Despite what everyone automatically thought, Justin really was concerned with his ex-girlfriend, Britney Spears. He'd been quietly watching, along with the whole world, as she dumped K-Fed and then continued on a downward spiral, eventually landing in rehab.

Justin and Britney hadn’t talked in years. She had called his phone maybe twice but he never answered or called her back. All the rumors about them meeting up after the birth or her first son, Sean, and about her blowing up his cell phone when K-Fed was presumably cheating on her, they were all untrue. Britney, infact, left Justin alone. She never called him up sobbing, she never wrote him any letters desperately pleading with him to take her back. After all, they were living separate lives. Sure, they thought of each other on birthdays and anniversaries, but they don't dwell on it. But when he heard about the love of his life entering rehab, it was not something he could brush off easily. And being on tour, it was distracting him to no avail. Everyone wanted to talk to him about it; everyone wanted his "opinion" about her. Subsequently, she was on his mind practically all day and night. During his set, he would be on autopilot, his mind in another place. It wasn’t fair to his fans, to not be giving 100% but it’s not like they knew. He just did his best to get through every show. Luckily, he managed without any problems....until one night when his real emotion seeped through.

It was the spring of 2009, and Justin was on tour. Britney had been on the front pages of all the latest magazines for her having gone back to wild partying and there were pictures of her doing cocaine. She was, to the whole world, out of control again.

Luckily Justin was pretty busy with touring, and hadn’t had much time to be asked and hounded about Britney and her wild behavior. One night he was performing in Toledo, Ohio. He was at the piano and about to hit the chorus when he just...forgot the lyrics. He tried to recover but the audience knew he was off. He laughed into the mic, and then stood up.

"You know what, I’m so sorry guys. I’ve got a lot on my mind. Ya know, a dear friend of mine is going through some really hard times and I just…I’m worried."

The audience didn’t really know he was talking about Britney, and besides, he had all but stopped commenting on her publicly because his words always got taken out of context, and every little thing he said about her turned into something huge. He brushed it off and again apologized before returning to the piano to pick up where he had left off.

"Your gonna talk to her?" Trace said in disbelief. "About what?"

"Her life, Trace. This is her life were talking about. She’s sick, she’s…alone. I have to-"

"Bro," Trace cut him off, "What if she doesn’t want to talk to you? Did you think about that?"

"She will," Justin said, sounding sure of himself. "She will."

*~

Britney was sitting in her hotel room; she was wearing a ripped up black sweatshirt and a faded pair of jeans. Her cell phone began to buzz and she looked with astonishment and nervousness at the number.

"Oh my God…it’s Justin…" She said to herself, then answering it with an uneasy hello.

"Hi Britney." Justin said softly. "Are you free?"

"Uh-huh." She replied back.

"Surprised to hear from me?"

"Uh uh."

"What’s going on?" He asked. He was so concerned about her. He was having nightmares about her committing suicide.

Britney began to sob. The fact that he would call her after all that she put him through, cheating on him with their best friend Wade years ago, her jealousy even before the cheating, she had put him through so much. And look at his life, he’s went on to make a successful career for himself, winning Grammy’s, wow, she thought, she was so proud of this man. He was on another level, and yet still took the time to talk to her. She just wasn’t expecting it. She didn’t think he cared.

"I don’t know what to do anymore, Justin. Kevin is gonna take the boys," She said, referring to her two small children, "I just don’t want to live anymore."

Those words made his heart stop.

"Britney! Britney, Britney, Britney, sweetheart you don’t mean that. C’mon."

"No, I do….I do."

She was now unable to talk through her tears and this broke Justin’s heart. As much as she had hurt him, she didn’t deserve this. No one deserved this.

"Don’t do this to yourself. You’re Britney Spears! You’re the comeback kid! Come on now. Where’s the Britney I know?" He said with a smile in his tone.

Britney pushed her hair behind her ears.

"She’s dead, Justin."

"Britney."

"She died when you broke up with her."

"I wanna see you. Can I come and see you? I want to make sure you’re alright." He said.

"Why? Why do you care? Why-why are you even talking to me? I’m just some washed up has-been. I married a fucking loser-"

"He’s not a loser, Brit."

"He’s a loser and you know it, Justin."

"Ok." He agreed.

"I married a fucking loser who used my good name. I had a good name at the time! I was still on the top of my game and now!!" She sobbed, and then regained her composure. "And now Jive is thissssss close, Justin. This close to signing off on me."

