Watching the blue numbers on the LED screen continue to climb one by one. The darkness became lighter and lighter. Tossing and turning didn't help. Lying on his side of the bed, taking what scent of his that was left off the sheets in didn't help either. I wanted to be in his arms. There was no other way to look at it.

Quietly I tip toe through the apartment, lacing up my shoes and sliding out of the apartment without Trace hearing me leave. I was sure he wouldn't let me go alone, and that was something I needed at the moment. Deciding to put on my running shoes and take in the brisk early morning air was the best choice. Running was a good way to decide things or a good way to clear your mind. I couldn't do either at the moment.

I prepared myself for what might be a nightmare as I walked out the front door. But there was no one. There was no one around. No clicking of a camera in the background, no one staring at me... it was a morning run like I always remembered it to be. I almost wanted to do a happy dance right on the street. But that may have drawn some attention I didn't want.

I ran for hours, the cool wind in my face started to turn into warm air. I hadn't realized how much time had actually passed. I watched the sun rise up into the morning skyline from a bench in central park. The thoughts I was attempting to escape from are still running through my mind. I had lost everything I had known in my life, but gained everything I ever wanted. I couldn't understand my father's thought process on anything he had done. I understood that he was something that was passed on from generation to generation, but that doesn't make it right. How could my entire family think it was the right thing to do? How could the Alexander family do the same thing to their children? How could my mother want this or her children? How could she live with those choices?

Justin seemed to outweigh everything.

"Excuse me miss..." I heard a deep aged voice ask. I looked up at him to see an older man, looked to be in his seventies. "Can I sit here?"

"I'm sorry. Yes. Please, sit." I responded scooting closer to the other end of the bench, giving him room to sit.

He sat down next to me with his Wall Street Journal and started to read it, more than likely the same thing he has done for longer than I have been alive. Page my page he flips through the paper. That was something I will never get to see my father do? I'll never get to see him live any kind of normal life, not that he ever sat in central park but that kind of solitude and grace I will never get the chance to see. I will never get to see a pattern that my brother will get into. I was going to miss those little things you never think about, until they are gone. But Justin, I will get to see this side of Justin. I will get to see the love of my life have these simple moments. I will get to see him for who he will be in thirty some years.

"Ma'am?" He asked politely interrupting my thoughts.

I looked over at him, "Yes, sir..."

"What has you consumed in your own thoughts?" he asked.

His words were an eye opener. I didn't think anyone could read me like that. "I'm sorry. Am I thinking out loud? Am I interrupting you?"

"No... you should smile more... I have never seen such an empty face, such a stressed look over someone's face." I studied his face. I could see the lines on his face, lines that told a story I was unaware of. "Didn't anyone ever tell you, you're worth more than living in this sad place? Whatever is making that light in your eyes, choose that... Choose the option that brings life back into your face."

The old man said I should smile more, so I gave him my best smile and I traded my sorrow for some of the old man's pride. Seeing that man's face, seeing the passion he had in his words made me see that I couldn't live my life in worries. I have never wanted much, just a place to rest my head, and a steady heart to dance with. I had both and I was going to get both.

"Thank you." I said to him as I watch several cameras coming in my direction. I hit the ground running again. This time it was a little more difficult. I ran as fast as I could back to my car, losing the paparazzi a couple times before I saw more come out of nowhere. What felt like an eternity, finally I see my car in the distance. Those pesky photogs were persistent, if anything. I have learned the art of ignoring they comments and questions.

I slide into my car, cranking the air conditioner trying to cool down a little. My phone in the consol of the car was blinking. Fuck. I didn't want connections to the outside world I wanted a moment alone. But scrolling down my missed call list, I knew I had an entire army out looking for me.

I send a quick text to Justin and Trace asking to call off their army, I was fine. They had everyone around the country worried about where I had ended up. His mother in Tennessee was scared and left a voicemail crying. Jack who was still in Los Angeles gave me the gangsta, I'm going to hurt you when I see you voicemail and between Justin and Trace they left a couple worried messages, then a couple hasty ones. So it was no surprise when his picture came across the screen just seconds after I sent the text. Justin is freaking out when I pick up the phone. "...You can't go for a run and not have your phone. Especially at the time when the paparazzi are crazy to get a shot of you.... You scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry, I just needed... to breathe." I tried to explain myself.

The worry in his voice was still there. "Are you okay Bells? I can fly to you."

"Justin-" I interrupted him.

He didn't stop rambling though. "Babe, I'm worried about you... I hate being on the road and your there and..."

"Justin-" I said again. "Hush for a minute."

"You scared the shit out of me today Bells." I could see him pacing around the room, with his pulse raising as the moments still pass. He was stressing himself out. "When Trace called and said he couldn't find you I began to panic..."

"I'm sorry. Really I am." I pleaded. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. But I'm fine. I promise you, I'm okay. Everything is okay."

"Are you sure? Because I can leave this tour..."

"Justin-" I demanded. I had only one thing I needed to say to him. "I love you."

