“This is not funny. Ass.”

“No, it’s fuckin’ hilarious.”

Charmian was too busy coughing to immediately respond, so she glared at Justin instead. His whole body was shaking with the force of his laughter, so much that the worn out couch they were sitting on wobbled.

“Strawberry, you said.” She spluttered the sentence before stealing his soda and taking a long gulp.

“I honestly thought it was. I just grabbed the wrong bottle!”

“Which conveniently we found out before you took yours?” She paused for another cough. Her mouth burned. “Tell it to the judge.”

“Alright…”

He grabbed the other shot glass and tossed it back without ceremony. That was fine for five seconds. Then it started.

“Holy shit!”

Now it was Charmian’s turn to laugh, which was awkward while she was still coughing. Justin’s cheeks were immediately aflame and he was letting out a steady stream of expletives. He snatched the soda from her hands and necked half the can before coming up for air, emitting a disgusted gasp.

“Damn I’m glad we never followed through with those forfeits. Holy fucking shit.”

The only time Justin had visited the cabin with anybody else had been six months previously. After a nasty break up he’d been feeling paparazzi heat, so he’d brought Trace and Nick there for a guys’ weekend. They’d played a lot of rowdy card games with various forfeits involved, for which a bottle of chilli vodka had been procured but never consumed. They hadn’t bothered taking the spirits home when they left, and when Charmian had mentioned that avengers were unaffected by alcohol he’d decided there was no moment like the present to make up for lost time. He still had no idea why they’d bought strawberry vodka, but since it was either that or the chilli he’d figured it for the better choice. It was only her first foray into the world of shots; he really hadn’t meant to pick up that one. Had he known how hot it was he’d have poured it straight down the sink – heck, it would probably make excellent drain cleaner.  Who would even invent such a devil’s drink?

“My apologies, I really didn’t know, we’ll try something safer.”

“Like I am drinking anything you give me after that.”

“Hey, it’s an experience.” Justin grinned cheekily at her. Despite herself she couldn’t help cracking and giving him the chuckle she knew he wanted. “Heck, we’ve been locked in here for the best part of a week now? We did well leaving it this long before we turned to drink.”

Charmian wasn’t going to pick up that conversational baton. She really needed to broach the subject of leaving with him. They were too disconnected from everything and she needed to get back in touch with Alex; she had no way to do that from here. The problem was she knew he vastly preferred it here than back at the apartment. It was hard to muster up the heart to tell him.

Apart from anything else, she’d been having too nice a time. They had chatted about nearly every possible topic. He had tried and failed to teach her how to play various things on the Xbox, and introduced her to his favourite movies. It had been decades since she’d seen a movie; some of these new fangled comedies were a bit beyond her. She was starting to get the hang of hanging out and she enjoyed it. He was good company. His humour was a little drier and more sarcastic than she remembered, but that hadn’t taken long to adjust to.

Justin didn’t wait for an answer. “You know what I like about this?”

“What could you possibly have liked about that?”

“Not the vodka, though your face almost made it worth it.”

She snorted. “And yet you claim it was unintentional.”

“I meant…” He poked her arm. “This. Sitting, chilling.”

“Oh.”

“That’s your cue to ask me why.”

Charmian pulled a face before slumping further back into the cushions. They were sitting in their now customary positions. She was on the right with her feet tucked under her on the seat. His were on the table, crossed at the ankles and usually tapping to some imaginary rhythm.

“You can go fishing but I’m not biting, JT.”

He enjoyed the fact that she’d taken to using his nickname. She enjoyed his use of hers less, but her irritation encouraged him.

“Because,” he rolled the word around his tongue for effect, “it’s just so normal.”

Charmian turned her head to look at him and Justin could see scepticism. It was in the raise of her eyebrows and the twitch of her upper lip.

“It is though. Despite the fact that we’re doing it because of fucked up shit, the sitting and the chilling are actually pretty normal. Which is nice. We get along way better away from all that mythological bull crap.”

He didn’t miss the way her face fell, and he wondered what he’d said.

Charmian had to bite back a defensive retort about it not being myth. It was as real as the nose on his face. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and pondered that comment. She pondered it rather unhappily.

