"Danielle?"

"My best friend in Kindergarten's name was Danielle."

"Lorraine?"

"My cousins name is Lorraine. What about Morgan?"

"I dated a Morgan once. Bad experience."

"Sienna..."

"I would name my dog Sienna."

"Okay...oh I know, Kylie."

"I guess that could work."

"That sounds really reassuring."

"Gretchen!"

"That's a joke right?"

"No...what's wrong with Gretchen?"

"It's not 1940. This kid is going to have to live with this name forever...I have to pee."

"Again? Marissa we stopped less then an hour ago..."

"That means nothing to me Justin. I'm 8 and a half months pregnant, you're lucky I'm not asking to pee every 15 minutes."

"We're never going to make it to Tennessee tonight if we keep stopping."

"Fine...do you have a cup then? That way we don't have to stop."

"You wouldn't."

"I totally would, but I might spill some pee in your precious Audi so you might want to pull over at a gas station or something so that I can pee."

"You're lucky I love you."

"You're lucky I love you...we've been driving for close to 10 hours, I'm shocked I haven't attempted murder at least once."

"It's not my fault we had to drive..."

"Oh well excuse me for being pregnant and not allowed to fly. You did this to me, so don't blame it all on me. Your parents could have come to our place but you just had to go back home..."

"I promised I'd go home for Christmas. My family wants to meet you, and you know my Granny can't fly."

"And that's fine. I agreed to drive, but you can't complain every time I have to pee."

I pulled off the highway and stopped at the first fast food place I could find. Putting the car in park I watched her hobble as fast as she could into the building to go to the bathroom for what seemed like the millionth time since we left the house. I had a funny feeling the doctor wasn't going to let her fly so close to her due date, but I did promise I'd go home for the holidays this year and I wasn't about to back out of it. I wanted my family to meet Marissa, and I wanted Marissa to meet them too. I especially wanted her to meet Katie and just see where I grew up and how different it was from her childhood. I knew she didn't really want to sit in a car for so long, but she knew how much it meant to me and agreed to it anyway. She's been beyond uncomfortable lately which in turn has made her be unbearably cranky and bitchy but I would never say that to her face. I tried to keep her occupied by discussing baby names, which has been a total failure. We can't agree on anything, boy or girl, one of us has a problem with each name the other throws on the table. Our baby is going to be baby A if we don't decided soon though. Everything else was done though, the baby's room in both Boston, and our new house in LA that we bought a few weeks ago. We went to classes to prepare for childbirth, something that I'm really excited about and Marissa has asked to be tranquilized during it more then once, and all the baby books have been read. We're as ready as can be but I'm sure once the baby is born all of the stuff we learned will go out the window and we'll be working on a whim.

She threw herself back in the car and closed the door, taking a minute to catch her breath. Walking has become a major feat to take on lately. She was so ready to have this baby and I felt awful that I couldn't do anything to help her finish out the pregnancy, I did however hand out daily foot and back rubs and wait on her hand and foot even when she'd request something so disgusting it would make me want to hurl. The other day she asked for pickles dipped in caramel sauce, and I had to hold my nose and look away as I walked it over to her. People keep saying I'm lucky though because she has yet to send me out on a run for something ridiculous at 3am.

"Ready?"

"As ready as I'm going to be. I'll try and hold my pee longer next time."

"It's okay I don't want you peeing your pants."

"Are we almost there?"

"Why don't you try and take a nap?"

"So that would be a no...how much further?"

"Ris we're just about half way there."

"UGH! What happens if I go into labor on the way?"

"You're not going to go into labor, the doctor said you have at least another 2-3 weeks. Push your seat back and close your eyes, if you fall asleep the time will go by a whole lot faster."

11 hours, 15 bathroom breaks, and a million and one names later we finally pulled up to my parent's house. The dogs were sleeping in the backseat just like they were for most of the trip, and Marissa was sleeping next to me. She had just fallen asleep about 15 minutes earlier and it was going to kill me to wake her up, but she should be sleeping in a bed not in the seat of a car. I let the dogs out of the car and they ran to the backyard while I took our luggage inside. Once everything was settled in there and I let my parents know that we were here so that when they woke up they weren't shocked to see two extra people I went back out to get her.

"Ris..." I whispered while unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Hmm..."