"No they aren’t, I’ve talked to them about you. They aren’t gonna give up."

"Yes they are." She insisted.

"You should never have let Larry go. Why’d you do that?" Justin asked, referring to her now ex-manager.

"Because! He put me in fucking rehab. Rehab!?"

"Are you drunk right now?" He asked.

"Yes." She replied. "Larry can go to hell!"

"Sweetie, he was trying to help you. We all, the-this whole world is worried about you!"

"Don’t be!" She snipped back. "I’ve gotta go, Justin."

"Britney, wait-"

But she had hung up.

Justin was calling Johnny but Johnny was out of the office.

"Damn it," He said under his breath. He looked down at the plane ticket in his hand. The noise from the airport was distracting

"Johnny," He said, "its Justin. I’m taking a few days off…I know I was supposed to sit in a few meetings but I’m not gonna be able to do that. I’ve got some business, some personal business in Cali. I’ll call you in a few days, when I’m back. Lie for me, please. I owe you."

He hung up and handed his ticket to the stewardess.

*~

Justin pulled his rental car into the driveway. He wasn’t sure if this was it, but then he saw her standing in the living room. She was unaware that he was coming. She had told him not to see her, that she couldn’t bare it, but he knew he had to. He just knew it.

Britney heard the sound of a car door closing and looked out the window, seeing Justin walking up to her front door. Her heart raced.

"Oh no, no, no. It’s Justin!" She said to herself, desperately trying to pat down her unbrushed hair and straighten her sloppy clothes. She was wearing Black Abercrombie Sweatpants and a white hoodie.

She came to the door and opened it just as he was about to knock.

"Hi." He said, looking her up and down. "How are you?"

"What are you doing here?" She said, leaning against the door.

Justin stepped closer to her.

"I came to see you."

"Why?"

He stepped in even closer.

"I’m worried."

Britney stepped back.

"Don’t be. I’m fine. Really."

Justin let the silence speak for him.

He reached his arms out and pulled her to him, Britney made no attempt to fight him. She missed him holding her.

"Come here, you." He said as he hugged her.

*~

Justin and Britney had a long talk that day. By the time they finished up, the sun had gone down and the moon was shining brightly.

"It’s late…" He remarked, rubbing the side of his neck and yawning.

"Stay…with me…" Britney pleaded in a tiny voice. Justin slowly turned his head to her, and when they locked eyes, he fell inlove with her all over again. He stood up and reached his hands out to her, silently offering to pull her up off the couch.

"Come on." He said softly. She put her hands in his and he pulled her up onto her feet. She leaned in on him and he held her close, kissing the top of her head sweetly.

"Justin, why did you come here? Why didn’t you just forget about me?"

"I can’t…I could never do that, pinky." He said affectionately. "Now come on."

*~

They went upstairs and she walked ahead of him into her bedroom. The walls were a calming beige color and her bed was covered with a dark green comforter and matching beige pillows. Justin followed her only a few feet inside. She sat down on the bed and then fell back.

"Come here," She called to him, lifting her head to see him. When he was standing infront of her, their legs touching, she sat up and looked up at him. "I need you."

Justin leaned in and took her face in his hands. He kissed her passionately and she moaned against his lips. God, she had missed her baby.

Before they knew it they were ripping their clothes off each other and kissing eagerly, as if they only had a few moments to spare.

They made love that night, for the first time in over 6 years. She still was as great a lover as she was when they first met. And having Justin again, she realized he was not only her first love, but her only love. No one would make her as happy as he would.

"Justin, Justin, Justin…" She moaned as he fucked her. "Oohh baby…"

Afterwards, they laid there in her bed, her sweet vanilla smell surrounding him. They kissed on and off and just giggled.

"I needed this. I needed you," She said to him.

"Me too."

He stayed awake, watching her as she slept. When he finally did fall asleep, it was the best sleep he had had in years.

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late
This could all disappear
Before the door's closed
And it comes to an end
With you by my side
I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah

Justin woke up one morning feeling sick to his stomach, but didn’t know why. He had gone out drinking the night before with JC, but neither had had too much to drink. He lazily rolled over and grabbed his cell phone off the night stand. He squinted and pulled the phone away and then back to him when he saw how many missed calls he had had.

"19 missed…19 missed calls?" He said in a whisper of disbelief. "What the hell?"

He called his voicemail and listened to the first message.

