Being millennia old had given Charmian a number of positive traits and experiences that it simply wouldn’t be possible for normal mortals to pick up. It had brought her the wisdom of the ages, first hand historical knowledge and a far better understanding of the evolution of society than any academic could dream of. Most human beings were either blessed with patience or not, but she had learned hers over many centuries. She had a very keen grasp of human emotions and motives, far better than any psychologist (and far cheaper too, she didn’t charge by the hour).

It was all this that allowed her to wander through the park, a stonily silent Justin at her side, without getting anxious or desperate to break the silence. She knew he’d crack long before she did.

She had purposely paraded him in front of The Ivy for dinner. It was much to her distaste to be so very obvious and attention seeking, but it bought her at least another week before anybody would be too concerned about his whereabouts. He had been quiet through the meal, picking at his food; she had merely smiled benevolently at him. The only time he had spoken was when she had suggested a walk through the public park afterwards – but the sarcastic comment about walking through dark unpopulated places at night had died on his lips as he remembered who he was with. Any mugger who came across them would be the sorrier for it.

Charmian enjoyed walking through places like that at night. For a moment it was easy to forget that a metropolis had been built around it and pretend that the country was as it used to be – covered in such vegetation, not tarmac and bricks. There was much about the Middle Ages she had been happy to leave behind, and she certainly acknowledged that the industrial and technological revolutions had brought about a lot of useful things. Still, sometimes even she was nostalgic for simpler times - and nothing more so than the way the world had once been lush and green.

“You know, I don’t get you.”

Finally, he had burst out with it. The corner of Charmian’s lips curved up ever so slightly. “In what respect?”

“You kidnap me, ignore me for an age, and now suddenly you take me out to dinner and don’t speak. What gives?”

“I figured maybe you’d like to set the conversation in your own time.” She shrugged, looking at her boot clad feet as they clipped a leisurely staccato against the path. “As for the kidnapping and ignoring you… I thought Lucas and Carmel had explained that to you already. At length, if her bitching is anything to go by. She says you’re stubborn.”

“Is that a change?”

A chuckle escaped her lips. “See now Nathaniel told me you weren’t interested in that. You lived, you died, what’s to know right?”

Justin really shouldn’t have been surprised that people had been giving her reports on him, but still it bugged him. If she wanted to know this stuff why was she putting in middle men all over the place? Why not just ask him?

“Well I’m asking now. Everybody seems willing to tell me all about demons and destiny and how being held hostage is all for my benefit, but nobody wants to tell me what the hell happened back then or what weird history you and I have that apparently only you can tell me about.”

Biting back a curse, Charmian pushed her hair nervously back behind her ear. “It’s all very complicated and nobody’s sure what to tell you. I’m sorry, not even we know everything.”

“That’s not why you’re refusing to answer my question though,” Justin challenged her, arms folded tightly across his chest even as he walked. For one thing he was a little cold, hadn’t brought a thick enough jacket, and for another Charmian had an incredible knack for bruising his ego. He wondered if she’d honed that over his past lives. He’d got beyond the point where he could doubt what they said to him was true any more – he’d seen too many of their powers and had too much faith in his own sanity to deny it – but he still didn’t understand a lot and even though she wasn’t the only one holding back information, he was irrationally more irked with her.

“True. But I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be so…” She held her hands out, still in the pockets of her coat. “Shoot.”

Justin didn’t need to be given a second opening. “Did you do your weird voodoo thing on a guy back there?”

“Well spotted.” She was surprised, it had been subtle. The demon was only in its infancy so hadn’t taken long to kill. The worst that would happen to the host was that he’d probably lose a fifty over the next few days. “Yes I did.”

“How can you tell he’s infected?”

“It’s different for each kind of immortal, but for avengers it’s the energy flow.” When he looked puzzled, she elaborated. “All life consists of energy, and it has a harmony to it. When a demon’s infected someone, it breaks up the flow and I can see it. It’s like a black pulse.”

“So how come he’s alive when that guy you sliced and diced isn’t?”

Oh he had to ask that – she hated killing people, even if it was her job, and she didn’t like talking about it. Still, she’d told him he could. “Whether or not you survive a normal demon infection is down to you and how much you give in to temptation. Since the demon’s only suggesting things, not in the driving seat, when we exorcise them the host just gets the relevant dose of karma for their choices.”

“So you have killed people that way.”

“Only people who really deserve it. Trust me, every time I do an exorcism I see what they’ve done - you wouldn’t be sorry that any of them were gone.”

Justin digested this information. As much as it perturbed him to think of this woman he’d had his big crush on as a killing machine, in a weird way it was kind of comforting to think that karma existed and that people did pay for their sins eventually. Though it also made him think he ought to start behaving better if the stuff was actually real.

“So why not that guy who was infected by the nastier one? He wasn’t in the driving seat, right, so he’s innocent? Zac said they didn’t survive but he didn’t say why.”

