"And how is you having an affair with a married woman boring?" She asked as she took a bite.  She closed her eyes briefly and moaned in satisfaction.  There was nothing quite like the combination of melted cheese, pepperoni, and tomato sauce.  It had been a few weeks since Kristen had allowed herself the indulgence of having pizza but, after the day she'd had today, this was just what she needed.  Chris chuckled and Kristen licked her bottom lip as she opened her eyes to look at him.  "What's so funny?" She asked him as she set the piece of pizza on her plate and reached for her beer.

"Not funny." He shook his head, a smile playing on his lips. Kristen narrowed her eyes and looked at him in question over the bottle as she took a healthy swallow.  "You just...you make me happy." He admitted.  "I laugh when I'm happy." 

Kristen couldn't help the smile that came at his admission and felt her cheeks warm slightly as she set the beer bottle back on the table.  She lowered her hands to her lap and pinched her arm under the table.  It was still hard for her to believe that anyone wanted to be with her--thought she was worth spending time with--let alone the man currently sitting across her kitchen table from her.  He was funny, smart, beautiful, and talented.  Why did he want to waste his time on her? 

"But let's get back to the problem at hand." Chris said as he cleared his throat and looked down at his plate. 

"Our relationship is hardly ‘boring.'" She reminded him.

"You can say that again." He replied, with a wag of his eyebrows and a suggestive smirk on his face. 

Kristen laughed as she wadded her napkin up into a ball and threw it across the table at him.  "Be serious." She told him.

"Being serious is not one of my strong points, Vanilla." He replied as he picked up his piece of pizza and took a huge bite.

"Obviously." Kristen sassed as she took another bite.   "So, what are we going to do?" She asked him as she reached for and took another swig of her beer. 

"Pray that Justin decides to announce he's releasing another solo album?" Chris asked with a shrug. 

Kristen laughed.  "And if that doesn't happen?"

He sighed and sat back in his chair.  His eyes stared at the napkin in his hand that he was currently crumpling.  "The only thing we can do is ride it out." He said, his eyes lifting to meet hers again.  "Eventually something bigger and better is going to come along and everyone will forget about us."

"Right." She replied with a nod, not at all convinced that that would happen.  Kristen was enough of a tabloid follower to know that rumors and stories involving any type of sexual scandal were quick to come and slow to leave the headlines.  If the paparazzi at the hospital today were any indication, she had a feeling this was going to be something that people were going to be talking about for a while-regardless of whether or not Justin announced anything.  "And in the meantime?" Kristen asked as she put her piece of pizza down on the plate in front of her, her appetite suddenly gone.  "What am I supposed to do?" She questioned.  "Michael was fielding calls all day, because of me." She began ticking items off on her fingers.  "There were a dozen paparazzi blocking the main entrance of the hospital all day, because of me.  Security finally had to be called in to protect our patient's safety, because of me.  You," she pointed at him "Are now dealing with a lot of bad press, because of me."  She sighed as she slumped back in her chair and looked at him.  "I wish..."  She shook her head as she looked down at her hands in her lap.

"What?" He asked.  Her eyes rose to meet his.  "What do you wish?"

Kristen looked at him for a moment in silence, then sighed again.  "I wish I never would have married him the first place.  Then maybe we could have avoided this whole mess."

"Am I doing the right thing?" Kristen asked as she looked at her reflection in the full length mirror she was standing in front of.  She had always wondered what this day would look and feel like but as the hands on the clock on the wall continued to tick closer and closer to the final hour, she wondered if she was supposed to feel like this. 

"With your hair?" Andrea asked.  "Absolutely!"  Kristen looked at the girl who had been her roommate her first two years of college and who had remained a close friend over the last decade. 

"No." Kristen replied, turning to playfully smack Andrea's arm. 

"Ow.  Bitch." Andrea replied with a laugh as she rubbed her arm.

