"Nice to see you back in the flesh Arabella instead of on TV or on the cover of another magazine... how are you doing?"

"Oh man, please don't go there. Not you to." I said thinking that she of all people wouldn't play this game with me. Shannon Campbell and I have known each other for a very long time. Between college and med school we have spent nearly nine years of our lives together.

"Arabella... as long as I have known you, I never knew you were into celebrities."

"I'm not. What are you talking about?" I questioned.

"Justin Timberlake? He is the biggest star in the world. And from what I have read he is the most arrogant person in the industry."

"He isn't like that. I love that everyone including my family is judging him without even knowing him. You can't believe everything you read."

"So I shouldn't believe that you are engaged to Gavin and getting married in just a few weeks but yet you are flocking around the country with Justin at your side like your teenagers again."

"I have never asked anyone for anything... and I'm asking you to understand that I haven't chosen to marry Gavin. It's something I'm supposed to do. Meeting Justin and having his friendship means the world to me. I know that it can't really go anywhere other than what it is right now but I like to spend time with him. He is an amazing person."

"You're in love with him." She said dropping her chart on the nurses' station, as she turns to look at me.

"I'm not in love with him." I fired back.

"You are bold face lying to me."

"Shannon..." I turned to look around me, checking for someone that shouldn't be listening to our conversation. "I like him and I like the way I feel around him, I like the way he touches my skin, I like everything about him but that's not reality. Reality is the fact that I am supposed to marry Gavin. We are going to graduate tomorrow and start the rest of our lives."

"I still can't believe you're going to be married very soon, where is your ring? You're still not wearing it."
"Please don't remind me that I'm marrying Gavin. And the ring is where it belongs, in the drawer with all the other pieces of jewelry my father has bottom me over the years..."

"I would be ecstatic if my parents had arranged for my marriage and I didn't have to worry about meeting a guy, and just marry him."

"Trust me when I say this. You do not want to be in my situation."

"I dunno, hooking up with Justin Timberlake is a pretty amazing position to be in."

I glared at her, trying to get her to drop the situation but she continued to ask questions.

"Is he going to be at graduation? Because if he is going to be free once you get married I would like to slide on in there."

"Shannon... seriously stop." I said to her as I walked away. I didn't ever want to think of Justin with someone else.

"Is your ‘friend' Justin Timberlake coming to graduation?" she asked, throwing up quotations around friend.

"No." I answered with disappointment. "He is in Los Angeles."

"Bummer."

It was Graduation day. I spent four hours rehearsing yesterday on how to walk on the damn stage to receive a piece of paper. I was irritated because I spend the next twelve hours at the hospital running my ass off. Time wasted if you ask me.

The air in the house is so thick I can slice it with a plastic butter knife without any force. I think my prayers were answered though. My parents were not speaking me. Thank the Lord above. I have been avoided and left out of conversations that I should have been in all week. Life was looking up for me. My sister and brother were coming in for graduation however I have yet to hear from them either. This might be the best graduation present ever. Silence.

I was dressed and ready to go only problem was the one person I wanted there wasn't going to be there.  I haven't seen Justin in a couple days and I probably won't see him for a while. He was in Los Angeles working on promotion for his new album. I suck up my ego and get in the car with the rest of my wonderful, loving family.

The car ride there was quiet most of the way. Of course Charlotte has to make the first sarcastic comment. "Arabella. It's nice to finally see you."

"I can't believe you flew in just for graduation."

"Your graduating Medical School of course I was coming. Even with all the irresponsible choices you have made lately."

"Charlotte." I squeeze my eyes closed tightly. "Thank you for coming but please leave those comments to yourself."

"I'm sorry but someone needs to tell you the choices you have been making lately are not practical nor are they smart on your part."

"Charlotte. Seriously. Stop." I said with force, flying my hands around as I do often.

She rolls her eyes are me. "Whatever, Arabella."

                I was annoyed. I knew what she was thinking. I knew every single decision I have made in the last couple weeks... I know I really do.

"Dreams and possibilities are reality." I began to speak. Public speaking was never one of my greatest achievements. "Dreams come true. Everyone in this room had a dream one time or another of becoming a doctor. Well today your dream becomes a reality. You walked in this room as a Medical School graduate and you walk out of this room as a doctor. What an achievement to have. .."

I was a fraud. I was standing in front of all these people saying all these things, but none of it was what I wanted. None of it was the truth. I believed not a single word I was saying. Some speaker I was.

