“I don’t agree. My team are better prepped.”

“Exactly – which is why Xavier will see them coming, his style is too similar to yours. Natalia’s crew are unpredictable and on this occasion that’ll be the advantage. I want your team running point on the Anton search, they’re better at stealth.”

“I’ll give you that, but Anton shouldn’t be a priority right now. Anton will be roasting on a spit somewhere and I doubt that’s changing any time soon. He’s not an immediate issue.”

“I’m not saying it’s a priority but no point letting the trail run cold. Apart from anything else, I still want to know what rock he found that succubus under.”

Lucas shook his head, folding his arms as he looked down at the map of the city. That was entirely true, he hadn’t lied. There were strategic reasons for not letting the guy disappear into the pit unchecked. What he wasn’t saying was that he also had a serious yen for some revenge; Lillith was down and there was only Anton to go. Alexander undoubtedly wouldn’t approve of that motive but he cared little.

“Fair point,” Alex replied. “I’ll send them on patrol as planned tonight and tomorrow we can brief them.” He tapped a section of the map close to the meat packing district.

“Good. Get me a report first thing, briefing at midday.”

“When did they become such BFFs?”

“Shut up.”

“Seriously. Suddenly they’re Tweedledum and Tweedledee? What the fuck’s up with that?”

“Come on. Alex stepped up, and Lucas needs allies right now.”

“I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like the fucker any more.”

“You have Bob to rub in his face for eternity, that not enough?”

Zac’s voice didn’t re-enter Carmel’s head, but she could guess what he was thinking. Nothing was going to be enough for a while. Their victory had an enormous sour note to it and neither of them really felt comfortable with Alexander.

They were in Lucas’s dining room once more. Maps of the area spread out around them as they discussed various upcoming operations (though Carmel suspected it wouldn’t be long before he moved them onto another city, maybe even country). Alex seemed to be doing a lot of consultation on them. That was going to take some getting used to. Finally there was some measure of respect and common ground going on, which was certainly a welcome change, but nothing seemed as it should be. They all still expected her to walk in at any moment. Lucas was doing his best and he was starting to work out the leadership thing, but after hundreds of years it was hard accepting a new regime. Especially one where their biggest rival was now their new partner in crime – Carmel and Zac were both having a hard time with that one. Lucas on the other hand seemed to have fallen into some kind of rapport with him.

“Mel, what’s the status on Sweden?”

She snapped out of her reverie. “They reported in forty five minutes ago; first sweep didn’t throw anything up. Henrik’s not worried though, said he expected them to go to ground and he’s got a few ideas where.”

“Good.” Lucas tipped his head from side to side, stretching out his neck. It was stiff from peering over the map for so long. “Think that about covers it.”

“Thank God.” Alex rolled his eyes lazily. “This was the longest meeting ever. You’re worse than she i… was.”

“Ouch on the past tense. I know it’s accurate, but yeesh.”

Four heads pinged up simultaneously before gawping at the intruder.

Charmian quickly lived to regret announcing herself in that fashion. Nathaniel wasn’t a solider; he didn’t react like these people did. Where he hesitated they moved. Before she could blink she found herself with her arms pinned behind her back and a hand around her throat.

It had been a rash move and she should have known better. Still, she had to cut herself some slack. It was mentally exhausting having to continually surprise people with being back from the dead and she wasn’t thinking clearly. She’d done Nate, she’d done Katherine, these guys were third on the list and they weren’t even the last.  The thing she had realised about herself in the last few weeks was that when she was overwhelmed she started wise cracking. It was not a helpful impulse and she was going to have to work on it.

“You know if I hadn’t been kicked out this would count as treason, right here.”

“Demon?” Lucas asked blithely. He was unperturbed; he’d expected some stunt like this. The hell spawn were never going to resist gloating.

Carmel shook her head. “Can’t be. Place is warded.”

“Could a succubus get through? We know they’re harder to detect.” Zac tightened his grip and Charmian let out a yelp in protest.

“You are so lucky I don’t have a sword or you’d be getting stabbed on principle for that. Call me a damn succubus…”

Alex smirked, folding his arms across his chest and tipping his head. His eyes flicked over her body and a thoughtful expression settled on his face. “Certainly talks like Charmian.”