Justin had inadvertently hit a nerve. When he’d found out about her and been put off by it, she’d had conflicting feelings. One was gratitude, one was being wounded. It didn’t escape her notice that in the one life where he knew who she truly was he chose to distance himself. When he said things like that, it made her feel like the only time he could love her was when he believed her to be ordinary. When he believed her to be less than she was. That stung in ways she’d never had to contemplate before. Her immortal life far exceeded her original human one and it was a huge part of her. When he rejected that it felt like he was rejecting her. At her best, at her strongest, her life’s purpose… he didn’t think it was so great. That stung.

She was quiet a little too long and Justin couldn’t take it. He really didn’t like the idea that he’d offended her.

“I didn’t mean that as a bad thing.”

What the hell. She was strong, right? She was proud of all the good she’d done and by the light she served she was going to stick up for herself. “That ‘bull crap’ is my entire life.”

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you then?” Brown eyes met his. There was a little ball of fire behind them. Briefly he thought to himself that her human facial expressions were as scary as her supernatural ones. “And how exactly do you think you get me if you don’t get that? It’s who I am, Justin.”

“Ahh, shit.” He scratched at his scalp, wondering if his past selves had the same talent for sticking their feet in their mouths. They’d been having fun until then. “I worded it really badly. When I said that I didn’t mean you or what you do. I just meant this whole mess with people being after me and them demoting you and us being in panic mode all the time.”

That was slightly better but not much. Charmian couldn’t come up with a reply because now he’d pressed that button there was no undoing it. Whether it was failing to protect him or this new feeling that she wasn’t good enough, he seemed to be the one thing in her life she continually screwed up over the years.

“Look,” he said.  He picked up her hand in his, patting it in a conciliatory manner. She was reluctant but didn’t pull away. “Honestly, a reflection on me not you. I found you kind of intimidating with all those super powers and walking around like a frickin’ goddess. But now we’ve hung out and talked, I feel like I know you better.”

“Away from the bull crap of everything I’ve spent my life working for,” she said. The frown was less fierce, sadder now.

“No, no. That is so not what I meant. I swear, I wouldn’t be saying any different even if you were still immortal right now. Before I didn’t relate to you because I’d only ever seen you in that all business mode where you’re steel, and I didn’t know enough about you to get that side of you.” He paused for a moment, thinking about how best to express it.

“Whereas talking to you more helped me see you as a person, and understand why you dealt with stuff that way. It makes that make sense, even if it’s still not my favourite thing about you. The bull crap is not you or your job, Charmian, I got fifty tons of respect for both. You’re pretty cool and I’ve told you this before but you’re, like, an actual hero. I totally get why I’ve liked you so much eight or nine times over now.”

Over the past few days she had (despite some wobbles) been slowly improving with the emotions, had started to get a handle on them. Now they were threatening again – between the hero comment and the goddess description her brain was about to explode.

“So… if I was intimidating before because I looked like a goddess but I’m not intimidating any more, what does that mean I look like now?”

It was a weak and hesitant joke, she was fidgeting with her hands too much, but it was a joke. It was also wide of the mark since he hadn’t been referring to her looks with that comment, but that didn’t matter. Justin was taking it as a positive signal that he’d got through.

“Really? What you took from that is some twisted implication that you don’t look good? Women!”

“Sorry.”

“Hey.” He clasped his other hand around the one of hers he was already holding and gave it a squeeze. “No. I’m sorry.”

“Nah, I shouldn’t have been so defensive.” Charmian pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. Her gaze was unfocused as she spoke.  “It feels strange, you know, you actually having any idea who I am. If you don’t like shit I can’t blame it on the cover story or the lying any more, it’s just me and I guess I’m a little touchy about it. Demons I can do, being out on that limb’s just scary.”

The thought randomly struck Justin that her hair had fallen over her face. It was tempting to push the dark locks back. It was also tempting to take his index finger and smooth the frown lines away.  Her heart shaped face was wearing yet another expression of disquiet, not for the first time lately. She was obviously worried about what he thought of her and he wished she wouldn’t be. There was no cause to.

In truth he hadn’t gone far enough in what he’d said. It was finally possible to understand the big tragic love story. That had been difficult to wrap his head around while she was the closed off warrior; now he saw some logic to it. She had spark and smarts, and the way she listened so intently made you feel important when you spoke. When she’d relax for five minutes it was fun kidding around with her. They were on similar wavelengths and he often found himself nodding at things she said. This was the type of thing that made people relate to each other romantically, this he understood.

