The last three years has been one of the longest, curviest, craziest roller coaster rides I've ever been on. I've managed to feel every emotion that a single person could possibly feel in a lifetime in the past one thousand and ninety five days. I started off as a nobody. A college student living paycheck to paycheck with dreams of one day moving to California, to get away from a life that I had nothing but hate and resentment towards and rent a small run down one bedroom apartment and work an entry level job to pay off my student loans doing something that I loved. I would get away from my family who used and abused me. I would be able to walk down the street without fearing for my life. I could attempt to be happy again.

Now...well now I'm someone I never thought I could be. I mean something to a slew of people; in fact I mean the world to two very special people. I carry many different titles that I never imagined would be attached to my name including but not limited to, friend, songwriter, activist, sister, daughter, fiancé, mother, as of a month ago Godmother to my best friends daughter, and in a few short, yet long awaited hours, wife. It's taken me a while to get to this point. 24 years, heartbreak after heartbreak, obstacle after obstacle, but I'm here now and I have many people to thank for getting me here but I know without one in particular there is no way in hell I would even be close to the place that I'm in today.

We flew to Boston three days ago on a private jet that took off at 3:00 in the morning to avoid being spotted. As sneaky as it was, I don't think either of us thought about what it would be like to try and get a sleeping kid on a plane in the middle of the night along with all of our luggage and personal belongings. Needless to say Brayden woke up before we even got to the airport and cranky isn't even half as bad of a word as what he actually was. We somehow managed to get here safely and have gone unnoticed for the past few days due only to the fact that we haven't really left the house at all. Trace and Amy came to stay with us and if we needed anything one of them would go out and get it for us, and once Lynn and Paul came into town we also had permanent babysitters. I never imagined that I'd be cooped up in a house for three days just to make sure I can have privacy at my own wedding.

We sent out engagement party invitations two weeks ago, and to this day 75% of the people that were invited really do think that we just got engaged and this is what the party is for. Justin is set to make a "live announcement via satellite from his office in LA" about our "recent" engagement that was all actually prerecorded before we left for Boston.

I woke up this morning to an empty bed and an empty house. Justin slipped out late last night to stay at Trace's with Brayden, and even though Amy said she would stay with me I just felt like I needed my last night as a single woman to be by myself. I threw the crisp white sheets off of me and walked downstairs into the piano room after stopping to pour myself a cup of coffee. It was in this room that everything turned upside down for the better. Looking out the bay windows I had to squint because the sun was so bright to see people walking up and down the sidewalk just like they do everyday. To them this was just another day in their lives, a normal routine. To me, this was the day I'd been waiting for my entire life. 

I smiled to myself while thinking back on the journey that got me here today. How a pop superstar that I'd daydreamed about since I was 12 is going to become my husband today. How I ran away from him the moment I met him...how I ran away from him time and time again until I finally allowed myself to love him. How we've somehow managed to get through some of the most stressful times of our lives together. I looked down and saw a couple walking hand in hand down the street and subconsciously said a little prayer for them to one day find happiness in one another, and to know that you can get through anything life throws at you as long as that person is by your side. Taking a sip of my coffee I looked up and saw that there was only one cloud in the sky located right in my line of view. I don't know if it was me or if the rest of the people walking below me realize that that cloud was smiling down on us.

***

I pulled my Red Sox hat down lower onto my head in hopes that it would cover my face enough to not be recognized before I opened the car door and stepped out onto the green grass that was still a little wet from yesterdays rain. I walked past stone after stone, name after name before coming to a spot that I use to frequent at least once a week when I lived here. I placed a bouquet of flowers, the same ones that would be used as my bridesmaids flowers in my wedding, into a whole I dug in the ground and ran my hand over the engraved marble stone in front of me. Sitting down in the same spot that I always did I took a deep breath not knowing where to begin this time.

"Most days are still really hard for me. Things happen and I more often then not I pick up the phone and dial your number not realizing until I get your voicemail that you're not here anymore. It's even harder when Brayden asks when he's going to get to meet you and we have to explain to him that you're in heaven and he won't get to anytime soon. But I've finally realized that even though you may not physically be here, you're always with me. You've been smiling down on me and guiding me down this amazing road this whole time. And even though I'd give anything to actually have you with me, especially today, I know that it won't happen and the fact that I can still be happy even without you here makes me know for sure that what I'm about to do in five hours is the best thing that will ever happen to me. I miss you, more and more everyday, but damnit Frankie I'm finally happy. Things happen that use to fuck up my mood and somehow I figure out a way to get through it without having a nervous breakdown. I wish you were here to experience this with me, but I know that you've got a good view of the action up there and I know that you're happy too. Thank you for everything."