"We're here. Come on lets get you to bed." I threw her arm around my neck and scooped her up. It was getting harder and harder to carry her, but I was happy that I still could even if I was walking 10 times slower. Her head fell onto my shoulder and she wrapped her other arm around my neck. I kicked the door of my childhood bedroom open and put her down on the bed, physically unwrapping her arms from around my neck. After pulling her shoes off and putting a blanket over her, I kissed her forehead and walked downstairs and outside leashing up the dogs and walking to the lake. It was 2:00 in the morning and the dogs were a ball of energy from sleeping practically the whole way here. I unleashed them and they ran into the water while I laid back on a rock. It was cold, but not nearly as cold as it normally is around Christmas time.

"Do you normally let your dogs run wild at 2 in the morning?" I opened my eyes when I heard Katie's voice.

"When they're in the car for close to 24 hours I do." I said standing up and giving her a hug, "What are you doing up?"

"I heard you pull in the driveway...well more like I heard the dogs haul ass into the backyard. Did you bring her this time?" I nodded my head sitting back down. "So you worked everything out I'm assuming?"

"You assume correctly."

"Have a kid yet?"

"In a couple of weeks. This will be the last time I'm here without a kid of my own, kind of weird."

"You scared?"

"I am now. Before I was just really excited, but now I'm kind of nervous. I was fine until we read all the books and went to all the classes, but now it's like...I don't know, it's real."

"You'll do fine I'm sure. Once the baby is here, you'll probably forget what it was like before it was."

"That's just it though Kate...everything's changing, and I'm not sure if I want it to."

"That's life J. Think back to 5 years ago, is there anything that's the same?"

"No, which is part of the problem. 5 years from now, I want things to be the same. I don't know if I'm capable of being the person I need to be after this baby is born. Lets face it, I'm a pretty selfish person so now not only do I have to focus on keeping my relationship running smoothly, but I'm also going to have to focus on keeping my kid alive. The record company is going to be pounding me to put out another record, and I'm going to have to split my time between all of this. I don't know if it's actually possible."

"You know that it's possible, it's just a matter of if you can give up your Justin time and be an active member of your family."

"When you put it that way I sound like an asshole."

"Well you can be an asshole sometimes. Have you talked to your girlfriend about this?"

"Hell no," I said with a laugh, "I told her everything was going to be perfect and not to worry. She's nervous and scared enough as it is, if I told her I was too she might jump off a bridge. Not to mention she's kind of on a high right now, she just graduated with honors, and she sold a song to Christina that's going to be on her next album, and she's finally getting excited about the baby and I don't want to bring her down."

"Look J, you know what the problem is and it's really not a hard one to solve. For once in your life you're going to have to think about someone else but yourself. I have faith that you can do this, and I'd almost bet my life that in five years you'll still be with Marissa, and your kid is going to be the coolest kid around. Your music and your career has to come second now, and once that baby is born you'll realize that."

"You're talkin' like this has all happened to you before."

"No...but..."

"But what?" I asked taking my eyes off the dogs and looking at her."

"We've...we've been trying. Some people would kill to be in your position Justin."

"You and Dave..."

"Yeah," she said looking down at her wedding band, "but you know how it goes sometimes. We've had a few miscarriages."

"Kate I'm so sorry I didn't know."

"No worries. I'm just saying, think about how lucky you are and how becoming unselfish probably wouldn't be such a bad thing."

"I didn't know you guys were trying. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You weren't really around, and after the first miscarriage we didn't really tell anyone."

"You could have called me Kate..."

"I did, but you were on tour and you couldn't really talk so I didn't have a chance to."

"Katie..."

"It's fine J...it's not a big deal," she interrupted.

"It is a big deal, and I should have been there for you it was really selfish of me."

"You were there when I needed you when my parents...well you know. You were working, I understand don't make it into something that it's not. I'm just trying to get you to see that what you have going on is pretty amazing, and to give up a little piece of yourself for something so great shouldn't be that hard to do."

"Kate after your parents died I told you I'd be there for you anytime no matter what and I wasn't so it is a big deal."

"Fine, I accept your apology now lets move on. Things are going to change after that baby is born, and it's going to take a lot of work to make everything run smoothly. But you love Marissa and she loves you, and you both love that baby and that's all that matters. As long as there's love you can get through anything."

"You're an awesome friend Katers. I don't know how I got so lucky," I said putting her hand in mine, "and one day you're going to have a baby and you'll be the best Mom around."

"We'll see about that, but until then lets focus on you being the best Dad around."

"Will you come visit when the baby is born?"

"Of course...I wouldn't miss seeing your spawn for the world."

