"Mmmm...you were right." Kristen said, as she licked her lips and stuck her spoon back into the container of Ben & Jerry's she was eating.  "I'm not a vanilla girl." Chris chuckled as he turned to look at her.  "This," she said, taking another bite and then pointing at the ice cream with her spoon. "This is just what I needed tonight." She smiled at him. 

"Good." He replied, lifting the bottle he held in one hand to his lips.  He winked at her before turning back to the grill he was standing in front of and the chicken he was cooking.

Kristen pulled her legs up in front of her on the chair she was sitting in as she took another bite of the ice cream.  Chewing on a piece of a peanut butter cup, she looked around.  Her eyes took in his amazing patio and backyard.  "Your house is beautiful." She exclaimed. She felt like she was sitting in the middle of some fantastic, tropical resort instead of someone's backyard.

"Thanks." He replied with a smile as he turned the pieces of chicken over then looked at her.  "I kind of like it." She smiled again. 

After checking out at the grocery store they had walked out to their cars and Kristen had followed Chris over here--her heart fluttering nervously in her chest over the fact that she was actually to his house.  Her mind was still reeling over the serendipitous events the last couple weeks that had led her path to cross his.  After putting the few frozen items she had purchased in his freezer until she left later, she had helped him put his groceries away and had then followed him out here-taking in the house and now the backyard in amazement.  Chris Kirkpatrick may not be the most famous member of N SYNC, but it was obvious he hadn't done too bad for himself. 

Kristen watched as the lights from the house and the patio reflected off the water in the pool and felt a sudden impulsive desire to jump into the water.  Her eyes slid over to the man standing a few feet from her--her eyes wandering appreciatively over him--and she wondered what he would do if she were to suddenly jump in his pool.  Probably jump in after me.  She thought. 

She chuckled and Chris turned to look at her in question. Kristen just smiled at him as she took another bite of her ice cream. He turned his attention back to the grill and Kristen moved the ice cream she'd eaten around on her tongue.  Her eyes wandered over the man standing a few feet from her as she stuck her spoon in her mouth again, taking another bite.  The playful teasing and easy laughter they had shared earlier at the grocery store had disappeared.  In its place, an awkward silence had fallen between them and she was suddenly reminded of the fact that she really had no idea who this man was.  She wanted to argue with herself that yes, she did know him, but she took a step back that wasn't entirely true.  Beyond the small amount of time they'd spent together, the majority of her background knowledge on Chris Kirkpatrick came from what she remembered reading and hearing about him in the media.  She felt like she knew a lot about him, but it was just surface stuff--stuff than anyone with a computer and internet access could look up and know about him.  Sure, they'd gone out a few times, but did a few casual dinners and one night of incredible sex give her any right to feel like she knew him?

Kristen set the ice cream down on the table--her appetite gone as a combination of confusion and anxiety filled her.  She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin atop her knees as she began worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.  What am I doing?  She questioned.  Why am I here? 

She turned her head to look at Chris--who had been unusually quiet the last few minutes--and wanted to ask him why she was there.  He seemed to act like he liked her and wanted to spend time with her, but was that it?  Last night at the game the only move he'd made had been to hold her hand when they were leaving.  He had been quick to accept her condition of only being friends and Kristen began to wonder if that was because that's all he wanted from her.  They hadn't talked about the night they had spent together and Kristen had no idea if he even wanted that again with her.  Had he been quick to accept her condition because that was all he wanted from her?  Kristen's brow furrowed slightly and she tucked her chin down, against her chest, as heavy disappointment filled her.  She didn't want to just be his friend.

I shouldn't have said that.  She chastised herself.  I should have just kept my big mouth shut and not said anything.  We could have just gone our separate ways instead of prolonging the agony- 

"So..." Chris drawled.  Kristen's head snapped up as she was startled from her thoughts.  She'd forgotten for a moment where she was startled from her thoughts.  She plastered a smile on her face to hide her inner disappointment.  He lifted the bottle of beer in his hand to his lips once again, taking a healthy swallow.

Kristen's eyes followed the movement of the bottle and she felt a stab of jealousy towards the inanimate object--wishing she could press her lips against his.  He heart began pounding as she allowed her eyes to linger on his lips.  She felt a shiver shirt down her spine-her skin tingling at the memory of how those lips felt against her skin.  Her stomach quivered and she swallowed hard.  Stop it!  She scolded.  You're only making this harder on yourself.