Charmian scratched her head, getting more uncomfortable by the second. “Because the only way to dispossess someone of that kind of demon is either beheading or a shot through the heart, but the problem is that kind of injury will kill a human being anyway and there’s no magic healing that gets done when the demon leaves the body. The guides – like Nathaniel – have kept trying over the years to find another way but if there is one then we can’t come up with it.”

Justin paused a moment, digesting that. “So how come karma can punish but not save?”

It was such a typically Michael question her throat almost closed off. “I’m assured they’re compensated, wherever it is they go.”

“You mean you don’t know?”

“I’ve never died.” Her cheek twitched. “How would I? The bosses don’t tell us.”

“So what about me? I died a whole lot, according to you. Where did I go? Why am I back?”

Finally, a conversation that didn’t remind him how often she killed people – this she could run with, this was safer territory. Gazing out at the trees, she took a deep breath and began. “Unless the demons succeed in damning your soul, all people get reincarnated every so often. You don’t remember anything about your past lives and you never run with the same people, but… you’re still you, at the core. The only difference is that in each life you’re born to a new place, new circumstances, and so that might bring out different sides of you. Like, it’s mostly nature but still some nurture.”

“Example? From my lives, I mean?”

“Okay…” She thought about it for a moment, trying not to feel the pain of remembering. Until she’d met Justin she’d done a great job of repressing things, having to confront them so directly was a difficult pill to swallow. “Like, once you were the son of a rich Parisian merchant, hobnobbed with royalty, lots of estates everywhere.”

“I was?” he didn’t voice his second thought, which was ‘cool.’ “So what does that mean?”

“It means that while you were still a decent guy, you were pretty spoiled and kind of entitled.”

“Hey!” He protested. “I am not spoiled or entitled!”

“Not now you’re not, but then in this life you’ve had to work for it.” He caught her gaze, and her head tipped to the left. “So you see what I mean?”

“I guess,” he replied begrudgingly.

Apparently this was too much information for now, and Justin fell silent again. Charmian didn’t press him, still walking on through the bushes and occasionally sneaking a peak at him. It was hard to gather what he was thinking; in proper light she could read his blue eyes in a moment, much as it hurt, but shrouded in darkness like this they were grey and harder to penetrate. His hands were now stuffed in his pockets, still closed off but less defensive than when they’d been crossed over his chest. Maybe she was being too hopeful, but she felt like he was listening to her; his tone was very slowly becoming less shrill and a little quieter. She’d purposely chosen the park so he could get pissed and loud without attracting attention or eavesdroppers.

It wasn’t long before he started up again.

“So… you’re my guardian?”

“Yes.”

“But you’re not supposed to be and none of you know why?”

Well if he didn’t listen to Lucas or Carmel he at least listened to Nate, she thought to herself wryly. “Correct.”

“Is that why I…” he suddenly stopped mid sentence, both in speech and in his tracks, standing still. Slowly Charmian turned to face him properly for the first time, fearing where he was going with this line of inquiry.

“Why you what?” It was a good thing she was so practised at hiding her emotions; otherwise she’d have been stuttering and shaking like a leaf.

“It sounds weird, but when we met I…” Justin couldn’t help it, couldn’t face admitting the truth, that he’d been hit with an instant schoolboy crush. “Just felt like I knew you somehow.”

Little did he know that even with the attempt to dodge the subject he was still on the exact same track – all roads led to Rome. Charmian winced a little, and in that moment he caught the expression and knew he was starting to hit home.

“What?” He pressed her.

“That’s…” God, how much should she tell him? She had no idea how much he could handle and even though she could catch him in half a second she really didn’t want him flouncing off in a huff. “People aren’t supposed to remember anything about their past lives or recognise anyone from them, not even their guardians. For some reason, you always recognise me somehow and we still haven’t figured out why. Which is made all the more complicated by the fact you shouldn’t have an avenger for a guardian in the first place.”

This wasn’t new information. “Fuck, there’s a shit lot you guys can’t work out about me.”

“I know. And may I say the whole eternal mystery thing is one of your less attractive qualities.”

He couldn’t help it; he let out a snort of laughter. The whole thing was so surreal and ridiculous that it was a choice between a little hysterical laughter and a panic attack; he chose the former. Then he sobered up once again. He’d come to get the truth out of her and couldn’t let her distract him with wise cracks.

“But you don’t run with any of the same people? Not even your past wife or anything like that?”

“No. The soul mates thing is a myth; you don’t connect to anything or anyone. Well… normal people don’t. You do.”

“You know what I remember about you?”

“No.” She was eyeing him like he was a King Cobra, and he knew he was getting closer. He noticed she didn’t ask him to go into detail.

“After I met you, I had dreams. Dreams of being a guy named Michael in Prague in a time I know nothing about. And I was with you.”

