Hangovers should be murdered. Or maybe I shouldn't have thrown back those last five shots of tequila last night. Luckily we're kid less for the time being because judging by the fact that Marissa is curled up in a ball underneath the sheets to block the small light coming in the room from behind the shades, and groaning because she knows I'm awake, she's feeling about the same way I do right now. I opened my eyes quickly and I was still seeing double, it felt like my body was lying down but my head was off at a concert or something down the street. After catching a glance at the clock I closed them again and joined Marissa under the covers, it was 6am and we were still on baby time.

"I'm not getting up," a muffled voice said from inside a pillow.

"Neither am I, it's only 6," I replied wrapping my arm around her.

"I can't fall back to sleep but if I open my eyes I might die."

"Don't do it!" I said quickly, "Whatever you do, don't open your eyes." I heard her let out a laugh and she turned around putting her head on my pillow.

"You made me break my rules last night Timberlake."

"Who me? What did I do?"

"I made it clear that I don't sleep with someone on the first date. But you went and got me drunk and took advantage of me."

"I did not take advantage of you, you were ready and totally willing for everything that happened last night. In fact, if I remember correctly, I do believe you took advantage of me."

"Damn...I was hoping you were too drunk to remember," she said laughing and rubbing her nose against mine. "Why are we even up right now? This is the one day we can sleep in."

"Because we're on Brayden time. And even though we've only been sleeping for a little over an hour we're just use to being up by now."

"What time is breakfast?"

"8:15 I think. Maybe we could skip it and just lay around until we have to check out."

"You know that Trace and Amy would kill us."

"I know...I probably shouldn't have had those last few shots last night."

"Mmmm...I don't know if packing is in store for me today. Can you believe we leave in two weeks?"

"I feel like since Bray was born everything has flown by. Are you ready to go though?"

"Beyond ready. I've been ready for close to 23 years."

"Good," I said kissing her blindly. After a few minutes of silence she took a deep breath and threw the covers off of us. I had forgotten that we were even completely under them until I could feel the light coming into the room.

"I have to tell you something," she said sitting up. I opened my eyes and saw her back against the pillows, her thumbs twirling, and the sheets pulled over her bare chest, "I probably should have told you this before..."

"Uh oh," I sat up next to her trying to get my eyes adjusted to the light enough to actually open them fully, "Is it something bad?"

"No...Well I don't know how you're going to feel about this."

"Okay tell me quick, rip it off like a band aid," I said preparing myself for the worst.

"I don't want to get a job when we move..."

"That's it? Jesus I thought you were going to break up with me or something. You know that's not a problem Ris, I said from the beginning that you don't have to work," I said letting out the breath that I didn't realize I was holding in.

"Well that's not all...I just...I don't want Brayden to be raised by a nanny and I know you're going to be going back to work and you won't be around as much so I want to stay home with him as much as possible. And..." she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, and if I know her well enough she was trying to convince herself that what she was about to say is true, "And I want to write."

"You do? Baby that's great! You know how I feel about that, I think that you're an amazing songwriter and I just know you'll be really successful. Why did you think I'd be mad about that?"

"I don't know. I guess just listening to you talk about the industry and how you wouldn't want anyone to go through what you've had to go through. And I didn't know how you'd feel about both of us being in the industry, and the effects of that on Bray."

"The music industry is brutal, I'm not going to lie to you, but I know you and you are the strongest person I've ever met in my life and you would never let people walk all over you. You're passionate about everything you do and I know that you'll stand up for yourself and for your work. And the most important thing that I know about you is that you love me almost as much as you love your son and you would never let anything come between that. So as long as you're doing what you love to do and what makes you happy and you can stand up for what you believe in, I think you'll do great babe. I support you 150% and I'll tell you what my mother told me, have fun...the minute you're not having fun anymore is the day that you move on to something else."

"So after every bad thing that's happened to you in this industry you're still having fun?"

"It sounds crazy, but yes. You'll understand it the second you hear your song on the radio, or see it performed live. It's like a rush that can't really be described."

"But you're okay with me doing this? What about Brayden?"

"What about Brayden? You're his mother; he'll love you no matter what."