I whistled for the dogs and they came running, shaking water off of them before walking up to Katie, "Let's get you to bed, you're going to need your rest if you're going to meet Marissa tomorrow. She's in rare form lately." I wrapped my arm around her neck and we walked back to her house. She had grown up in that house and when she got married I think it was harder for her to actually leave the house then it was to start a life with her new husband. There were so many memories she was leaving behind. Half of my childhood memories took place in this house so I can only imagine how many of hers did. Then her parents were killed in a car accident two years ago and they left the house to her. As much as she wanted to sell it because the memories were now too painful to remember, she just couldn't do it so she and her husband moved in. "What's it like living here now?" I asked just as we got to the doorstep.

"Depends on the day. Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all, especially when I'm busy or preoccupied with something, but other days it's harder then I ever imagined it would be. Little things spark memories, like the other day I tripped on that little ledge going from the dining room to the hallway and I remembered when we were kids and you broke your arm doing the same thing and my Mom wrapped it up sitting on the hallway floor before we took you to the ER. I think I sat on that floor and cried for a good two hours before I could compose myself."

"Do you think you'll ever move?"

"I honestly don't think I could sell this house. It's the only thing I have left of my parents."

"I love you Katers...and I mean it this time, whenever you need me I'm here. Just make sure you bitch me out if I'm being an asshole okay?"

"Deal," she said pulling me into a hug, "I'm going back to bed, thanks for waking me up."

"Always a pleasure." I watched her walk into the house and turn the porch light off, before I walked the 100 feet to the house next door. I wondered if my kid would grow up with a friend like Katie, or even be able to live a normal life. If I could hope for one thing for my child it would be that it's able to do the things I use to do as a kid without being hounded, like sit at the lake and ride it's bike to the general store. Things have changed since then, and things will change even more by the time my kid gets to be old enough to actually do those things, but the one thing that will never change is the love that I have for my girlfriend and child. A love that I learned how to do growing up in Tennessee. I kissed her forehead before curling up behind her placing my hand on her round stomach. We're a family that loves each other, and that's all that matters.

***

"...and Trace's house was down that street. Mama use to flip out because I'd have to cross a main road to get to his house, even though there were never more then 5 cars on the road at a time. But Mrs. Ayala she was even worse because she wouldn't let Trace cross the street alone, she probably thought people driving wouldn't be able to see the little gnome and hit him so I always had to go to his house first and then we'd walk to the lake."

"I always said I'd never be able to live in the country, but now that I'm here and get to see how you grew up...I kind of wish I did."

"And now that I live in the city I have no idea how I lasted here for so long."

"Do you ever think you'd want to move back?"

"I don't know," I said stepping down off a rock and holding my hand out to help her off, "when I come and sit at this lake I always say that I will, but then when I realize it's a ghost town I take it back." I watched her sit in front of the rock that I always leaned against and fold her hands over her stomach.

"It's so peaceful..."

"After a while it kind of makes you crazy though...can I tell you something without you flipping out?"

"I don't even know if it's possible for me to freak out here. If you told me you murdered someone I probably wouldn't even care."

"Good..." I sat down next to her and she put her head on my shoulder. "I'm kind of scared about the baby...and the future," I said holding my breath and looking out to the water.

"Did you think I didn't know that?" I turned my head to look at her with questioning eyes. "Come on babe, I know you, you've been closed off and distant the past few weeks and any mention of the baby you clam up. You've turned into me! And to be honest I think I'd be more nervous if you weren't scared. A lot is going to change and it's going to be a big adjustment, but I think we'll figure it out."

"Why didn't you say anything if you knew how I felt?" I asked still shocked that she could read me so well.

"Because I knew you'd tell me eventually...can I give you your Christmas present now?" she asked changing the subject.

"Christmas isn't until tomorrow baby..."

"I know," she said attempting to stand up. I pushed myself off the ground and helped her pulling her as close to me as her belly would allow, "but I want to give you your stuff without other people around."

"Okay then lets go back to the house," I said closing my eyes and placing my lips on hers. I still to this day get butterflies when our lips touch. The whole way back we talked about our fears and what we hoped for in the future. I can't say that after our talk I wasn't scared anymore, because I was, but knowing that she was okay with me being scared made some of my fears subside.

