Chapter 10

I struggled to breathe while I made my way to Tony; I stood a foot away, my mouth still hung down.

“Marisol.” He said softly eyeing Joey who stared at us.

His features were much less defined, he looked a little plumpy, had grown a full goatee and beard, but he was there.

All six foot-five of him, I moved slowly to him, moving around him in a circle. He didn’t say anything; he looked like he knew this would happen…

Of course he knew this would happen…

I held out my hand, it shook I watched it tremble when I finally touched him. I heard the gasp but couldn’t feel my body move.

I have to make sure he’s real, to make sure this wasn’t a dream.

“Oh… my… god…” I could feel him look at me but I wasn’t ready to look into those big brown eyes. He extended his arms and acted on instinct. After years we fell back into the same pattern.

I would give him a once over when he would come home from “work” with Manuel. Look over every part while I got him ready for his bath. If I noticed anything out of place I’d kiss it and pay special attention to that part.

Nothing though, more tattoos but the same scars, moles, freckles. My eyes felt like they were going to overflow, I was going to cry anyway, so I took it upon myself to look into his face. I found wrinkles, scars, and new piercings… then his eyes. My heart skipped a beat and I knew he was home. I saw the same look I saw for years, his hand stroked my cheek and I closed my eyes and stood silent.

“Amor…” He whispered. I lost it then, throwing my arms around his neck, he grabbed me then and hugged me close. I felt like he would crush me but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t dead; he could have whatever he wanted- no.

Joey…

I pulled back away from him scrambling to get away from Tony’s arms, it was where I thought I wanted to be… but then, Joey, I pushed off more.

“Let go.” He opened his arms at once, I looked at Joe and I could see the tears that would not fall, the heartache he wouldn’t show, all the things that I did see… anger was not one of them.

I continued to cry, a fresh batch just for Joey. How could I do that…?

“Baby… you have to understand.” I reached out to him, he backed away from me. “Please… Joe please.” I felt my body tremble from the sobs that shook me as I reached for him and he backed away. My heart broke, I stared at him not prepared for his second retreat, I didn’t want to push but I wanted to hold him, to show him I loved him… but we just weren’t expecting this.

Our lives suddenly got too crowded.

“How can I compete with that?” His voice was even but I heard the thickness, the pain cut deep.

“You don’t have to compete…” I reached for him again.

“What are you saying, Mari? You’re trying to tell me that this doesn’t change anything? That because he’s here, nothing is going to change? Our plans... The wedding is in 3 weeks and this is not going to stop that? He rose from the dead, Marisol. This changes everything.” His words were valid and I knew they were true.

“But I love you.” I grabbed his arm this time, he looked at me and I saw a couple of tears slip from his eyes. He knew I loved him, he knew this was not in the plan. “I didn’t know…” Stephen’s words echoed in my head now more then ever. I didn’t want to prove him right. I loved Joey.

“I know.” He said pulling my hand off his arm, my eyes blurred and I turned and ran.

Fight or flight.

“You’re stupid man.” Tony said following after me, but I beat him down the stairs and into the street. “MARISOL!” He yelled, I didn’t listen but ran across the street happy that there was no traffic this late.

I ran, I circled around and remembered the spare key under the Mercedes. I had cash, my own debit card and car keys. I ran past the attendant and up the circular ramp to the third floor.

I threw myself on the ground and grabbed the key, throwing the hide-a-key container away. I rushed into the driver seat grabbing my steering wheel, I hugged it and could feel my body convulse, surprise, shock, to much, but it wouldn’t stop the pain that remained.

Tony’s lies. Joey’s rejection.

Who do you trust when it feels like theirs no one there?

I didn’t hear the door open but I saw the lights flash on; I looked around and saw Tony slide into the backseat. It tore at my heart some more and I had to scream, I had to do something.

I reached back and slapped him across his left cheek; he swallowed deeply but didn’t move.

He just sat there.

“WHY!?” I yelled slapping him again, I balled my fists up and started hitting him, he flinched and held his hands up, in some defensive way but he left himself partially open to my blows. “IT’S BEEN ALMOST 10 YEARS!! A DECADE! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?”I could feel myself choke up. “You said you loved me, you said you’d never leave…”  He grabbed my hands pulling me halfway out of the front seat.

“I had too.” He said calmly looking me in the face. His answer was so plain and common, like it was any other day. “I had too, it wasn’t safe anymore. You weren’t safe anymore; it had to go down like that. I couldn’t let something happen to you. You are my life.” The anger left as quickly as it came.

“I don’t understand…” I said through the sniffles.

“I was never going to leave you…” The driver side door opened, I looked over and saw Manuel duck his head down.

“Is this your car?” He asked eyeing the navigation system, stereo, the custom speaker systems; guaranteed to be heard 5 blocks away. I shook my head yes and he laughed loudly.

 “God girl, you took a piece of Cali with you. Move bitch.” He slapped my ass pushing me over the middle into the backseat. Tony pulled me over slowly hugging my body to his. I could feel the tug in my heart to be with him and once in the backseat I didn’t fight it anymore.