Party Time
It had been a stange couple of weeks since that dinner at my house with Nicole. After my slip-up, she was rather distant; suddenly becoming too busy to just hang out and eat or talk with me. I was worried. I thought she had caught on. I thought that Teresa had said or done something to make her even more suspicious or even flat out told her what had happened and what is happening between us.
But then she showed up at my door two nights ago and apologized. It was work that was taking up her time and she finally found some freedom in the mist of the chaos. Relieved would be an understatement as to what I felt when she showed up. She had slept over the since then, in a guest room down the hall from my master bedroom the first night then in my bed the second.
I had woken up this morning happy and, most importantly, not alone. Nicole didn't seem to mind as I crowded her space and nuzzled into her hair. She just offered me a giggle before going to shower. I just laid in bed, imagining what she looked like naked, when my cell phone rang from its spot on my night stand. I took it off its charger to check the caller name and saw it was Teresa.
My heart twitched in that familiar excitement, but then my stomach knotted up in refusal.
I rejected the call and sighed.
She was not going to ruin my day. Not with whatever nonsense she had to say.
"Justin?" I rolled onto my side, tossing my cell somewhere on my bed to look at Nicole.
"Ye-" The words caught in my throat as she stood in the bathroom doorway, leaning on its frame in nothing but her skin.
"We can save you some hot water and just shower together," she stated nonchalantly. I smirked and chuckled lightly.
"That sounds like a great idea," I agreed, slipping from the covers and planting my feet firmly on the ground. I strolled toward her, trying not to seem too eager, but excited enough not to make her feel some type of way. Women were complicated like that. Way too complicated.
"Well, come on," she smiled, "The water's running." I put some pep in my step, enough to make her laugh, and took her hand once I stood in front of her. She looked at me over her shoulder before slowly leading me to the bath. I watched every muscle on her flex beneath her smooth skin and smiled softly.
Today was going to be a good day.
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I'm going to die.
". . . he was so gentle with it and at the same time so agressive. . ."
It was going to be painful.
". . . his hands. . . girl, his hands!"
And totureous.
". . . better than sex. . ."
And neverending.
"It was the best shower I've ever hand!" Nicole was squealing, so happy that she didn't even notice my frown. Not that I blame her. Who wouldn't be lost somewhere in no-man's-land after a sensuous shower with Justin Randall Timberlake?
"Sounds like it," I agreed meekly, "I'm happy for you." I picked the skin of my nail off and pouted. Now I had to get them done.
"You don't sound happy," Nicole sighed, "You sound really. . . sad, actually." I shrugged.
"Sorry," I apologized, "I'm not having a really good. . . life right about now." Nicole nodded understandingly.
"I told you that Shane was nothing but trouble. You shouldn't have let him in this house." I wanted to roll my eyes. It wasn't just Shane. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her that so she could just understand that my heart was breaking twice; once for each man.
"I know, it wasn't, but what's done is done."
"Did y'all have sex?" I choked on my ice tea and crossed my legs under me as leaned into the sofa. "I take that as a yes."
"It was so fucked up."
"Damn, now he can't even get it up?"
"No, not that," I sighed, "It was good. . . great, actually, but then. . ." I trailed off as the memory flooded my mind.
Justin. . .
"But then what?" Nicole asked. I looked at her, wearily. I bit my bottom lip, holding in my confession. I could already picture how I would look like, standing outside of her door with the clothes on my back and nowhere to go.
"I. . . he. . ." What? What did I or he do? What the hell was I talking about?
"What?" Nicole asked, sounding rather annoyed.
"He said some other girl's name." I am going to hell.
"HE WHAT?!" Nicole jumped up from the couch like it was on fire and balled up her fists. "He did not! Tell me he didn't!" I almost did, just to calm her down, but then she'd get mad again, thinking I was covering up for him.
"Nick, it doesn't matter," I said, trying to shrug it off, "It was just sex. Shane and I are no more." That was the truth, at least from my perspective.
"That bitch has some nerve," Nicole growled, "He shows up my door actin' like he loves you and then he says some other ho's name? What kinda nonsense. . ."
"I know, I know," I cut in as she trailed off in her anger. "Nicky, really. Girl, it's fine. It's fine." She settled back onto the couch, nodding along.
"I can get Justin on him." I laughed. Justin's scrawny ass was no match.
"Please, that boy needs a porkchop or two before stepping up to Shane. . ." She pouted.
"He's a little small, but he can handle his own," she argued. I snickered. "He can pick me up."
My laugh got caught in my throat as I wondered how she would know.
"Wha-" Her laughter cut me off.
"Girl, I'm telling you. . . better than sex. . ." My stomach churned. I knew what it was like to fuck Justin in the shower, but not be all playful and carefree. Not the way Nicole said it went down between her and Justin.