"You think he'll be okay? They won't be harder on him or treat him differently?"

"I think he'll be perfectly fine. And he'll be so proud of his Mama. I'm so happy you chose to do this Ris, you really are talented. I know that it might be hard to let the whole world hear your emotions and your hurt and pain sometimes, but believe me it's worth it when you hear how much it's helped people or effected them."

"I'm excited about LA...I'm excited about starting over."

"Me too...I'm not really sure how we had this conversation being so hung over.

"Me either, but I'm glad we did. How much time till breakfast?"

"An hour," I said looking at the clock.

"Just enough time to take advantage of you again..."

*** 

Whoever told us to move after we had the baby should be shot. Packing up, getting organized and arranging travel/accommodations while taking care of a baby and trying to at least talk to each other once a day was like the ultimate challenge that's ever been placed upon me. I could have hired someone to do this for us, I SHOULD have hired someone to do this for us, but how lazy would that make me? We've had Trace and Amy helping us after they came back from their honeymoon, and the last two days my mother has been here watching Brayden for most of the day, but I still don't think we'll be ready to hit the road by tomorrow morning. It's crazy how much stuff has accumulated here, and we're not even taking half of it with us.

One minute Marissa is thrilled and the next minute she's flipping out because she's leaving the only place she's ever known. She officially stopped working after only a month back last week, and it was really hard for her to say goodbye to the people she's worked with for years. They threw her a going away party and for the first time she actually said yes to doing an interview on air for the station. She asked me if I thought it was a good idea and I said yes, it would be good practice because she'll be doing a lot of those once her song writing career takes off. We held a little listening party and for the first time I understood what my parents felt like the first time they heard me do an interview on the radio. I was proud of her, she was sticking to her guns and not talking about certain things even though they poked and prodded, and her interview gave the station some really good ratings.

Today was the craziest day of all and half the time I felt like I was running in circles. The moving trucks were coming to pick up the stuff and we were running around the house labeling everything with post-its. Blue if it was going and red if it was staying. Brayden has been screaming all day and nothing we do will get him to stop, and Amy has already had several crying fits in the middle of all of this. I was in the bedroom attempting to pack the rest of my clothes that I was taking with me, and Marissa was in Brayden's room trying to get him to calm down enough to take a nap when the doorbell rang. It had to be the movers, I looked at my watch, they were three hours early.

"Justin! Can you get the door, I'm kind of tied up here," I heard Marissa yell aggravated.

"I'm coming, give me a second!" I started throwing piles of clothes around trying to find a pair of shorts so that I wasn't opening the door in a pair of boxers. Obviously I couldn't find one pair of shorts or pants for that matter, and a few minutes later the doorbell rang again.

"JUSTIN! Seriously, he's just starting to calm down, get the damn door!"

"I'm fucking coming! I'm trying to find pants Jesus!" Both of us wanted to kill each other, and we've been at each others throats all day. The stress of doing this alone is one thing, but doing it together with a baby on top of that made things spiral out of control fairly quickly. I finally found a pair of shorts, and I threw them on as I was running down the stairs. I saw Trace sitting on the couch playing a video game, typical, "Thanks for getting the door asshole, you look really busy over there," he gave me the finger and continued playing his game. I picked one of Brayden's toys up off the floor on my way to the door and flung it open expecting to see a few movers standing behind it, but I was met with the last person on earth I'd ever want to see. "Oh Jesus fucking Christ," I said throwing my hands up in defeat, "What have I fucking done to deserve this day? You have some fucking balls to be showing up at our door like this."

"I heard you were moving..."

"Word must travel fast in the slammer...do they let you watch E! News or something?" I asked trying to stay calm so that Marissa wouldn't come out here. I walked outside leaving the door cracked just a little bit knowing that I couldn't handle this in the house. "What the fuck are you doing here? I thought we already got rid of you."

"He knows that you're moving, and he knows where you're moving to. You saw what he could do...he's not going to stop."

"Look I don't need some piece of scum to tell me how to protect my family okay...it's under control."

"Just like it was under control before right? Don't you get he's trying to kill her? Then his next stop is you."