"With Kevin." Kristen clarified as she turned back to look at her reflection.  She turned slightly to look at the white dress she was wearing.  It had taken her three weeks of shopping with her mother to find the perfect dress and she had to admit--for a tomboy who preferred to be in basketball shorts and T-shirts--she looked pretty damn amazing in this dress!  "Am I doing the right thing marrying him?" She asked.

"Everybody gets cold feet, Kris." Andrea told her as she stood next to her and fussed with her hair. 

"I've only known him for two years!" Kristen reminded her friend as she swatted Andrea away from her hair.  "Is that enough time to know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone?" She asked as she turned.  She reached down and grabbed handfuls of the dress, lifting the hem, and walked over to one of the chairs in the hotel suite they were in.  She sat down, the satin of the dress rustling and billowing around her.  "I mean, I've really only been in two other relationships before I met Kevin and both of them were longer than two years and I never thought about marrying either of those guys.  I don't even know if he wants kids." She continued, the anxiety beginning to overtake her making her ramble.  "There are so many things we haven't talked about and I'm just now realizing it.  Why haven't we talked about those things?  Can you really marry someone if you don't know everything about them?  I don't think--"

"Kristen." Andrea cut her off as she knelt down in front of Kristen and took a hold of her hands.  "Do you love him?" She asked.  Kristen thought about it for a few moments.  Did she love Kevin?  Yes.  She nodded--though the fact that she had to think about it, raised a tiny red flag that she chose to over look.  "Does he love you?" Andrea asked.  Again Kristen had to think about it.  Kevin was the perfect boyfriend-turned-fiancée.  He always remembered her birthday and their anniversary.  He always seemed to know when she was having a bad day and would send her a big bouquet of daisies to make her smile and brighten her day.  He didn't always get her jokes, or like the movies she did.  He had rolled his eyes more than once and had told her on numerous occasions that she was childish and immature.  He didn't appreciate sports the way she did and Kristen could never watch a game when he was home because he was constantly telling her to keep it down, but when he looked her in the eyes and told her he loved her she could see the sincerity of those words in his blue eyes. 

"Yes." She finally answered.

"Then the other stuff will work itself out." Andrea replied, with a pat on her hand as she stood.  Kristen watched as the other girl walked over to the mirror and tugged at the neckline of the sleeveless red dress she was wearing.  Andrea adjusted the dress then turned and looked back over her shoulder at her reflection then turned and looked at Kristen again.  "Think I have a chance with Kevin's best man?" She asked.

"Troy?" Kristen asked.  Andrea nodded.  "He's engaged." Kristen shook her head as she stood.  A small voice in the back of her head still whispered that she was making a mistake.  The voice questioned her decision to marry Kevin but Kristen stubbornly shoved the voice away.  Andrea was right.  The other stuff would work itself out.  All that mattered was that they loved each other, right?

"...did you see those arms?" Andrea sighed dreamily, pulling Kristen from her thoughts.  "And those green eyes..."

"Did you not hear me say that he's engaged?" Kristen asked. 

Andrea shrugged with a smile.  "Details." She replied waving her hand through the air.  "Nothing's final till there's a ring on his finger and even then, well..."she shrugged and giggled.  "Nothing's final."

"Kristen?" Chris asked, pulling her from her memories.  She lifted her eyes to meet his, startled.  She had momentarily forgotten where she was and who was with her.  Chris' brows furrowed slightly as he looked at her--concern clouding those beautiful brown eyes of his.  "Kristen?" He asked again.  "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She shook her head and looked down at the table. "Yeah, I'm...I'm fine."

"I don't believe you." He stated and she looked up at him. 

"I was just...thinking." She replied-the feelings that flash of memory had stirred up overwhelming her.  Something had warned her that marrying Kevin was a bad idea three years ago.  Why hadn't she listened?  Why hadn't Andrea's flippant remarks about Troy and his relationship status raised a red flag?  Why had she let Andrea convince her that everything would "work out?"  She should have lifted her skirt and run--as fast and as far away as possible.  She should have done so many things differently.  Maybe then her life wouldn't be in the mess it was.