Her experience was more of a newlywed couple type thing. My experiences were more of a two-dollar hooker type of thing.
"Well, whatever you say. . ." Yeah, whatever because I didn't want to hear it any more. I just wanted to go five seconds without Justin or Shane in the conversation.
"Okay, but before we conclude the Justin discussion. . ." She took a deep breath and looked at her expectantly. "There's something that's been naggin' the hell outta me."
"What?" I asked, almost too interested in anything that could mean the demise of their relationship.
"Well, it's just that when you were here with Shane and I was with him. . . I kept talking about how fucked up it was that you and Shane were doing whatever the hell you guys were doing because you know how much he just irks me. . ."
"Okay. . ."
"Well, Justin kinda took the initiative to say. . . Well, he sort of assumed that Shane was a cheater. . ." I shrugged.
"Okay, maybe you said something that made him say that."
"No, I just said that Shane was trash."
"Well, ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, that's what makes a man an ass," I said, laughing it off, "It's not exactly brain surgery, Nick."
"That's what he said," Nicole mumbled, looking at me weirdly. I bugged my eyes out comically and looked around the room.
"What? What did I say?" She shrugged.
"Nothing, I just thought. . ."
"Thought what?" I asked.
"Nothing, it's stupid," she disregarded. I left it at that because I was nervous as hell. Nicole was a sharp and clever person. She saw past bullshit since she had so much practice with the idiotic men in her life.
She knew a liar when she saw one and I could tell that that weird look of hers was a sign she was sniffing me out.
"Well anyway," I began, looking for an exit from our previous conversation, "Tyra came into the shop today and-" Nicole's cell phone cut me off and I rolled my eyes, knowing that ring tone all too well. Nicole was out of my sight before I could blink and giggling senselessly in the kitchen with her 'boo'.
Yes. My death would be slow and neverending. . .
"Oh my god!" Nicole made a mad dash toward me and I cringed, covering up my face as she jumped on me on the sofa.
"What?" I asked, still hiding behind my hands until she yanked them away from my face and grinned down at me.
"Justin's having a party!" I made a sour face.
"Woo hoo?"
"Aren't you excited?!" she squealed. I shrugged.
"Why should I be?"
"Because you're invited, silly." She climbed off of me and leaned back against the chair.
"I am?"
"Well, duh, stupid," she laughed, "Why would I party without my girl?" She nudged me a little as I sat up, causing me to tip over again.
"When is it?" I asked, excited about the singing and the dancing and the drinking.
"Tomorrow night, at his place."
"What's it for?" I asked again.
"I don't know," Nicole smiled, "I guess it's just a celebrity thing. Maybe he wants to show off his new hot tub or something."
"He has a hot tub?" I gasped. Nicole laughed.
"Oh yes he does." She giggled and I didn't even want to know what that meant.
"Is it casual?" Nicole sucked her teeth.
"Damn, you're acting like you never partied before," she smiled, "Just do what you do when you do it, child!"
"Okay. . ." I smirked.
I didn't even know what it was that I did.
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I had gathered everybody into my kitchen, after the caterers had stuffed away their food and supplies where it needed to be in the back room. My mother, Trace, Rachel, and stepdad, Paul, were all staring at me expectantly as I cleared my throat, trying to formulate the right words.
"Spit it out, monkey," Rachel, my cousin, said, folding her arms across her chest impatiently.
"I'm not a monkey, stupid," I spat back childishly before my mother raised a brow at me. "Sorry." I never understood why I had to apologize and I'm sure Rachel didn't either, but she just smiled smugly 'cause she had won once again.
"Just say it, baby," my mama cooed, "We have a party to get ready for and people are on their way already."
"That's what I want to talk about," I said, "The people on their way."
"What about them?" Trace asked.
"Well, you know Nicole's coming tonight." They all smiled at the mention of her name and I was happy that she had their approval. "But she's bringing a friend."
"An Ex?" Paul asked.
"A nice boy for Rachel?" Mom asked.
"Auntie!" Rachel exclaimed.
"No, none of that," I said, laughing at Rachel. "But a best friend of hers."
"So?" Rachel asked, "What's the problem?"
"The problem is that she's. . ." How the hell do I say this? "She's. . . Trace's arch-enemy."
"His reflection?" Rachel laughed and everybody fought off their giggles as Trace rolled his eyes.
"Who's my arch-enemy?" he asked.
"Starts with a Te and ends with a Resa." The laughter and snickers died so quickly that I was surprised. They looked at me like I was crazy and then they got angry.
"No 'effin' way!" my mama gasped. I smiled weakly and nodded.
"Way," I said, "'Effin' way."