"You do realize that I could call the police right now and your ass would be back in jail because you're violating a restraining order right?"

"I do know that, but it's a risk I'm willing to take because I don't want to see her dead!"

"I said it's under control; now get off my property before I..."

"I want to tell her myself," he interrupted me. This crazy mother fucker is out of his damn mind.

"You are a sick fuck if you think I'm going to let you anywhere near her." I heard Brayden start crying, and it was getting closer as the seconds past. Brandon looked up at me with shock in his eyes. Apparently he had no idea that we had had a baby. I guess some news gets by you when you're locked up. I closed my eyes and prayed that she would just walk by the door and not bother to see who I was out here with. I heard his cries reach the door and then pass it. I let out the breath I was holding in and looked at him, letting him know with my eyes that if he does anything to draw attention I'd murder him.

"Where's Justin?" I faintly heard her say over the screams of my son.

"I don't know, I'm not his keeper. He's probably still outside." Fuck you Trace...Fuck you.

"You're really doing a great job helping Trace, thanks..." I heard her coming closer to the door and I slipped inside closing it behind me, hoping and praying as hard as I could that when I opened the door again he'd be gone. "Oh hey there you are," she said, "who was at the door?"

"Uhh, just...the movers," I replied cracking my knuckles. She looked down at my hands knowing that I only do that when I'm nervous or lying.

"Okay, well I'll tell them all the stuff in the baby's room is ready..."

"NO," I said backing up into the door and putting my hand on the knob, "they already know. They're early they were just making sure they had the right house."

"Well if we have stuff ready why don't they just take it now," she said reaching around me and grabbing the door knob.

"Because..."

"Move Justin I'm calling them back..."

"No, go finish packing."

"Don't tell me what to do I'm a grown woman."

"Marissa go finish packing," I said louder and Brayden started crying again.

"Great, now look what you did. MOVE!"

"Maris..."

"MOVE JUSTIN!" she yelled catching me off guard and pushing me away. I watched her hand twist the door knob in slow motion, and my first instinct was the push her away. Sure it would hurt her, but it would hurt her much less then what's behind that door. Brayden's crying made me stop though and there was nothing left that I could do. It was a volcano waiting to erupt and once she saw his face that was exactly what was going to happen. I watched her jaw fall to the floor and her face turn beat red. She wrapped both of her arms around Brayden moving him off of her hip and onto her shoulder, clearly he didn't leave. I took a step forward to see him still standing there, I looked at Marissa and in her eyes there was not anger or fear. There was just hurt. I hurt her again. I lied to her, and tried to hide something from her, and hurt her even though I promised I never would.

"Baby I..."

"He better be a mover Justin. Tell me that he's the mover," she said not taking her eyes off of him.

"Ris..."

"TELL ME HE'S THE FUCKING MOVER!" She was screaming, her eyes glaring into mine. I could see a film of tears forming and she let them fall when Brayden's cries got louder. I took a step forward, and she took a step back. It hurt, but I deserved it. I reached for the baby knowing that she was in no state to be holding him but she pulled him away from me. "So what? Are you two like best friends now?"

"I can explain..."

"How could you do this to me?"

"He just showed up Marissa, I'm not doing anything to you."

"You expect me to believe that? You just lied to me about the movers and now you want me to just believe that he just suddenly showed up at our doorstep the day before we move? I can't believe you."

"I swear to God he just showed up and I was trying to kick him out, tell her," I said looking at him.

"And you think I'm going to believe him?" she asked, "You really think he's going to help your case? If he just showed up why didn't you call the cops? Last time I checked we had a restraining order against him, or did you get that lifted so you two could bond?"

"Baby please just look at me," I said reaching out to her and she slapped my hands away, "I swear to you...he came here to warn us but I wouldn't let him talk to you."

"We have a child Justin..."

"I know we have a child which is why I didn't tell you or let him near you. I'm trying to handle this and you're not letting me." She just looked at me and shook her head while rubbing Brayden's back. With my eyes I was pleading with her to see it from my side but she wasn't having it.