"You can't beat yourself up over past mistakes." Chris said, once again breaking her from her thoughts.  "Believe me.  All it does is make you even more miserable and it prevents you from being able to move forward." Kristen just sat, looking at him--wondering if he was psychic or if she was just that easy to read.  "I've made my share of mistakes over the years and there is so much I wish I could take back," he confessed.  "But I can't.  That's life.  Things happen.  We make mistakes and we have to move on."  He was quiet for a moment then, "Let it go." He implored her--his eyes boring into hers.  She wanted to look away but couldn't.  Those dark brown eyes were holding her captive and she was powerless to resist as they pulled her in.  "He's not worth your time or your tears." He said.  "So why are you giving them to him?"

Kristen pushed back from the table and stood quickly--her breath coming in shallow gasps and her heart pounding painfully in her chest.  She turned and walked into the kitchen.  Her reaction to his words surprised her, but she couldn't sit there under his intense gaze anymore--the guilt and remorse threatening to eat her alive.  Putting her hands on the counter she hung her head and tried to gain control of her emotions.  She'd been pushing the hurt and pain down for so long she'd become an expert on avoiding her feelings.

But for some reason she couldn't get a handle on it tonight. 

She knew she was about to really lose it and she was embarrassed.  She didn't want Chris to see her so weak and broken.  He was right.  She knew he was right and she agreed with him.  Kevin didn't deserve her time or the tears she had cried over him.  She knew this.  She didn't want to cry over him, but she didn't have the power to hold it back any longer.  She was tired.  She was tired of holding it all in.  She was tired of pretending everything was fine when the truth was she didn't understand.  She was tired of having everyone tell her she just needed to move on and let it go.

A sob escaped as she felt a hand on her shoulder.  She turned and buried her head against his chest as the painful tears she had been holding back broke free. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Chris wrapped his arms around Kristen, holding her as she cried.  Her sudden change in mood had taken him by surprise.  He had sat for a moment, wondering what he had said to upset her then quickly followed her into the kitchen to apologize.  As she melted against him, collapsing into tears, he had a sneaking suspicion that whatever memory had been triggered tonight was the real culprit behind her sudden outburst of emotion.  She burrowed against him as her tears continued, her hands fisting in the material of his T-shirt as she pulled him closer.  He tightened his arms around her and dipped his head, his lips brushing over her temple-wishing he could make everything better.  He wished he had the power to erase every bad thing that had happened to her in the past--everything she had been dealing with--but he couldn't.  And truthfully, he didn't want to because the selfish part of him knew that if he erased it all there was a good chance they would never have met.    

Slowly he walked them out of the kitchen and over to the couch.  As he sat down, Kristen curled her body up against him--her tears continuing to fall.  He kept his arms around her and let her cry, knowing that the tears were painful but necessary.  She put on a brave front, and she smiled and laughed and told him that she loved him, but she was still broken inside.  He knew what it felt like to give your heart to someone only to have it given back.  You were left with a lot of questions.  Feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness filled you--threatening to choke you with their intensity--and you were left having to force yourself through every day.  She may not like her husband, but she was still grieving a loss and the grief of a lost relationship could be overwhelming and smothering at times.   

"Why wasn't I enough?" The quietly voiced words--her voice thick with emotion--broke his heart.  He didn't know what to say.  Anything he said now would only seem trite--like he was just patronizing her.  What were the secret words that would heal and mend her broken heart?  He had no idea.  He would give anything to know what to say that would make everything better.   

"I don't know." He finally answered, opting for the truth.  Honesty was always the best policy--no matter how much the truth hurt.  "I don't know."  Chris ran his hand over her back and drew her closer. 

"Why won't he let me go?"

"Because you left him." He stated.  Kristen pulled back and looked at him in question.  Chris reached his hand out and cupped her cheek.  Even tear-stained and red-nosed he couldn't get over how beautiful she was.  It was still unfathomable to him that her husband had done the things he had done to her--had gone around behind her back shacking up with countless other women.  Was he blind?  Kristen was gorgeous!  Her eyes, her smile, her body, her sense of humor, her warm and caring nature, her playfulness and passion, and all the other things he had come to know and love about her since they'd met.  He was just as clueless as she was as to why Kevin had cheated on her.