It was the first time I sat there and didn't cry. Even as I got up thirty minutes later and walked away there was a smile on my face because everything was falling into place. There was no way to get him back and once I accepted that, I realized that there really was no point in crying because he's gone. He was right when he said I should be smiling because he was here. I got to my car and turned around to see his headstone off in the distance before taking one last look at him smiling down on me in the sky.

Not five minutes later did my cell phone start to ring. I blindly rummaged through my purse as I drove down Tremont Street and managed to answer just as it was going to my voicemail.

"Hello?"

"Are you playing run away bride or something Marissa? It's really not that bad married life, I mean it's like you said it's just another ring on-"

"Shut up Amy I'm on my way back to the house I just had to make a pit stop," I interrupted her before she went on any further with her rant, "I'll be back in five minutes."

"Oh thank God! Don't ever scare me like that again, I thought I was going to have to break Justin's heart!"

"You are something else Am, see you in 5," and with that I hit the end button and drove through Beacon Hill one last time before I was a married woman.

***

Amy and I sat on my bed with the TV tuned into E! and a bucket of popcorn in between us. My hair and makeup had been done to fit the queen and I threw on a pair of white terry cloth pants and one of Justin's T-Shirt's to watch his big announcement. The outside of Justin's office building was currently on the screen and in front of it had to be at least 50 reporters and new station cameras. Our plan was working to a tee. Jason Kennedy was reporting live, and mid sentence they cut to Justin sitting at his desk, and I couldn't help but laugh. He said word for word exactly what I had written down weeks ago that I made him rehearse over and over again before we'd go to sleep at night to make sure it sounded unscripted and from the heart. After he finished they cut back to the outside of his building and for the next 15 minutes we sat there and watched people scramble to try and get a glimpse of him walking out of the building. By the time they realized he wasn't coming out, we'd be married, and although it kind of upset Justin to lie to his fans he knew that they would forgive him eventually.

"I can't believe how calm you are," Amy said as I checked to make sure I had everything I needed before making my way to the venue to put my dress on and become Mrs. Timberlake, "I was flipping out right before Trace and I got married."

"I know...I was there remember?"

"Gotta be honest, I don't remember much from that day."

"That's because we all got piss drunk."

"That is a very good explanation Miss. Mitchell."

"Did you seriously just call me Miss Mitchell Am?"

"It's the last time I'm going to be able to do that, so yes," she walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck squeezing as tight as she could, "I'm so happy for you Maris. So fucking happy!"

"Thanks lady," I replied squeezing her back, "now are you ready, because if I wait another minute I might explode."

"Let's go get you married."

***

My master plan did not end at the taped live announcement of our engagement. If anyone were to suspect anything were actually going down, all the clues would point to us having a wedding and reception at the Ritz since everything involving Justin that has taken place in Boston was held there. I worked it out so that a huge white tent would be set up in the garden area, and they also put out barricades to make it look like something was about to happen. In reality we weren't even stepping foot anywhere near the Ritz today. The location on the invitation for our "engagement party" was the Liberty Hotel, but once people got there they were going to be shuttled to a church in the town that I grew up in. While neither Justin or myself have been practicing our religion devoutly lately, it was really important to me to be married somewhere that I spent a lot of time in as a kid, and really grew up in and felt safe in.  

Amy and I pulled up to the church and I took one last deep breath before turning the car off and pulling the keys out of the ignition. I decided to get ready there instead of at our house to avoid any unwanted attention, and pulling up in a car instead of a limo would help as well.

Amy and I walked into the church and I was completely taken aback. I thought I was prepared for what I would see when I walked in since I planned the whole thing, but I was very wrong. There were flowers adorned with crystals everywhere I turned, and I was amazed to see that the florist actually understood everything that I wanted and was able to make my vision a reality. All I told her was that I was going for a gothic feel with deep red roses and the occasional black one thrown in here and there, and somehow she made my dream come true.