"Look he's right," Brandon said interrupting our silence, "he was trying to kick me out and I wouldn't leave until I talked to you. I know you're going to call the cops and that's fine just let me tell you what I came here to say first." She looked over at him and then back at me and I could tell I had a look of defeat in my eyes. Giving in, she picked Brayden up off of her shoulder and kissed his cheek handing him over to me. He was still whimpering a little so I wiped the toy I had just picked up on my shirt and gave it to him. "I didn't know you had a baby," he said softly.

"Sorry I didn't keep in touch while you were in jail."

"He's really cute..."

"I don't see how this small talk is relevant."

"I know, sorry...I just came here to tell you that Victor..."

"Spit it out, because it's taking everything in me to not attack you right now."

"He's going to hire someone else to try and get you. I just don't want to see you get hurt. I told him before and you still got hurt, I can't see that happen again."

"Seems kind of contradictory that you of all people don't want to see me hurt. And I'm happy to know that you two have been talking behind my back. Thanks for the info though, is there any other way you'd like to ruin my day more?" My heart sank. I knew I was in the doghouse and it was going to take a lot to get out of it. I was just trying to protect her but in her eyes I was lying to her and that was not good for me. I admit that I was wrong for keeping things from her, but at the time I didn't know what else to do. She was fragile, she still is fragile in some ways and I don't want to see her hurt. But I guess me trying to protect her from other people that could hurt her has just turned into hurting her myself.

"I'm sorry Marissa...I'm sorry I did this to you," he said to her and I could see tears forming in his eyes.

"It's a little too late for sorry's Brandon. If you have nothing else to say I'd appreciate you getting off of my property."

He nodded and turned around to walk away. He got halfway down the driveway before looking back at her still standing in the doorway, "Good luck with your family, you deserve happiness." She didn't say anything, just slammed the door and walked upstairs passing me without even looking at me. I closed my eyes, for once not knowing how to fix this and I heard her slam the bedroom door shut. Looking to my left I saw Trace still playing video games like none of that even just happened, and moments later my mother came running down the stairs.

"Justin...what's going on is everything okay?"

"I honestly don't know Mama," I said handing the baby who was now finally sleeping off to her. I walked into the living room and turned the TV off much to Trace's disdain. "Get out..."

"What the fuck did I do dude?"

"Nothing, that's the problem. Get out."

"Don't take this shit out on me."

"Get the fuck out of my house...NOW!"

"You have some major anger issues dude," he said getting up and slamming the front door on his way out. Apparently we're going with a theme today. I walked back towards the stairs and saw my mother's mouth open like she was going to say something, but I stopped her before she could,

"Don't say a word or I'll kick you out too..."

"Justin Randall!"

"DON'T!" I was angry, angrier then I had been in a really long time, but what was I angry about? Sure I was mad that the asshole showed up at my house, but I think I was even more angry with myself for the way I handled it. She closed her mouth and walked away I can only assume into the living room where she knew it would be quite enough to keep Brayden asleep since his room is right next to ours.

I walked up the stairs in what seemed like slow motion and put my hand on the knob of our bedroom door while placing my forehead against it, scared to push it open. I wasn't really sure what to expect when I opened it. I listened for sobs, or sniffles, or any indication that she was crying and heard nothing, so I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. She was standing over our bed folding the clothes that I threw around earlier trying to find shorts and putting them in my suitcase. Music was playing softly in the background and she didn't even turn around to look at me. I probably should have prepared what I was going to say before walking in because at that point I was speechless. I sat down on the bed next to the pile of my clothes and expected her to yell at me, do something other then ignore me. "Can we talk about this?" I asked.

"There's nothing to talk about Justin."

"I think that there's a whole lot to talk about..."

"So let's agree to disagree."

"We can't just go on like nothing just happened."

"I'm not asking to."

"So talk to me..."

"Why? So you can lie to me some more? So that you can play me for a fool again? What do you want me to say? What is there to talk about?"

"I was just trying to protect you...us...I thought I was doing the right thing," I said reaching out for her hand but she pulled it away.

