"When's the funeral?" I asked as I rocked the fussy little baby back and forth in my arms. She was a little piece of Justin. It was remarkable how this tiny little baby could look just like Justin.

"The day after tomorrow... I can email you the details if you would like."

"Please, I think Justin would want to be there. He obviously knew this woman for quite some time." I gently rub the side of her cheek. She was adorable.

"They have known each other for nearly a decade. She lived next door to him when he first moved to L.A before she got married and moved away. They kept in contact only when they would see each other in town. She was a writer for some of the major television shows..."

"She was married?" I interrupted.

"No, she has been divorced for over five years."

Whew. I thought.

            "You said he will be back tomorrow? Could you call me and come in to sign some paperwork when he gets in town?"

"Yes.... I need to tell him everything... that's going to be hard." I said, still shocked.

The child services woman, who has remained silent the entire time, speaks "We understand how difficult it can be to take a child in, with such a quick turn of events so we are prepared to keep her for a couple more days if that is needed. We understand the things that need to be purchased for a child. If there is anything we can do to help, don't hesitate to ask."

"Money isn't a problem, we have money."

"Money is a big part, but I'm talking about emotionally. This is a huge change for your relationship and your lives."

"Yea." To say the least.

I guess this is why people don't normally get engaged a month after they get together. I didn't really know anything about his past. I wasn't the kind of girl that would want to sit down and make a list of all the people we have slept with but I didn't even know that he was friends with this woman. She was a part of his life over a decade.

I sat on that back patio for every minute that I could possibly sit there. The view has never been as blurry as it is right now. I knew that he was on stage until at least eleven. So I had to wait until it was at least eight here. 8:05 and I couldn't do it. 8:15, I still couldn't do it. At least I knew he would be in his hotel alone while I dropped this bomb on him. Should I tell him over the phone? Should I wait till he gets home? I didn't have a clue what to do. I had to tell him. I couldn't wait.

The phone is finally in my hand as I hit send. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring...

"Hello my beautiful fiancé. How was your day?" He says, sounding exhausted.

"Justin..." I said slowly.

"Em, what's wrong? You sound worried."

"Justin, are you at the hotel?" I asked, hoping for a yes.

‘Yes. I just walked in the door. Do you want to know what I'm wearing?"

            "Do you know someone named, Kristen Smith?"

            "Talk about a buzz kill... Yes." he says cheerfully. "Gosh I haven't seen her in... wow almost a year. Did she stop by the house?"

"Justin..." I say barely. How am I ever going to tell him everything I need to tell him?

"Em, honey what's wrong." He asked, worried now.

"She died..." my voice cracks, "two days ago." I blurted out.

            The line was quiet.

"Justin."

"I'm here...wow..." he was shocked. "How did she die?" he asked.

"Cancer."

"Fuck. I'm such an ass. She called me a couple weeks ago and I didn't answer. I was busy... I figured I would call her back..."

"I need to ask you something..." I didn't want to ask this question, but I had to.

"Anything."

"Did you sleep with her?" the words came out but it felt like it was history repeating itself. I had asked that very same question before.

He got quiet again. "I did. Once. Stupid mistake on both of our parts. But our friendship repaired itself afterwards. Why?"

"When?"

"During one of the many breakups with Jessica."

"When, I need like a month or a date something."

"Em, what is going on that you are not telling me? I don't know the date. It was the last time I saw her, at the beginning of the year...March I think."

My body starts to tremble. This was the conformation that I was dreading. "Justin I think you need to move your flight up and get here as soon as you can."

He was nervous now, "Emily what is going on?"

"Justin..." I said quietly. "She was calling to tell you that you have a daughter. She is three weeks old and she looks just like you." Thud. I heard the phone crack off the floor. "JUSTIN!" I yelled. "JUSTIN" I screamed this time.

He exhales deeply as he picks the phone back up. "I'm here. Sorry I'm here. Are you sure?"

"They need you to do a blood test as soon as you can but Justin... she looks just like you."

"Why wouldn't she tell me something like that... what would someone hold that kind of information from someone?"

‘The lawyer claimed that she didn't want to hurt your relationship with me. She was going to call you and inform you because she was so sick. She died without actually telling you."

"Fuck. She had nine full months to tell me. She had plenty of time to make this situation right..." he was angry and sad at the same time.

"Justin, I need you come home as soon as you can in the morning. Please..." I was pleading with him.

"I'm so sorry Em. I can't believe this is happening. I'm going to call and get the first flight. Are you ok there by yourself?"

"No... but I will be fine." I said, trying to convince myself as well.

"I love you..." he says reassuring that I know she actually does love me.

"I love you to."

