A Million Little Pieces
It was too early to be awake, but I couldn't find it in myself to close my eyes and drift away.
Whoa, it's morning. . .
I looked down on my lap and ran my hands over his face as he snored away, completely at peace in all the chaos. I wish I could just let it go. I wish I could forget the way I did when he was kissing and touching me.
And we slept the night away. . .
I never thought this through. As hard as it may be to believe, sex was not my intention. I just wanted to know. I just had to know. . . that he loved me too.
It happened. . .
Apparently he did. He was willing to put aside his pride and Nicole's feelings to be with me again, just like I was. . . but I should've said no. My best friend cried her eyes out over this man. This man that's lying in my arms like it's nobody's business.
Now we can't turn back the hands of time. . .
When did I become this woman? When did I love someone so much that even Nicole became insignificant for a moment of time?
Yes we've stolen this moment. . .
I'm so fucked up.
We forgot to face one simple fact. . .
I even feel bad about Shane. I'm even missing him a little.
We both belong to someone else. . .
Why can't I make up my mind?
As we slept the night away. . .
I squint as the sun creeps through the thin curtains of his balcony window. It's such an angelic glow that lights up his entire room. Anybody would think this could be the cover to a magazine. Justin Timberlake sound asleep in his gorgeous bedroom. His face kissed by the morning sun as he lays in the arm of the woman he loves.
A mess of a woman, but loved by him nevertheless.
"Mmm. . ." I looked down as Justin shifted in my lap. His eyes were squeezed tight as he fought off opening them as he felt around the bed. His warm palm rested on my thigh before running over it gently. I giggled and he stretched, slowly sitting up.
"Mornin'," I greeted as I rubbed his arms, loving the feel of his muscles beneath my finger tips.
"Hey. . ." he smiled, "You're here. . ."
"I'm here," I confirmed, as my smile slightly flattered. When I had woken up this morning, I was ready to run out of the door. I had even gotten dressed, brushed, and showered, but the thought of facing Nicole so soon after. . . this made me stay.
"Good." He slid over to the other side of the bed and got up. He stetched his arms upward before rotating his shoulders. I watched the muscles of his back flex in all their glory as well as observed the movements of his guardian angel tattoo.
"I didn't cook," I said as he waddled his way to the bathroom.
"Bad!" he called as he walked inside. I giggled lightly and stood, stretching a little before adjusting my sweat pants. Well, Justin's sweat pants. I allowed him time to pee before I walked over to the door and leaned on its frame. I watched as he washed his hands before grabbing his brush and tooth paste. He brushed quickly, glancing over at me ever so often with a small smile. He rinsed and sucked on his teeth as I raised a brow.
"No shower?" I asked. He walked over to me, cupping my face. He looked me in my eyes and then kissed me deeply. The minty freshness of his breath caused me to gasp, the mentol effect tingling my lungs.
"I'mma shower," he said as he pulled away from the kiss, "But I wanted to kiss you first."
"You could've kissed me when you woke up," I smiled, knowing full well the stank face he had now was coming.
"Ew," he scoffed, "This is not a movie. My breath would've killed you." I laughed heartily as he walked over to the tub and smirked along the way. He turned the water on, adjusting the temp until it was just right. He pulled down his boxer briefs and kicked them off.
"Nice," I commented, causing him to roll his eyes playfully.
"Join me?" he asked.
"I already showered."
"So?" He reached out for my hand. "C'mon, babe." I looked at his hands and then at the shower. All I heard was Nicole.
Better than sex. . .
"No, I'm alright," I assured, "I'll cook you something instead." He pouted and I shook my head.
"C'mon. . ."
"No, go 'head and wash your booty, Justin," I said, "I'll make you breakfast." He sighed and finally gave in. I walked out of the bathroom once he entered the shower. It took less than two seconds for me to hear him singing Marvin Gaye at the top of his lungs. I smiled to myself as I descended upon the stairs, making my way around to the kitchen. I threw down on the stove; frying bacon, scrambling eggs, and stirring grits. I also made some pancakes and sausage, just in case, before filling up two glasses of orange juice.