"How was work today?" Chris finally asked, pulling her from her thoughts.  Kristen's eyes moved up to meet with his and her heart fluttered in her chest as those incredible brown eyes of his stared back at her.  Why did I tell him we could only be friends?  He watched her closely--intently--waiting for her answer. 

Kristen cleared her throat and shook her head as she lowered her legs.  "Shitty." She replied honestly as she blew out a breath and ran her hand through her hair.  "It was...well..." she paused.  She waved her hand through the air.  "You don't want to hear about my day." She forced a smile as she looked away from him.  "Believe me." She chuckled wryly.  "It would just ruin your appetite." She joked.

"Well, now you've got me curious." He replied as he came to sit down next to her at the table.  "And I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know.  Spill the beans, girl." He commanded with a grin.

Kristen sighed.  "Well, let's see...I waited most of the day for Michael to come in so I could talk to him about your idea for the basketball game." He nodded and she watched as he set his bottle down on the table, reached for her abandoned ice cream, and took a bite.  She lost her train of thought as she watched him put her spoon in his mouth.  "He, uh..." Kristen blinked a few times and cleared her throat as she tucked her hair behind her ears.  She tore her eyes away from him and took a deep breath to compose herself.  "He never showed up." She finally said, glancing over at him again.  He sat watching her, expectantly as he took another bite, waiting for her to continue her story.  "Anyway," she said.  "I,uh...then I got a phone call from the front reception desk telling me I had a visitor.  I thought for a second that it was you," she confessed with an embarrassed chuckle.

He grinned.  "Thought I was coming in for another tour or something?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Something."  She nodded.

"It wasn't me." He observed unnecessarily.

"No." She shook her head with a chuckle.  "It wasn't."

"So, who was it?" He asked in extreme curiosity, as if this were the most interesting story he'd ever heard. 

"The woman who used to be one of my closest friends and who decided to sleep with my husband." She told him.  He whistled in surprise.  "Yeah." Kristen replied with a nod.  "We had a, uh...well, I guess you could call it a ‘heated discussion' in the lobby.  She wanted to apologize.  I told her I never wanted to see her again then my day continued, ending with another meeting between my estranged husband and our divorce lawyers." She told him.  "Hence the reason my grocery cart was completely full of junk food when you surprised me and why I wanted to have ice cream for dinner." She finished.   

"Hmmm..." he mused as he took another bite.  "You're right." He nodded as he pointed the spoon at her.  "Your day was shitty." He agreed and Kristen chuckled. "What I can do to make it end better?" He asked.

Kiss me.  She thought.

She angrily pushed the thought away.  Not gonna happen. She reminded herself.  Just friends, remember?

"So far, you're doing pretty good." She told him with a smile as she leaned across the table towards him.  She watched as a grin spread across his handsome face and felt her cheeks warm slightly as he continued looking at her--a tiny quiver appearing in her stomach at the look he was giving her. 

What does that look mean? She wanted to ask. She didn't know him well enough yet to be able to read his expressions and she was dying to know what this one meant.  She felt a small spark of hope in her chest as she continued staring into his beautiful brown eyes.  A friend wouldn't be looking at her like this would he?

He mirrored her body language as he leaned over the table as well, lessening the space between them.  Kristen's heart skipped a beat or two as it sped up and she took a deep breath to try and calm her racing thoughts and pulse.  However, all it did was inundate her with the scent of him--her thoughts immediately returning to the night they had spent together--and her mouth was suddenly dry.  This man was altogether too dangerous to her well being at the moment as he continued to sit there, looking at her like that.  Kristen wanted to lean over and kiss him--to take back what she had said about being friends--but she held back.  She knew where a kiss would lead and, while a part of her desperately wanted to go there with him again, a larger part of her didn't want this to turn out to be just about sex between them.  Deep down she did want to be friends with him.  They were good together, there was no arguing that fact, but Kristen wanted more than that.  Being married to Kevin had shown her that she wanted more from a relationship than just the physical.  She needed someone she could share all aspects of herself with.  Someone she could connect to and relate to.  Someone who would accept all of her quirky habits and not expect her to change. 

She also needed someone she could trust.

As the silence stretched between them, Kristen stared into Chris' eyes-searching.  Can I trust you?  She wanted to ask him.  How did she know--if they ever took this relationship past the friend stage--if she could trust him to be faithful.  She wracked her brain for any hidden memories of news stories involving the man sitting in front of her.  Had there ever been any rumors of cheating on his part in the past?  She couldn't remember anything, but that didn't mean they weren't there.  He was a celebrity.  Celebrities were famous for their romantic indiscretions.  She knew it was unfair to judge him based on the actions of others, but she couldn't help it.  Being cheated on made a person wary of trusting again.