"Em... I ... I just don't know what to say..." He trails off with his words.

"It's okay. Justin really I'm not blaming this on you. There's just a lot to take in. It would be different if you were here... with me."

He was disappointed in himself as if this situation could be changed. "I wanted to have children with you. I want that to be something only we shared."

I felt myself lose control of my emotions. I begin to cry uncontrollably. I wanted that with him. I wanted to have his babies.

"Babe, please don't cry..."

"I just want you. I need you." Selfishly that's all I wanted.

            I dropped the phone on the table and felt my world collapsing beneath me once again. Why was it so difficult to simply be happily in love? The emptiness in my stomach makes me want to hurl. I crawl up into a ball on the couch trying to figure out what we were going to do if this is actually his child. Our entire lives have changed. Everything we knew, everything we planned on has changed.

I heard suitcases hit the floor but I can't move. If I move then everything that's happened is reality now. I really didn't care who was here. The last thing I wanted was visitors. I climb off the couch and turn the corner to see that it's Lynn. I guess it was exactly who I expected it to be. As much as I care about Justin's mother, I really didn't want to see her. I didn't want to see anyone except Justin right now.

She was on the phone with Justin I assumed. "I just got here... my flight got in about twenty minutes ago... I will make sure... Don't worry about it... there's nothing that can be done now... I love you..."

            I stood in the doorway waiting for her to finish her conversation.

"Emily honey, how are you holding up?" She reaches to embrace me, hugging me, not wanting to let go.

‘Hi Lynn, I'm ok."

"You hungry? I can make you some food." She was a mother. She was used to worrying about those little things.

"No, I'm not hungry... Come in, I'm just watching some TV."

            We sat for a couple minutes in silence. I didn't know what to say to myself, let alone her. This was involving her son. This was affecting her just as much as it is me.

"Emily, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here until Justin gets here. Even if we sit in silence until then, you have been through so much, being alone isn't what you need right now."

"I know... I just don't know what to say... what to do... anything..." I said, without even looking at her. I couldn't look at anything except the floor.

"When you're ready, we will talk."

Without thinking I blurted out, "We are not ready to be parents... he may be ready but I'm not. I won't be a good mother. I don't have that... that thing that mothers have."

"Emily, breathe." Lynn says taking my hand into hers. "You will be a better mother than you give yourself credit for."

"I would be that baby's step mother... that seems wrong."

"You don't have to worry about any of this right now. That baby could be a blessing in disguise. You just never know."

"I wanted to be the one to have Justin's children. I wanted to be the one to have his first born...  I will never have that privilege." I begin to cry even more.

She walks over to the couch where I was sitting. Place her hand on my, that rested on my leg. "Justin grew up with Paul as his father. Even knowing that he was not his biological father, it never changed the way he looked at Paul. And as for Paul, he has never look at Justin as anything other than his son. You can make it work... is it something you would want to work out?"

"I would never walk away from Justin because of this. I just feel like I have lost a big piece of future that I could have had with him."

"Emily... I have seen my son happy... and I have seen him sad. But I have never seen my son so smitten in love. I have never seen my son so over the moon happy. I have never heard him once speak of marriage. He thought he would never find someone that he would want to take his last name..."

"I love your son. I didn't think I would ever love someone the way I love him. I never thought I would find someone that would put up with me and all my craziness but I found that with him. I found my happily ever after... we just keep getting thrown curveballs."

"You love each other... remember that."

            My mother's words flood back to me once again. He is a great man. He loves you. Remember that Emily. Remember that he loves you and you will get through anything if you stand next to each other.

            Lynn reminds me of my mother. The more and more time I get to spend with her I see pieces of my mother in her. I sometimes wonder if the reason I ended up falling in love with Justin was because it's what my mother wanted. The worlds had come together and she knew he was the right person for me. She has steered me into the direction of him. Pushed me to making myself see how happy he makes me.

            We didn't sit in silence for long. We ended up finding some common ground, my mother of course. She had never seen the photo that changed our lives. So it was nice to talk to her about the one person I wanted in this world the most.

            When I finally couldn't keep my eyes open anymore I excused myself and go to bed. Crawling into a fetal position I manage to fall asleep. But it's that kind of sleep where you hear everything around you. I couldn't relax and let myself get into a deep sleep.

I hear his voice and I feel his arms wrap around my body to hold me tight. "I'm here my love. I'm here."

"Justin..." I say as I reach up to grab a hold of him. I just needed to feel him near me.

"Sleep my love, sleep. We will deal with it in the morning." I feel his grip get a little tighter pulling me as close as he could. I could feel his breathe on side of my neck. I could feel his tears sliding off his face and onto my neck.