***

"Okay now there are three parts to your gift, open this one first," she said with a huge smile handing me a large box. I'm not going to lie, I'm still a 5 year old when it comes to presents, I get giddy and excited and then I'm usually let down because it's really hard to buy for someone like me. I ripped the paper off as fast as I could and took the lid off the box holding up a 20x24 frame with a picture I hadn't seen in probably 20 years. I was no more then six years old at the lake with Trace and Katie skipping rocks. Katie was on my back and Trace was standing on top of a rock. You couldn't see our faces so to anyone else this picture would probably mean nothing but to me it meant everything. This picture was my childhood, I use to have it hanging in my room, and one day I realized that it was gone. I searched and searched my entire room but it was nowhere to be found. "I remember you telling me about this picture a while ago, and the other day when you went fishing with your Dad I asked your Mom if we could look for it. We spent hours trying to find it but we came up empty handed. That same day Katie invited me over for lunch and when she was showing me around I saw it in a frame on her mantle. I guess she stole it from you when you were like 10 and you never noticed. So I blew it up for you, which was hard to do because you never leave me alone!" she laughed.

"Marissa, I can't thank you enough. This picture means so much to me...thank you, thank you, thank you," I reached across and kissed her. After a few minutes she put her hand on my chest and pushed me away.

"Calm down killa, there's more," she said handing me another box wrapped up. I opened it to find a notebook labeled June 15, 2004 - May 1, 2008 just like all the rest of her notebooks with her songs were labeled. I opened it up and flipped through the pages quickly looking up at her confused. "I told you that I gave you all my notebooks to look at, but I lied. I stopped writing after the whole Brandon Victor thing. I wrote maybe three or four songs between the time it happened and the time I met you. When you asked to see my notebooks I took that one out for two reasons. The first reason was because I wasn't sure I wanted to relive how I was feeling again, and the second reason was because after I met you I started writing again and all of those songs are in that notebook. I always tell you that I can't find the words to say how I feel...well they're all in there. At the time we were just getting back to normal and I didn't want to scare you away so I kept if from you, but I think that now not only do you deserve to know exactly how I feel, but I want you to realize how much you've changed my life Justin. Those first few songs...it was the lowest point in my life, and every song after that was from the highest point in my life. You did that."

"I think you might possibly be the best gift giver alive. I also think you're trying to make me cry, and it's working. It's taking a lot to hold these suckers in. And I give you my word that I won't try and shop these songs around."

"The songs are yours now J. If you want to shop them around you can. I'm in a really great place in my life right now and I can handle all the emotions that come along with those songs, and I know how excited you get when you hear one of my songs recorded so they're yours to do what you wish with...and one last thing." I looked at her waiting for her to pull something out from behind her back or something but she was just sitting there smiling.

"I'm officially confused," I said after a few minutes. She got up off the bed and sat on the floor next to me putting her hands in mine. In a way I was kind of nervous and didn't know what to expect.

"The day I met you was like an emotional rollercoaster. I was happy, I was sad, I was scared, and I was excited, I was every single emotion there is. I sat and talked to you for hours and whether I knew it then or not, that was the day I fell in love with you.  I remember you practically begging me to give you a chance, and in my head I was thinking that you were a psychopath. I remember that day like it was yesterday, and it's really hard for me to believe that it's been a year and a half since then and we're about to have a baby and be a family. I was yelling at you because I thought you were trying to play me and you were yelling at me to let you prove me wrong, and I was crying as usual, and you said to me that you just wanted me to be happy. I remember thinking to my self moments before you said that how confused and unhappy I was, but I tried to make you believe that I already was happy. J I can still feel you putting your hands on my face and wiping away my tears and telling me that they told you that I wasn't happy. I can still feel the chill that went down my spine the moment I felt your touch, and it was at that moment that I threw every reservation I had about you, and about us out the window. Anyway the point is that this smile," she stopped talking and struck a pose causing both of us to laugh, "this smile is your Christmas present. No more tears, no more sadness, it's all out the window. I'm happy Justin, truly happy thanks to you. So yeah...Merry Christmas," she said blinking back tears knowing that she was totally contradicting herself.

"I thought you said no more tears," I said wiping them off of her cheeks.

"These...are happy tears, so they don't count!"

"I love you Marissa, and that smile is the best Christmas present I've ever received in my entire life. Thank you."

"Your welcome. I know it's really nothing big or anything but I didn't know what to get you because you have everything any normal person could ever want."

"They're perfect. You are perfect."

"I love you...but can we go eat because if I sit here any longer I'm just going to keep crying and the baby is really really really hungry."

"Of course, the food does smell pretty delicious." We walked into the dining room to see our entire family sitting at the table along with Trace, Amy, Katie and Dave. We took our respective seats just as my mother put the last of the dishes filled with food on the table. In typical family dinner fashion we all went around the table saying what we were thankful for. We made our way around the table and when it got to Marissa she went silent for a moment before she started.

