“All of this happened this morning?” Justin asked as I ate the last of my Power Bar. I nodded in response. It had been later than I’d originally thought and before Chris, Christian and I could resolve all of this, we had to be at the venue for an exclusive meet and greet. “9 fucking thirty,” had been Justin’s exact words.
I looked from Justin to Lance then back to Justin again. They were both staring at me intently. “God,” I said and broke the silence. “I don’t know what to do.” I collapsed on the chair they usually sit in to get their make-up done. Lance sat on the chair arm and rubbed my back. Its okay, everything’s gonna turn out okay. You’re lucky actually. Both Chris and Christian are really great guys so no matter who you choose, you’ll be in good hands”
“Choose? I can’t possibly choose between them.”
Justin sat himself down in front of me India style.
“It’s simple. Who do you like being with the most?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Chris…being with Chris makes me feel a completely different way than being with Christian. But somehow, they’re both wonderful feelings. I mean, imagine you had to choose between only being able to see either Lance or JC again for the rest of your life. Who would you choose?”
Justin pondered on it for a moment. “Chris?”
I laughed. “No seriously.”
“I don’t know. There are things I can talk to JC about that I could never talk to Lance about and vice versa.”
“Right. It’s kinda like that for me.”
Lance stopped rubbing for a moment and thought. “Okay. How about this; of all the guys on this tour, if you could choose one, no questions asked, no hurt feelings, happy ever after, who would it be?”
My voice answered before my mind had time to think about it. “Joey.”
All of their eyebrows went up, not expecting to have heard that as an answer. Justin slapped Lance on the leg with the back of his hand. So hard it left a red mark on his calf.
“Why the fuck’d you ask her that?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Boys, please,” I said and tensed up again, “I’ve heard enough fighting for one day.” Lance resumed his massage and took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to say Joey,” I confirmed. “It’s just a relapse of an automatic response from before that’s all.”
“Are you sure?” Justin asked.
I nodded, “Positive.”
I heard a knock on the door to the room and soon after, Ste poked his head through the crack of the door. “Can we come in?” he asked with eyebrows furrowed.
“Depends on who ‘we’ is,” I said. There were a few “we”s in particular that I didn’t want to see at the moment.
Ste grabbed Mark’s hand and held it through the crack as well. “Just me and Mark,” he revealed. I nodded and they entered, softly shutting the door behind them.
“How are you doing Abby?” Mark asked and stroked my hair.
“I don’t know. I’ve made a huge mistake. I can’t win. We’re all in this tour together and if I choose someone now it’s just going to cause all kinds of problems.”
“They both just want to see you happy,” Lance said, “We all do.”
“I’d much rather see you happy with Christian though,” Mark said frankly.
We all started at him. “Well come on, don’t act as though we’re not all cheering for one or the other because we are. “
I looked around the room at each person in a whole new light. Mark was right. They were each cheering for their bandmate as if it were all a game or a contest that had come out to a tie and I was the deciding vote. It didn’t make me mad though. It was nature to be competitive. But there was another take I’d seen that did disturb me. Every word, every touch, every hug given to me today was like a selling point. Every kind gesture directed towards me by Lance or Justin was a tic for Chris’s side and the same went for Mark, Ste and Christian. But this had gone beyond Chris and Christian. A win for Chris would be like a win for NSYNC and a win for Christian would be a win for BBMAK.
I stood up and walked to the other side of the room, away for the partisan bandmates of the two men involved. “What’s wrong?” Justin asked and rose to his feet.
I shook my head and held up a hand to stop him from advancing. “Nothing.”
I wanted to be alone but that would never happen now, especially since in a few minutes, Chris and Christian would be joining us for make-up. Yup, today was a double dose day. Both Christian and Chris were assigned to me, just as Steve had told me before.
I knew I’d have to declare my choice then and to say I wasn’t looking forward to it would be an understatement. My timing must have been off because at that moment, Chris and JC sauntered into the room, surprised at how many people they found there. My heart caught in my throat when Christian walked in the door as well. We all stood there for a moment, knowing what was about to go down but praying it wouldn’t. “Everyone…sit down,” I started off. This conversation would be ugly, brutish and anything but short.
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