Chapter 1

“Frank, we have to go!” I yelled up the stairs at Frankie, he was taking forever and we were already late.

“Wait mama! Just giving out directions!” He called down to me, I smile and rolled my eyes. He was excited this was his first big show in NYC, and I was so proud that he had made it here without to much trouble. He worked hard but you could tell it worked.

Frank was doing music and producing, performing. He loved it all and I was s happy that it worked out for him in Dallas.

“Mari, why do we have to go?” I smiled Ursula did not like the shows; it made her feel like her dad was someone else when all she wanted was for him to be at home.

“To support you daddy, to show him that we love him no matter where he shines.” I said getting down to one knee and buttoning up her jacket. She huffed while Frank flew down the stairs. “You ready now?” I asked playful tossing his fluffy jacket at him.

“Yes.” He stuck his tongue out at me slapping my ass when Ursula turned away. “Oh, Urie, guess who’s coming mama?” He asked locking the door behind us.

“Who?” She huffed again.

“Brianna!” He shouted picking her up and tossing her into the air.

“At least it won’t be boring anymore…” She mumbled pouting.

Frank frowned, he hated to see her like this sulking, but this was his dream and he would provide more for her now for the future he would just deal with whatever came.

We arrived a little late, Frank was rushed off to do small interviews and wardrobe changes. He stopped those around him and came back to me, cupping my cheeks and kissing me softly.

“I’ll be back.” HE whispered, the Colgate drifting out of his mouth while he spoke, I shook my head. The kisses were great, never as intense as… I sighed when he walked away.

“Okay kid, let’s get that jacket off of you.” I said swinging my long black hair to the front and pulling my light jacket off. I heard a gasp not far off behind me but the tattoos on my back tended to give that impression to those who had never seen a back piece so large.

“BRIANNA!” Ursula yelled and took off behind me, I smiled and turned just ask fast. I bumped into someone standing right behind me, I looked up about to apologize… I gasped too.

“Joey?!” I pulled back, glancing at the little girls net to him Ursula looking at us shocked at the confrontation.

“I thought it was you…” He whispered and then reached instinctively to touch my face, I backed off quickly. He stopped just as fast getting a feel for the situation.

“Joey!” Frank’s acknowledgment could have been heard across the room. “Hey, you meet my girl? This is Marisol, Mari this is Joey.” I struggled with myself and then the words flowed before I could stop them.

“Yes… we’ve met.” I looked at him sincerely and he didn’t go any farther. “Although, I wasn’t aware he had a daughter, last time I saw him was at an airport. No baby that time though.” I let out my nervous chuckle and looked at the kids.

“Who wants cookies?” I clapped my hands together, the girls shouted and raised their hands shouting me, me, me! “Great, I’ll let you guys catch up.” I grabbed the girls hands and moved towards the beverage area, I glanced back Joey’s eyes full of emotion, I didn’t look long in fear frank would get the wrong impression.

“20 MINUTES!” The producer shouted, Frank was practicing the girls were huddled on the floor in the dressing room with their crayons and cookies. I snuck off to grab a smoke, Joey had been following me since Frank had left him alone, I moved swiftly. This was nothing I wanted to do here.

I stood out in the alley downwind from the cracked door, I could hear the hustle and bustle of the interior through the small crack. I turned to see a roadie walking out to a Ryder van pulling out more equipment. I waved as he saw me while he was going outside, I turned and watched the cars moved down the packed street.

“That’s bad for you, you know.” The husky voice was farmilar at once, I dropped the square shaking my head. I turned to leave. “Wait, please?” He asked stopping me, we were blocked by the darkness of the alley but I could still see his face in the small dim lights that were scattered through the alley.

“Frank’s waiting.” I shook my head trying to get past him, that’s when he grabbed me. The force was unexpected and thrilling, he pushed me against the wall and attacked my lips, the shock did not diminish the yearn I had for this man. I was set free in that moment and all I heard was him, moaning and groaning against me pushing me against the wall positioning himself  between my legs.

“Marisol?” I knew that voice, Josslyn. I pushed and shoved Joey away falling to my knees and getting up just as fast.

“Sorry girl lost my lighter under the dumpster.” I walked quickly hoping Joey would stay behind; I pushed her into the building fast leaving no room for questions. The music started and I rushed to take my jacket off and make it to my seat. Joey appeared seconds later in his seat between me and Josslyn. His face was flush and I could see the veins swell in his neck.

Sometimes a man has to choose
And do something he doesn't wanna do
Do I live my life with you as my wife
Or do I go on and pursue my lifetime dream
I gotta do this for me
Cuz if I don't I'll probably regret it
But if I do I'll probably regret it
How do I cope

[Chorus:]
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do I live...how do I deal without you

It's killing me to know
That your heart's with me
But you're with him cause I chose
To be in this industry
Money, shows, and hoes come along with luxury and pain
Is all you see when you think about it
But this is the life that I was given
So I have to live it to the fullest
But how do I deal in the meantime without you

That was it, I jumped up out of my seat, rushing away. I couldn’t take it anymore. The feelings I thought I had let go of were here.

A seat away.

Staring at me.

He followed on the other side matching my steps in the aisle. I rushed out; I scanned the room for the lobby. I would have to cross him to get there but I was fairly sure he would let me pass.

“MARISOL!” Josslyn shouted when she saw me, she was caught in the triangle while Joey stared at me going into the bathroom, he gaze so intent he wanted to follow. I closed the door to a stall and sat on the floor hyperventilating. “Was that him?” She asked tapping on the door. I groaned wanting to throw up everything I had eaten today.

“Yeah, that’s him.” I pulled the door open. “What am I supposed to do? He cornered me in the alley… it was just like it used to be. Surprise, hot, tingly.” I sighed looking at her. “What am I supposed to do? They’re friends!” I threw myself at her. I knew this moment would have happened but I didn’t count on now, 6 years had gone by, he was different, older, so was I. The time felt like it had healed all the wounds, now I knew really that I just hid them, scared of them, I loved him and then I let him get away.

“Well, first. Get off the floor. Be a lady. Second, you go home. I’ll get Urie home and I’ll explain it to Frank. Third, think. Cause there’s more here than you let on.” She wiped my mascara off and looked at me. “I’ll distract him, it’ll be you maybe a minute, move you ass.” She smiled at me, I shook my head prepared to make a dash for it.

I opened the door and eyed him stand erect, he watched me again, didn’t make a move but watched. I looked away and made it outside into the fall coolness catching the first cab that stopped in front of me. There was a pounding on the metal next to me and I saw him again, I sighed and slid into the cab.

Better in the cab then in front of Frank.