My eyes shoot open and I look around quickly.

It sounds incredibly stupid, but without Justin here, I'm... well... a little scared.

Yes, I'm convinced he's a total nutcase, but over the last couple days, I've gotten comfortable with his particular brand of crazy. Trace, however, looks like he's about two seconds away from totally flipping his lid and blowing the damn house up or something.

But, there is one advantage to Justin's absence.

Trace is apparently quite careless, he's a little freaked out by this whole situation and he's also sound asleep on the floor. All of which work to my advantage. I slide out of bed quietly and begin checking every drawer, bag and closet for my missing phone.

If I could get away with it, I’d be jumping for joy right now. Then I’d be a tad outraged that my phone was handled so carelessly.

I look toward the door and find Trace still sprawled out on the floor in front of it, which shoots down any plan of leaving the room to make a call.

Closet, it is.

I step inside and close the door behind me before quickly browsing my contacts list. Once Curtis’s name appears on the screen, I hit send and pray like hell that he’s actually conscious this early on a Saturday.

It takes a good five or six rings before an incredibly groggy voice fills my ears and I can’t help the stupid smile that spreads across my face.

This is it. I’m actually going to get the hell out of this insane asylum.

“Yeah?”

“Curtis… it’s me… look… I swear, I’m not fucking crazy, alright? So just listen… after lunch the other day, some god damn lunatic kidnapped me and… well… he wants me to play house with him and his whacked out family. I have no idea where I am, but his parents are…” I stop suddenly as Curtis erupts in a fit of laughter.

“El… if you let some dude pick you up, just admit it. I’m not one to judge.”

“Nobody picked me up, you jackass. I’m dead serious. He tied me up, drugged me and brought me to his parents house. You have to get me the fuck out of here.”

He sighs loudly and I can just picture him rolling his eyes. “Ellie, if this is some kind of joke…”

“It’s not damnit! Call the police or something… His parents are…. What the fucking hell?”

The closet door jerks open suddenly and the phone is yanked out of my hand before the door slams shut once again. I have absolutely no clue what just happened, but I know it can’t be good.

“Nice try.” Trace calls out from the other side of the door.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Lucky for me, you’re a loud ass thing. So… since you obviously can’t be trusted to roam around freely… you’re staying in the closet til Justin gets back.”

Is he for fucking real? Is this idiot really locking me in a closet?

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You can’t be trusted. And I’m not about to fuck all this up and have my boy go to jail.”

“You are aware that’s going to happen no matter what, right? And since you’ve decided to play sidekick, I’m sure the two of you will be sharing a cell.”

“Alright look… I’m not trying to defend him, ok? Yeah… this is real fucked up. But… in a really weird way, I get it. Harold is… he’s really traditional and shit. The guy can’t help it. He expects his kids to like… follow in his footsteps. Christy and Brady did. She’s doing the interior design thing, getting married to a guy she’s been in love with since she was five, and Brady… he’s like, fucking super cop or something. The whole damn town worships the ground he walks on. He’s married to this hot ass chick and they have a kid. Justin never did any of the shit his dad wanted him to.”

“I get it, ok? However… parental drama doesn’t exactly give somebody the right to commit a felony.”

“I didn’t say that, now did I?” He snaps and for reasons beyond me, I shut up and listen. “They wanted J to go to law school, bet you didn’t know that… did you, smartass? Well… obviously, that didn’t happen. That’s kind of when all this shit started. Jus went to school with pretty much no direction, and ever since… Harold’s shit all over him. Like… the guy honestly thinks J’s a failure, just because he didn’t do what everybody else thought he should. So… since he’s out of school and working, they’ve pretty much given up harping on him about work, so now they go after the being single shit.”

“That’s a touching story, really… but I don’t care. Let me out of here you little troll!”

“No can do. So anyway…if you could look at the big picture here… you could actually fucking help these people pull their heads out of their asses. Justin, number one… needs to realize that he shouldn’t give a flying fuck what his parents think. Harold and Sarah need to figure out that J’s not a total failure. And Brady… he pretty much just needs a good kick in the balls. So… this is why you’re staying in the closet. I love these people more than my own fucked up family, and I want to see them happy. You’re the ticket to that.”

I do not like this short man, at all.

