the alcoholics, not me.”

“Oh I’ve seen you put it away, missy. Don’t act all innocent.”

“Usually aided and abetted by you. It’s a damn good job my bachelorette was a week before.”

“Don’t blame me, blame Shauna. All her idea.”

“Yeah, yeah. You can’t weasel out of it.”

Tiffany stole a fleeting look at Reese as they walked along. Nothing much had been said yet but she was waiting for it. You couldn’t imagine for a second that the woman purely wanted a walking companion. She’d received the text, agreed to meet her friend at the park, and after getting directions from the barman slipped away from the group. Mercifully it wasn’t far. Walking on your own in a strange town at night was uncomfortable even when only a few blocks.

Reese never asked who she’d been with. Tiffany wouldn’t volunteer the information. Sarah wasn’t the only one who spotted their superstar looking down in the mouth, but it was none of her business. She didn’t think the woman needed to hear about her ex at this juncture. Whatever this was, she doubted it was about him. Jokingly she’d described it as a bachelorette party, but what she actually suspected was some kind of cold feet crisis. For five minutes now they’d been conversing with feigned cheerfulness. Surely she’d crack soon.

It wasn’t long. They reached a playground and Tiffany followed her as she went to sit on one of the swings. Whether Reese always had this destination in mind she didn’t know, but since she wasn’t in walking shoes she was grateful. Her friend was clad in jeans and comfortable sneakers; she was wearing a tunic dress and loafers. They were flat but too tight for protracted walking. She’d probably have blisters – thank goodness tomorrow’s heels were open-backed sandals.

“Speaking of things I can’t weasel out of…”

“Hmm, is this a point I’m finally seeing on the horizon?” She teased with a gentle smile.

“What, I couldn’t just want to see you?”

“You could, but night before your wedding you have better things to do.”

“You got me. Wedding’s what I want to talk to you about.”

“So shoot.” Tiffany rocked the swing back and forth with her heels. “What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t know. I guess you’re the only one of my really close friends who’s married and I have no idea if the jumbled mess in my head is normal.”

“Swear you won’t tell anyone?”

“Swear.”

“I spent the day before my wedding totally nauseous. After a while it was so obvious my mom point blank asked me if it was morning sickness.”

“Really?” Reese’s abiding memory of Tiffany as a bride was her remarkably tranquil attitude.

“Yep.” She brushed a strand of glossy black hair back behind her ear. “Some point the day before it just hit me how huge it was. I didn’t sleep, and I felt sick to my stomach right up until I saw his face.”

“And then you just knew it would be alright?”

“Cheesy but yeah.” Her lips curled in a smile. “It’s normal to be nervous - even though it’s amazing it’s still a big step, after all. I didn’t tell anybody though because I was worried they’d all panic or think I wanted to cancel or something. It wasn’t that, I just had a little bit of a freak out.”

“And you didn’t tell Ben because it sounds really bad to be like ‘hey honey, I was shitting bricks marrying you.’ I can understand that.”

“Charming as always, sweetie.” Tiffany’s leg reached out to give her friend a kick on the shin. “But yes. Are you asking because you know the feeling?”

“Your turn to promise you won’t tell?”

“Promise.”

Reese breathed in, wondering where to start. Looking around the dark playground, she felt a childish urge to start playing on the equipment. Climb the frame, try the monkey bars (she’d never been good at those), or run up the slide. At this point she was ready to do anything to spend the pent up energy. Her muscles were so tight she felt they might ping back at any second, like overstretched elastic.

“Ever since the funeral everything’s all shaken up.”

“Because of moving back?” She asked.

“Yeah. I was worried how Drake would take it, and how it would be with things still being weird with Justin, but as it turns out that’s all fixed. Drake’s fine, it’s kind of unbelievable after everything but Justin’s also fine, everything is falling into place.”

“So what’s wrong?”