“That would follow, since I am Charmian.”

He shrugged. “Prove it.”

Charmian’s eyes went not to him, but Lucas. His blue eyes were drilling into her but she met them easily. She knew him too well to be intimidated.

“Just in case anybody was blaming themselves, don’t,” she said. She ignored Alex’s challenge. “I got myself into trouble being a smart ass. Clearly I haven’t learned yet or I’d have knocked first.”

Carmel privately thought that also sounded like Charmian. Not so much the smart ass part, but the rushing to absolve them of responsibility and take it for herself. The biggest thing that was starting to make her waver was the complete lack of explanation for what else she could be. There was an extensive list of hell beasts in her head and not one she knew of ought to be able to get into the house. As far as she was aware Zac’s theory was a bust on that front as well, succubae weren’t immune to warding. If this wasn’t Charmian then she had no other explanation… but then not being able to think of anyone else didn’t mean there was nobody else. So still she hesitated.

“Still waiting for you to prove it,” Lucas said quietly. His mind had quickly followed along the same lines as Carmel’s.

Her lips curled up at the corners. Alex she refused to give into but he was pretty much her best friend. He was allowed.

“Fine then - Jerusalem, 1192. We swore we’d never tell but if it confirms my identity…”

Charmian didn’t need to continue as within the space of two heartbeats Lucas had pushed Zac off of her. Quickly she was swept into a hug and where Lucas went the other two soon followed. Jerusalem in 1192 had been the one and only time the two of them had ever had an indiscretion (high off of a particularly invigorating victory). Both had brushed it off as a mistake that was only going to cause needless political disturbance amongst the avengers, and vowed to each other that they’d never utter a word. They had resumed friendship and business as usual with nary a blink and without ever discussing it again until now. It was more than enough for Lucas; there was no way anybody else could have known that.

It wasn’t a long hug, they weren’t ones for huge displays of affection, but she had just risen from the dead. At least something had to be done. Alexander wasn’t joining in – he was standing a few feet back trying and failing to look impassive. He’d seen a lot in his lengthy life but this was a new one on him.

Carmel clasped Charmian’s face in her hands. “How the hell?”

“Long story. Are you all okay? What happened with you guys in the warehouse?”

“Suddenly a whole bunch better. We got through it okay, iced them all, but it was kind of rough with what happened to you. Kind of dampens the victory party.”

The comment immediately set something off for Zac, and he blurted it out before he could think. “I killed Bob!”

Charmian turned to face him, surprise written all over her face. He hadn’t meant to say it, it was some uncontrolled reflex. Suddenly he’d just wanted to grab his chance for her to be proud of him before she could disappear once more. Zac still felt like she could leave or die again any second. He’d never have admitted it, but he’d been left shaken by his seemingly invincible mentor not only being defeated but killed. When it sank in and her teeth started showing through the grin, that was when he finally started feeling like she was really there and back in front of him. She clapped him on the shoulder, smiling ear to ear.

“Are you friggin’ kidding me? That’s my boy! Tell me everything!”

**

Justin had been sitting in front of the TV with the remote in his hand for some considerable time. He had sat down with the intention of turning it on, but somehow the instructions had never got from his brain to his muscles. Instead he was staring at it with a frown deeply etched into his forehead. He barely moved except to drum his finger against the buttons without pressing them.

Suddenly he was overwhelmed by choice. For all his complaints about their cramped existence in that apartment and then the cabin, with so little to do it made things simpler. He had merely gone from one moment to the next. There was no need to think much beyond that with his options so limited. Whatever was going on or being felt in that minute was the only issue at hand. Now he was back in his life and he could do anything he wanted. The threat had passed; he no longer needed to worry. He’d be a bit paranoid about demon possessions around him for the rest of his life, but it would never be him. She had seen to that. So what did he do now?