He was silent. Something told me that this had nothing to do with me. He was having a hard time believing that I was okay. I wasn't okay until about twenty minutes ago when I was given wise words from a stranger. I wasn't okay when he left, I lied to him, I told him I was okay. I wasn't.

I returned to the apartment and got a lecture from Trace. I knew they cared about me and that's why they were worried, but I had never had someone care that much about me. No one has ever cared to even look for me. The afternoon in that apartment with someone that was still angry with me, drug on forever. I couldn't go anywhere without being hounded. I was supposed to stay out of the design office, I couldn't do anything and I was going stir crazy.

Then it hit me, that old man's words came rushing back to be as I sat at the table eating dinner with Trace. I knew what I wanted, and what I needed to do.

I picked up my phone, opening a new email.

Troy, I know that there is so much that needs to get down before the release of this line in a month. However I need to take some time to myself. Since the lawsuit was filed, less than 24 hours ago, the paparazzi have been worse than ever imagined. I literally have individuals camped outside of the apartment, just waiting for me to leave. So I have decided I'm going to join Justin on the road for a couple days. I think I had too many things happen at once. I will be in L.A to oversee the photo shoot for the line, next week. If there is any problems don't hesitate to call me. -Arabella Kinsey

I laid the phone down on the table, release came in the simple task of sending and email.

"What are you all smiles over there?" Trace asks as he pushes his food around on the plate.

"I just made a decision."

"And..." he asked.

I pushed my dish to the center of the table. "Pack your bag Trace, you can leave now."

"I'm not going anywhere." He said defensively.

"Then you are going to be in this apartment all by yourself." I stood up at the table, "I'm going to go be with Justin... I'm going to spend some quality time with him on the road."

The stress and the worried had released from his face. "I knew you would make the right choice."

Within minutes I was packing a suitcase. My phone started to buzz again.

"Take all the time you need. Everything is being handled and you will get final approval of all the photos anyways. If you can't make it to L.A., let me know. You have done everything you could possibly have done from here. I will keep you in the loop with everything that is going on but don't feel obligated to do anything. Take care of yourself.-Troy"

The feeling of knowing I was doing the right things filled my thoughts. Trace and I both got a flight to where we were headed and parted ways at the airport. When I arrived in Chicago it was dark. I knew Justin was already at the venue and he was likely already on the stage.

            I was right. He was already a good forty minutes into his set. I was later than I thought it was. I talked to the security and me gave me a spot on the floor to watch the show. I was nervous to be in that crowd alone but I maneuvered my way into the crowd. It was dark, no one noticed me sliding in there. He was finishing up a song so the focus was all on him.

 He sat on a stool in the center of the stage. He began to speak. "I tested out a song about a month ago on the crowd in New York City... they seemed to love it so much it was plastered all over YouTube..." he laughs and it makes the world as I know it so much better. "Now, tonight I would like to test out another song on you. I wrote this song for someone that has taken my world my storm. It's been a rough couple weeks for us personally..." I can hear his voice start to crack. He was going to cry, I could see the water building up in his eyes. He looks up at the lights, hoping to contain his emotions. "I'm sorry." He exhales deeply. The crowd roars and makes him realize that he does have the world in the palm of his hands, "I spend a lot of time on the road and away from the people I love most in the world. I love my fans and I wouldn't trade this part of my job or anything but sometimes it's hard to be away from those people... before I get to deep and cheesy I will play the song for you..."

He lifts the guitar onto his lap, placing the strap around his neck and resting it on his shoulder. He starts to strum a few cords on the acoustic guitar. He began to sing after a few chords. "I hope you're doing fine out there without me... Cause I'm not doing so good without you..." he closed his eyes, feeling everything he was saying. "The things I thought you'd never know about me... were the things I guess you always understood... So how could I have been so blind for all these years... I guess I only see the truth through all this fear, of living without you..."

His foot began to tap on the stool. "Everything I have in this world and all that I'll ever be, could all fall down around me... just as long as I have you right here by me."

"I can't take another day without you... cause baby I could never make it on my own... I've been waiting for so long just to hold you... and to be back in your arms where I belong...Sorry I can always find the words to say... everything I ever known gets swept away inside of your love..." He looks down in my direction. I look back at him, staring right into his eyes. "Bells..." he said breathlessly into the mic. I nodded my head yes, trying not to sob at that very moment. "I love you." He says that and it's all it takes. He plays the next chords of the song, singing directly to me, "Everything I have in this world and all that I'll ever be, could all fall down around me... just as long as I have you right here by me."

He stood from that stool, placing his guitar on the stage, standing right in front of me is everything I will ever need in my life. He stood there just looking at me, finally jumping off the stage and between the barricades. He wrapped his long fingers around the curve of my jaw line, pulling me into his face. As his lips met mine the crowd of thousands began to cheer. He lifted me off the floor and over that barricade. He held on tight spinning around. "I love you. I love you."

"I love you, Lake." I said back to him. I placed my hand on the back of his head, feeling his hair in between my fingers. "Now finish your show so I can crawl into bed with you."

He jumped back up on that stage, pulling the microphone from the stand. "I'm sorry for the little interruption..."