"I told you Justin...I told you from day fucking one that I didn't need your help...that I don't need you to protect me. And this is a perfect example why. It's not just me anymore Justin...its Brayden now too. It's not your job to protect me, I can protect myself. I don't need your help. And on top of that if you were trying to protect me you should have called the cops not went outside to have a chat with the guy who let his friend rape your fucking girlfriend and mother of your child. Oh but wait a minute, I forgot that you two were buddies, apparently you've talked about this before. Tell me Justin if you want to talk so bad, when did you guys talk before? Was it before or after I almost died from being attacked but his friend?"

"This is what you don't understand Marissa," I started now getting mad, "It's not about you needing me to protect you, or needing me to help you, I don't care if you need me or not I'm going to do it because I love you. And when you love someone that's what you're supposed to do..."

"NO..."

"Shut up and let me talk! I let you talk and now it's my turn," she glared at me then went back to silently folding the clothes, "I'm sorry okay, I was wrong for not calling the cops when I saw him standing there, I admit that I was wrong for that. But you can't get mad at me for not telling you that he was here. You were with our son who can't protect himself, who shouldn't be subjected to the emotions that go along with him, and last time I checked he DOES need to be protected and he DOES need to be helped. But that's not the only reason why I didn't tell you. I didn't tell you because you are happy, and there's no reason for you to not be happy and I knew the minute you saw him...the minute you even heard his name this would happen, and I don't want you to be sad or upset or angry and I know that you don't want that either. So if I dealt with him on my own then you could still be happy, instead of pissed and closed off." I watched her continue to fold clothes and tap her foot. Her bottom lip was in her mouth and I could tell by the short breaths she was taking she was trying to hold herself back from crying. I was wrong for some of the stuff that I did, but I wasn't to blame for this entire situation.

"Are you done talking now? Can I speak or will I get yelled at again?" she asked in almost a whisper.

"I'm sorry I yelled...I didn't mean to yell baby."

"You left me...pregnant for 3 months...because I kept something from you. You spoke to him before this Justin and you kept it from me like I wouldn't find out eventually. So now...what am I suppose to do?" she threw her hands up hitting her legs hard as they came down. She then sat on the bed and I saw only one tear fall down her cheek. "Tell me when you talked to him; I want to hear everything that he said. And then tell me how...how is it that you protected me after he warned you? How was I protected when I was hospitalized for a month with broken bones and bleeding in my god damn brain? Were you protecting me then too?"

"Do you think I haven't been beating myself up about that for over a year now?"

"I really don't give a shit Justin, answer the question, when did you talk to him?"

"That day at the police station," I said looking down at the floor feeling my heart start to shred into a million little pieces.

"Tell me what he said..."

"He said that I needed to watch out for you because Victor has people and now that he got caught and is in jail he's going to try and come after you."

"That's it? That's all he said? The Brandon I knew was a man of many words, and that doesn't sound like enough to me."

"No...He also told me that he loved you and that there was a lot more to that day that you didn't know about. He told me that he owed Victor money and he didn't have it so he threatened to kill him unless Brandon let him have you, and he agreed to it because he didn't want to die. He also told me that he was high as a kite that day because he couldn't stand to see him do that to you, and he was screaming for him to stop the whole time, and that the only reason why he kicked the shit out of you was so that you would hate him and you wouldn't have to be subjected to his fucked up life ever again."

"And what...what did you say to that?" her voice was now shaking.

"I don't remember exactly. I know that I told him that he didn't love you because if you love someone you'd take a bullet for them, and that I would take a bullet for you. And I think I said something along the lines of I don't need you to tell me how to protect my family..."

"And you didn't tell me this why? Were you afraid I'd go back to him or something?"

"Because I was trying to protect you Maris...That day was out of control, I watched you in questioning and it took everything out of you. You had just lost your cousin and I didn't know how much more you could take. We were only together for 2 or 3 weeks and I was stressing out. You didn't need that added stress on top of everything else...I thought I was doing the right thing at the time."