"Justin, this is Johnny. I don’t know if you heard the news, well, you haven’t. I don’t know how to tell you this, but there’s been an accident…involving Britney…"

"Oh my god…" Justin said over Johnny’s voice.

"…she was driving and she hit a corner too sharp…her car, I mean…it’s bad. They don’t think she’s gonna make it, J."

Justin listened to all the messages. First from Johnny, then two from a couple of Britney’s friends. His mother called, Britney’s mother called, Trace called 3 times. He threw his phone on the bed and just stood there. Was this really happening?

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Justin was driving like he was in NASCAR on the interstate, trying to get to the hospital. He had called his mother, and last she heard Britney didn’t do well at all in the emergency surgery. They didn’t expect her to last more than a couple hours at the most. She was dying. His cell phone started to ring from his passenger seat. He reached over and saw it was his mother again. He answered it without even saying hello. It was only from the background noise that she knew he had picked up.

"Baby, listen…she didn’t make it."

Justin slammed the steering wheel so hard he thought he broke it when, infact, it was his heart that had broke.

"No!" He yelled, pulling over. "No…no…no…NO!"

"I’m sorry baby…She tried to hold on. She just couldn’t. I wouldn’t have wanted you to see her, anyways; she was really in bad shape." Lynn said. Justin didn’t even hear what she was saying. All he could think of as he sat there by the side of the road weeping was that he should’ve been there. He should never have left her.

Hear me when I say
When I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change
Nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be
Will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

At Britney’s funeral, Justin could barely stand as he delivered his speech about his ex-girlfriend.

Kevin nodded at Justin’s words. They would speak privately after the funeral but it was important that the world know that in Britney’s death there would be no hard feelings between the two.

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

After the funeral, there was a quiet get together at a family friend’s house.

Justin was getting a glass of water when Kevin approached.

"JT, what’s good man?" Federline said somberly, their handshake turning into a hug.

"Hey bro…how ya handling this?" Justin asked with a hand on Kevin’s shoulder.

"I can’t...I can’t believe it. She’s gone." He snapped his finger. "Just like that."

Justin felt tears sting his eyes. Lynn came up behind Justin and hugged him from the back. He saw her hands and somehow knew it was her. He placed his hands over hers.

"Good to see you. I’m around if you ever need to talk." Justin said to Kevin.

Kevin nodded and walked away and Justin turned around to Lynn. Her face was pale and her eyes were faded and swollen from crying.

"Lynn, you look like you haven’t slept in 10 years!" Justin said sadly, pulling her under his arm and keeping her close.

"I haven’t. Justin, it’s so hard. I just…I don’t know what to do. Everyday I wake up and hope it was all a nightmare."

Her words broke his heart.

"I know, I know. Me too. Believe me."

"Justin," She said, pulling him off to the side where it was more private. "Did you see Britney a few weeks ago?"

Justin rubbed his chin apprehensively. She must have known he did, he thought, because otherwise she wouldn’t have asked.

"I did." He said, nodding. "Why?"

"She wrote the loveliest thing in her journal…I tore it out. I think you should have it."

"You...you tore it out?" He said, puzzled. "Wow."

She reached into her purse and pulled out a folded up piece of paper in the shape of a small square.

"Read it…when you’re ready." She said to him with a soft smile. "Britney loved you so much."

"I know she did." He said.

"You know, she never forgave herself for sleeping with Wade." Lynn said, her eyes welling up with more tears. "She mentions that a little in her last entry…"

"This is her last entry? About me?" Justin said, holding up the note. "Right here?"

Lynn nodded.

"I’ll talk to you later, Justin." She said, pulling him in and hugging him. As they hugged, Justin asked about Jamie Lynn.

"She’s over there with her Daddy. I’ll send her over."

"Do that for me, will ya. I wanna have a talk with her." He said, spotting her over by her Dad, just as Lynn had said.

Jamie Lynn was seated on the couch next to her father, her arms folded around his arm and her head leaning against him. He watched as Lynn whispered in Jamie Lynn’s ear and then they both looked Justin’s way. Jamie Lynn shook her head no, though, and then burst into tears.

Justin wiped his own tears away. Jamie pulled her daughter up by her arm and took her aside. Justin stood watching all this unfold. They said words back and fourth and then Jamie Lynn began to approach Justin. Her eyes stayed on the floor until she was right infront of him. She knew she was standing infront of him when she saw his black fancy dress shoes with the square toes.

"Hi." He said, leaning down to her eye level. She slowly looked up at him.

"Hi Justin." She said quietly.

