Insomnia sucks, you know that?

I've been lying in bed for the past three hours, falling asleep on and off for 15-20 minutes at a time. And each time I wake up with something different running through my head.

Why can't it just turn off? Like, when you're laying in bed, lights off, in PJs and under the covers, your brain should just know to shut down.

I tried counting sheep. When I got to 100 and was no closer to falling asleep than I was when I started, I gave up. I had sleeping pills I could take but I hate sleeping pills. They make me feel funny. The last thing I want to do when I'm trying to fall asleep is hallucinate that something on my walls is moving, or to get the spins like I do when I'm drunk. Neither of those things is relaxing to me.

So what am I going to do? It's almost 5am and I'm tired as hell. But I can't sleep. A glance over my shoulder tells me that Madison is dead asleep. Has been since we laid down hours ago. I wish I could fall asleep as fast as she does. Some nights we get into bed and she's out even before I can turn off the light.

I wonder what her trick is.

Part of me is itching to reach over and wake her up. But she's got to get up just as early as I do, and that would be cruel.

So I guess I'll just settle to watch her.

She really is the most beautiful woman in the world and I question everyday how I got so lucky.

Right now she's breathing in and out so quietly I can barely hear her. She's not one to snore, thank God. The sheet is riding low on her bare back, the stark white of it even brighter against her tanned skin. We made love earlier and I convinced her to sleep naked-telling her that I loved the feel of her skin against mine when we slept. The golden waves of her hair are spread out just below her shoulders, more than a little mussed from the night's events. Her eyelashes lying against her pink cheeks, her lips parted just slightly.

Suddenly I was struck with the urge to kiss her. Those lips of hers drew me in every time my eyes landed on them. So, I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to them and was met with her beautiful green eyes fluttering open at the feel. I felt her smile against my mouth and I pulled back to look at her.

She adjusted her arms under her pillow to prop herself up more to look at me. "Can't sleep?" she whispered. I mirrored her position, shoving my arms underneath my pillow and laying my head down on it.

"No. Keeps coming in short spurts." I told her quietly, my right hand searching for hers under the mound of pillows we were resting on. I found it quickly and she squeezed it and gave me a light smile.

"Something got you worried?" she asked, the toe of her right foot coming in contact with my calf and stroking it. I grinned at her in the dark and I knew she saw it.

"Nothing to worry about, Mads. Just...restless, I guess." I felt her tug on my hand which meant she wanted me to come closer so I rolled to my side and situated myself closer to her, wrapping my left arm around her naked middle.

Her skin was deliciously warm as I let my hand travel up and down the expanse of her back and she arched into the touch. She tucked her head under my chin, her breaths fanning out across my neck.

"Just think-this time next week and we'll be en route to Tahiti." I said, my lips moving against her forehead as I spoke the words.

She sighed. "I can't wait. I'm so ready to be married to you." I felt her smile against my throat and at her words, a smile stretched across my face so wide that I felt like my cheeks were going to crack.

"Me too, babygirl. I'm ready to start our life together."

"I think my life started the day I met you." She admitted softly, her fingers digging into the skin of my back as she attempted to relax me enough to sleep. Her words were helping more than anything though. They only confirmed for me a million times over how perfect she was and how I'd made the right decision.

"You're such a cheese." I whispered, tickling her sides lightly. She giggled and tried to squirm out of my grasp.

"I wasn't one before I met you. And then you made me all sappy and girly. Like I started seeing my wedding day and my dress and our honeymoon...small children running around our house..." She said, trailing off.

"Children huh? Can we get to work on those now? That sounds like fun." I teased, reaching for her again. She rolled further away.

"Just think how much fun it'll be when we have our own private island." She said with a grin. Finally capturing her in my arms again I pulled her against me.

"You know, why don't we just elope and start the honeymoon now?" I asked, only halfway serious. She playfully slapped my arm at the idea.