So why was he not pushing her hair back or touching her face? Despite the enormous, immediate adolescent crush he’d had on her from the second they met he had ignored it all. Part of that was dislike of her ‘all business’ mode and the way she’d distanced herself but the other part was distaste for the whole idea of some epic love story. Nate had told him that nobody had a soul mate and he was the only individual in history who kept winding up with the same person. That idea still grated. He balked at it. Why should he be the only one who didn’t get a choice? Maybe you couldn’t control being Hell’s favourite target but surely you could control that. How could you even be sure it was real if it had been predetermined?

Then again, he supposed, did anybody ever get much choice about who they caught feelings for? He couldn’t say he’d ever made an intellectual decision about falling either in or out of love before, or even lust. It was something that happened to you.

Before he’d consciously registered it, he was brushing a curl back off her face. Charmian’s eyes flicked nervously up and down, scanning his features. They flitted over his nose, his lips, taking in the way his eyes crinkled in concentration. She wasn’t sure how to behave at this point. Though the pads of his fingertips were a little weather worn his touch was soft, making her inhale a little more sharply.

“It’s kind of odd to me, you saying that.” His head tipped sideways as he spoke. It was a contemplative tone. “You’ve saved the world and been everywhere. I’m just any old guy. And you actually think it’s a question of me not liking you, like you would be the one lacking here?”

There were a million protestations she wanted to make. ‘Not to me you’re not’ was chief among them swiftly followed by ‘and yet that is the question.’ Not to mention that more objectively speaking a world famous singer was hardly your average Joe. Her throat was a little too dry and she was a little too afraid of putting her feelings out there to voice them. Right now he was giving her back way more than she’d expected. She feared that if she pushed too far he’d retreat and then she’d be back to feeling bad about it again.

“Justin….” Charmian breathed out. “You make me sound like I’m perfect or some shit and I’m not.”

“Heck no,” he agreed. “You were really irritating me for a hot minute back at Lucas’s house.” Briefly indignation passed over her face, but he continued before she could interject. “But you’re a lot of things that are good in the world, Char, with or without the powers. I wish I’d let me admit that to myself earlier.”

The words ‘fuck it’ flashed through his mind. He would allow himself to try it out, feel whatever it was he felt instead of worrying about who ordained it. If a beautiful woman he liked seemed to like him and it felt good being around her, maybe it was dumb to look that gift horse in the mouth?

So he kissed her. He leaned over and finally allowed himself to press his lips to hers. It was for an all too brief moment - a moment that hung in the air far longer afterwards than it had taken to begin with.

Charmian’s body stiffened and stars exploded behind her eyes. Her lips felt like they’d taken another dousing with the chilli. What did he mean? Admit what to himself?

“What are you doing?”

It was an agonising few seconds before he answered. “Taking my fate into my own hands.”

She blinked slowly. Of all the things that might have run through her brain, all that came was disbelief - how infuriatingly obtuse of him.

“It never ceases to amaze me. All this time and you’ve lost none of your ability to completely confound me. Do you have any idea how irritating that is?”

Justin couldn’t help it. His lips started parting, the grin started spreading, and then the chuckling began.

Now she was offended again. Talking to him was not doing great things for her self-esteem that evening.  “For not the first time tonight I say – this is not funny. Ass.”

She didn’t have much time to continue the riposte as his hand went to the back of her head and pulled her forward into another kiss. A muffled protest escaped her lips and he broke it as quickly as he’d started, leaning back slightly but not removing his hand. Their eyes were locked and despite how uncomfortable he was making her (physically as well as mentally, it was an awkward angle for her neck) she had little choice but to meet those blue irises. The eye contact was difficult to take but he wasn’t dropping his gaze.

“No, you’re right. It’s pretty fucking tragic, really, just how done we both are at this point.”

Ricocheting between being insulted and hopeful was a little too complex for such an emotional amateur. Her palms were sweating profusely. Both? She’d known she was sunk from the second he’d shown back up, but him? He was kissing her and describing himself as ‘done?’

“You are making no sense to me right now,” she said.

“You are annoyingly slow on the uptake, you know that? My life and free will are on the line but I’m still sitting here, kissing you because I’m wondering if maybe I want you more than either of those things. That’s kind of fucked, so tragically done seems about right.”