Justin came down right as I finished setting up the table, dressed in grey sweets, whites socks, and a Rollingstones t-shirt.
"Smells good," he said earnestly, looking over the breakfast table before kissing me gently on the lips, "Thank you."
"No problem," I said, gesturing toward his seat. He waited for me to sit before following suit. He had a weird habit of doing that with everybody. He wouldn't sit unless everyone else was settled. I didn't get it and I don't think he does either.
"So. . ." Justin began as he added more sausage to his full plate, "What do you want to do?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, grabbing the syrup before he could, smiling all the while.
"I don't know," he replied, snatching the syrup from my hands before I could get any on my pancakes, "Today. What do you want to do today?" I waved him off when he tried to give the syrup back and reached for the ketchup instead.
"I don't want to work," I said, pouring some of the red sauce over my eggs and bacon, "Can we bum around here?"
"Sure." He made a grab for my bacon and I slapped his hand away.
"Don't play," I warned and he pouted.
"You can stay here," he said, "As long as you want." I looked up at him and he looked right back at me.
"I can't do that," I said, "Nicole. . . she'll know if I'm gone too long."
"Tell her you have a boyfriend." I stopped chewing and held back the question of Since when?
"She'll want to know all about him and even want to meet him, Justin," I reasoned, "I can't do that."
"You can't or you won't?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Both." He sighed.
"Tell her," he said, as if it were nothing, "She'll find out eventually anyway."
"You cannot be serious." He looked at me, not even flinching. "Oh my god, you're serious?"
"When I told you better be here in the morning, I didn't mean just physically be here. . . I meant be here with me and not gone somewhere completely ashamed or embarrassed or whatever you want to call it."
"Justin. . ." The words wouldn't come. I had something to say, but it fell out into a sigh.
"Teresa, I'm tired," he said, "I'm not going to sit back and take your shit again. I left Nicole because I couldn't stand to be with somebody that wasn't you. Last night. . . last night I did the one thing I promised myself I would never do again. . . I opened myself up to you. I've given my heart back to you. . . even though you've really had it all along. Please don't make that all be in vain."
"You don't understand," I told him softly, "Nicole. . . she won't take me back. She doesn't forgive like you do. She for damn sure doesn't forget. . . If I go up to her and say that I'm with you. . . that I was with you before. . . .that I cheated on Shane with you. . . She'd kill me. Literally."
"She won't-"
"She's my best friend, Justin," I interrupted, "I can't lose her 'cause. . . 'Cause I really don't have anyone else."
"You have me."
Try me cause I'd be
The one that makes you happy. . .
"No, I don't," I said, "I do dumb shit and you leave. You might come back again, you might not. . . But Nicole. . . She can forgive me for smacking her mama, but this? No."
"I don't understand."
"There's only so much a person can take and Nicole has taken it all. The one thing she asked of me and I couldn't even do it."
"She asked you not to cheat?"
"Yes, she made me promise to never be like that. Ever."
"But . . . isn't this different?"
"How?"
"You didn't randomly choose partners. . . You chose me."
"Her ex-boyfriend."
"We were way before her and I."
But the part that I don't get is. . .
"That doesn't matter," I said, "In fact, that makes it worse."
"She'll get over it."
"No, she won't," I argued, "She won't 'get over it'. It's not that simple. I've lied to her for as long as I've known you. I lied to her when she got with you. . ."
"If she's your best friend, she'll be angry, but she'll forgive you."
"Would you forgive Trace?" I asked.
"What?"
"If this was Trace in my position. If you heard your best friend say that he was cheater and that he had been with someone that you could've seen yourself falling in love with, would you forgive him?"
Why me?
"It depends."
"On what?"
"If there's love."