"What do you mean?" She asked with a hiccup.  She sniffed and Chris dropped his hand as she wiped her hands over her face. 

"Kevin's a cheater." He stated.  Kristen rolled her eyes and looked at him like he was an idiot.  "Just hear me out." He said, holding up his hands.  "He's a cheater and cheaters are the ones who leave.  I'm not an expert in psychology, but I've seen it enough to know what these guys are like.  They go from girl to girl and get some sort of sick pleasure out of being the one to leave first.  Gives them a sense of power, or something, and in this instance you took that power away from him by walking out.  You played him and he's not happy about it.  Like I said the other night, he's miserable and he wants to get back at you for leaving him.  Which is ridiculous, because the first time he slept with someone else he lost all rights and privileges he may have had with you.  He screwed himself, but he doesn't see it that way.  He sees himself as the victim and he's doing everything he can to tear you down so that he can feel like he's on top again."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kristen sat, staring at Chris in amazement as he broke down the reasons behind Kevin's behavior so easily.  Her embarrassment over having completely lost it and crying all over him was forgotten. 

"What?" Chris chuckled, a bit uncomfortably as she continued to stare at him.  He lifted a curious brow as he looked at her in question.

"They never gave you enough credit." She responded in awe.

"Who?" He asked, confused.

"The media." She replied.  "And the fans.  You were always tagged as the crazy, immature one in the group--and you certainly have your moments of both of those, don't get me wrong--but you are so far from that image that they painted of you it's not even funny."  She watched as his cheeks warmed slightly and he dropped his eyes from hers.  Kristen reached out and pulled his chin up.  "Don't be embarrassed." She shook her head.  "You..." she trailed off as she looked into his eyes.  His wisdom and insight astounded her.  "You're amazing." She finally breathed, unable to put into words all that she was thinking and feeling. 

Before he could respond she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.  She felt his surprise for a moment before he became a willing participant in the warm exchange.  Kristen felt him lift one hand, his fingers tangling in her hair, while his other arm snaked around her waist and pulled her closer.  After a long, slow kiss she pulled back, struggling to catch her breath.  She pressed her forehead against his and closed her eyes.  "I've spent the last six months trying to figure everything out and you just summed it all up in less than a minute." She observed.  She pulled back and opened her eyes.  "You're brilliant." He opened his eyes as she placed both hands on his face.  "How did you become so brilliant and insightful?" She asked, though she had a feeling she already knew the answer.    

This man--who the majority of the world took at face value--was so much more than the image that had been portrayed over the years.  She was beginning to realize that--while he knew how to let loose and have a good time, and he enjoyed being with people and throwing parties--it had mostly just been an act.  He had been typecast into a role and he had played that role well, all the while hiding away the fact that he was smart, serious and insightful.  The childhood he had had and the years he had spent in the music business had given him a wealth of experiences to draw from--all of which had helped mold him into the man he was now, sitting here on her couch, holding her while she cried and making everything suddenly make sense.

"Well, I am the only one in the group with a college degree." He replied with a teasing sparkle in his eyes-his lips lifting slightly. 

"Really?" Kristen asked.

"Mmmhmm." He nodded.  It was a fact that hadn't been widely published about him, and it wasn't a very advanced or difficult degree but for what it was worth he was the only one in the group who had done anything beyond high school.

"Was it all just an act?" She asked, wanting to know if her theory was correct. 

"Was what all just an act?" He questioned.

"The crazy antics and immature behavior."

He chuckled.  "You know me enough by now to know I'm pretty crazy and immature sometimes." He stated and she laughed in agreement.  "It wasn't all an act." He confessed quietly.

"I knew it." She replied with a smile.

"Knew what?" He asked, his eyes never leaving hers.  His expression was unreadable but she detected a flicker of something in his eyes.  Fear?  Vulnerability? 

