The minutes that turned into hours eventually turned into days. It seemed like it would get easier not seeing him, not hearing his voice, and not feeling the embrace of his arms around me, too bad I didn't have that option. His schedule was back in full force. I was in constant contact with him business wise. I sent him emails everyday and talked to him on the phone a couple times, but for business not personal. For the most part I have disappeared from the outside world. I spend most of the days in my office. Day after day I come into the office early in the morning and leave in the middle of the night. The less time I had to spend alone in my apartment the better. Sleep has become something of a distant memory. I wasn't even sure how I was functioning anymore with the lack of sleep but I was managing.

"Emily?" I heard a voice calling my name but I couldn't seem to put it together. "Emily." I open my eyes to find Tracey standing over top of me. I had fallen asleep on the couch in my office with my computer on my lap.

"Have you been here all night?"

"I guess so." I stand up and attempt to flatten out some of the wrinkles that were in my pants and my top. "I was working late and I must have fallen asleep."

"You are always working late anymore."

"Working clears my mind."

"No, working takes your mind off of everything that is really going on in your life."

            Kicking myself I knew she was right, "I know."

            "Go home, shower, and take a nap whatever you need to. The office will be fine without you for a couple hours. I'm sure you have your work down for the next month anyways." She points at the door, "Go."

            "When exactly did you become my boss?" I asked.

            "The moment you took that ring off your finger and you let your world fall apart." I wasn't used to the stern side of Tracey. She was standing her ground.

            "I love you Tracey, but I highly dislike you right now."

            "That's fine. Go. Go home. I will see you this afternoon."

            I knew that she was right. I needed to go home and at least shower. Wearing the same clothes two days in a row is kind of gross, not to even mention the idea of not showering. I went to my car and drove home to the apartment. It was quieter than normal, maybe I really could get a couple hours of sleep in before heading back into the office. However I stare at ceiling for hours before I decide to just get up and get dressed. My mind wouldn't go into that relaxed mode so I could get any sleep. I guess I could get things done before I fly out tonight.

            I had no work that really needed to get done in the office, but if I was there I could find something that needed to be accomplished. I know the one thing I wanted to do before I left was talk to Justin. Missing calls from Justin were not deliberate; I just simply couldn't catch him at the right moment. I paced around the apartment and when I finally got enough nerve, I returned his call. My leg was nervously shaking against the side of chair. The phone rang six times and just as I was about to hang up, he says. "Hello!" he sounded cheerful and excited.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" I was hoping he had time. I wanted to hear his voice but it sounded like he had a house full of people.

"No, its perfect timing. I'm just at home."

"Oh, you sounded busy"

"That's the TV. I try to listen to it louder now. It drowns out the emptiness in this house. How are you doing?"

"Managing. Work occupies my time."

"My schedule is about to pick up tremendously. So that will help me...." He got super quiet. "I miss you."

"I miss you to." I said it with a smile on my face.

"I decided that I'm not going to hold that back anymore. I miss you and I want you to know that. I'm not going to burden you with it but I want it out there, loud and clear."

"I want that from you. I need you to be completely up front and honest with me."

"Well since truth is what you want to hear..." he says, and then the line gets quiet.

I begin to get pretty nervous. "Justin, what is it?"

He very slowly and confidently says, "I love you."

I felt myself breathe again, and then a sign or relief escaped.

"Em... are you still there?" He asked, worry that I had hung up the phone.

"Yes... I had to breathe there for a moment. Sorry. I thought... it doesn't matter what I thought."

"It matters, I want to know."

"I thought you were going to say something that I didn't want to hear."

"So, you wanted to hear that I love you."

"I did. I want to hear it every day for the rest of our lives."

"Do you still love me?"

"I still love you. I'm just..." before I could get anything out he interrupts me.

"You don't have to explain anything. That's all I needed to hear." He takes a breathe then asks, "What are your plans for the next couple days, I would love to have dinner with you..." He waits patiently for what her answer was going to be.