It was doubly hard to concentrate with the visage of Charmian’s battered body still so fresh in his mind. The feeling it brought wasn’t grief, but guilt. There was no comforting thought of her looking peaceful or serene in death to assuage it. No longer a colossus, she had been broken and diminished. No trace of the proud warrior remained now. In his mind he could still picture the deadly dance she’d done with Alexander in the practice ring and the defiant yet fading glint in her eyes as she took Lillith down with her. He almost wanted to laugh remembering her last words. There had been so much life (both in quality and quantity) that was now extinguished. Her incredibly long life had finally been extinguished and it was his fault.

That was where the guilt came in. She’d done it all for his worthless hide and he hadn’t even had the wherewithal to offer her some comfort as she passed. He should have said something – maybe ‘thank you’ would have been a decent start. He should have admitted what a stubborn idiot he’d been and that he cared. Now it was all too late. Justin didn’t quite know what the hell he was supposed to do with himself to pay that debt. Certainly he couldn’t make up for his harsh treatment of her any more when she was no longer there to make it up to. To make her sacrifice worthy he needed to be worth saving, and he couldn’t figure out how he was supposed to live up to that.

That was why he was so stuck for what to do. He had a huge debt blotting his accounts and no idea where to even begin attempting to repay it. As his eyes fixated on the blank screen it was his future he saw - a blank mystery.

The doorbell rang and he was startled out of his maudlin self-flagellation. A poorly suppressed groan escaped his lips. It would be his mother; upon hearing from her missing son she had reacted with understandable frenzy. Justin had guessed that his attempts to deter her from coming straight over might go unheeded. Selfishly he didn’t want to have to take on the weight of her feelings right now when he was doing such a poor job with his.

Still, maybe that was as good a next step as any. He didn’t know what to do next? He could get up and answer the door. One foot would go in front of the other and maybe that was all it took. It would have to be enough for now.

His muscles had seized up from the stillness, and he had to walk off a touch of pins and needles as he went for the door. Justin shook out his shoulders and inhaled sharply, pausing with his fingers around the handle. He had to steel himself for his mom’s inevitable barrage of questions. She was going to ask far more than Trace had; he’d have to be careful. Too much lying off the cuff could trip him up at a later date if he forgot details of his story. The truth was not an option. The truth would land him in front of a psychiatrist.

Opening the door was like a full body blow.

There she was. Her clothes were fixed. Every dark curl was back in place. Her skin was back to its customary alabaster smoothness. There was no trace of a cut or a bruise and instead of that eerie stillness Charmian’s chest steadily rose and fell. Brown eyes blinked nervously at him.

“Hi,” she said.

As an opener it was anti-climatic to say the least. Though what exactly could you expect the dead woman on your doorstep to say?

How was this possible? His first thought was that it was another hell beast playing mind games with him, but he quickly eliminated that possibility. She had fixed that. They couldn’t come for him any more. If this wasn’t her then she couldn’t have come from below, which meant she had to come from the other direction… that was a mind twister. But then who would they send and why with her face? That didn’t seem right… did that mean the likeliest possibility was that it really was Charmian, live and in person?

Justin snapped to his senses and realised he’d been staring and silent too long.

“Is it really you?” That was a stupid question to ask. Even if it wasn’t her it would claim to be.

Of all possible responses he didn’t expect the one he got. Glossy tears started glimmering along her lower lash line, though they didn’t fall. Her thumbs were hooked into her pockets in a self-conscious stance and she gave a sheepish shrug. Three reunions later and she wasn’t any better at them.

“Turns out saving the world all those times was at least good for something. Though I’m guessing resurrection just cost me all those stockpiled brownie points, so the retirement villa in the Maldives is probably out.”

Again with the wise cracking -  she really had to curb that impulse.

For the second time she was caught off-guard by a rib constricting hug. Justin’s face was buried in her neck and his shoulders were heaving. He didn’t understand how he knew this had to be her, he just knew it was. Perhaps he was being a little too quick to accept it but after all the weird crap he’d seen this was starting to seem positively par the course. Besides, it was such a Charmian thing to say.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

One hand shakily met the back of his head. The other patted his back. “It’s okay.”

“I got you killed; that is not fucking okay.”

“It’s alright, I promise.” She stroked his hair. “I’m here.”

“How? How are you here?” Justin pulled back and rubbed fretfully at his nose. He was making a gargantuan effort to refrain from hysterics. Hastily he gestured her inside and shut the door behind her. “What’s going on?”