The church wasn't tiny by any means and there was no way that our 200 guest would fill it up, but the way it was decorated made it look like those 200 people would make it look packed to capacity. I walked up to the alter and ran my hands over the two kneelers that Justin and I would be standing in front of in a couple of hours committing our lives to each other and I expected to feel nerves or even question myself slightly but I didn't. I felt a sense of relief, and a smile immediately appeared on my face. This was happening, this was the happiest day of my life, this was right.

"I hope you're not thinking of bolting, because you know I won't let you do that right?" I jumped startled by Amy's voice behind me.

"I've been running my whole life, and for the first time ever I can assure you that I've left my running shoes at home today...plus, after all this planning I wouldn't run even if I knew it was wrong."

"That sounds promising! I'm glad you're in this for the right reasons," she said laughing. "Trace just called they're leaving in ten minutes so we should probably get you out of sight and get you ready."

"They have the kids right?" I asked smiling as I pictured Brayden pulling a little red wagon down the aisle with Kylie inside.

"Well we don't have them so I should hope so."

"Hoping and knowing are two very different things with those two Amy...it's Justin and Trace we're talking about, if I hadn't called Justin this morning he probably would have forgot his Tux, and if you don't remind him on a daily basis Trace would probably forget that he even had a kid."

"Valid point," she replied taking her cell phone out of her purse and grabbing my hand with her free one pulling me back down the aisle and into the meeting room downstairs. From the one sided conversation I could hear I'm going to assume that I wasn't a lunatic in asking if they had the kids. My favorite line was, "He's one and a half Trace! It's not Brayden's job to remind you to bring your own daughter with you!"

While Amy continued with her lovers quarrel with Trace I walked over to a garment bag hanging on the back of the door and unzipped it to reveal my dress that I bought a few months before. It was an off the rack Ivory Monique Lhuillier strapless beauty. The corset had a sweetheart neckline and it was covered in Swavorski Crystals, while the princess A-Line skirt was plain except for the crystals lining the bottom, and the train was something to die for. I'd been imagining putting this dress on since I bought it and after running my fingers over the corset I couldn't wait any longer. I practically ripped my clothes off and began to pull it off the hanger before Amy hung up and decided it was time to help me. She helped me step into my dress in silence and stood there in almost as much awe as I was staring at myself in the full-length mirror. I can't tell you how long we stood there for, but I can tell you that neither one of us said a word until we heard the door of the meeting room open behind us, and a gasp come from Luke's mouth causing us both to whip our heads around and look at him.

"Holy shit Marissa..."

"Bad?" I asked scrunching up my nose.

"Yeah, that probably wouldn't be the word I would use. You look incredible." He walked into the room closing the door behind him and gave me a hug careful not to touch my hair that took about two hours to curl and put into place. "Are you ready for this?"

"I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

"Well good because I think Justin is about to run down the aisle. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was on drugs right now."

"He better not be on drugs," I said seriously. I knew Justin smoked weed here and there especially when he was recording new music, but we're getting married today and I want him to be fully present, not off in space thinking my face is a lion or something.

"Calm down killer, he's not. And look I come bearing gifts, sent by your future husband," he said holding out a box wrapped in silver wrapping paper. We agreed no gifts, knowing damn well that both of us were going to buy each other something. This time I knew for sure that what I got him he didn't have, and would absolutely trump any gift anyone has ever given him in life. I took the box out of Luke's hand just as the door opened again and the pitter-patter of little feet came running in my direction. I looked down just in time to see Brayden latch onto my leg and hold on for dear life. I managed to pull his arms from around my leg and squatted down in front of him to give him a hug.

"You wook pwetty Mama," he said as he backed away from me. The one thing that always made my heart melt was a little kid in a tuxedo, and this little kid turned my heart into mush. He looked so dapper in his second custom made William Rast suit, and the little bow tie was killing me, not to mention the fact that he was wearing sneakers that matched his dad's.

"You don't look too bad yourself kid," I replied with a huge smile, "do you want to help me open my present?" He shook his head no and pursed his lips together as if he were trying really hard to keep a secret. "And why not?"

"I KNOW WHAT IT IS!" he screamed and I was sure that everyone in the building was able to hear him.