"I'm being forced against my will to go on a weekend trip with Lexie to Mexico. Rob is there for work and she wants to spend some time with him and she assumed I needed to get away... but what I don't think she realizes is that I really wanted was to be alone. But I guess I could be alone on the beach. The ocean usually makes me think things clearly a little better."

"Ohh... well I'm glad that you are going to get away. You need that." His tone doesn't seem too happy.

"Well I have to finish packing, my flight leaves in just a few short hours."

"Have a safe flight and a great weekend on the beach."

"Thanks. Have a great weekend... Justin."

"Yes, Em."

"I love you and when I get back I promise you I will have a decision made for you. I promise I will have some clarity."

"Take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere... I love you."

The flight was short to Mexico, we were arriving in the early evening so the plan was to meet Rob and go straight to dinner however he was running behind schedule so we went to the hotel and unpacked and I jumped in the shower. I felt like I was washing away a part of my life. I was washing the past away. I was ready to step into the future, whatever that ended up being.

 I step into the closet to pull the suitcase back off the top shelf. I needed my small bag that contained all my makeup, I couldn't find it. I had hoped it was still left in the suitcase. As it slides off the shelf a piece of cardstock paper hits the floor. A knot in my stomach starts to tighten as I follow it with my eyes until it hits the floor. I already knew what it was. How it got there I wasn't sure but my legs crumble beneath me as I sit on the floor, slowly leaning to pick up a simple sheet of paper. The tears begin to stream down my face again. The very note that made me trust take a chance with him, now lies in the palm of my hands.

            I miss the warmth of your smile. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss your scent. I miss everything about you. I will be here waiting every day until forever if I have to. Take a leap of faith on me. If it's the one time in your life that you do it, please make it with me.

"Emily... oh my, are you ok?" She yells in a panic as she enters the room, seeing my hunched over on the floor.

"I'm fine Lexie." Wiping the tears from my eyes, I begin to stand back on my own two feet.

"You're on the floor crying, you are not ok."

"I'm fine. I found this..." I reached my hand out to hand her the small card.

She looks down at it, "Isn't this card from the lilies he sent you at the office? Why do you have it here in Mexico?"

"I don't know how it ended up in my bags. I thought it was in a box in the closet but somehow it ended up in my suitcase and here with me."

"Maybe it's a sign."

"I miss him, Lex. I miss him so much..."

Finally around 8:00 we got to eat dinner. The restaurant was beautiful but it was over crowded, typical for tourist areas. I loved seeing the relationship that Lexie has with Rob. She finally has been able to accept a man for someone other than a Mr. Right Now. She has become comfortable with the idea of being with him for many years to come. I sure hope she should keep this intact. There was a baby involved now. Not that I think she should be in a relationship she isn't happy in, I just think Lexie needs to grow up a little.

Tonight must have been couples night, as I sit alone on my side of the table. Everyone in that restaurant has someone with them. Looking down at my left hand and finding the ring is not there anymore, is heartbreaking. I wanted that ring back on that finger. I wanted to be his wife. I had to get over whatever this thing was that I couldn't let go of.

I left dinner early, leaving the two of them to spend time together. At least that's what I told them. In reality I wanted to be alone, I wanted to talk to him.

I took a seat in the sand right next to the ocean line. The waves were crashing right at my feet. Staring out into the unknown of that ocean and seeing that it was never ending made me want to be there with him. I wanted to be here sitting with Justin but did I deserve him? He deserved someone that could love him unconditionally and take each fault with each greatness. Could I be that person for him? He deserved someone that loves him.

I picked up the phone and dialed his number, but I just got his voicemail. "Its Justin leave me a message..." it was silent for a moment, I was waiting for the beep then it said, "And if this is Emily I love you." The smile that crept up on my face was unbelievable. I felt the world as I knew it fall at the waste side. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. He loved me. My thoughts are gone in my mind. I couldn't even manage to leave a voice mail. Words have disappeared from my vocabulary.

The clear skies and the ocean line gave me clarity that I had never had before. I knew what I had to do.