"I can't believe their best friends. . ." Rachel mumbled.
"That's awkward," Paul added.
"She's seriously coming?" Trace asked "Why would Nicole let her?"
"Because Nicole doesn't know about us." They all went to talk at once, but I cut in. "Look, I know. I should tell her, but not now. I don't even see the point. We didn't even have a relationship anyway."
"That's disgusting," Rachel scoffed, "Justin, come on."
"Look, bagger me later, okay?" I asked softly, "I just really need you guys to be nice and act like you don't even know her. I'm sure she'll just go along with it."
"But-"
"Mom, please," I begged, "Just for tonight." I looked at them all, holding their eyes for a second and pouting.
"Whatever," Rachel said.
"Fine," Paul agreed.
"If that's what you want," my mom sighed.
I looked at Trace, tilting my head to egg him on just a bit. He finally shook his head disapprovingly before rolling his eyes.
"I guess I can pretend not to hate her tonight." I smiled.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," I breathed, "Just stay cool and natural and everything will be fine."
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This party sucked.
The people were nice. I met Nelly Furtado and Ludacris and I even had the pleasure of being hit on by Timbaland, but I wanted to go home. Now.
From the moment I walked through the door, things were awkward. The house felt so familiar, yet so distant from me now. I used to waltz in here like it was nothing, but now I asked for permission to use the bathroom. I had met Justin's family with Nicole and they all smiled and shook my hand like we never even met before. I couldn't tell if it was an act or if they truly forgot about me.
Trace even went out of his way to get me a drink and offer me a dance. I didn't drink and I didn't dance because I thought I had entered the twilight zone. Everything was out of place; especially me.
"Isn't this fun?" I looked next to me and saw Nicole smiling. I haven't seen her in the two hours since the family meeting ended because she was mingling with Justin and being introduced as his girlfriend to any and every body in the mansion. I didn't like it, but the true friend in me was so happy for Nicole. It was the selfish, envious side that wished she'd trip in those heels or spill a drink on her white dress, but she remained flawless through the night as I could now see.
"It's okay," I finally replied after a long sip of my Bacardi Watermelon drink.
"What do you mean okay?" Nicole giggled, "Girl, this is better than that club we went to two weeks ago." More like two months ago. She must have me confused with Justin, but I decided not to tell her that. I just nodded in agreement.
"You're right," I said, looking around the room.
"Of course I'm right," Nicole stated, "I'm always right." I went to argue, but I spotted Justin coming in our direction, all smiles with Nicole.
"Hey, babe," he greeted, kissing her lips gently; causing me to look away.
"Hey," Nicole managed as I turned back around, only to find them smiling at each other with that damn look in their eyes. That I-missed-you-even-though-I-just-saw-you-three-seconds-ago look.
"Are y'all having fun?" Justin glanced at me and I smiled. He turned away.
"Yeah, we are," Nicole answered for us.
"My feet hurt." My complaint was true, but didn't need to be voiced. Nicole nudged me and smirked and Justin gave me a bored expression.
"That's what the couch is for," he said drily before happily adding, "Nick, I wanted to introduce you a couple of my boys over there."
"Okay," she said, handing me her drink, "I'll be right back." I watched as they made their way to the bar set up in his dining room and I sighed, making my way to the couch. I plopped down, not bothering to excuse myself and causing some glares from a couple as they walked away. I sighed again and nostalgically ran my hand over the cream embroidery of the sofa.
I flashed back to all the times Justin and I slept on this couch. Talked on this couch. Laughed and made love on this couch. I remembered how he would sometimes just lay across my lap and stare up at me like he wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. I remembered how he used to love me.
"That could've been you." I looked up and around, looking for the owner of the voice before I felt the couch sink in next to me.
Trace.
"What?" He nodded over to Nicole and Justin as they laughed with his boys.
"Nicole. . ." he said, "That could've been you." I rolled my eyes, wishing that he had actually forgotten me.
"Who said I want to be where she is?"
"Besides the fact that you're too transparent for words?" he asked sarcastically, "I don't know."
"Trace," I said, "I don't have time for this."
"First of all, that's Mr. Ayala to you," he corrected, "Secondly, it isn't my fault that you're moping around watching your friend over there get everything you want."
"You don't know what I want to even say that," I argued.
"You want Justin, I know that much." And he was right; not that I would say that out loud. "But I guess it doesn't matter 'cause he really doesn't want you."
"Go to hell."
"I'll see you there, slut." He took a swing of his beer.
"Don't make me crush what itty-bitty balls you have, asshole."
"Sorry, but my balls are off-limits to you," he smiled, "Just like Justin's." He laughed and I got up. I would rather trudge through the dark streets of Los Angeles by myself than sit here and listen to this bitch mock me for the rest of the night.