"Shhh, no yelling Bray, how do you know what it is?"

"I help Dada pick out!"

"You did? That makes it extra special then," he nodded his head and ran over to Luke stretching his arms above his head to let him know that he wanted to be picked up. Luke bent down and threw Brayden in the air before catching him and placing him on his hip. I slid my finger under the tape to carefully unwrap the box, and before I opened it I looked up to see Amy and Luke staring at the box with about as much anticipation as I had. "You guys are scaring me...is something going to pop out at me and scare the daylights out of me?" Everyone just looked at me not saying a word. Luke nodded his head towards the box scolding me for not opening it, which made me snap out of it and start to open it. I unveiled a blue suede jewelry box and knew instantly that I was probably holding thousands of dollars worth of diamonds in my hand. I popped open the lid on the box to reveal stunning teardrop diamond earrings that had to be at least 4 karats a piece. We went to pick out wedding jewelry the other day and I saw these earrings and nearly fainted but decided we should probably not go overboard with the money just because we could and get smaller ones instead, and that little fucker went right back to that jewelry store to pick out the ones I really wanted.

"Well...are you going to put them on?" I looked up to see Lynn standing next to Amy and Luke holding another box in her hand. I was so surprised by the earrings that I hadn't even heard her come in. I wanted to answer her, and I wanted to put the box down to put the earrings on but for some reason it was at that moment that I realized how big today was. I'd been laid back about it since I woke up, but standing here in my wedding dress with my best friends, my son, and my future mother in law I was paralyzed. Lynn walked over to me and took the box out of my hand before unhooking the earrings and getting on her tiptoes to put them in my ears. She stepped back after putting the back in the last one and smiled at me with tears in her eyes. "I never thought I'd see this day," she said letting her tears fall.

"Don't you start," I said laughing, "because if you start you know I'll start, and I can't start yet."

"Oh God...okay, alright I'm stopping," she said crying even harder, "I swear I'm trying...here, here open this."

She handed me the box she was holding in her hand and brushed the tears that were falling off of her face. I held my breath in hopes that it would help to hold my own tears back and pulled the top off of the box. "Oh Lynn," I said in almost a whisper.

"Now don't get too excited, you can't keep them but let me tell you why," she said pulling out the shoes that were in the box. "I wore these when I married Paul. Justin was so little but he was just enamored with these shoes when I took him shoe shopping with me so I had to buy them even though they were blue and not white like my dress. They're pretty old, twenty-five years old to be exact but they're just your size and to you, they're new. So I want you to wear these today, but you've got to return them to me tomorrow."

I felt more tears welling up in my eye ducts. Mother's are supposed to do this with their daughters, the whole something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue thing. My mother and I had gotten a little closer since my fathers passing but I knew that this would be an experience that wouldn't happen on my wedding day, at least I didn't think it would. "Thank you," I said letting a tear fall and wrapping my arms around her, "you don't know how much this means to me."

"It's the least I could do for the daughter I always wanted," she replied backing away, "you look absolutely stunning Marissa, so don't you go off crying now and ruin your makeup! I have to go get back to my son, make sure he looks presentable."

"Okay," I said knowing that she just wanted to leave so that we'd both stop crying, "Brayden go back to Daddy with Grandma Lynn okay? And give him this," I picked the white envelope I had put Justin's gift in last night out of my purse and handed it to my son giving him a big kiss and hug, "I'll see you out there okay buddy? I love you!"

"Wuv you to Mama," he yelled running to the door that Lynn was holding open for him. I watched the door close behind them and suddenly everything became more pronounced. I could hear the air coming out of the vent above me, and the huge grandfather clock behind me ticking at a steady rate. I could feel my heart start beating faster and it almost felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. My vision became a little blurry and I can only imagine the look on my face because within seconds Amy and Luke were escorting me to the closest chair to sit down and put a glass of cold water in my hands. I hadn't eaten all day besides the popcorn that Amy and I devoured earlier, the thought never really crossed my mind to sit down and actually eat a meal, but after a few minutes I could finally see straight again and I was up asking questions and getting ready to walk down the isle.

