The longest few hours of my life have finally ended and I am currently standing in front Justin’s house, ready for the night to finally begin. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. I’m so fucking nervous, what is wrong with me?

Justin answered the door with a smile, wearing a light blue button down shirt that made his eyes look amazing, “Hey, you made it. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head, “hectic day, I’m so sorry.”

“No, no don’t be sorry,” he pulled me into a hug, “I hope it’s all figured out?”

“Yeah, my father’s out searching for Jackie, we might see him on the news getting arrested soon,” I laughed, “Anyway, it’s good to see you.”

“You too,” he smiled and kissed me gently. “Come on in. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you, you look nice. Did you go crazy cooking?”

“No, not too much. I hope you’re hungry.”

“Yes, I actually am starving.”

“Good,” he grabbed onto my hand and led me into dining room.  The table was set up beautifully with candles and flowers. He absolutely went all out. It’s perfect. “Have a seat,” he pulled the chair out for me.

“This is so nice.”

Justin just smiled as a response and went into the kitchen to get the food. I honestly feel like I need to pinch myself sometimes. I’m not used to this.

Dinner was amazing and before I knew it Justin was leading me upstairs to his room. It seemed a bit rushed, not that I’m complaining, but if I didn’t know better I’d say he’s ready to get this going as much as I am.

He gave me a sexy smile as he closed the door.

“Is this like… really happening?” Did I really just say that out loud?

Justin laughed, “Come on Jules, it wasn’t that bad.”

“It was that bad,” I corrected him with a smile before wrapping my arms around him.

“It’ll be worth it, I told you,” he kissed me gently and turned me around.  He slowly slid the zipper down the back of my dress, planting kisses on my skin where the zipper had been. He moved his lips back up my body, kissing the back of my neck and ran his hands under the fabric, slowly pushing my dress to the floor.

I felt my knees go weak.

Justin stood still, looking at my reflection in the mirror in front of us. “Justin?” I asked after what seemed like forever.

“Right, right. I’m sorry,” he chuckled and turned me around, “You’re gorgeous, you know that?”

“You are not so bad yourself,” I smiled and pressed my lips against his while unbuttoning his shirt. He pulled his shirt off before I could finish and now it’s my turn to stop and stare. I remember him having very nice abs but… I don’t remember them being this amazing.

Justin gave me a crooked smile before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer. He kissed my neck as I quickly undid his pants, letting them fall down his body.  He stepped out of them and laid me down on the bed.

I really, honestly, cannot believe this is actually happening.

As we continued the make out session on his bed I began to question if it was actually going to happen or if we’ve just moved to the whole making out in our underwear stage. I somehow managed to roll him over and straddle his waist. Enough of the making out!

Justin sat up and, once again, kissed me, this time moving his hands to my back so he could unhook my bra. Finally. I kissed him back and pushed him so he was lying again, and ran my hands down his abs, pushing his boxers down.

He turned over so he was on top of me and slowly kissed his way down my body, stopping at my panty line and making me feel like I’m going to explode, “Oh, come on,” I whined.

Justin laughed, of course and moved my panties down, throwing them to the floor, “Alright.”

I felt him at my opening as he slowly entered me. He pressed his lips against mine as he grinding into me slowly; giving me everything I’ve wanted since that first night at the club. I felt things I’ve never felt before and my whole body seemed as if I had no control over it. It was almost as if I wasn’t even in my body, in a good way. In a really good way. I can’t form words but managed to call out his name as I reached my spot. 

Justin rolled off of me, lying next to me catching his breath.  I breathed deeply trying to catch my own. I’m completely out of breath, not in the Oh-my-God-I-just-had-wild-sex kind of out of breath, the Oh-my-God-I’m-having-a-panic-attack kind.

I looked up at the ceiling and took deep breaths before closing my eyes. I need to get my shit straight, what is wrong with me?

“You good?”

I nodded my head and opened my eyes, still keeping my gaze fixed to the ceiling, “Yeah. Amazing.” I lied. What was I supposed to do? I’m fucking freaking out, is that what I’m supposed to tell him?

“Good,” he chuckled, I could feel his eyes on me, “Worth the wait, definitely.” He kissed my bare shoulder.

“Definitely,” I answered softly, kissing his bare chest before leaning over him to turn off the light.

“Are you alright Jules?”

“Yeah I’m… great I’m just… tired.”

“Alright.” He wrapped his arms around me, “Goodnight Jules.”

“Goodnight Justin. Thanks for dinner.”

What?

Why the fuck did I just thank him for dinner?

There were a few seconds of silence before he spoke and part of me thought he either didn’t hear me or he had fallen asleep already.

“You’re welcome,” he laughed once, “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

OK, enough. What is up with him talking? He’s a guy; he’s supposed to want to pass out after sex. For fucks sake, pass out!

I don’t know why I’m having this panic attack type thing. It’d be one thing if the sex were bad, it wasn’t bad. It was amazing. Unlike anything I’ve experienced before in my life.  But why do I feel so damn claustrophobic?

Justin’s asleep; at least I think he is. I can’t tell completely but he’s breathing sounds like he’s asleep.  Slowly and carefully I moved his arm away from me and sneaked into the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and took a few deep breaths before sliding onto the ground. What is wrong with me? I can’t deal.

I need to go home.

I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to sleep in my own bed by myself, the way it’s supposed to be. This is not how it’s supposed to be.

There was a soft tap on the door, “Are you alright, Jules?’

“Yup!” I shouted back, quickly standing up and trying to straighten myself out. I thought he was sleeping!

“Are you sure? We can talk if you…”

“I… I don’t want to talk. I’m fine. Just… had to pee.” I wiped the sweat off my body and took a deep breath before opening the door.  I forced a smile, “I’m fine. Did I wake you? I’m sorry.” I grabbed onto his hand and led him back to bed.

“No, I wasn’t really asleep. Do you need anything?”

“Nope,” I crawled into bed and kissed him gently, “Just bed, night.”

I spent the next hour and a half looking between the ceiling and the clock, waiting not so patiently for Justin to fall asleep. But he would not fall asleep.  Every time I thought he finally did he’d move and scratch his arm or clear his throat.

Right when I was about to give up I heard him ever so slightly snore.  It wasn’t the kind of obnoxious snore that would keep you up all night; it was a quiet little I-might-be-getting-a-stuffy-nose almost cute kind of snore.

“Justin?” I whispered, “Justin, are you awake?”

Nothing.

Thank God.

I carefully slid out of bed, grabbed my dress and my shoes and tiptoed out of the bedroom. I rushed downstairs while putting on my dress and climbed into my car taking a deep breath as I pulled out of the driveway.

Finally.

Freedom.