So this was what it was like to stop breathing when you were human. Charmian had clear forgotten. There was a breath caught in her throat that didn’t want to come out like it should.

Justin was plainly in charge of this whole interaction while she floundered, too shocked to react. Once more he was crushing his mouth to hers but this time he wasn’t pulling back, wasn’t keeping it brief. He was sliding his body closer to hers on the couch and his hands were moving from behind her head further down her back, taking better hold of her. There was a time lag between her physical behaviour and her brain catching up, because before she’d really taken stock of anything she had shifted closer herself.

Charmian kissed him back the way a drowning man gasped for air when he broke the surface. It was odd. She was used to being in command of herself and any situation; being out of control was alien. God only knew how many years of frustration and longing were venting themselves into it. Tears even pricked at the corners of her eyes, though they wouldn’t fall. Her fingers were on his face, brushing over his cheeks, reassuring her that he really was there and she really was touching him. But he was solid, and the way one hand splayed across her back while the other was tangled deep in her dark hair kept her anchored.

Well, she supposed it had been inevitable. If she went left, if she went right, she always wound up here anyway.

Slowly they slid further and further down, until his weight was settled over her and they were hanging perilously on the edge of the couch. It wasn’t really the right size for that kind of thing (which had sucked for him, stuck sleeping on it). Justin pulled himself clumsily to a standing position before offering his hands to Charmian and helping her up. They were half way back into an embrace when their eyes found each other, halting them in their tracks. Blue met brown and silently they both understood that this was the point of no return.  As they stood there, his hands on her waist and hers in the crooks of his elbows, it was time for a decision.

Once again it was him making it. He slid his hands down her arms and locked his fingers with hers before starting in the direction of the bedroom, tugging for her to follow. A corner of his mouth pulled upwards as he wondered why this had seemed so momentous and foreboding. Thus far it wasn’t much different from any other time he’d decided to hook up with somebody. He knew how this went.

He kicked the door shut behind them before turning back to Charmian and kissing her again, his mouth trailing at will over her lips and her jaw. Her skin tasted lightly of salt and there was a small hint of gardenias when he breathed in. For a moment her eyes closed and she remained still, concentrated on the path of his lips and the hands skating over her sides. When finally she moved it was to slowly run her fingers down his chest to the waistband of his jeans, to start freeing his shirt from there. His heartbeat had thudded under her hands and she was transfixed at the movement of his muscles. Justin allowed her to pull it over his head before resuming his attentions, not halting them as he unbuttoned her shirt.

He pushed the blue material from her shoulders and it fell carelessly to the floor. Skimming his fingertips back down her ribs, one hand continued lazily down her thigh before grasping it and pulling her yet closer to him. The pace between them was slow, almost thoughtful. The other hand traced the soft skin of her stomach, pausing over a taut, shiny patch he hadn’t noticed previously (even when he’d had to clean her up after the demon incident).

“That a scar?”

“What?” Charmian looked down at his fingers. They were tickling her as they ran back and forth across it. “Oh, yeah.”

He’d thought avengers didn’t scar. There was certainly no hint of that lump of flesh which had been carved out of her. “How’d you get it?”  

“When I was little. We were stomping grapes and I tripped.”

Justin kissed her again once, twice, smiling against her lips. “I kinda like it.”

“Don’t know why.” It wasn’t particularly big or an interesting shape, it was just a little splodge. Tightening her grip around his waist, she kissed him back briefly before allowing her lips to slip down his neck. “You got any?”

He laughed. “On my leg, but you’d have to take my pants off to see that one.”

“Maybe I should then.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. Someone was getting bolder. “Maybe you should.”

The buckle was undone in seconds. With an impressive speed and fluid motion that made him wonder if her extensive weapons training had included a bull whip, she pulled his belt off with a flourish. Apparently she was losing her initial hesitance because this was even a little aggressive. It was a definite turn on. Soon after that the denim was pushed off his hips and he was scrambling to catch up with hers. He was preoccupied with her mouth, unwilling to pause in order to see to the superfluous clothing.

Finally they were naked and falling to the mattress. As he stared the thought once again struck him that she looked like a Greek statue. He supposed that made sense, since she came from the time and place where those all got made. It was peculiarly reassuring; through the otherworldly sheen of immortality she had looked too pristine to be real. Though Greek statues weren’t exactly known for being depictions of the unattractive, at least now she was attractive in a human fashion with all the lumps and bumps and asymmetry. In a weird way that was also why he liked the scar. Settling himself over her Justin let his lips blaze a line down her body towards it, over her breast and down her stomach to where it sat near her hip. Charmian’s eyes closed blissfully and her fingers found his hair, winding themselves in it as she let him explore. The stubble on his chin scratched as he did.