"There is so much for me to be thankful for tonight. I'm thankful to be alive and to have graduated college. I'm thankful that I'll be living out my dreams in California in a few short months, and I'm thankful to be here with all of you...my family. I've dreamed of this since I was a little girl, to be sitting at a dining room table surrounded by people that I love and that love me back. You guys are my family and I'm so thankful to all of you for accepting me into it. Last but not least I'm thankful for Justin," she squeezed my hand and looked up at me while continuing, "you saved my life, and somehow managed to get me to where I am today. I don't know where I'd be right now if you weren't stupid enough to pull some random girl in the audience at one of your shows backstage. You've showed me how to love, and what true happiness really is, and you've given me the greatest gift anyone could ever ask for...this baby." I couldn't help but lean down and kiss her before I started.

"I'd be sitting here all day if I listed out everything I was thankful for, and I know we're all hungry so I'm not going to do that. So just know that I'm thankful for every person sitting at this table. For everything that you have ever done to get me to where I am today. For the first time in a long time I feel content with my life and feel like this is where I belong. So thank you to my family that has supported me since I was born, to the two best friends that anyone could ever ask for, and to the love of my life that has taught me so much in such a short period of time. I cannot wait to start a new chapter of my life with my child and with all of you." With that we said grace and ate, and ate, and ate until we were about to explode.

Christmas came and went in the blink of an eye. I don't think I've had that much fun at a family gathering in my life. We took out old pictures and laughed for hours about them, and everyone decided to chime in on how they thought I'd react to the baby. Most of the gifts Ris and I received were for the baby, which was great because we had furnished the baby's rooms but hadn't even gone out, and purchased any clothes or anything. We talked a lot about baby names, and have still yet to agree on any, and Marissa talked to my mother in too much detail for my liking about childbirth. She managed to meet my entire family including my father, stepmother and brothers and fit in with everyone. After a few days it was like she'd been a member of our family forever. Most importantly though, this trip really gave us time to just be together without the paparazzi or anyone else around us. We'd sit up at night and talk for hours, and just be together. It was almost like the last hurrah before everything went out of control again.

We were packing up to leave after our two-week trip, and Marissa had just taken the dogs out for a walk when my mother came into my room and sat down on my bed as I was putting clothes into my suite case. She didn't say anything at first just started helping me pack up and then almost out of nowhere she pulled a baby blanket from behind her back and just started crying. I sat down next to her and put my head on her shoulder just like I use to do when I was a kid and I knew she was upset.

"I took you home from the hospital in this blanket 27 years ago...and now my baby is having a baby..."

"Mama don't cry, I'll always be your baby. I still act like it half the time."

"I know Justin, I know. I'm just...I'm very proud of you. It took you a while but you've finally found the right girl for you and you never settled and now something so amazing is going to happen to you. I've always been proud of you, you know that but this is different. This is so much more then your first record deal and even your first Grammy. This is life changing, this is a time in your life that your whole world is going to change for the better. You don't understand that yet, and you won't until that baby is born but I'm just so happy that you get to experience the joy that I experienced when I had you. You've managed to give me the daughter I never had and a grandchild that I've always wanted, and I love you so much."

"I love you too Mama. You taught be everything I know and I'm so blessed to have had you raise me. I know that I'm going to be a good father and that's all thanks to you."

"I want you to take this," she said sniffling and putting the blanket in my hand, "I want you to bring your baby home in this." I didn't say anything, just threw my arms around her neck and sat there for a few minutes. "Call me the minute she goes into labor okay? We'll get on a plane as fast as we can."

"I don't know why you won't just come and stay with us until she has the baby."

"I already told you Justin. It's important that you guys get to have these last few days as a couple without any interruptions. We'll make it before the baby is born I promise." Just then the dogs came barging in the room and I looked up to see Marissa wobbling in behind them. She sat down next to me taking a deep breath before looking at us. The minute she saw my mothers tear stained cheeks she stood up.

"Oh God I'm sorry did I interrupt?"

"No, not at all sweetie. You two better get on the road before the snow starts. I don't want you driving in a blizzard." We gathered our things and headed out to the car. My mother wrapped Marissa up in a hug for the millionth time before coming over to me and kissing me a thousand times. "Don't forget to call the minute she goes into labor."

"I won't Mama, I promise." I gave her one last kiss and turned to walk into the car, "and Justin."

"MmmmmHmmmm," I said now beginning to get annoyed.

"I want you to marry that girl." I was caught off guard a little bit and my eyes popped out of my head. Those words have never come out of my mother's mouth, and said like an order rather then a statement.

"Don't you worry about that, I'm sure at some point I will."