We were about to head back upstairs to the main church area when Luke's phone rang loudly in his pocket. Amy was touching up my makeup while he answered it and nearly fell down when she heard Luke scream, "SHE DID WHAT?!" into the phone. I knew the phone call was going to come, and to be honest I was a little surprised it hadn't come sooner. I was never a good secret keeper; I'm an awful liar so people could read my face when I was trying to keep something from them. But this time, I was able to keep this secret from every single person in my life. Luke turned, looked at me and he practically had to pick his mouth up off the floor before he could speak to me. "You...you got..."

"Yep," I nodded.

"How did you...you didn't even..."

"Nope," I was trying so hard to hold back the smile that was forming on my lips.

"What? What did you do?" Amy asked looking back and forth from me to Luke.

"I just bought Justin a wedding present that's all."

"He's flipping out over cuff links?"

"She bought him a fucking golf course," Luke replied still stunned, the phone still glued to his ear. I let out a laugh and a huge smile unable to hold it in anymore. I was finally able to pull off a surprise, and I was finally able to get Justin something he didn't even know he wanted.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Amy screamed staring at me in disbelief.

"I bought him a golf course," I replied like it was no big deal, " you can't buy Justin Timberlake cuff links on his wedding day, that just wouldn't cut it."

"Marissa Mitchell...you bought him a golf course and didn't tell anyone?"

"That I did...is he mad?" I asked looking away from Amy at Luke who hasn't said anything more then 'holy shit' the past two minutes.

"I'm pretty sure he's crying out of pure joy right now," he said with the phone still plastered to his ear, "want to hear?"

"NO," I practically yelled, "I'm not suppose to talk to him before the wedding...I don't want to jinx it. Just...just tell him I love him and I can't wait to marry him okay?"

I watched Luke intently while he relayed the message, and I saw his face scrunch up at Justin's response. "Justin says after that gift you better be ready for hours worth of mind blowing sex tonight."

"He is such a fucking perv," I replied with a smile, "I'm marrying a perv!"

***

The moment of truth has finally arrived. I watched Amy walk out the door after giving me a hug, and I heard gasps and cheers when I can only assume Justin walked out to the alter from the side door with Trace. The 8-piece orchestra continued to play and I heard "oooh's" and "ahhh's" when Brayden walked down the isle with Kylie. I then heard Brayden scream "Dada" and the entire congregation start to laugh. I knew that I was next, and I looked myself over one last time to make sure everything was where it was suppose to be. My hands were shaking and I could feel tears already welling up in my eyes, but I was so ready to start my new journey of being a wife. Luke squeezed my hand just as the wedding coordinator for the church opened the door to a backroom that I was hiding in.

"You're up!" she said with a smile I'd imagine she saves only for the brides she's dealing with.

"Ready?" Luke asked.

I looked up at him with what I'd like to think was elation in my eyes, "Ready," I said as I linked my arm through his. "Don't you dare let me fall..."

"I'm not letting go until your hand is securely in Justin's...now lets go get you married."

I nodded to the coordinator letting her know it was okay to open the doors. With a quick hand signal the orchestral swiftly went from playing Cannon in D to the Wedding March. I took one final big breath and willed myself not to cry, knowing damn well that that was absolutely an impossible feat for me to accomplish. I heard everyone stand up and the woman said a quick 'Good Luck' to me before she opened the huge brown Mahogany doors exposing me to my 200 surprised guests. Right before the doors opened completely I closed my eyes, thinking I would feel too overwhelmed to even walk if I saw everyone right away. I heard people gasp, and start whispering to one another and I felt Luke squeeze my hand signaling me to start walking.

I expected to look around to everyone when I opened my eyes, see the look on everyone's face before I started to my future, but when I opened my eyes it was almost like everyone else disappeared and the only two people in the room were me and Justin. My eyes went directly to his and from far away I could see a puddle of tears forming in them. I saw his chest go up and down when he took a huge breath, and the biggest smile I've ever seen was on his face as I walked towards him. As for me, everything stopped. I could no longer hear any music, and the whispers of the 200 people were suddenly muted. The tears that were forming in the back of the church suddenly decided to come to a halt, and there was a smile plastered to my face. The closer I got to Justin the faster I wanted to walk, and I'm pretty sure I sped up because I snapped out of my daze when Luke pulled on my arm to slow down. It seemed like days before we reached Justin but once Luke shook his hand and put my hand in his my future began.