"That you're hiding behind the image." She told him, her hands stroking over his face.  She leaned down, pressing her lips against his softly.  "You're really smart, intelligent, and incredibly gifted when it comes to reading people and understanding their motives and behavior.  Why have you hidden that part of yourself?" She asked. 

"Being a nerd doesn't get you girls." He stated simply.  "Being the fun and crazy party guy does." 

"You're not a nerd." Kristen replied as she moved to straddle him.  She continued to hold his face in her hands as she proceeded to place a series of small kisses on his soft, perfect lips.  She felt his hands glide up her legs until they came to rest on her hips.  She could feel the tension in him beginning to build and she smiled.  "Being smart and intelligent doesn't necessarily make you a nerd.  But regardless, nerds are sexy." She told him.  His hands gripped her tighter and he groaned as she trailed her lips over to his ear. 

"Nerds are a type of candy." He stated and Kristen laughed as she sat back.  She ran a hand through her hair as he slowly opened his eyes and looked at her in disappointment.  "That's it?" He asked. 

"What?" She asked, playing innocent and fighting not to laugh at the expression on his face.  She gloated inwardly at the power she held over him.  She would never abuse that power, but it was fun playing with him from time to time.  She enjoyed seeing the effect she had on him and how quickly she could turn him on-make him do whatever the hell she wanted.

"You just said nerds were sexy." He reminded her. 

"Mmmhmm." She nodded as she wiggled her hips slightly.  Chris' fingers dug into her hips in an effort to keep her still and she caught the quiet moan that escaped him.  "They are, but you said you're not one."  She put her hands on his chest, dropped her head then looked up at him coyly through her lashes.  "Did you change your mind?"

His eyes narrowed a second before he let out a growl and Kristen squealed as he flipped her so she was lying on her back across the couch.  "I may not be a nerd," he said as he moved atop her.  "But you are a devilish little minx." He proclaimed as he dipped his head and began attacking her neck.  Kristen giggled as she wound her arms around his neck.  She hitched one leg over his hip--her back arching slightly as she willingly surrendered to him. 

"What I am," she began, a quiet moan slipping past her lips as he expertly used his lips and tongue to render her completely helpless.  "Is...is..."

"Is, what?" He asked as he switched sides. 

"I have no idea." She confessed as goose bumps broke out in waves across her body.  "I can't think when you're..." she swallowed.  "When you're doing...that...I can't...I can't..." A shudder ran down her spine and Kristen lost her train of thought as his hands slipped beneath her shirt-his fingers gliding across her skin as he lifted the material up and over her head.  She pulled and tugged at his shirt, needing to feel his skin against hers.  He sat back for a brief moment as he pulled his T-shirt over his head and Kristen almost came at the sight of him, she was so close. 

"You're so beautiful." He confessed as he looked down at her.

"You took the words right out of my mouth." She replied.

He leaned down--his hands resting on the couch on either side of her.  He pressed his lips against her stomach and Kristen felt her eyes roll back in her head as she melted against the cushions.  Her hands reached down--her fingers tangling in his dark hair as he slowly trailed his mouth up her body.  Her hips rolled against him, desperately seeking the friction she needed for her release.  "I will never," he spoke, punctuating his words with hot kisses across her exposed abdomen.  "Understand," another kiss, slightly higher.  "How he could ever," his mouth was right below where her bra lay against her skin and Kristen felt like screaming.  She needed him to touch her.  Somewhere!  Anywhere!  Everywhere!  The kisses were incredible, but she needed him to touch her.  To bring her to that sweet release that she'd only ever known with him.  "Leave your bed." He finished and Kristen opened her eyes as she felt him hover above her.  "I will never understand." He shook his head as he looked at her in adoration.    

Her fingers were still lost within his soft hair and she pulled him down to capture his lips with her own.  He would never know the extent to which his words and soft, gentle caresses helped to mend her broken heart and sooth the sting of the wounds that had been inflicted. 

"I love you." He whispered.  The intensity of those softly spoken words when straight to her heart and Kristen felt tears gather behind her closed eyelids.  Only this time, they were tears of happiness and she felt no remorse or embarrassment over them.  She didn't know what she had done to deserve his love, and at times she felt less than worthy of his affection, but she couldn't stop herself from loving him back. 