"Why does that matter?" I asked. Justin frowned and looked at me like he couldn't believe I just asked that. But he still went onto explain himself.
"It matters because if he loved her, I could understand. If he loved her the way she loved him, I would understand." I felt tears welling up in my eyes when his voice seemed to edge off, as if he was so close to crying. I wondered if Nicole would be a bit more lenient on me if I said that I loved him. If she knew how much he really means to me and how much I mean to him.
"I. . ." I trailed off, suddenly feeling shy. These butterflies in my stomach were going to kill me.
"Teresa," Justin said softly, "Would she understand?" I knew what he was really asking and I bit my bottom lip.
"Justin. . ."
"Tee, please," he pleaded, "Would she understand?"
I looked up from my hands and into his eyes. They were searching mines so desperately, trying to find the answer that I was too scared to say. The last man I loved cheated. The last man I loved left me in shambles. The last man I loved took it for granted, treated me like crap, and still managed to get me to apologize for every mistake he ever made.
The last man I loved I think I still care about even though my heart now longs for someone else.
Make up your mind!
Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. No. No. Maybe.
How could such small words hold so much meaning?
I couldn't figure it out and I didn't want to. My eyes found my breakfast plate and I licked my lips.
"Justin. . ." My heart raced as I shivered.
"Yes?" He scooted forward in his chair, so engrossed in what I had yet to say.
"I'm sorry. . ." My heart broke.
You deny me. . .
"What?" He frowned so deeply.
"She won't undestand. . ." I shook my head, sadly and shamefully, ". . . because I don't love you."
I watched as his heart shattered into a million little pieces and I felt as my own did the same. He pushed away from the table, grabbing his plate and tossing it into the sink. I jumped when it broke and watched as he moved closer to the sink to pick up its pieces. I just sat there, afraid to move or speak. Justin was still gathering shards of glass.
I fucked up.
"I know I-" He raised his hand to silence me as he leaned over the sink.
"You know your way out."
"Jus-"
"I need you to go, Teresa." I waited. He said nothing.
Now I'm forced to roam this planet
Sadly, lonely like some used briget. . .
"I'm sorry." He didn't say anything, so I got up to leave, but right as I was about to push the kitchen door open, something slammed against the wall beside me and shattered. I screamed when I felt sharp and wet pieces brush my cheek as I turned my face away. I backed up and looked at the wall. It was a plate of my breakfast, ketchup smeared on the wall and splattered all over me as eggs and sausage were spread across the floor.
I turned to Justin and saw he had a glass of orange juice in his hands now, staring at me with fire in his eyes.
You took my heartbeat from me
This is the saddest story. . .
"Why?" he asked softly.
"What?" I was so scared I was shaking, but Justin didn't seem to notice. He just took a long swig of the juice and gripped the glass when he was finished.
"Is it Shane?" I went to say no, but my mouth just opened and shut. Justin laughed. "What the hell do you even see in him?"
"Nothing," I mumbled meekly as he stepped forward. "Justin, you're scaring me. . ."
He threw the cup and it hit the counter next to me. I felt the glass on my arm and yelped.
"Stop!" I yelled, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"Wrong with me?!" he countered, grabbing the nearest plate of pancakes and slamming it on the floor. The crashing noise bellowed in my ears. "There is nothing. . ," A cup. ". . . wrong. . ." A spoon. ". . . with me!" Another plate aimed at the wall beside me. All I could do was stand there, too afraid to move because his aim was too good.
What was wrong with my love?
"Justin, please. . ."
"What?" he asked, "You don't like it? Would it be better if Shane did?!"
"No, it wouldn't!" I screamed, "So just stop it!"
"No, you stop!" he yelled back, stalking over to me, finding a way around all the glass. "You stop fucking with me!" He grabbed my shoulders and slammed me against the ketchup covered wall. I whimpered as he breathed on me. His eyes looked black, like he was possessed. Possession would explain his behavior. I had never seen him so angry before. I was scared that he was capable of killing me in that moment.
