The price she paid for the bloodline changed her life. She cries at night and keeps alive the bloodline. She believes in the bloodline, lives and breathes by the bloodline. With all her might she cries at night and keeps alive the bloodline.

Another year has come and gone. Yet nothing's changed at all.

Life as Dr. Arabella Kinsey-Alexander wasn't exactly how I had pictured it, it was worse. I had trusted my family and trusted that over time I would learn to love him. But still today I can't imagine that feeling with him. I can't remember one single moment in time when I was happy. I thought I had prepared myself for the worst but I was sure surprised when the only part of living was going to work. A job I still haven't found the love for. A job that makes me a lot of money but a job that is just that, a job.

Crying myself to sleep night after night is emotionally draining. I tried to balance my schedule so that I'm only at home with Gavin is at the hospital. I volunteer for every holiday or event that is going on with the families. I blame needing the experience and not wanting to give up any opportunity that comes my way on the reason I am never at family functions anymore. I never wanted to have to walk into a room as his wife. I never wanted to have to ‘put on a show' for people. I was unhappy. I was lonely.

I walked into that eight bedroom empty home thinking I wish it would burn to the ground. I drop my keys on the table near the entrance. Empty. This house was too big for just the two of us. But I will be happy to leave it behind.

I enter the kitchen hoping to find something to eat, I hadn't eaten in days. I knew that there would be nothing but I attempted to look anyways. Hoping that there was something, anything. Each shelf in the stainless steel refrigerator is empty. Doctor's live in this house. We were never here enough to have groceries.  I opted for coffee, again. I stood waiting for the pot to finish brewing.

I graze my fingers along the counter. Memories flooding back.

Justin.

A sad smile came across my face. I missed him.

I hopped up on that counter and rested my hands on the counter on each side of me. I closed my eyes, remember the way he smelled that very first night in the hotel room. He will always smell like that cologne model you would think he would with a mix of a little bit of Jack from when he was at the bar before coming up to my room.

You hopped up on that counter as if you have done that many times before...

I couldn't contain the feelings anymore. His voice running through my head makes me regret everything I have done in the last five years. I begin to sob. I miss the way he used to call me Bells. I miss the way my stomach would do cartwheels but the touch of his skin on mine.

"Ouch.... Stop..."

I turned quickly. I know I heard voices. Panic being to set in when I realize they are noises coming from the upstairs. I knew Gavin's schedule like the back of my hand. Last thing I wanted was to see him. I knew he was working today. I take my phone out of my coat pocket. Dialing 911 into the phone and ready to hit the send button if I needed to I walked up the steps slowly. As I walk closer and closer to the sound I realize that it wasn't an intruder.

I swing open the door of my bedroom to see my husband and a random person in mid thrust. The sight of his naked body makes me cringe. The woman jumps. "Oh my god."

"What the fuck Gavin? In my bedroom? You couldn't have used one of the many other rooms in this house?" I rolled my eyes. I wasn't hurt and I wasn't jealous. I just didn't care.

"I thought you said your wife didn't know we have been sleeping together." She says in a quiet tone, thinking I didn't hear her.

"She doesn't give it up so I have to get it somewhere." He said disgusting me.

"Gavin is sadly mistaken if he doesn't think I have known for years that it's going on. Why do you think I don't sleep with him anymore... I don't know where you have been. And how great of a person you are for knowing he had a wife, regardless of the situation and you continue to have a relationship with him. Great woman you are there." I slammed the door behind me as I said, "Burn those fucking sheets Gavin."

Great way to start the day. I thought.

I knew at this moment that life had changed. Another part of my life has been set into place. What I was choosing to do was the right choice.

And now... now I had to do something I was dreading all night. I had to meet my mother. Not very high on my priority list that's for sure. I showered and headed out of the house. By the time I left Gavin had gone into work.

"How does it feel being married for five years?" My mother asked joyful as we sit down to have lunch at her favorite restaurant.

That was like a bullet through my organ that used to be known as a heart. That part of me died five years ago when I said ‘I Do." Each day is still a challenge. Each day I wake up hoping that it's all been a bad dream. And some days I wish that I wouldn't wake up at all. After so long you get used to the pain and not feel a thing. Everything becomes numb and nonexistent.  Everything about who you really are disappears.

I made the wrong choice. I should have chose Justin. I followed the bloodline instead of my heart. I regret that choice every day. I could be happy right now. I could be in love. Watching Justin's career became a priority for me. I became obsessed with what he was doing in his world. Up until about six months ago when I heard he was engaged. He was engaged but it wasn't to me. The idea that he fell in love with someone as much or more than he loved me shattered that organ. That was the moment I realized I had to do something I couldn't just be here and live this life every day. It happened to be one of the countless times I have caught my fiancé with another woman.

"Trapped." I answered my mother.

She looked up from her plate, with a bit of regret in her eyes.

"I forget what it feels like for someone to care about me." I felt the works hurt as they rolled out. "I forget what it feels like to have the man I love's arms around me..."

Tears begin to well up in her eyes. "Time, Arabella. Time heals everything."

"I filed for divorce." I blurted out. "I should have never done this in the first place. I spent five years of my life in a loveless marriage and watched on the sidelines while my husband slept with everything that crossed his path. You wonder why you don't have grandchildren... ha there would have to be some sex involved for that to happen. Not to mention the fact that I have been on birth control since I was sixteen and that's not going to change anytime soon. Not to mention the fact that I lost the love of my life. I lost the ones person who loved every crazy part about me."

"16?" She said furious. "I thought-"

"Of everything I said that's all you care about." I interrupted her, laying the napkin back on the table I stand to leave. "I am DONE!"

"Honey, you can't file for divorce."

I turn back to her, with fire shooting out of my eyes.  "So this is how you want me to live the rest of my life? I started to get louder. "You are unbelievable."

She grabs my arm to turn me around, "You know I only want what's best for you."

I snap my arm down and rip her hand away from my arm. "Well, this isn't what is best for me. I already talked to the lawyer and he has already drawn up the papers. I can't do this anymore. I tried I really tried.  I tried to do what this bloodline wanted me to do. But I would rather live the rest of my life alone than the way it is being lived now."

"Arabella you know your father won't approve of this."

"I... don't... care" I barked at her. "You and the entire family can disown me for all I care. I'm done."

"You don't mean that. You are jut angry."

"I am angry. I wish I was dead most days. I wish I wasn't living this life anymore. But I mean everything I am saying right now."

"Arabella. You of all people should know how fragile life is. You should never make comments like that."

"Waking up every morning and wishing that I wasn't opening my eyes again is exactly how I feel right now. So please don't stand there and tell me that I should feel like that or I shouldn't make comments like that. It's the truth. I'm done being who you want me to be. It's time for me to be ME."

It's not how many times you've been knocked down; it's how many times you get back up.