“Exactly,” Reese said. The question was its own answer. “Something still feels off, but I don’t know why and it’s making me feel like it’s sitting there waiting to sneak up on me tomorrow. But I don’t know what are normal bride jitters and what’s a red flag.”

That must be why she wanted the advice of a married friend. Tiffany understood that, but not the problem or how to help. Unless Reese omitted some crucial piece of context everything sounded like it was shaping up great.

“You know, honey…” She shook her head, hands gripping tight as she pushed herself further back. “These are the moments I really miss Harmony. You know she’d just roll on in here and magically get it.”

“Nah.” Rather than swinging Reese simply rested her head against her hand where it held the chain. “That was her whole trick. She didn’t actually know. She would ask all these questions and coax it out of you, then take all the credit and gratitude like she came up with it herself.”

Tiffany let out a sad laugh. “Really?”

“Oh yeah. Sneaky that way.”

“Now you say it that sounds like her, always something up her sleeve.” She glanced up at the sky, as if she’d see Harmony’s face there. “Lucky she was such a good heart or we’d have all been in trouble. She was smart enough she could’ve made a real diabolical fiend.”

“I wish she was here.”

“Me too.”

“Is it silly if I say that was the other reason I texted?” Reese said. “I was sitting in my room wishing I could call her and ask about all this crap. She’d have wheedled it out of me.”

“I’m a pretty poor substitute but I’ll give it a shot,” she offered. Her eyebrows knitted together as she tried to imagine where Harmony might have started. Knowing her friend so well didn’t necessarily mean she could do a good impression. Their minds didn’t think the same way.

“So you don’t think I’m a whiny idiot with first world problems?”

She made a sharp snort. “You’re an over-thinker, not a whiner.”

“Notice you didn’t deny the first world problems.”

“You’re about to marry some hot guy and move to find the job of your dreams. It doesn’t exactly suck to be you, in the big scheme of things.”

Now it was Reese’s turn to giggle, unable to suppress it even as she tried to look offended. “You have no idea what a Nadine comment that was.”

“I know I’ve only met her a couple of times but she always seemed like a smart cookie,” Tiffany replied. “But focus, girlie, tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Didn’t we establish already that I don’t know?” Her voice was dry.

Pushing from the ground with her feet, she started to swing. Previously she’d sat and rocked a little, now she was going for it. Something about the motion was relaxing. Maybe it was the childhood throwback, a memory of simpler times when all she had to worry about was getting high enough to satisfy Dean’s taunting before she jumped. He would call her chicken, as older brothers were wont to do, but after a certain height sprained ankles were likely. Staying safe but not losing face was her biggest problem in those days.

“How about you just tell me something that’s bugging you? Doesn’t matter if it’s the big issue or not, just anything that comes to mind. Like a warm up.”

“Warm up bitching… I can do that…” Now she was putting her back into it and gaining height. Tiffany started to follow suit, though she wasn’t exerting herself as much. “Okay, that dumb friggin’ fight they all had.”

“Good start; that sounded ridiculous. What’s still getting at you about it?”

“Drake and Ollie, because they clearly only apologised to each other to shut me up. Ollie’s doing a shitty job of hiding it.” Her mouth pulled into an irritated scowl. “And they’re both being passive aggressive around each other now. So that bugs me.”

“Any particular reason, besides the fact that nobody likes passive aggressive bull shit?”

That was a good question. She had to pause for a moment. “Because Oliver doesn’t like Drake.”

The specificity was interesting. “And that’s it?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Reese stopped kicking her legs, letting gravity do the work as she mulled the thought over. “I guess he and I have just always been so close, it feels really weird to have him disapprove of something this big. I mean, not that he needs to approve, but it bothers me.”

“Has he said why?”

Her eyebrows rose, letting her friend know it was a silly question. “No. Far too adult, better to just stew on it then punch somebody.”

“But you’re not so worried about it the other way around?”

“No.” She shrugged. “Drake barely knows him, just has him figured wrong.”