"Hi," I whispered as we walked up the stairs to the alter.

"You look...God you look stunning."

"You're not lookin' too bad yourself," I replied handing my flowers off to Amy, my hands beginning to shake a little less. I reached up with my thumb and wiped a tear that was falling down his cheek, "Don't do it...because then I will and we all know where that will lead us."

He laughed taking my hand in his and we turned to the priest who was waiting patiently for us to realize that we were actually in the middle of a wedding. "Ready?" he asked us, and we both just looked at each other and nodded. We opted for a ceremony instead of a full mass, but we still had to go through all of the readings and a homily before we could say our vows. The entire time we were waiting I felt Justin's thumb rubbing the back of my hand and from time to time I'd look over at him, get butterflies in my stomach and smile at the man that was about to be my husband. It almost felt like I was having an outer body experience. I was getting married. I was allowing another person into my life. This was a day I can honestly say I never thought would come.

When the priest asked for us to stand up and everyone else to stay seated my heart started to beat a little faster. It wasn't nerves, or fear or doubt though. It was pure joy and happiness. We faced each other knowing what was about to happen and I couldn't help myself when I leaned in to kiss him, but stopped when everyone, and I mean everyone that was in the church screamed "NO!" We both backed away hysterically laughing, and looked over at the priest waiting anxiously for him to continue.

"Don't skip ahead," he said jokingly before asking for the rings. Brayden came running up to the alter from his seat with Lynn and Paul and handed him the pillow with the rings on it, then gave both Justin and I a hug and a kiss before running back. He handed Justin my ring and he repeated after the priest, "I, Justin Randall Timberlake, take you, Marissa no middle name Mitchell to be my wife." Everyone started laughing because still, three years later he's yet to let me live down the fact that I have no middle name. I looked up at him with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes before he continued. "I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad. In sickness and in health. I will love you, and honor you, all the days of my life." With that he slid the ring on my finger and squeezed my hand before letting go of it so that I could take his ring from the priest.

"I, Marissa...no middle name Mitchell," I started before realizing I was about to break down and start hysterically crying, "take you, Justin...I have a middle name Timberlake, to be my husband." The tears were now streaming down my face, and his hand was shaking in mine, "I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad. In sickness and health," and then I went completely off the book, shocking everyone including myself. "I promise to support you in everything that you choose to do. I promise to have Sports Center ready for you when you get home everyday, and I promise to cook you breakfast at least once a week. I promise to trust you, and I promise to let you break down any wall that I may build up. I promise to be the hand to help you, to give you an ear to vent to, and I promise to give you my heart to love. I promise to be your partner, and your best friend forever, and I even promise to TRY and deal with your love for the Lakers," I said sporadically through sobs never taking my eyes off of his. "I promise to love you, and honor you, all the days of my life."

"Well that was a little off topic but we'll accept it," the priest laughed after I slipped Justin's ring on his finger. "Here it is...the moment we've all been waiting for. Everything has built up to this. The words we've all been longing to hear," we were all laughing, but I was about to jump on Justin whether he said the words or not any second.

"This is it," I said to Justin squeezing his hands, "this is it, this is it, this is it!"

"I now pronounce you..."

"OH WOULD YOU JUST SAY IT ALREADY?!" Justin yelled.

"Alright already! Husband and wife! Justin...you may kiss your bride." Everyone started clapping and cheering and I jumped into Justin's arms feeling his lips on mine for the first time as my husband. I thought it would feel the same, we've practiced so much over the past three years I couldn't imagine that it would feel any different just because we had rings on our fingers, but it did. I can't explain to you how it felt, besides saying it just felt like something magical. Like how you'd imagine it would feel at the end of a Disney movie when the Prince and Princess are finally together and fireworks go off and they all live happily ever after. He picked me up off the ground with his lips still on mine and spun me around before placing his hands on both of my cheeks like he did the first time he ever kissed me and pulled away.

"We're married," he said with tears still coming down his face and a huge smile on his lips.

"I love you so much!"