"Take life by the horns and pull it in whatever direction you want. You have control of your destiny."

I was a bold face liar.

I stepped off that platform wanting to cry. Take life by the horns... you have control of your destiny. Liar. I had no control. I was a Kinsey and I had no power.

"Ladies and gentleman..." the dean announces, "I present you to the class of 2011."

Everyone cheered and tossed their hats, while I stood there. Sad. I was not overjoyed by this occasion at all. I was in a daze. I could see everyone around me a blur.

I walked out of that room and out into the fresh air.

Whew. I couldn't catch my breath. I was hyperventilating. My perfectly matched clutch in my hand was vibrating. I had a missed call. And one voicemail.

Justin.

A huge smile started across my face. I wanted to hear his voice.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there to share this with you... I miss you every day. I know that you..." he breaks up. It sounded like he was crying on the other end which makes me instantly flood with tears. "I know that the best choice for us to keep our distance from each other. I have an empty space... in my heart that will always belong to you. I know that we both have been fighting this choice for so long but it's time we both face the reality that is upon us. I never want to lose you in my life... ever... but at this moment in time I can't see you and not want to hold you in my arms. I can't talk to you without wanting to tell you I love you... Bells take your own words and hold them next to your heart. Take life by the horns and pull it in whatever direction you want. You have control of your destiny."

How did he know that... how would he know what was in my speech. No one had seen that speech, no one at all. I finished it this morning. I quickly turn to look around. Looking every direction. I dropped to my knees sobbing.  He showed up. He had been in that very room when I gave that speech. He now knew how much of a bold face liar I was. He said... I love you. He said it with so much emotion behind it. How can I walk away from that? How can I not run into his arms?

The crowds start to filter out of the venue and fill the once empty sidewalks. I can't move. My legs feel like stones and are too heavy to pick up.

"Arabella, what's wrong? You should be happy..." Lamar says.

"I... I..."

"What's going on with you?"

"You wouldn't understand, you're a Kinsey." I said with emphasis on the name.

"Last time I check I was a Kinsey but I was also just your brother." He sits down next to me.

"I fell in love. I fell in love with the most amazing man on the planet... but I am going to marry a man that I want to hurl just thinking about. I'm a doctor but I don't want to be a doctor." I vented.

"What do you mean you don't want to be a doctor?" he intermittent.

"That's all this family thinks about... being a doctor... ugh I know I'm a Kinsey but I don't want to be a doctor. That's not what I wanted out of life." I began to vent loudly.

"Arabella... I think too much is happening and you're scared that's normal..."

"The only thing I'm scared of, is giving up the love of my life. I will be a doctor for the next forty years if I could marry who I wanted to. I would go to work unhappy for the rest of my life if I could simply have the love of my life next to me when I got home."

"I know that our marriages are not ‘normal' but you will learn to love him."

"I don't think I will. I don't think I will ever be that person. That's not who I am."

"Did you know that I fell in love before I got married? I thought I was hopelessly in love and I chose to marry Erin instead. I love her more every day."

"You should have been in love with her the day you married her and the love grow stronger everyday your married."

"You know this is how our family works. So..."

I interrupt him, "So I should just suck it up and do as they say right?"

Just as the words flow out of my mouth the entire family is standing next to me.

"Were ready to go to dinner if you are Arabella?" My father asks.

"Sure let's go, and get this all over with."

I was heartbroken and shattered. Nowhere near a place I should be on the day I graduate and become a Doctor. The ride to the restaurant was quiet until my father feels the need to speak.

"Arabella, you should be wearing your engagement ring. I know you think it's big and tacky or whatever your thoughts are on it today. But you are an engaged woman. You should be wearing it... then maybe that California boy would leave you alone."

"That California boy is a man from Tennessee but please leave Justin out of this. And I will wear the ring when I feel I have to."

"Does he know have any respect for a woman that is engaged to be married?"

"Dad. Stop." He looked at me with the strangest look. I'm usually not blunt with him. "I thought this was supposed to be a happy day. Drop it."

My father's favorite restaurant had closed for the night so my graduation celebrations could be there. I wanted the day to be over and I wanted to be in my bed so I could cry alone. I held my phone in my hand the entire night, hoping, praying that he would change his mind and call me again. Instead I got to spend the evening with everyone I dreaded seeing in the world.

My family doesn't understand what it feels like to actually be in love. They don't understand what it's like to not have the passion for medicine they way they do.