“But equally…Oliver barely knows Drake.”

“But he knows me. He should trust me.”

Tiffany could almost swear that she heard a bell ring in the back of her head, like they were on a game show and it signalled a correct answer. This seemed noteworthy. Unfortunately she had no idea how it might be significant but she was pleased to identify it nonetheless. (If Harmony could see them right now Tiffany imagined she’d be the viewer screaming at the contestants for not getting the obvious answer).

“Okay, that was good, I feel like that was a good vent. Try another one, what else has happened this week?”

There was no power in the universe that could make Reese mention the Timberlake saga. Pertinent though it was she had no idea what (if anything) Justin had shared with their friends. He had his pride and would find it humiliating if people were to pity him. He could tell who he was comfortable with and she wouldn’t take offence but she wouldn’t set him up for that. Though it was a big part of her worry – she felt guilty and like she’d let him down, which was ridiculous when you compared it to some of his past behaviour – she wasn’t ready to talk that one over.

“Well… I have another one, but you’re definitely going to think I’m a whiny idiot this time.”

“I’ll take the risk.”

Reese started brushing her feet against the ground, using the friction to slow down. “I found Drake’s vows.”

“And what, they were bad?” Her eyes widened.

“No, that’s the thing. They were really sweet so I have no idea why it’s needling at me. Maybe they just weren’t what I expected or it made the wedding hit home? It was just…unsettling. Which itself is unsettling.”

“What did they say?”

“That I’m smart and beautiful and funny and he loves me.”

“Oh yeah, sounds terrible so far.” It was lucky Tiffany’s swing was still in motion or Reese might have reached out to pinch her for that.

“It was this thing about how he pictures coming home to find me with our baby and living down the street from all the family and raising our kids in the way that brought up a woman like me, and how lucky he feels to be joining that. It was lovely, and I know I’m the dumbest wench in all the world for freaking out about it.”

This time she planted her feet right down and brought the swing to a complete stop. It twisted with the sudden halt, nearly sending her into the path of Tiffany’s. 

“God this whole thing really is just dumb; you must think I’m such a moron dragging you out here for this.”

“You’re not dumb, sweetie.” Tiffany was biting the inside of her cheek. That bell sound had gone off in her head again but this time she had more of a clue.

“That’s a tone.”

“No tone.” It would have been more convincing without the squeak.

“That was even more of a tone. What is it?” Reese was also gnawing at herself with her teeth, her upper lip rather than her cheek.

“It’s nothing.”

“Why do people say that when clearly it’s something?” Her hands slapped against her thighs in exasperation.

“Probably because they don’t want to land themselves in shit if the other person doesn’t like what they hear.”

“Come on, you’re my friend, you know you have immunity.”

“Which everybody always says, right up until you tell them something they don’t want to hear. Or until they decide later that they’re going against your advice and start being funny with you because they know what you think.” Tiffany’s swing now came to a stop. Her arms folded across her chest in a defensive pose.

“I swear to God, Tiff. There is nothing you can say about it that’s going to make me mad at you. Hand on heart.” Reese placed a palm over her chest.

“Alright, but I’m not taking the blame if you hate it.” She took in a deep breath, shoulders hunching up as she did so. “That whole thing is just wrong. There you go.”

What did you do when you felt sucker punched? You made a weak joke. “You mean I’m not smart and gorgeous?”

“Besides that part,” Tiffany replied with an affectionate but pointed look. “It is really sweet, but I already told you before my feeling about you and soccer mom life. It’s not you, honey - and you know that which is obviously why it bothers you.”

“You really think that’s it?”

Reese thought the look on her face must have been disturbing, because Tiffany started scrambling to mitigate what she’d said.

“I’m not saying it’s, like, a huge problem, I bet he wrote that before you guys agreed to change your plans anyway. I only mean that’s probably why it made you uncomfortable, because you just went through all that with him and I know you were really worried. It probably just pushed that button again.”