I mean, ok fine… do I feel bad for Justin? Maybe a little. But that’s besides the point. The genius could have just asked me, or any other woman out, and they probably would have said yes. And who knows… maybe somewhere down the line, he would have found a girl he could bring home to the nut house.

I, however, am not that girl. Especially not under these circumstances.

Unfortunately, I’m now stuck in a twisted version of a shitty R. Kelly song.

“And how is that, exactly?”

“I’m not a fucking prophet… how the hell should I know? Look… just play along for awhile, and once everybody comes around and starts acting like a family, Justin’ll take you back to the city, and you can go back to your life. I mean, come on… isn’t helping somebody worth some of your time? Like… that self sacrifice shit from the bible or something.”

Great… my inner sap is about to betray me, and I’m none too happy about it.

“Fine.” I grumble. “I’ll play along. Just… let me out of the fucking closet.”

“Give me on good reason why I should buy that.”

“Because… I’m not a total asshole, and obviously he really needs some help if he was fucking desperate enough to kidnap somebody. So, fine… I’ll play. But the second they have their ‘moral of the story, let’s be the brady bunch’ moment… I’m out.”

“It’s about god damn time.” Trace mutters and slowly open the door.

As soon as there’s some space between us, I push on the door with every ounce of force in my body. A loud thump followed by Trace’s cursing is my cue.

I jump over the clothes and bags scattered on the floor and bolt from the room. I make it down the stairs in record time and a second later, I’m outside.

I run full speed until I can feel the strain in my legs, and suddenly, I can’t breathe. I finally come to a stop and turn to look behind me. The house appears to be half its normal size, but the only thing surrounding me is endless land.

Jesus Christ… how many fucking acres is this joint?

I slowly turn, surveying the property around me and can’t find a single landmark or indication of civilization. It’s just… this massive house and green shit. Trees, bushes, grass, woods. It doesn’t stop.

And that’s when it hits me.

It doesn’t matter who I call. It doesn’t matter how loud I scream, how fast or how far I run. I’m smack dab in the middle of fucking nowhere.

I could very well die here, and no one would ever know. By the time someone found me, I’d probably be just a pile of bones.

“Kid… you may as well quit trying to run. And there ain‘t no point in prayin either.”

I turn to find Grandpa shuffling toward me and groan. I really, really don’t need a speech from the senile old man right now.

“About the only way out is to walk the twenty miles to town. There’s no god damn escaping this place. I’d know. I’ve tried at least a hundred damn times.”

Great. I’m a good twenty miles away from any type of civilization. Guess the old man’s good for information at least.

I’m stuck here. Until Justin decides otherwise. That’s all there is to it.

“They all think I’m crazy, ya know.” Grandpa sighs as he comes to stand beside me. “They’re the fuckin’ crazy ones. All those damn kids, and grandkids. All obsessed with the same damn thing. Life ain’t about havin’ wives, or husbands, or kids. As long as you’re doin’ what you wanna do, and you’re happy, fuck the rest of the world. My boy never learned that. He always had to be accepted. Always wanted to fit in. I know I raised him better than that.”

I nod, not completely sure what else to do.

I’ll admit, I thought the old man was completely whacked out. But he’s got a very valid point.

Looks like the crazy old man is turning out to be the most sane person here.

“Justin’s always been my favorite, you know. But don’t you go repeatin’ that shit. It’s bad enough Brady thinks his shit don’t stink… don’t need to go and ruin Justin like that.” He shoots me a stern look, before settling his gaze on the trees. “Even when he was little, he didn’t go along with everybody’s bullshit. Kid’s got a good head on his shoulders. The rest of those kook’s need to see it.”

Ok… of all the crap that’s been sprouted at me the last couple days, from Justin and Trace… none of it hit me the way this does.

Granted, I don’t know much about the family. But it’s fairly obvious that whatever the hell’s going on here, has been going on for a long damn time. Everybody seems to put up a pretty good front, but I think a lot of them are more upset about this stuff than they’re letting on.

I guess it’s all weird to me because I never really had a big family like this. It was always me, mom and dad, and everything was fine. Never really thought about it, but I guess I got pretty lucky with the family stuff.

“C’mon kid… no point in standin’ out in the yard starin’ off into space.” Grandpa sighs before turning and heading back toward the house.

I look around this massive yard one last time, and turn to follow Grandpa.

Well… this was educational.