Chris' eyes seemed to be begging for that trust.  She wanted to give it, but she'd been fooled before.  She wasn't going to be fooled again. 

Her cell phone suddenly chimed in her pocket-breaking the silence between them.  Kristen sat back--putting space between them--and Chris cleared his throat as she pulled the phone from her pocket.  Glancing at the text from her brother, reminding her about the dinner they were having for their mother's birthday tomorrow night, Kristen looked back at Chris.     

"The, uhm..." She cleared her throat  and ran her fingers through her hair.  "The chicken smells good." She said with a smile as she looked over her shoulder at the grill.  "Is it almost done?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Chris was confused.

Confused and frustrated.

This woman had no idea how confusing and frustrating she was.

One minute she's leaning towards me, all but begging me to kiss her and the next she's pulling away asking about the damn chicken.  What the hell just happened? He questioned.  He sat, watching her, waiting to see what she was going to do next, but she just sat there quietly.  He finally pushed back from the table and stood. 

"Yeah." He said, answering her question.  The word sounded more terse than he had anticipated.   "Should be done." He stated as he walked over to the grill.  "Do you wanna eat out here or inside?" He questioned as he pulled the chicken off and placed the pieces onto the plate he had brought out. 

"Can we eat out here?" She asked hesitantly.  "It's a beautiful evening."

"We can do whatever you want." He told her as he turned to face her, plate of chicken in hand.  He watched her closely, wondering if she had caught onto and understood the meaning behind what he'd just said.  If she wanted him to kiss her, all she had to do was ask.  He was dying to feel her lips against his again and he attempted to send that message to her telepathically--letting her know that he was okay with whatever she wanted to do.  She just continued to sit there though and finally, with a sigh of frustration, Chris set the plate of chicken down on the table in front of her and walked back into the house, towards the kitchen--completely missing the look of confusion Kristen had given him. 

After their frank and honest conversation earlier in the week at the hospital, Chris had convinced himself that he could handle being with Kristen without actually being with her.  He could be her friend, no problem he had decided.  Now, however, he was questioning the strength of his resolve to step back and pretend that nothing had happened between them.  She had had a bad day because of the shit that her husband was putting her through and he wanted nothing more than to just take her in his arms and show her that not all men were major scumbags.  She had sat there across from him, her beautiful eyes holding him captive as she searched his for some answer she was looking for.  He wanted to give her the answer though he had no idea what the question was.  He wanted to show her that there was at least one man alive who thought she was amazing and wonderful and beautiful and just wanted to love her; to be with her; to make her laugh and keep her from eating vanilla ice cream. 

She deserves so much better than just plain old vanilla. He thought to himself. 

He realized he didn't know her all that well, but what he had learned he liked.  A lot.  Kristen was the kind of girl he had always wanted to find.  She was smart, beautiful, driven and motivated but she also knew how to let loose and have fun.  Last night at the game she had been more crazy and enthusiastic cheering for her beloved Bulls than he had anticipated, but he had loved it.  Finally!  He had thought.  A girl who understands what it's all about! 

He had taken a few girls to sporting events in the past, but had wound up just getting frustrated because he had had to spend the whole night explaining the game instead of watching it.  Not with Kristen.  She was cheering and yelling at the refs like a pro all night and the memory made him smile. 

Oening up a cupboard and grabbing two plates then moving over to the silverware drawer, Chris was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't hear Kristen come in to the kitchen.  "Did I do something wrong?" She asked, startling him.  Chris almost dropped the plates he was holding as he turned around quickly in surprise.

"What?" He questioned.

She looked at him with confusion clearly written in her face.  "You just kind of threw the chicken at me and disappeared in here in a huff." She explained.  "I wasn't sure if it was something I had done or something I said that made you upset.  I warned you didn't want to hear about what happened to me today but you asked and I--"

"No." He said, cutting her off as he stepped towards her.  "No.  That's not the reason I'm upset."

"So you are upset." She stated, watching him closely.

"Yes." He nodded.  "But it's not...it's not what you think.  I just..." He set the plates down on the counter and leaned over them as he hung his head with a sigh, trying to gather his thoughts.  "I don't know if I can do this." He finally admitted quietly, the confession slipping out before he could stop it.  Kristen remained silent and he looked up at her, his heart twisting painfully at the slight tremble he caught of her bottom lip.  She was quick to cover the emotion though and he felt like a heel.  All of his earlier thoughts of wanting to love her and show her that not all men were out to hurt her and what had he done?  Hurt her. 