“Long story, another time.” Her gaze went to her feet. “Crux of it is they’ve fixed me right up. All back the way I was. I’ve just been to see the guys and then I came over here.”

Justin’s mouth dropped into a small o, surprised by this turn of events. Why it should be any more surprising than her Lazarus routine he wasn’t sure. Carmel had mentioned the plot twist with their boss not being the one who’d wanted her wings clipped.

“Oh. So you’re an avenger again. That… definitely beats dead.” Inwardly he cursed himself for yet another stupid comment.

“Well…” Charmian had no idea where to start. The situation was so overwrought and awkward that trying to have a conversation was kind of ridiculous. She really didn’t know how to segue into it all gracefully. “They, uhh… they gave me the choice of whether to go back to that or to just pass on. That’s what I went over there to talk to the gang about.”

“Oh.”

It was unbelievably selfish, all things considered, but he found himself disappointed. He had no right to prefer her mortal and vulnerable (especially given the price she’d paid for that). There was no controlling his feelings however and they remained the same. Going back to soldier mode would close her back off again. He didn’t know what they were, but whatever it was it was easier when she dropped the poker face. Though what had he expected once all this was finished anyway? Even if she’d lived she would have gone back to her day job and that would have been the end of their acquaintance. It made no difference, he supposed. One way or another she was always going to leave.

“I, uhh…” Charmian shifted nervously. Since she’d given the word and felt herself falling back to Earth she seemed to have done little else but stare at her feet. She’d done it on the entire walk to his house and was doing it through most of this conversation. “I guess you could say I made a counter offer.”

Even with her own eyes directed at the ground she could feel his blue irises boring into her. “Counter offer?”

“Yep. Never accept a first one and all,” she said weakly.

“And behind door number three?” Now he was going from selfishness to audacity. He had little right to be taking the stern tone with her right now but there was no patience left to deal with the cryptic talk.

“I’m back…” How could she put it? “The other way I was. You know. Human.” Finally she managed to look him in the face.

“Human?” Justin echoed in disbelief.

“Human.” She repeated it again, along with another uncomfortable shrug.

For a second relief and euphoria began to rise; they were quickly replaced by confusion. Putting aside his disappointment, objectively you could hardly have blamed her if she went for invulnerability.

“What made you do that?” He asked.

“Because all my life I…” Charmian pursed her lips tightly together, shaking her head. “Dying’s a hell of a way to give you clarity on stuff, and when I just looked back at everything I felt like I’ve never really set my own path. And that seems crazy, given how God damn old I am, but I’ve always been working to somebody else’s agenda. My dad, then my brother, then the light. I left my family because I was tired of that, but for all the good I did as an avenger and how proud I am of it I think I just swapped one set of orders for another. When she made me that offer both ways felt wrong, and I think that’s why. There are so many things I’ve never had out of this life because they weren’t in someone else’s plan for me. If I die or ascend again they’re off the table for good, so I figured maybe it’s time for me to actually run my own destiny. Been a few centuries too long in coming.”

At that point she expected him to speak, but he said nothing. Her response was to fill the space with a bad joke; she couldn’t take the silence. “Besides, not like death won’t still be there in a few decades. I still get to kick the bucket again later.”

“That’s…” Justin sucked in a breath and held it for a moment. “Wow,” he said as he exhaled. “That’s kind of immense.”

She nodded. “Yeeeeah.”

Now it wasn’t his own future on his mind, it was hers in question. Briefly he wondered if the resurrection came with a social security number and some start up cash, but somehow the practicalities paled in comparison to that last speech. At least she already had an apartment (tiny though it was).

“So I guess…” Justin trailed off. All words seemed inadequate for such a monumental thing, and he was still in a head spin just seeing her. She had been dead. He had been angry and then sad and then guilty. Now suddenly she was alive. What did he do with all that?

“I guess you just gotta work out what your plan is for you. What do you want?”

Charmian’s eyes flicked upwards and met his. A wistful yet wry smile pulled at her mouth.

She’d slept with him. She’d taken a knife to the gut for him. And the idiot couldn’t even hazard a guess as to what she might want?

“I suppose we’ll find out.”