“Oh. Well… yeah, that happened. We visited Prague once, nineteenth century.”

“Oh, so the kissing part happened too?”

Too late Charmian saw the trap he’d weaved for her, and of course she’d stepped right into the blasted thing. He’d left out the crucial detail so he could blindside her with it; a trick actually invented by another immortal she knew very well, and she’d fallen straight for it. “Damn it.”

“So you want to explain why we were making with the smoochies? Or is that part of a guardian’s duty too, like a job perk?”

“Okay, you need to stop.”

“I ain’t gonna stop, you can’t order me around like one of your lackeys. Maybe they bow down to your every word but I still have a backbone of my own. So explain your damn self.”

“Don’t you EVER talk about them like that,” she replied menacingly. She really didn’t care if anybody else thought she was bossy, issuing orders and being the one with the plan was her job, but she objected to anybody putting down her team like that. They didn’t follow blindly - they were all far too smart to just do whatever they were told without question. Centuries later they’d all become much of one mind anyway, but if they dissented they said it. Insulting her team offended her far more than them, and offending Charmian was never a good idea.

“Why not? It’s the truth. You say jump they say how high, it’s the most sycophantic fuckery I’ve ever seen.”

“You know, in your past lives you never acted like such a typically arrogant little mortal,” she spat out. “You’re what, not even thirty? You’re barely a blip in the time line, and you think can you judge us when we were around before the pyramids? Sorry to bust your little bubble but you’ve seen shit and you know shit. They may follow me but they choose to because I’ve spent thousands of years proving to them that they can trust my judgment, so you can shut the fuck up because I will toss your ass across this fucking park if you open your mouth to insult  them like that again. Don’t think I can’t. ”

Ahh… he hadn’t actually thought about it like that. He objected to being called an insignificant blip in existence, but it was true enough that over thousands of years you probably got pretty comfortable in your team dynamics and knew how to roll with each other. Still, his pride wasn’t about to let him admit that, he was still too angry with her for his whole predicament. He’d long since decided she was to blame.

“Way to avoid the subject, Your Majesty,” he mocked her. “Having a hissy fit isn’t going to stop me noticing that you never answered my question.”

“Dear GOD I’d forgotten how obnoxious you get when we’re fighting!” She burst out, throwing her hands in the air.

“Ah ha, so we fought a lot? Sounds like a couple to me!”

“Oh for fuck’s…” Charmian put her hands on her hips, trying to breathe deeply. She had no need of the oxygen but it was still a good way to calm down. She really was going to wind up throwing him clear across the place if she didn’t regain composure. “Fine, okay, yes. We were involved. Happy now?”

Funnily enough, Justin realised, his game plan only extended to getting her to admit that there had been something going on between them. It had taken him a while to come to the suspicion – it only started when Nate had made an offhand remark (in defence to Justin’s continual complaints about his captors) that immortals were, underneath it all, little emotionally different from humans. They were just more compartmentalised, he’d said. That comment had played on Justin’s mind a little, and it had taken him a day or two to work out why. Charmian’s behaviour, had it been that of a mortal girl, would have immediately screamed “sexual tension” to him. Ignoring the person you liked was an age old avoidance tactic for difficult romantic issues and he’d merely overlooked that among all the supernatural weirdness. He just hadn’t had any proof of his theory until now. And now he had it, he had no idea what to do with it.

“All that stuff in your apartment, that box…”

“You rummaged through my things?” She was both angry and embarrassed by that.

“Did I give you all those things and letters? In my past lives?”

Squeezing her eyes shut, she fought the urge to kick something. “Yes.”

That silenced him for a moment. When he did speak, it was slowly and uncertainly. “But… those things… there were all different times and languages.”

“Yeeeees…” She replied gingerly, not sure where he was going with that.

“So… exactly how many times have we been involved?”

There it was. The question she had feared. The question that was going to lead to other ‘are we in love’ type questions.

“Eight.”

“You said I’d died eight times.”

Typical: why was his denial so selective? Why he did refuse to listen to all the explanations that they were keeping him locked up for his safety and yet still retained things like this which she didn’t want him putting together?

“Yes.”

“So… despite you saying that soul mates don’t exist and I’m not supposed to remember you, I do and we’ve been together in every one of my lives except this one.”

Charmian couldn’t even say the word this time. She could only screw her face up in agony and nod, pinching her nose to try and quell the rising nausea. She didn’t normally feel this bad unless she’d cleansed some very well fed demon.

“Well.” Justin considered that for a moment. “Apparently Momma wasn’t kidding when she said I was special. So if you were in love with me all those times before and I’m still the same person, forgive me if I’m cocky but I assume the reason you’ve been so totally weird around me from the second we met is that you’re still in love with me?”

That was the other thing about him that seriously irritated her. Not only did he get really obnoxious when they were arguing, he got way too perceptive.