This is why I'm single.  He thought.  It was easier being single.  There was no chance of him causing unnecessary pain by not doing or saying the right thing all the time.  He didn't like hurting people and keeping to himself saved him the guilt and remorse of doing just that. 

"I understand." Kristen answered softly, nodding.  "I, uh..." she cleared her throat as she tucked her curls behind her ears.  "I'll...I'll just grab my things and...and I'll go." She said in resignation as she walked past him, her eyes averted as she made her way towards the fridge to grab her groceries.  "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have come over tonight.  I--"

Chris reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her.  He pulled her around in front of him, her hands coming up reflexively to rest against his chest as the momentum pushed them together.  "That's not what I meant." He said roughly-his frustration level making his words harsh and angry.  She looked at him in surprise, her brown eyes connecting with his as he took a deep breath to compose himself.  "I don't want you to go." He said, calmer this time.

"B-but, you just said..." She trailed off in confusion as she continued to look at him.  "I don't--"

"I said I don't know if I can do this." He stated as he lifted his other hand and hesitantly placed it against her cheek.  He heard her breath catch slightly and his heart thumped in his chest at the contact.  "What I meant was: I don't know if I can just be your friend." He admitted as his thumb brushed back and forth carressively over her soft skin.  He watched, fascinated-as if it was someone else's hand on her face instead of his own.  "I know that's what you want right now because of everything that's going on in your life, but I don't know if I can pretend that nothing's happened between us." He continued, his eyes sliding down to her lips.  "I don't know if I can pretend that I don't know how you feel." His voice lowered slightly.  "Or how you taste." He swallowed hard.  "I...I don't know if I can do this." He repeated as he shook his head slightly, his eyes meeting hers again.  "I need to know what you want.  I need to know what the ground rules are here.  I've...I've never been in this situation before and I don't know what to do.  We're friends, but..." He trailed off as he moved closer to him.   

"But?" She questioned, the word escaping softly.