We turned around and for the first time I saw everyone that was in the church. It was funny to see some people wearing jeans, and others wearing cocktail dresses. No one was dressed for a wedding besides us, no one expected this. Somehow we were able to pull of the ultimate surprise. There were smiles on everyone's face, shockingly even on my mother's who must have decided to show up last minute. I turned to get my flowers from Amy, and even she was crying and practically jumping for joy. It took us forever to walk down the aisle as everyone was stopping us to give us hugs and kisses, and to tell us how shocked they were. There was only one worry in the back of my mind as we were about to walk out the doors to the waiting Rolls Royce limo, and as the wedding coordinator opened the doors I prayed a silent prayer for there to be no paparazzi outside waiting for us. I was met with a flash that blinded me and I sighed knowing that our plan didn't work, but as the black dots cleared from my eyes I saw our photographer standing in front of us, with no other cameras behind him. We pulled it off...somehow, we pulled it off.

***

We made it to the reception and took pictures while everyone enjoyed cocktail hour. I can't sit here and say I felt like a new person, or that magically all my fears and worries were taken away with a seal of a kiss. I was still the same person I was before I met Justin at the end of that aisle, and I still had all of the same responsibilities, it was just a little bit harder to run after Brayden in a wedding dress. I know that tomorrow I'm going to wake up just like I would any other day and make my son breakfast and snuggle in bed watching the Wiggles. I know that Justin and I will probably fight about something by the end of this week, and after the wedding buzz wears off we'll be back to the same old routine we were in before. But I do feel different. I feel like I've made the ultimate decision to make in life, and I chose correctly. I feel like now I could conquer anything I set my mind to, because I was able to overcome so much in the last three years to get me here today. I feel different. I feel better. I feel happy.

For our first dance we chose a song that finally said exactly how we both felt, and I can say that knowing it's the absolute truth because we wrote the song together, and it was currently the number one song on country radio. Tim McGraw was a close friend of Justin's and we asked him to sing it for us at the wedding. We were announced and as soon as we hit the dance floor the first note of the song started and Tim started singing. I wrapped my arms around my husband's neck and got lost in his eyes as we began to dance.

I never had no one
I could count on
I've been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin'
So tired of searchin'
'Til you walked into my life
It was a feelin'
I'd never known
And for the first time
I didn't feel alone
 

You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend, oh yeah

"I have to tell you something husband," I said smiling as the word husband came out of my mouth.

"I like the way that sounds Mrs. Timberlake."

You stand by me
And you believe in me
Like nobody ever has

"Don't flip out okay?"

"Uh oh...did you save the really bad stuff until we were married so I couldn't leave?"

When my world goes crazy
You're right there to save me
You make me see how much I have

"You bet your ass I did..."

"Is it something good or bad?"
 

And I still tremble
When we touch
And oh the look in your eyes
When we make love

"I think it's something good, you may think otherwise."

"Tell me," he said dipping me and planting a kiss on my lips. Everyone started screaming like they've never seen us kiss before, and I heard Brayden yell "Ewwww," causing Justin and I to laugh at him.

You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend
 

"So are you going to tell me?" he asked after I didn't say anything.

"Maybe, but it's a secret..."

You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do

"A wise woman once told me that secrets don't make friends..."

"Good thing I have all the friends I need then," I replied shocked that he remembered I said that so long ago. "What if I told you I had a friend for Brayden?"

Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you

"I'd say...let's make a play date? Since when have you been looking for friends for our son?"

"I haven't been..."

"I'm officially lost."

And I don't know where I'd be

"I'm pregnant," I whispered in his ear then backed away to see his reaction. It took him a minute before it registered and the look on his face was absolutely priceless.

Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense

"You're pregnant? But the champagne...when...how...holy shit..."

"It was sparkling cider. We're having a baby Justin!" I said curling his hair around my finger.

"This day can officially not get any better," he replied pulling me into a hug and picking me up off the floor to spin me around as the song ended.

You're my best friend
You're my best friend (my best friend)
You're my best friend (my best friend)

***

Never in a million years did I expect to be where I am today. If you told me three years ago where my life would take me, I would have told you that you were out of your mind. How could all of this happen to someone like me? I look around me and I see everything a girl could ever dream of. There is no hate surrounding me. There are no secrets, no lies. There have been ups and all to many downs, but right here, right now, I'm happy. It has taken me twenty-four years to actually say it, to actually feel it. Happiness. I don't know how I survived so long without it, but now that I have it I don't want to let it go, I can't let it go, I will do everything in my power to NEVER let it go.