"All I wanted was for you to love me like I loved you. That's it. That's all. . ." I pushed against his hold in vain and he pushed me back. "You couldn't even give me that. You couldn't. . ."
You took my heartbeat from me
Was it I loved you poorly?
"I'm sorry,"
"You're sorry?" He laughed without any humor. "Why am I not surprised?"
"Justin - " I tried again, only to be interrupted.
"I would've let you keep fucking him if you had just said you loved me," he said, "That's how desperate I was getting. I would've been willing you let you have whoever you wanted as long as you came home to me every night. Do you know how sad that is?"
Whatever it was, I just wanna get along with you. . .
I wanted to ask him if he knew me at all because that was my life story. Loving the unlovable. Forgiving the unforgivable.
"Yeah, I do. . ." I whispered and his eyes softened for a moment before he let go of my arms.
"Then why do it to me?" Silence fell over us as we both tried to catch our breaths. I was stalling. I didn't have an answer. I didn't know why I would let someone have to go through what Shane put me through.
"I honestly don't know. . ." I looked up at Justin and he stared down at me. I couldn't read him. His face was completely blank.
Until he screamed.
It came out in this animalistic cry that I never heard before and I didn't have time to react. His fist was in full swing and I squeezed my eyes shut, anticipating the blow.
You took my heartbeat from me
This is the saddest story. . .
I felt the air and heard the wallpaper and plaster fall apart right next to me ear. I sighed in relief that it had been the wall instead of me, but my heart still held a panicked pace.
"Fuck!" Justin pulled his hand out of the hole it formed and I saw the blood before he covered it with his other hand. I reached for him with tears welling up in my eyes and he swatted my hand away.
He turned from me and went over to the sink with his head bowed down. I could still hear some of the wall falling apart and I could hear his jagged breathing. He didn't seem angry anymore. His hunched back made him seem like a small child; hurt and alone.
Then he sniffled and the tears rolled down my cheeks 'cause I knew they were rolling down his.
You took my heartbeat from me. . .
What the hell have I done?
Should have just stabbed it for me. . .
I didn't stay to ask. I figured that I caused enough damage and that leaving would be the best thing I could do. Jumping into my car, plaster-ketchup-glass stained as I was, and drove away as fast as I could. Dried tears tightened the skin of cheeks and I fought myself to stay focused on the road. I got back to Nicole's and sat in my car. I couldn't bring myself to go inside. I was still crying and I didn't want to be interrogated. I didn't want to face her so soon after.
I put the gear in reverse and pulled away. I drove around before I ended up in front of Shane's door. I must've been a pitiful sight in my too big clothes covered in breakfast with my hair in a messy bun, but all I saw was concern on his face as Shane took me inside without a word. I'm glad he took the silent route because I seem to be bad with words.
He got me some of my clean clothes and wet a washcloth to clean me flash and arms. I had settled down a bit and started crying again just moments after. Shane tried to wipe away every tear, but they kept on falling. I cried when I washed up. I cried when I changed my clothes. I cried when he held me for a while and let me ruin his dress shirt with my tears. I cried when I told myself not to. Shane just rubbed my back and cooed that it was okay even though it wasn't.
"I'm sorry. . ." I whimpered and he just shook his head and wiped cheeks with his thumbs.
"Don't be."
"I look ridiculous."
"I won't even deny that." I smiled and he chuckled lightly.
"Sorry. . ." I apologized again.
"It's okay. . . I've missed you too." I looked in his sharp green eyes and saw that he believed that this was about him. That these tears were for him.
If he only knew.
----------
Song Credit(s):
"Get Along With You" - Kelis
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey, sorry! I had to post again because this thing was being retarded. My chapters were all messed and up and .... ugh! haha. But I fixed it, I hope. The next chap is about 70% completed, so it's coming soon!
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
