Courage is... when you lost your way but you find the strength anyway.

"ARABELLA.WAKE UP!  If you wouldn't have been out all night doing god knows what, you wouldn't be tired today. You wouldn't need a nap. Things are going to have to change with you when you get married tomorrow. You are going to have to become responsible for someone other than yourself in life..." she continues to ramble.

 "I don't need lectures from you." I snapped back at her before it registers what she actually said.

Tomorrow? She just said tomorrow.

I'm not married yet. I haven't made the biggest regret of my life. I jumped up off the bed and ran over to my phone. Pulling it close to my face, scanning down at the date and the time...  I haven't gotten married yet. It was a dream.

Whew.

Oh my god. It was a dream. It was just a dream... or a nightmare. Either way it hasn't happened yet. I have the chance to make a change.

She walks back into my room putting a dress bag on the back of my door. "I'm not dealing with that attitude today. Get dressed; we have to get over to the venue. You are already running behind. Don't do anything fancy with your hair and spend an hour on your makeup. You should have thought about that before you took a nap." She continued to ramble as I only heard selective things she was saying.  "Where were you last night? You didn't come home again? Is that man in town again?"

"I was out last night. That's all you need to know."

"At some point Arabella..."

"Drop it mother. I will make a change. Don't worry about it." A change was coming. A major change was coming.

I put on the dress and I put on the damn shoes she picked out. I grabbed my oversized tote bag and headed out the door. She wanted me to go to the venue, I was going to go.

The venue was beautiful. I had to give my mother and sister credit for that. Nothing about it was me, but it was beautiful. Shades of pinks surround the room. Each row of seats had roses a different shade of pink that gradually gets into a darker pink. The idea of it was genius

"It's about time." Charlotte begins to bitch. "Last time I check the bride and the groom had to be at their own rehearsal dinner." She rolled her eyes at me.

I glared at her but didn't say a word. I was going to hold my tongue. I was going to be the better person. I had to repeat it to myself a thousand times but I was managing to keep my mouth shut.

"Where is my sexy little fiancé?" Gavin shouted from outside of the room.

My body shakes from being disgusted. I stood frozen staring up at the ceiling with my eyes closed, praying to find the strength from somewhere to get through this dinner. If I could get through dinner I could make my exit. I just had to make it a couple hours. I could do this. I can do this... who am I kidding, I can't do this. I can't keep my mouth shut.

My father stands to address the room. "Good evening everyone... thank you for coming to celebrate this wonderful occasion. Let's get started and we will head into have dinner."

Standing at this altar with a bridal party on both sides that I had no input in was uncomfortable. They were all stiff. None of them had any personality. I hadn't chosen a single person that was standing next to me, executive decisions that were not mine to make. I hate how fake they all were. Being a sibling does not earn you the right to stand at the altar next to these people as they get married. The individuals chosen to stand next to you should be who you care about the most in the world, someone that you want to share this with you. I guess that should have started with the groom?

 Sitting at the table in front of this room next to Gavin was gut wrenching. Just the sight of him near me makes me feel ill. But it was ok. It wasn't going to last long.

I felt his hand come across my leg under the table. I pushed it off twice before he reach his hand further under the table, reaching under my skirt and whispering, "How about a pre round?" I shoved his hand off my leg.

I smiled at him, encouraging him a little, and then snidely said, "It's never... going to happen Gavin." I pushed the chair back and stood up. Everyone looked and whispered as I walked out of the room. Grabbing a glass of champagne I gulp it in one shot, reaching for another as I exited the room.

I was going to end up a raging alcoholic dealing with this family.

I couldn't have been alone more than two minutes before my mother was breathing down my neck. I wanted to explode on her. She was my mother and I respected her for that but I wanted to implode on her.

"Arabella, you need to get back out there to your guests."

I exhaled a deep breath, "I can't do this anymore." I said very low to myself.

"I'm not playing your games, you need to suck it up and deal with this." She says.

I sat down on the chair, drink in hand, sipping slowly. "I don't love him. I'm supposed to stand in front of God and all the family and friends and lie to each and every one of them."

"I never told you this, but I had been in love with a guy for almost ten years before I married your father. So I understand the feelings you're going through."