"No. Now that you've successfully awakened me from quite a nice sleep, what are we supposed to do?" I trailed my hand up over the curve of her waist and the swell of her breast, to her face where I pushed her hair over her shoulder. I placed a kiss against her collarbone and smiled wickedly against her skin.

"I can think of a few things." I said, my tongue licking a line from her collarbone and up the length of her neck. She shivered. "Will that make you shut up and fall asleep?" she questioned, the tone in her voice not matching the way that her body was responding to my touch.

I took her earlobe between my teeth and tugged on it playfully. "Mmm...maybe. But stop acting like you don't want to." I breathed into her ear. She surprised me as she shoved against me and pushed me onto my back, straddling my middle quickly before I could move.

Leaning down, she blanketed my chest and stomach with soft kisses that were doing their job to work me up.

"I'm doing this under protest." She said, her tongue poking out to trace the lines on my stomach. The muscles quivered underneath.

"Whatever you say, sweets." I propped myself up on my elbows to look down at her and smirked as she situated herself beside me.

"I mean it. I'm just trying to make you...un-restless." she said with a wink, the fingers of her left hand scratching down my chest faintly. When they traced the small trail of hair below my belly button I sucked in a breath.

"How do you propose to do that?" I replied, my voice getting quieter the farther south her fingers inched. The pads of her fingers tickled the insides of my thighs and I squirmed under the touch.

"I think you know."  

I felt her hand graze over my growing sex between us and I stifled a groan. "Mads...my goal when I kissed you was not to wake you for sex. Though I know it seems like it. You just looked too damn adorable not to." I told her honestly, all the while arching my hips into her hand.

"Oh, I know that, J. But if it helps..." she trailed off, her hand fisting around me and stroking up and down painfully slowly.

I hissed when her thumb swiped over the head, using the small bead of moisture to slicken her strokes. My feet flexed and I shuddered out when she twisted her hand just slightly, the friction it caused a delicious feeling that made warmth pool in my groin.

She slid down my body, her smooth skin rubbing against me as she did so, her nipples brushing against my torso. Apparently this was turning her on just as much as it was me. We were so close that we were sharing the same breaths. She'd breathe out and I'd take in the air that she'd just let out.

"Baby, if you don't stop gripping and rubbing at my ass like that I'm going to forget what I'm supposed to be doing for you and beg you to take me." She said huskily before she lapped her tongue against one of my nipples. Just as I was about to respond she bit it softly causing me to grunt in approval.

"All you have to do...fuck just like that...is ask, babygirl." I moaned out, dipping my fingers between the apex of her legs, searching out her heat. She gasped when I found it quickly, one finger tracing her weeping opening.

Her hand fisted tighter around my cock, stroking it just as teasingly and slowly as before, the movements of my fingers between her thighs clearly making it hard for her to concentrate on what she was doing. Which was fine. I was more than happy to fulfill her previous request, whether or not she asked me again.

"No, this isn't about me right now." she said breathily, her pink tongue darting out and licking around the head, causing me to shudder with the pleasure.

"Come on baby...I can feel how much you want it."

She moaned out quietly when my finger rubbed against her clit, her hand halting its movement around my cock at the touch. I stroked her hair out of her face with my free hand and my eyes rolled back in my head when her hot little mouth engulfed me completely. "Jesusssss..."I groaned out. I felt her smile around me as she worked her lips up and down my member once...twice...three times before she let it fall out, leaving it to curl up against my stomach.

She grabbed at the hand that was moving against her center, removing it. "I've decided it is about me." She stated, rolling herself atop me. I gripped at my sex, holding it in place as she slid down on it. I reached up and grabbed her hips, holding her down to still any movement while we both got accustomed to the feel.

Each time we made love was like the first time. It would never get old or boring, I could count on that.

And later, after she let me love her and she was tucked against me again, already asleep, my head finally quieted enough to let me fall asleep. Maybe that had been my problem all along. I just needed to feel her heartbeat and her breath on my face, needed her in my arms to silence whatever thoughts were keeping me awake. I didn't need a sleeping pill to cure my insomnia. I didn't need to count sheep.

All I needed was her.