If before it had been slow and charged, now it was getting heated and impatient. It wasn’t long before she was pulling him back up towards her and crashing her lips against his again, nipping lightly at the lower one with her teeth. As her tongue brushed his Justin was greedily searching her body. His hands didn’t know where they wanted to go, too eager to be in every place at once. It had all the awkward beats of a first time with somebody new, but he was working out what she liked from the way her little moans escaped against his kisses. There was one when he grasped her breast, another as he ran his hand over the back of her thigh and her buttock. He made one himself when her leg slipped between his.

For one uncomfortable second he had an off putting thought comparing himself to his past guises – it somehow felt like he was having to measure up to an ex even though it was only himself.  

Charmian was almost light-headed, dizzy from it all. She stroked her fingers over as much as him as she could reach. Involuntarily her nails would dig in when he hit some spot of hers. Her lips darted back and forth between his mouth and collarbone, enjoying the taste of his skin. One finger brushed over the tattoo on his arm; in a quieter moment she’d have to ask him about it.

When finally he parted her legs and pressed himself into her, a long hiss escaped both of them. For one giddy moment she marvelled at what was happening, but before long she was too concentrated on the rhythm she had subconsciously started meeting him with. If she hadn’t known Justin was a dancer she certainly could have guessed by the way his hips ground into hers; it was eliciting a lot of noises she’d never known herself make. When his lips grazed a nipple there was a sharp loud sound that she knew must have come from her but couldn’t believe did.

“You like that?”

It was hard to refrain from sarcasm or looking at him like he was stupid. Was he not hearing what she was hearing?  

She abstained from verbal response and instead pushed him over, rolling on top of him. Now it was Justin’s turn to let out a satisfied grunt, his fingers gripping her hips that little bit harder before sliding up her spine. The friction between their bodies as she moved over him was making him a little crazy, as was the way she kissed his chest. Wrapping one arm possessively around her waist he used the other to push them both upright, where he could sit and watch her.

“God, right there,” he groaned.

Feeling a warmth she’d long forgotten starting to build in the pit of her stomach, Charmian took his face back into her hands and kissed him again. Somehow she couldn’t get enough of the kisses, like if she stopped there would be none further. Justin’s hands finally ceased wandering and his arms settled tightly around her waist, returning the kiss with fervour. When finally the wave of pleasure hit she buried her face in his neck. His forehead dipped and his mouth touched her shoulder as he followed her shortly after, and the two of them fell still against each other.

One of Justin’s hands found itself in her hair. Hs lips touched the crown of her head softly, shoulders heaving from his heavy breathing. Charmian remained where she was, face burrowed against his neck and breathing him in. They were both slightly slick with sweat. She had to focus to stop her trembling muscles, lest they gave her away.

The silence went on too long, however, and it actually made him a little uncomfortable. She was abnormally still. “You okay, Char?”

Was she okay?

Yes.

No.

Completely.

Not at all.

It had never occurred to her that sex as a mortal would be any different than sex as an immortal. It wasn’t any better or worse in the physical sense (albeit it she felt the exertion more) but in some inexplicable way it felt altered. Maybe that was a natural side effect of having her magically enhanced emotional control removed, but whatever it was she felt discombobulated and a little out of herself.

“Yeah.” Finally she lifted her head again and smiled uncertainly at him. “Yeah. Just catching my breath.”

She released him and Justin flopped back against the pillows, exhaling loudly before opening an arm out to Charmian. As she lay her head on his chest and curled up beside him he folded it back around her shoulders, tracing his index finger in a lazy circle. She hooked an arm over his stomach and softly he smirked. He closed his eyes, sated and ready to snooze.

“Did I or did I not tell you that coming here was a great idea?” He said in a low voice.

“Eh.” Charmian pretended nonchalance. “The apartment works fine.”

“Heh. Once the witness protection is over,” he pronounced, “we are going to have to broaden your horizons.”

She was sure the sudden glow that had lit in her chest must be visible. It was a good thing his eyes were shut.