"So you knew...before I was attacked, you knew that he was going to send someone to hunt me down. And instead of sharing that information with me so that I could keep my eyes open too, you kept it to yourself. You kept it to yourself and then the minute you found out I had kept something from you, you ran like a child back to his mother and left me there to fend for myself not knowing that I should be expecting something. How exactly were you protecting me then? Because I hadn't realized protection comes with a month long hospital stay and multiple surgeries. And please explain to me why...why is it okay for you to keep something like this from me, something that involves me...something that is happening in the present. Why is it okay for you to keep that from me, but it was so wrong to keep something from you, something from my past that had nothing to do with you. How was it so wrong that you could leave me for three months when you were hiding something yourself. You left me pregnant with your child...I was getting letters in the mail from your fucking lawyer questioning if he was yours. You love me, you want to protect and help me...yet you left me alone and unprotected. It just doesn't make sense to me."

I was now sobbing, look at me now MTV...I knew she was going to leave me and she was going to take my son with her, and in a way I knew I deserved it. I was selfish, and I thought because of who I am I had everything under control but I didn't, and I still don't. I let someone attack her; I was the one that left her completely unprotected. I walked away from her without even letting her explain, and here she is now giving me chance after chance to explain myself to her and I was digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. "I was wrong Marissa...I was wrong and I take full responsibility for everything. I'm so sorry, I don't know what else to say to make it better because I know nothing will. I was selfish and I was cocky, and I was scared, and I let you get hurt. I don't know what else to say except that I do love you...I love you with every last piece of my being and I don't think that I can live without you. I understand if you won't forgive me, in fact I don't even deserve your forgiveness...I'm sorry." My head was in my hands and the tears continued to pour out. What was going to happen now? We were supposed to be moving in less than 24 hours. An hour ago our biggest problem was what color sticky note to put on the couch and now I don't even know if I still have a girlfriend or if I'm going to be able to see my son on a daily basis. I am such a fucking idiot. I knew that day that I should have told her and I felt bad about not doing it immediately, but I never in a million years expected it to blow up like this. I'm a fucking jackass.

"If you were me right now...if our roles were switched and you were in my position, what would you do? Would you leave me again?"

I took a minute to think about what she was asking. She basically wanted me to make the decision of whether or not to leave me for her. I didn't want her to leave me, but at the same time I don't deserve her, and she doesn't deserve what I did to her. "I promised you that I would never leave you again and I meant what I said. I'm a different person now then I was when I left you the first time, and you know how much I regret doing that. However, if I were in your position right now I would leave me...I wouldn't leave you because unless you cheated on me I would never leave you, but after everything I put you through...I would leave me. I don't want you to go Marissa, I don't want to lose you...I don't want to lose Brayden either. I love you but you deserve better then what I've put you through. I'm just...I'm so sorry." I couldn't look at her because I didn't want to see her face if she walked out on me. I couldn't bare to see the hurt and pain I've caused her, I wanted to remember her smiling and happy. I reached over to the nightstand to get a tissue to wipe my eyes that were still filled with tears just waiting to feel the bed move when she got up, and to hear the door slam behind her, but that never happened. I felt her stand up and the next thing I heard were clothes being placed into a suitcase. I looked up at her and saw her brush a tear away and take a deep breath. She didn't look at me when she spoke five minutes later she just continued to fold and pack.

"I love you Justin...I'm in love with you and there is no other person in this world that I am meant to be with. I accept your apology, and I'm not going to leave you, partially due to the fact that we are the family that I've always wanted. I want Brayden to be raised by his mother and father together and I can't imagine dropping him off at your house on the weekends and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you only got to see him every other Christmas. I'm also not leaving you because I'm happy with you, I feel right when I'm with you. You fucked up, you've recognized it and you've apologized for it and hopefully it won't happen again. I do need you to help protect me, you're right, so we need to hire more bodyguards for me and Bray. I'm still mad, and I still feel like I want to cry but I'm not going to," she turned to me and ran her hand down my scruffy cheek. "I love you with all my heart and I'm never going to leave you. So let's finish packing okay?"

I can't say I was expecting her to say that, in fact I was quite shocked that she did. I thought for sure she was going to kick me out and we were over but I guess she has a bigger heart then I do. She's more understanding, more nurturing, more everything. "Okay..." I said standing up, "Can I give you a kiss?" 

"Not...yet..." she said still folding, "Just give me like an hour to take all of this in."

"I understand...I love you Ris, and I really am sorry."

"I know Justin, and it's okay...everything is going to be okay."