 "But I've never wanted to kiss one of my friends like I want to kiss you right now." He confessed. 

~~~~~~~~~

Kristen's heart was thundering in her chest.  Her eyes were locked on Chris', unable to look away.  His thumb brushed across her cheek again and she felt a flutter of butterflies in her stomach.  When his gaze became too intense she looked down-her eyes resting on the sight of her hands against his chest.  Her fingers splayed out slightly.  She could feel his heart beating rapidly beneath her palm and heard his almost imperceptible groan as he hands moved against him.  His hand on her arm tightened slightly as he drew her closer. 

"I need to know what you want."  His words kept echoing through her head, causing a wave of goose bumps to envelope her.  How in the world did I get here?  She wondered.

"Do you read minds?" She asked him, blurting out the thought as she had it.  His brows lowered in instant confusion.

"What?" He questioned.

Kristen looked at him for a moment longer then began laughing.  She couldn't help it.  She knew it was a completely inappropriate response to the situation, but it was either that or cry and she really didn't want to cry in front of this man.  Chris released her as she stepped away from him, scrubbing her hands over her face then running her fingers through her hair as the emotional roller coaster ride she had been on all day finally caught up with her.  The anger over Andrea showing up at work, the frustration of dealing with Kevin, the excitement when Chris surprised her in the grocery store, the confusion and disappointment she'd experienced out on the patio earlier as she wondered whether Chris had any romantic feelings for her, and now the desire flooding through her and the overwhelming need she had to kiss the man standing two feet away from her.  It was too much.  She was on overload. 

"Kristen?" He questioned. 

Kristen looked at him.  "You're funny and sexy and incredibly talented when it comes to music and I'm just wondering if you can also read minds." She told him as she cocked her head to the side.  "Do you have that super power and have been keeping it hidden?" She asked.  She knew she was beginning to ramble-the words falling from her lips faster than she wanted, but she couldn't stop them.  "Because I was just sitting out there," she pointed behind him towards the patio where they had been, "wondering to myself if the reason you had agreed so quickly to my condition was because that's all you wanted--to be friends.  I know we haven't talked about that night but I had convinced myself that we were pretty damn amazing together but then I got to thinking, he hasn't said anything about it so maybe it wasn't.  I mean I've been told in the past, that I'm boring and maybe I am.  But then you stand here and tell me that you don't know if you can be my friend because you can't stop thinking about me and I just--"

Her verbal flood was cut off as Chris stepped towards her, putt his hands on her upper arms as he crushed his lips against hers.  Kristen's knees buckled at the heated attack--the only thing keeping her upright was the fact that Chris was holding onto her so tightly.  She kissed him back, her heart beating dangerously fast in her chest as she felt the swipe of his tongue along her bottom lip before he tilted his head and deepened the kiss.  She wound her arms around his neck--his hands dropping as he wound his arms around her waist and drew her against him tightly.  Why did she think she could just be friends with this man?  Why did she think, after knowing what it was like to be loved by him, that she could ignore that and pretend it hadn't happened?    

"He's an idiot." Chris murmured against her mouth as he tilted his head the other direction and continued kissing her. 

"Who?" Kristen asked, though she didn't really care what he was talking about.  All she wanted was for him to keep on kissing her.  Her fingers ran through his short hair and she tilted her head back as his lips left hers and began roaming down her neck. 

"Whoever told you, you were boring." He said, pulling back enough to look at her.  Kristen opened her eyes, meeting his, and wanted to cry.  "You're not boring." He told her.  "Who told you that?"  He questioned, his brown eyes delving into hers. 

"My husband." She told him--reality coming crashing back down on her.  Chris scowled.

"Then he's a bigger douchebag than I thought." He replied.  "I'm glad you're getting rid of him."  He stated.  Kristen took a deep breath as she pulled out of Chris' arms.  He looked at her in question. "What...?"

"I don't know if you...do you ever...how can I..." Kristen stopped, trying to put her thoughts together.  How in the world was she supposed to explain what she was thinking and feeling when she didn't even completely understand it herself?  She took a deep breath.  "I'm sorry." She said as she closed her eyes and hung her head.  "I know I'm being completely confusing right now and you're probably really frustrated with me but I just..." she paused and took a deep breath.  "I like you, Chris." She said, looking up at him again.  "I like you a lot." She confessed.

"But?" He questioned, watching her closely.

"Do you...go to church?" She asked.

He shrugged.  "It's been a while." He stated.

She nodded.  "I want to be with you, but when I am I get this overwhelming sense of guilt over the fact that I'm still legally married and I am basically doing the exact same thing that my husband did to me.  I'm cheating." She told him.  "And I don't want to be a cheater."

"You're not--"

"I know." She told him, cutting him off.  "We're separated and getting divorced, but it's not final yet and I just...I don't know what to do." She confessed.  "I don't know what to tell you about what the ground rules are here because I've never been in this situation before and when you kiss me like that..." she trailed off, a wave of goose bumps enveloping her as she thought about the kiss they had just shared. 

"What?" He questioned.

"A little voice keeps whispering in the back of my head that I'm going to hell for being with you, but when you kiss me like that I tell that little voice it can go to hell." She replied.

Chris laughed as he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug.  Kristen chuckled along with him as she accepted the hug--resting her head against his chest.  It was the second time this week he'd given her a hug and Kristen was quickly becoming addicted.  She loved the way it felt to be held by him--his strong arms around her and the feeling of protection and comfort she got from the contact. 

"We'll figure it out." He said and she pulled back to look at him.  "Neither of us have been here before." He told her.  "So we'll just...figure it out as we go along.  I've never been one that was big on plans anyway." He grinned.  "They interfere with all the fun you can have along the way.  However," he continued.  "The last thing I want to do is send you to hell so we could just hold back on the whole kissing thing--"

"No!" Kristen exclaimed.  Chris grinned and she felt her cheeks redden at the force of her objection. 

"I said ‘hold back', Kris not ‘hold off.'  Hey wait a minute..." He trailed off as he cocked his head to the side--his brows furrowing slightly in deep concentration. 

"What?" She asked with a chuckle.  "Don't hurt yourself, thinking so hard." She teased. 

He laughed.  "I just realized our names are the same.  Chris and Kris."

Kristen laughed.  "You just now figured that out?" She asked. 

"I've been a little distracted lately." He confessed, his cheeks warming slightly. 

"Oh, really?" She asked, lifting one brow as she eyed him closely.  She watched his blush deepen and grinned.  "By what?" She asked, though she had a sneaking suspicion she knew what his answer was.

"Like you don't know." He replied, leaning down to press a quick kiss to her lips.  "Now come on, smarty pants." He said turning and putting his arm around her shoulders.  "Let's go eat.  The chicken is getting cold."