"How come you didn’t want to come see me?" He asked.

"Because, it’s too hard." She squeaked through tears. "I was hoping you wouldn’t show up."

"Wouldn’t show up?" He scoffed. "Never in a million years. I loved her too, JL. You know that," He said, pulling gently at her chin so she would look him in the eyes.

"Did you? Then why did you let her ruin her life…why couldn’t you just forgive her and stay with her?" Jamie Lynn said with deep emotion. Her raised voice caused a few to look.

"JL, if I would’ve known-"

"But you did know! You did know, Justin. You saw her just like we all did, she married Jason and then she started doing all those drugs and she married Kevin! Don’t you get it? It was all because she was hurting…she wanted to fill…to fill the void."

Justin was quietly amazed at how grown up Jamie Lynn had become. In the blink of an eye she was a little woman.

"It wasn’t meant to be, JL. She and I both knew that."

"No! No…she loved you until she died, Justin!" Jamie Lynn angrily pushed Justin away and ran off towards the bathroom. When he looked up, it felt like everyone was watching. He nervously smiled timidly and then stepped out the door to the backyard. It was quiet and he saw a nanny watching over Britney’s two sons, Sean and Jayden. He walked up to the nanny, who knew who he was.

"Hi."

"Hi, sir." She replied nervously.

"It’s nice and peaceful out here, huh?" Justin said with a smile.

The nanny nodded.

"Hi!" Sean said to him, unsteadily approaching him. Justin dropped down to his knees and tousled Sean’s hair.

"Hi little guy."

"I’m Sean!" He said proudly.

"Hi! And I’m Justin."

"Hi."

"Hi."

Sean giggled and then ran away, mumbling something and chasing his little brother.

"He is a spitting image of his Dad." Justin said to the nanny.

"He is." She agreed.

Justin watched the two boys for a few more minutes and then walked off. He went around the side yard to the front of the house and walked down the driveway to his car.

"Justin!" He heard another mans voice yell out. He turned around and put a hand over his eyebrows. He saw it was Lance, dressed in a black suite and white shirt with a matching black tie. He was waving his arm at him.

"Hey!" Justin hollered back, walking back up the driveway.

They met at a halfway point and Lance pulled Justin in for a hug. Lance was really close to Britney. She had known he was gay for years and didn’t tell a sole. They were like brother and sister.

"How ya doing, Justin?" Lance asked with great concern.

"It’s been rough. A couple of days ago I didn’t leave my apartment, I just cried all day. I cant believe it." Justin confessed. "Now don’t go telling the media that," He teased with a smile, "They’ll be all over me like flies on shit."

Lance saw the sarcasm and laughed along with Justin.

"They sure would."

Silence followed.

"What about you? I know she was like your best friend."

Lance nodded.

"I miss her already."

The two of them shot the breeze, even going off the topic of Britney’s death. Lance asked about Justin’s movie plans and album plans, and Justin asked Lance how his sister and parents were.

"Well I’ll catch up with you later. Is JC and Joey and Chris coming or what?"

"JC was at the funeral." Lance said with a look of curiosity.

"He was? I must have missed him."

"I caught up with him for like, 2 seconds. He had to go to Delia’s dance recital after the funeral so he didn’t get to come here." Lance explained, referring to JC’s girlfriend’s 4 year old daughter.

"I see. How is Delia?"

"Growing up fast."

"Word. How old is she? 3?"

"Four." Lance corrected. "Four about to be five."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Lance replied.

"Well I’ll talk to you later."

"Ok."

Lance hugged Justin once more and then Justin walked off towards his car.

When he got home, he pulled at his tie and let it hang loosely around his neck. He pulled his shoes off and then went to the couch. He sat down and let out a great big sigh. Then he remembered the note Lynn gave him. He searched in his pockets and eventually found it. He slowly unfolded it and then read the words slowly. The entry was just a day before her death. She wrote:

Then, at the last line she put

Justin read her words over and over, at least 5 times. They meant everything to him, and it made loosing her even more real, and even more difficult.

That night, she came to him in his dreams. He couldn’t remember all the details, but she told him that he was going to be fine. He faintly remembers her kissing him softly.

He woke up and felt a slight tingle on his lips and her voice in his head. He smiled, touching his bottom lip, then fell back asleep. Tomorrow would be a difficult day, but he’d get through it knowing that they loved each other all the while living separate lives. If there was a lesson in any of this it’s to always follow your heart, because you never know when you won’t get the chance to be with the one you love.