Even if she had wanted to. 

He was amazing and she felt incredibly privileged to be among the few who had the opportunity to really know him.  To see past the image and know the man.  To look him in the eyes and see and understand the depth of his character-to see who he truly was.  To have earned his trust and captured his heart.  It was an awesome and indescribable feeling and as he kissed her again--slowly, deeply, passionately--Kristen prayed nothing would ever happen to change what they had, or come between them.  What had happened with Kevin had been painful and she was still dealing with the after affects but she knew, if Chris ever left her or gave her cause to leave him it would kill her.

"Promise you won't ever hurt me." She begged as he released her mouth and trailed hot, sweet kisses down her neck and throat. 

"I promise."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We still don't have a game plan." Kristen observed later that night as they lay in bed together.

"Hmm?" Chris hummed in question, the sound rumbling in his chest beneath her.  Kristen chuckled as she lifted her head and looked at him.  She lay across his chest--smiling as he opened his sleepy brown eyes.  "We're going to ignore them and be boring, remember?" He yawned.

"That's not a game plan." Kristen replied, poking him in the chest.

"Sure it is." He insisted.

"For you maybe." She told him with a good-natured roll of her eyes.  "Mr. I-don't-have-to-deal-with-going-to-work-every-day-and-can-hid-out-at-home." Chris laughed.  "But what about me?" She asked, watching as he put his arms behind his head.  "I can't hide out at home.  I have to go out.  I have to go to work.  People are going to talk to me, and ask me questions, and take pictures.  What do I say?  What do I do?"  He remained quiet and Kristen could almost literally see the wheels turning as he thought through the situation.  "Come on." She prodded.  "Use that brilliant, intelligent mind of yours and tell me what we're going to do."

"Well," he drawled.  "We can release a statement."

"What would that entail?" She questioned.

He sighed as he sat up and leaned against the headboard.  Kristen sat facing him on the bed and ran a hand through her hair.  "We tell the truth." He said.  "We write up something, explaining everything, and send it to all the media outlets.  We let them know that you've been separated for the last six months and in the process of getting a divorce, and that we only met a month ago.  People are still going to be curious and they're going to dig, trying to trap us-to find the hole in our story."

"But we don't have any holes in our story." Kristen replied.  "We're telling the truth."

"Yeah." He nodded.  "But the truth is boring." He stated.  "They're not going to believe it.  They're going to think we're saying you're separated as a convenient cover up.  And there's Kevin." He reminded her.  "He's the unknown variable in this whole thing.  We can't control him, or what he may or may not say to people.  And if he really is the one who leaked the story and the photo of us to the press, you can bet he's not going to go along with our boring, truthful story." 

Kristen sighed heavily as she turned and sat next to Chris.  She leaned her head against his shoulder. "So we're back to just ignoring everything and hoping it all just goes away?" She asked, feeling a sense of disappointment fill her.  Chris reached for her hand and Kristen watched as his fingers slid in between hers. 

"We'll do whatever you want to do." He said.  "You tell me what you're comfortable with and we'll do it."

Kristen closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  "Let's release a statement." She told him, lifting her head to look him in the eyes.

"Okay." He nodded.  "What about Kevin?" He questioned.

"Kevin can go screw himself." She replied hotly.  "We have the truth on our side and he has a lot of bad karma coming his way.  Payback's a bitch." She observed.

Chris grinned as he released her hand and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.  "I love it when you get all badass!" He exclaimed, kissing her soundly on the lips. 

"The douchebag deserves whatever he gets." She continued.  "And I'm going to give it to him big time.  I'm done letting him control me."

"Atta girl." Chris commended, kissing her again.  "So when does all this payback begin?" He asked, his mouth moving against hers as he spoke.    

"Mmmm..." Kristen moaned as she turned slightly, allowing him to deepen the kiss.  She put one hand on his face.  "Just as soon as we're done here."