"Rese!" I cringed at the nickname and Nicole jogged up to me right when I was going to walk out the door.
"What?" I asked.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked, "Where do you think you're going?"
"Home," I answered simply.
"We rode up here together," she stated.
"I'll catch the bus."
"What?" she snapped, "Are you crazy? It's almost two in the morning."
"Look," I breathed, "You want to stay, I want to go."
"Fine, at least take the car," she said, digging through her bag, "I'm sure Justin won't mind if I spend the night again." I reached her her arm, haulting her search.
"No, I'll just stay," I said.
"But I thought you wanted to go?"
"I don't know what I want." I felt my eyes involuntarily well up with tears and I tried to push them back.
"Teresa?" Nicole called, "Tee, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," I lied, "My feet just really hurt."
"She can soak 'em." We both looked to find Justin had come up from nowhere. I quickly wiped my eyes, but I'm sure he already saw them.
"Really?" Nicole asked.
"Oh, yeah," Justin smiled, "Come on, I'll show you to the bathroom." Nicole pushed me along and I followed Justin through the crowd and upstairs. He lead me to his room and shut the door behind us. I took in the room and smiled softly at the comforting familiarity.
"What's really wrong with you?" I sighed and turned to face Justin.
"Like you care," I said, taking a seat on the edge of his bed and unstrapping my shoes. There was a bit of silence until I had sucessfully taken them both off and tossed them aside.
"Do they really hurt?" I looked up at him as he looked at my feet.
"Yeah, but not that much."
"Then why were you crying?"
"Why do you care?" I shot back.
"I don't," he said, taking a seat in the corner of the room on his big, comfy chair, "Nicole's worried though."
"Nicole's always worried about me."
"Hmph. . ." he grunted.
"Hmph. . ." I mocked. He looked up at me, squinting and holding his chin in his hand.
"Answer the question." It took me a moment to remember what he was asking before I rolled my eyes.
"Leave me alone," I groaned, "I just want to go home, okay?"
"So you cried to get your way?" he asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"You couldn't just let me have this, could you?" he asked suddenly, sitting up and leaning forward.
"Have what?"
"All I want to do is be happy, Teresa," he expressed suddenly, seemingly unaware of my previous question, "Just happy. And Nicole makes me that way. This isn't about you and me. This isn't some type of revenge or anything. I didn't purposely choose Nicole to screw you over. In fact, if I had known she was related to you in any way, I would've ran in the other direction."
"Who said you did any of that? Who said I didn't want you happy?"
"You did!" he yelled, "Every time you're around Nicole and I, you're complaining or pouting or bored or something that just ruins it-"
"Well, what do you want me to do?!" I yelled back, "What do you want me to say? Huh? That I'm happy that you're with someone else? That I'm happy that I get to witness my best friend kiss and hug and be with someone I was with just months ago? Is that what you want?"
"I was never with you," Justin said coldly, "And that was your choice."
"Yeah, you're right," I said sarcastically, "This is all my fault."
"Oh, so it's not?" he asked, "This is my fault? Is that what you're saying?"
"All I'm saying is that what we had wasn't one sided."
"Yeah, you're right," Justin said, "It was three sided and that's exactly what the problem was."
"I didn't hold a gun to your head and make you stay with me."
"No, you just took advantage of the fact that I loved you. You used my emotions to work to your advantage, regardless of how screwed over I was in the end!"
"I didn't ask you to love me!" I cried, not knowing how to defend myself any other way.
"Oh, that makes sense," he mocked, "You didn't ask me to love you, so that gets you off the hook, right?"
"I don't want to discuss this any more." I grabbed my shoes and hurriedly strapped them back up.
"That's right, just run away, as always." I ignored him and stood.
"For your imformation, Justin, I do want you happy," I told him, "I just wish that it wasn't with my best friend."
"No, you just wish I was miserable and catering to your every need. You just wish we were fuck buddies again and that you could have two men in your life that you could just mess with whenever you felt like it. You just wish you weren't as screwed up as you are and you most certainly wish you didn't have to be completely alone now."
Everything he said had hit me hard. Trace was right. Justin was right. I was transparent. I was a slut. I could've had all that Nicole had. I was alone.
"Fuck you."
I ran out of the room so fast that I couldn't even see where I was going. I was stumbling along the way, but I got to Nicole and took the keys from her hands. I found the car and just drove away without a second thought.
I hated him.
I hated him so much that I didn't hate him at all.
Not even a little.
Not even close.
I loved him.
Tears welled up in my eyes.
I loved him.
There's so many that when I blink them away, I practically drown.
I loved him and he hated me.
I drown some more.
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