"You were in love with someone other than your husband and didn't marry him?"

"Yes. But I knew my destiny. I knew that I would never marry him."

"How can you just give up on love?" I questioned, "How can you throw away that feeling?"

"You just do what you're supposed to do. I will be glad when you're finally married tomorrow and understand why it has to be done." She sighed heavily. "I wish you would have never gone to Los Angeles. I wish I could take that back. You are not the same person anymore."

"Your right, I'm not the person I was. Los Angeles changed who I am. I will never regret that. Finding love and sharing that kind of passion with someone is something I want. It's something I can't give up."

Not wanting to hear a single thing I had to say she turned to walk out of the room, only to turn back around to look at me, "Sometimes... you have to follow your bloodline regardless of what you feel."

"How can you want me to marry someone that I will never love?  That will never love me back? Someone that will make me unhappy for the rest of my life? How can you want your daughter to never feel real love?" I couldn't do it. I knew at that very moment that I couldn't marry him and I couldn't live their life anymore. Vera's simple speech rang in my head, over and over.

 Sometimes families have to be tested and sometimes they fail.

 "I can't do this." I blurted out. "I can't be you in forty years. I just can't do it. I'm calling off this wedding." It rolled off my tongue with perfect posture.

 "Arabella. Stop being so dramatic." My mother says as she is pulling the glass out of my hand.

 But at the end of everything you have to be the one to live your life.

 "I'm not being dramatic. I'm doing what I want to do for the very first time in my life." I turned to walk out of the room.

 "Arabella, we only want the best for you." She attempts to be sympathetic.

You are the one that has to wake up in this life every morning.

I flipped around quickly, "The best for me is not doing this. The best for me would be leaving and never looking back. The entire family could disown me for all I care. I will not marry him."

"ARABELLA... you will not do this to the family. Is this all over that man you met?"

"Justin has changed my life, he really has but at the end of the day... this is about me and what I want. And what I want is to not do any of this..." I turned and continued to walk away from her, right into the room everyone was patiently waiting on me in.

I walked slowly back into the room, and stepped in front of the room. Everyone has their attention on me. Gavin walks over to take my hand and I rip my hand out of his. The entire room gasps. I pick up the microphone that we are supposed to give our speech into and begin to speak.

"Thank you all for flying in and everyone getting here but unfortunately there isn't going to be a wedding." I saw my father stand up and walk closer to the stage slowly. "I will not stand in front of God and everyone I know or don't know for that matter and marry someone I don't love. Or even someone I could learn to love. Someone once told me that at the end of everything I'm the one that has to live this life and this isn't what I want for life.  This isn't how I want to fill my years on this earth. So I'm sorry if this offends anyone, I'm sorry to my family who is hurt by this but I can't pretend anymore."

                My father has reached the stage and has his angry face one. "Arabella. Stop this madness...RIGHT NOW."

"I'm sorry father, but this is what it is. I will not be marrying Gavin tomorrow. And I have fallen in love with the greatest man in the world..." A genuine smile comes across my face. I loved that man. I was hopelessly in love with Justin.

"Are you referring to that man that came in late to a luncheon that he was a guest speaker at then left before it was over? The same man that has been seeing you even though you have been engaged the entire time he has know you. That man is disrespectful and will never be any part of my daughter's life."

"That man has treated me better in the short time I have known him then anyone ever has been in my life. That man is a better man than Gavin will EVER be. That man is a better man then you will ever be." I was cold and blunt but the words needed to be said.

"Arabella." I my mother offered.

Everyone starts to shuffle around, not exactly sure what was going on. I pulled the microphone back to face. "One more thing before everyone leaves... As of today I will not be practicing medicine. I will not be carrying on the Kinsey legacy." The entire room gasps. That little piece of news shocks everyone more than the news of the wedding being called off.

"I will not stand for this." My father thinks his words threaten me, he has another thing coming.

"I don't care anymore. I will not do anything that doesn't make me happy and practicing medicine isn't one of those things."

With the look on everyone's face I knew it was my time to exit... and I knew there was something else I had to do. I pick up the phone and dial the one person I know I have to speak to.

"Arabella? Is there something wrong?" the male voice echoes on the other end.

"Andre... I need your help."