“Yeah.” After a brief pause for thought, she repeated it with more conviction. “Yeah, that makes sense. That is exactly what I’ve spent the last week or so obsessing over… and after all that it was almost hard to believe he agreed so easy.”

“That was exactly what I meant.”

“Yeah, that’s probably exactly it. I just need to get a grip and stop waiting for things to go wrong.”

Tiffany exhaled the breath she’d been holding, trying not to make the relief too audible. “Yeah, I agree. Makes sense.”

Reese tipped her head back, looking up at the sky once more. It was too cloudy to see any stars - noticing that made her think of Sam’s telescope.

“So as far as coaxing it out of me goes I think that was a job worthy of Harm.”

“Ha.” She shook her head. “She’d cuss up a storm, use a bunch of big words to call me crappy at it and tell me to leave the talking to her in future.”

“Yeah… did you ever notice that she always mixed up cussing with these fancy words she’d never normally use?”

Grateful to have dodged the ire she’d thought was coming her way (she still half expected Reese to shoot the messenger), Tiffany latched onto the change of topic. Besides, she’d love to talk about their friend. The more time went on, the more she found that actually she liked to talk about Harmony. To begin with it was too painful. With a little distance from the funeral her perspective changed. A lot of people avoided the subject, worried that they’d make her cry, but more and more she found herself wishing people would talk about her.

“I think she thought that if she sounded smart it somehow cancelled out the potty mouth.”

Reese smiled. She too was eager. In part because she’d found herself missing Harmony so acutely earlier, but she equally wanted a change of topic. Having been so keen to dissect her issues, now they’d hit on the problem she wanted it banished. It sounded so pathetic when you said it out loud. It was nothing she didn’t know. Drake already addressed it. They’d agreed everything. The piece of paper changed nothing and wasn’t nearly as momentous as she’d built it up to be. This evening’s wobble felt like the reactive and blinkered Reese of the last year, not the considered and confident one she was trying to get back to.

“There’s no dictionary big enough. When she got going she was almost as bad as Dean, and that’s saying a lot.”

“Wouldn’t know, only met Sam before.”

“I mean, you know I like my f bombs, but she said words that made me want to wash my own mouth out just hearing ‘em.”

“Ha, you still win though for when you called JT ‘the most fucking motherfucker of a fucking fuckhead.’ I can’t even remember what he did to provoke it but it was glorious.”

She felt a pang in her stomach; that would be the guilt again.

“It was his birthday, remember? He ignored me all night at the party because he was mad that I had to cancel my day off and go into work. I was so wasted by the end I’m amazed I even got my tongue around that sentence.”

“It was kind of slurred but totally awesome,” Tiffany assured her. “Harm said she’d never wished she had a camera as much as she did that second. His face was something else.”

“Better, worse, or on par with when she called James a C-word-y C-word C-word and he nearly choked to death on his fries?”

“It will always kill me the lengths you go to avoid that word when I know all the bad things you will say… but it was on par. Though that time it was more that he found it funny. When you did it, he looked like somebody just stabbed him in the butt with a pitchfork.”

Despite the intoxication Reese’s memory of that particular expression was vivid. It had been an indignant mix of incredulity, anger, embarrassment and guilt. There was also a slight touch of the wounded puppy about it. More than anything she’d shocked him because it was so uncharacteristic. It wasn’t typically the way she got mad at him. When they fought it was a matter of heated debate or backhanded sarcasm, not simple name calling. So for her to skip all that and publicly go straight for such a vehement swipe was out of left field (especially when he might have expected her to be conciliatory, trying to placate him). Once they made up he saw the funny side.

“And with that lovely mental image I think maybe it’s time to start walking back,” Reese said. “I do have somewhere to be in the morning.”

“Yeah, me too. Weird coincidence, huh - maybe I’ll see you there?”

“Sure. I’d tell you what colour to look out for but I haven’t decided what I’m wearing yet.”